


A Kingdom Half Mine (TBD)

by EverlivingGhosts



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Modern Era, Romance, Slow Burn, also Wingman!Phasma amirite???, but even more ridiculous, goth kylo ren, think Starter for 10
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 20:38:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 139,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7237570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverlivingGhosts/pseuds/EverlivingGhosts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for the annual inter-school competition; deeply traditional, long anticipated, and always unexpectedly vicious. First Order Academy is in uproar when one of their star players, Finn, suddenly transfers to enemy school Light Side High, leaving team leader Hux on a somewhat desperate search to replace him. He won't, however, listen to Phasma, as she has her eye on a certain sulky goth kid who is always lurking in the library...</p>
<p>The ridiculous Kylux Modern AU/ College Quiz AU that no one asked for, and yet here we are. Think Starter for 10, but with gangs and goths. Starter for Ren, if you will. Be prepared for Fashionista Hux and Goth Ren.</p>
<p>(Explaining the TBD thing in the first note of the fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, I haven't written fanfic in an absurdly long time, and this idea was clattering about my head until I started writing it. Please be kind, also take the story with a slight pinch of salt because I am relatively new to the Star Wars fandom, so my knowledge of that enormous universe is very rusty. This is a college AU, and not set in any particular place, but there will be a leaning to the English school system because I am from England and trying to work out another system hurts my brain. Enjoy, and if you want my tumblr my URL is Kyloripped :)
> 
>  
> 
> ***IMPORTANT NOTE BEFORE YOU READ:***
> 
> I am absolutely indebted to all of the lovely comments I've received on this fic. Seriously, you're all such wonderful people, and I couldn't ask for better readers. However, this was the first fic I wrote after a very long time of not writing, and I just feel like it's not something I want online anymore. I feel like it's too long, too slow and kind of makes me feel anxious to have online. So I'm thinking that sometime in 2018 I'm going to delete it. I'm so sorry to people who have taken the time to read, I really am. I'm sorry to have wasted your time. I hope I can write better for you in the future!

 

When the bell rang at the end of the day, the sharp, ear-piercing trilling seemed more of a warning than a signal for the end of the day’s lessons. Sunlight fell through the old library curtains, dappling all that it touched with its bright brilliance and illuminating dark corners where students hunched busily over their textbooks. Two students in particular had been lingering inside for a while, books open, pretending to work and failing rather spectacularly. At the sound of the bell, they looked at each other in unison; they had been waiting all day in deep anticipation, though neither had given voice to their concerns. When the trilling had faded into the dusty distance, the one who was much smaller than the other spoke a little nervously, breaking their sustained silence. 

"Phasma, you _did_ say you were going to Hux's meeting, didn’t you?”

The other, a tall girl with cropped blonde hair, snorted. She wore a dark grey vest that showed off her muscles in an appropriately threatening manner and towered over the other even when sat down.

"Of course I am, Mitaka. I think I value my life a little too much to not go, don't you agree?"  
  
He nodded, but the expression of nervousness did not leave his face, "He looked mad as shit when I saw him at the gym."

"Ah." Phasma said, remembering, "Was that before or after he starting trying to lift those weights that were roughly the size of his own body?"

"After." He paused, "I had to leave because, you know, the last time he was like this it got a bit...” He fumbled for the right word, “…ugly

"Hhm."   
   
With a sweep of her great arms, Phasma gathered the various books and pens that she had scattered on the table into her bag, unable to repress the slight thrill she felt at the ringing of the bell. Mitaka might be nervous, _hell_ , she reflected in amusement, _when was Mitaka ever not nervous?_ But she knew that whenever Hux got into a mood like this, fun was to be had. Dangerous and cruel perhaps, but fun nonetheless. She zipped her bag shut with a grim finality, hoisting it onto her back.

Mitaka followed suit, and soon they were making their way down the stark, white tiled corridor that wound a path throughout the building. They moved opposite a great swarm of students who were heading with gleeful steps to the main entrance, but the large and infamous figure of Phasma was able to cut an easy path through the crowd with barely a twitch of a perfectly manicured eyebrow, Mitaka trailing dutifully in her wake. 

When they entered the room, it was already filled with a scattering of people, all looking within a spectrum of nervous and excited. They looked up hopefully as Mitaka and Phasma entered and, holding in their disappointment, greeted her warmly. A few nodded at Mitaka. When they settled down at the front, Phasma reached into her rucksack and brought out her heavy, custom made hockey helmet, placing it deliberately on the table where Hux would be able to see it clearly. The silver paint on it was a little faded from wear, and a few deep scratches marred the surface, but Phasma would use no other. She knew that if Hux got carried away with himself as usual, that she could tap it impatiently to remind him that she had practice in half an hour. She hoped he wasn't too angry to notice.

The hopeful buzz of conversation died down when the door swung open again, the clack of expensive boots announcing a presence they all knew well, and some feared. Hux walked with sure steps through the various rows of tables, face carefully schooled into a neutral expression that was familiar to all. Phasma watched him with eagerness, marvelling as she always did at how impeccable Hux always managed to look even after a session at the gym. Hair combed perfectly, clothes prim and proper, he looked every inch the quiz leader that he was supposed to be. Stopping at the teacher’s desk, he turned to face the rest of room, eyeing the sea of eager faces with a cool, calculating gaze.

“Good afternoon.” He began, a little curtly. “As I am sure you are all fully aware, rumour and hearsay are gripping our school like a disease, and I intend to put a stop to it. I will not tolerate it, and I shall endeavour to tell you the truth. There has been…” He paused, and his mouth betrayed the smallest of twitches, “A traitor in our midst.”

He paused again to let it sink in, watching faces turn from shock at his blunt confirmation to anger at the rumour that had finally been confirmed. Although the meeting was mostly geared towards the members of the school quiz, the room was unusually packed with people from all corners of the school eager for more information on this current topic of gossip. In front of him, Phasma gripped the table particularly hard, the wood grain rough under her fingers. She was staring at Hux with gritted teeth and an expression that spoke only of vengeance, and his cold eyes fell on her for a brief moment before he continued.

“Yes; a traitor. Player FN-2187, or Finn as some of you might have known him,” His cold eyes fell on a row of people at the back who he knew for a fact had been on the hockey team with Finn; they shrank a little at the attention, “Has gone behind our team, forsaken our very school, to join the other loathsome traitors at Light Side High. I cannot tell you how much this threatens the very foundation of the team, so close to the competition.”

“Hear hear.” Phasma muttered, and many others nodded in agreement. A slightly trembling hand rose into the air, and Hux inclined his head towards it.

“Mitaka?”  
  
“So, it’s true then?” Mitaka said breathlessly, “Finn did transfer? I thought he was supposed to be securing Poe Dameron for us-“ At this, a hand slapped down on the teacher’s desk and Mitaka stopped speaking, wide eyed. Nails digging into soft wood, a muscle worked in Hux’s jaw as he struggled to contain his evident anger.

“He was _supposed_ to corner Poe Dameron, yes.” Hand unfurling, his nails scraped a shallow path on the surface. “He was _supposed_ to take his stupid fucking dog and bring it to me. Instead, he betrayed our entire team and skipped off into the sunset, dog and all.”

At his words, a murmur of dismay coursed throughout the classroom like waves in a shallow pool. Phasma watched him carefully, knowing that Hux would tell her all after this charade was finished with. It had been obvious in the last few days that Finn’s mission had gone disastrously wrong, although Hux had done nothing to address the rumours, not even to her. He had been irritatingly stony-faced for days and would not talk about it, telling their select group that he would explain more in this talk. It was obvious that he would not want to appear a failure in front of the rest of the quiz team though, so Phasma knew she needed to corner him afterwards. Even so, she couldn’t help but rile him a little. She spoke over the mutters, not bothering to raise a hand.

“So, we didn’t get the dog. I take it that means we didn’t get the Usb stick either?”

Hux narrowed his eyes at her, annoyed that she would make him admit this in front of everyone.

“No. No we did not.” 

She waited a moment for him to elaborate, but he did not deign to expand on his answer, glaring at her. Somewhat impatiently, she said,

“Well, what are we going to do about it then?”

At this, surprisingly, a small smirk broke out on Hux’s face. It was a little frightening how quickly it appeared, and it was not a smile of happiness, but of cruel, savage joy.

“Why, we are going to get revenge, obviously. Mark my words, Light Side will rue the day they wronged us.”

Hux and Phasma exchanged a meaningful look as the room erupted into excited talk again, people clamouring to add their opinion to the fray. Hux knew he had interested them, and in the process distracted them from the failure of the mission; it was cleverly done. He let the talk wash over him for a moment longer.

“Another point I need to raise,” Hux rose his voice over the clangour, which slowly died down, “Is the fact that as Finn has so charmingly left us, we require a new team mate.” The gathered group eyed each other with renewed interest, “I don’t think I can explain enough how important it is that we find someone who is actually of use to us. Irritatingly, Finn had a very specific set of skills, and we must find someone who replicates that, and fast.” Hux crossed his arms, back ramrod straight, fixing the group of students with his famous, steely gaze. “By the next meeting, on Friday, I intend to find someone. You can come to me with suggestions, but know that as the Quiz Leader I have the final authority on whoever we pick.” _And so does Professor Snoke,_ he thought privately to himself, but they did not need to know that.

When he sat down on the desk, legs crossed lazily over each other, the students knew they had been dismissed. One by one, they began to file out of the room, talking excitedly to each other about the juicy gossip they had just learnt. As they passed Hux, some spoke to him briefly, commiserating about the loss of Finn, congratulating him for his excellent suggestion for revenge. He was polite to them, but distracted, watching the waiting figures of Phasma and Mitaka, fully aware of the fact that they were staying behind to discuss the unfortunate topic of Finn. Soon enough, the room emptied of the chattering students, and he was left with his waiting classmates.

Phasma leaned on her hockey helmet, chin resting lightly on the top of the smooth metal, eyes bright with amusement. Spotting her expression, Hux frowned, annoyed.

“What?” He snapped. She grinned even harder at his anger, her large mouth shark-like in her lean face.

“I just _love_ how even when things go to shit, you manage to twist it so everyone’s still happy.” She inclined her head better to peer at Hux, the movement nudging the silver helmet. “It’s always quite spectacular to watch.”

“Alright, alright.” He looked nettled, “Cut the crap, Phasma. I know why you’re still here.” He narrowed his eyes at Mitaka. “You too.”

Mitaka balked a little at his tone, but to his credit he held his ground, “Look, I’m sorry about mentioning Dameron. I am. But you wouldn’t _believe_ the rumours that people have been talking about.” He shook his head in wonderment, “People were saying that Finn was just pretending to go to Light Side to steal that dog, you know as a double agent, but he hasn’t come back, has he? And _then_ they were saying that they stole one of our motorbikes to get away but that’s ridicu..l..o..” He trailed off as Hux’s expression turned positively murderous. He gave a little, “Oh.” As the face looming above them reddened.

“They _did_ steal a motorbike.” Hux spoke through gritted teeth, “That’s how they managed to get the dog away from us. How else did you fucking think-“

“Right, right-“ Phasma cut in, sensing that Hux was just taking his anger out on Mitaka because he was an easy target, “Sorry. I think I’m missing something here- why is the dog so important? It’s been a bit vague, to be honest.”

She allowed Hux a few moments to collect himself, watching the red bloom on his neck with amusement. It wasn’t often that he lost control, but it was obvious that this situation had finally rattled him. After pausing for a moment or two, Hux spoke in a voice of forced calmness.

“The dog itself isn’t important, as I am sure you well know.” She did, but Phasma let him continue, glad that he was calming down, “It’s the collar that we need.”

“The collar?” Mitaka asked in confusion.

“Yes.” Hux tapped on the desk, seemingly without realising he was doing it, “The collar. Inside it is the usb stick we actually need, as Phasma mentioned before.”

“Oh.” Mitaka said, thinking hard. “ _Oh.”_ He said again, realising, “So _that’s_ the usb we’ve been looking for for ages?”

Rolling his eyes a little, Hux said, “Yes, of course it is. Professor Snoke told me that it contains information pertaining to the quiz, not actual questions, you understand, but topics and outlines, that sort of thing.” He neglected to inform them that Snoke had hinted that the usb had other properties too. He had been deciding whether to tell Phasma, but Mitaka was too much of a gossip to risk telling him. In the meantime, they were satisfied with his answer.

“Ah.” Phasma said, “Good to see that the age-old tradition of cheating in the competition is still going strong.”

“Cheating?” Hux said, incredulously, “Cheating? That wretched dog belongs to Light Side, they’ll have their grubby little hands on it far before we ever get the chance. People try and gain an advantage on the quiz each year anyway.” He sniffed, “After last year’s fiasco, we need all the help we can get.”

Both Phasma and Mitaka nodded in agreement this, basking together in the painful memory of the quiz of the previous year. They had been trounced by the opposition. Utterly, hopelessly trounced. Hux hadn’t been team leader then, he had been the vice president, and it had only been through his pure skill that they had managed to get to the finals in the first place. It had been a bittersweet victory to be promoted to team leader after that cursed defeat, but it felt good that people were practically begging for him to take over. They had dealt with the last leader accordingly, and then Hux took his rightful place.

And now, here he was, the sting of defeat assaulting him again, and he would not allow it to continue. Carefully, he swung himself off the desk, landing with sure feet in front of Phasma, expensive boots shining on their way down.

“You’ll probably be wanting to go to your practice now.” He tapped her silver hockey helmet, the sound a hollow echo in the room, “I wouldn’t keep Coach Plank waiting.”

She snatched it away from him, pretending to scrub away the fingerprints that he had left on the shining metal, but it was only half serious.

“Alright. So, what are you going to do now?

“Me?” Hux gave a little sigh, “Guess I’ve got to go through all of the idiots in our school and try and find someone decent. Joy.”

“What about the reserve pool? Won’t they be angry if you don’t pick from them?”

Her and Mitaka were on their feet now, hefting their respective bags upon their backs, and Hux walked with them as they moved towards the door, chewing over Phasma’s question carefully. They passed the desks with the scattered chairs, picking their way through the debris of a school day finally over. The dull, monotonous ticking of a clock high on the wall seemed to catch Hux’s attention for a moment, and then he said,

“I don’t know why, precisely, but I feel like we need new blood.” The metal hands ticked onwards, “ There has to be _someone_ as good as Finn around here.”

They had reached the door, Mitaka and Phasma poised to go left to the playing fields, and Hux to the right towards his dorm. Before they split up, Mitaka piped up,

“Hey, Hux,” He sounded a little apologetic, “ You want me to keep an ear out and see if I can find any information about new players?”

Hux regarded him carefully. Mitaka was earnest, deceptively docile, and one of the most unexpectedly sly people that he knew. If there were any rumours or secrets he needed to know, Mitaka was the guy for the job. His previous wrath had dissipated now, and he nodded.

“That would be great. Message me if you find anything, I’ll see you two and the rest of the team soon to discuss, ok?”

They nodded together in assent, and made their goodbyes, soft shoes squeaking a little on the highly polished floor. Without further ado, Hux made his way back to the dorms, moving with his usual easy grace through the mostly empty corridors. He was poised and sure-footed, but underneath his appearance of calmness his mind whirred with an undercurrent of calculations and analysing on various different points, the meeting being his current priority. Whenever he got into this sort of mood, he tended to overcompensate the polite, formal mannerisms that he had been raised to follow, and his resulting casual coolness caused everyone who passed him by to walk a little faster. Hux did not care; a lot of them were meaningless to him, in the grand scheme of things, and he didn’t need any distractions from the long and arduous job ahead of him. He pressed onwards, steps even and quick.

First Order Academy, one of the most prestigious schools in New Coruscant City, was not a place for the light-hearted, or indeed weak-minded. Despite being in the college sector of the Academy, and thus being entitled to stay home if he so wished, Hux stayed in the dorms provided on his campus. For many, the thought of going home was a coddling one, and whilst Hux was protected from these sorts of whisperings by name and reputation, he enjoyed the small space that belonged only to him. He located his key swiftly and entered through the drab grey door, relieved to have some respite from the prying eyes of the rest of the school.

Neat, ordered and tidy. The room was just how Hux liked it. It was sparsely decorated with his varying possessions, his only real concession to vanity his large wardrobe with its neatly ordered shelves chock full of the expensive brands that he favoured. Hux liked clothes, the whole ritual of pawing through long racks of fine fabrics with longer price tags, knowing how much more intimidating he could make himself with just a subtle cut of an outfit. Phasma was very fond of calling him a Fashion Bitch, and mostly Hux couldn’t even bring himself to disagree with her. If anyone else had spoken to him like that there would most likely have been retribution, but he and Phasma were solid friends, and besides, she was almost as bad as he was. They would have made a magnificent pair, if their interests in that particular area weren’t so opposing.

Bending down to undo his boots, Hux gave a sigh of relief when his feet were freed from their confinement, the exhalation deepening when he sunk down onto the soft covers of his fully-made bed. It had been a long day. In his anger he had slightly overdone it at the gym, and it had taken almost all of his energy to appear cool and collected for the meeting, and even that had slipped. The truth was, Hux has been spitting with rage for days now, with hardly an outlet to release it. The fiasco with Finn and Dameron stung him deeply and he had been both consumed with thoughts of revenge and a slight anxiety at the looming school quiz, the anticipation for which hung in the air of the school like a dark miasma, infecting most conversations. His distaste for their prime enemy, Light Side High, had only been exacerbated by Finn’s betrayal.

But, before he could wallow upon more fun but admittedly distracting thoughts of revenge, Hux needed to solve a more immediate and headache-inducing problem; who should replace Finn? Annoyingly, Player FN-2187 as he was otherwise known, the members of Phasma’s hockey team being designated a number for their uniform, had been a valuable asset to their team. Unlike many of the members, he was level-headed and worked well with others, and it looked as if all would go swimmingly for them after all. Until, of course, the quiz loomed too close and Finn chickened out. But Hux wasn’t supposed to be dwelling on that, and so to distract himself from those troubling thoughts he grabbed his tablet from the bedside table and clicked it on.

Scrolling through facebook, Hux tried to search the sea of faces on his rather expansive friends list, scanning for potential candidates. Ideally, he would like someone in the same year or close; it would not do to have an unfuly frightened, younger student on the team. It was a long task, and a little boring, scanning peoples’ profiles to try and ascertain how potentially annoying they would be versus how useful they might be, and Hux began to despair a little as no one too promising appeared. After the sky began to darken outside of his window, the orange of the setting sun melding into a cool, dark blue, he admitted defeat. He set the tablet down and allowed himself a moment of respite, staring at the dark expanse of the evening sky and the cottonball clouds that drifted across it.

He would try again later until he found someone suitable, and if not he was fairly confident that either Phasma or Mitaka might find someone in the time before he next saw them. He would meet with them and a couple of the other team members soon, as the next meeting was a mere few days away, and Hux absolutely did not intend to appear empty handed.

 

***

 

“Roodown?” The voice said, shrilly. There was a thunk as elbows hit onto a table, a head flung hopelessly into hands. Fighting the urge to scream, Hux allowed himself a moment to collect his wits before continuing, “Are we _really_ considering Roodown?”

Probably because the quiz leader wasn’t looking at him, Mitaka allowed himself to look offended, “Well, yeah. Crusher’s not so bad, Hux- he’s into combat and sport stuff like Finn was so I thought he might have a similar knowledge base and-“

“And he’s dumb as a stump.” Hux cut in, cruelly. “No, I want someone else. Did anyone find out if Kaplan was free to do it?”

“No dice.” A tall, lithe figure cut in, approaching the table. They looked up to see one of the other quiz members, Bazine, arriving to their informal meeting in the library, her chequered dress almost shimmering with the grace of her walk, a dark veil framing her lovely face. She drew out a chair beside Hux and spoke directly to him, “He’s got other commitments, unfortunately. And I don’t think it would work out anyway; he doesn’t like Plutt one bit.”

Supressing a groan, Hux said, “Well, _I_ don’t like Plutt either, but I still have to fucking deal with him.” With an attempt to pull himself together, Hux lifted his head from its resting position on his hands, staring out at the surrounding tables in the library. He had been searching for potential candidates for two days now, and time was swiftly eking away until the next meeting; he still hadn’t found anyone to replace Finn. Stress was beginning to sink its cruel fingers into him, and it was starting to show in his snappish behaviour. It simply wouldn’t do. He sat there in silence, dangerously close to a sulk.

Carefully, Phasma watched him. She had been mulling an idea in her head for a little while now, and she knew that Hux would probably not like the taste of it. But, they were so obviously desperate now, and drastic times asked for drastic measures to be taken.

“I’ve been rooting around a little, actually.” She spoke to the quiet group, “And I have an idea.” Hux looked up at her incredulously, the faint light of hope just visible in his eyes. “Now, I know this is a bit of an odd choice, but has anyone considered Kylo Ren?”

For the most part, blankness met her question. Only Bazine looked thoughtful, considering her choice with a quiet musing.

“Kylo Ren?” She said, “Interesting. You think he’d be up for it?”

Before Phasma could answer, Hux couldn’t wait any longer. Impatiently, he drew himself closer to Phasma.

"Who are we talking about?" He asked, confused. Phasma jerked her head towards a table in the corner of the room, a fair few rows away from them. "Him. You know, that weird kid in the year below, the one who’s always by himself? Chains, skulls, constantly looks like he wants to murder everyone in the room?" 

Hux looked in the direction she had indicated, still confused at the unfamiliarity of the name. His eyes roamed over a scattering of tables, ignoring the inane chatter and dark uniforms of the younger students, until he found what he was looking for. It was difficult to make him out in the dark corner, but from the little of what Hux could see, he already didn’t like.

"You can't be serious." Hux eyed the hunched figure, who was half hidden in shadow, noting the wide, black clad shoulders and dark tumble of hair which cascaded down his back. "Phasma, he's got black nail varnish on for Christ’s sake!" 

"I've heard about that guy." Mitaka was eyeing the hunched figure warily, as if he might suddenly leap the distance between the tables and strike them, "Isn't he the one who got expelled from Light Side?" When he saw their blank expressions he widened his eyes in disbelief, "You know, the one who went batshit crazy and attacked the other kids?"

_"Jeeesus._ " Hux mumbled, but Phasma batted him away with an impatient arm, "Yes, yes I know Mitaka, he's crazy alright, but don’t you see?" She leaned closer towards them, lowering her voice excitedly, "That's exactly what we need! Someone who hates Light Side as much as we do! He’ll know exactly how they operate and how we can beat them, and I _know_ he’s one of Professor Snoke’s favourites, so he _must_ be intelligent enough to meet Hux’s apparently impossible standards." 

The glint in her eye was dangerous, and Hux knew it well. He sighed. Phasma was ruthless and calculating, and he knew through long, painfully won experience that her judgement was worth heeding. He peered unhappily at the hunched back, his eyes raking the unnecessarily long hair with disapproval, noticing the wide berth from the surrounding tables. Even from this distance, the boy reeked of attitude.

"Maybe..." He said, still unsure. Mitaka bit his lip, knowing as he always did whom Hux would side with. To his credit, he tried to reason with them.

"I heard he beat someone up really bad. _Really bad_. Like, l-like," he stuttered, and lowered his voice to an almost inaudible whisper, "I heard he killed someone, Hux."

At this ominous revelation, Phasma merely snorted.

"And _that_ , Mitaka, is why no one listens to you." He shrank a little at her tone, "You know better than to listen to petty gossip, and use your brain- if he had killed someone, he wouldn't be here would he? He'd be at some juvenile detention centre, probably crying about the fact they wouldn't let him wear a black jumpsuit."

"Alright, alright. Don't say I didn't warn you though." 

Mitaka only watched as Phasma and Hux drew back their chairs, annoyed that they wouldn’t listen to him, but unwilling to do any more about it. Hux tried his best to ignore his warnings; his lack of knowledge regarding this Kylo Ren concerned him, but he was fairly confident that he could make him join the team if Phasma thought he was worth the time. The name of Hux demanded a certain amount of respect in this school anyway, and so approaching a student he didn’t know didn’t faze Hux even slightly. Phasma looked marvellously threatening today too, fresh from a session at the school gym and with muscles rippling with her walk. They walked together to the table in the corner, Bazine trailing quietly in their wake, eyes bright and attentive.

When they reached the table, the two girls hung back to let Hux perform his duties as Team Leader. Feeling their expectant eyes on him, Hux stopped just short of the chair and cleared his throat.

“Excuse me.” He said, politely. It was always better to start with politeness in his experience. However, despite his efforts, the teen made no response. Quickly, Hux shared a look with Phasma but she only shugged, as nonplussed as he was. He tried again, annoyed at the indignity of having to talk like an idiot to the broad back.

“Hello? Kylo Ren?”

Head still bent, the figure again made no response. His dark, shiny hair was splayed carelessly across his shoulders, so long and obviously rebellious that it made Hux pained just to look at it. He felt glad of his own neat and disciplined appearance, as it clearly stated his authority over the likes of these sorts of students. Annoyed that he was still being ignored, Hux gave up on all pretense of politeness and slapped his hand onto the table, an unforgiving bang which vibrated through the wood.

Immediately, the head shot up; headphones that had been concealed in the long, black locks fell in a clattering pile to the table, the unmistakeable sound of some kind of scraping metal music filling the air with its beseeching screech. Eyebrows knitted together in an impressive scowl, the boy turned to face Hux, the lower half of his face hidden by a black and silver bandanna with a strange pattern that he couldn’t quite make out. The eyes above it were dark, intense, and strangely adorned with thick eyeliner, something which Hux found both surprising and slightly irritating. It always grated on him when someone so clearly flouted the rules that his father had so meticulously created. And this boy in particular reeked of attitude as he didn’t even bother to take the fabric off his face, and with voice somewhat muffled barked,

 “Yes? What do you want?”

It was the rudest someone had been to him for quite a while, and Hux wasn’t quite prepared for it. Counting to five in his head, and wondering how this particular student had eluded his grasp of influence, Hux schooled his voice into a careful boredness that he himself had perfected.

“ _So_ glad to see that you’ve finally joined us.” The dark eyes narrowed at this but he ignored them, “Could we perhaps talk, ah,” He inclined his head meaningfully at the bandanna, “Properly?”

The eyes blinked as the boy considered this. His shrewd gaze swept over Hux, calculating, but despite his obvious misgivings he yanked the bandanna down with a large hand, revealing his face. Hux wasn’t quite sure what he had been expecting, but the long, generous nose and plump, almost obscenely large lips was definitely a surprise. His features seemed to jostle for attention on his long face, and while the overall affect was not unpleasant, the boy was certainly not helping himself with that scowl of his.

“Better.” Hux said, pleased that he had acquiesced to his command. They always did, in the end. He cleared his throat, “Now, as I am sure you have probably heard, there has been a betrayal in the school-“

“If this is about that kid busting out and going to Light Side,” The teen said flatly, cutting through Hux’s prepared speech easily, “It doesn’t have anything to do with me. It was an inside job, anyone could see that. Well, anyone competent, anyway.”

The insinuation was clear for all of them to see; Kylo Ren, unknown student in the year below, unknown to the infamous school quiz team until just moments ago, thought they were all incompetent, and his sneering showed. Hux glowered at him.

“I wasn’t asking for your opinion on the matter, if you could possibly believe that.”

At the flash of anger that had risen on Hux’s face, the boy, Kylo, Hux remembered vaguely through his fury, gave the tiniest twitch of a smile. He drummed his long fingers on the table, and Hux tried his hardest to ignore the ridiculous black nail varnish carefully painted on them.

“Then why-“ He began, and his eyes widened in sudden realisation, “Oh. Wait. Is this about something else?”  
  
“Yes, unbelievably.” Hux didn’t even bother to hide his contempt. “As you may or _may not_ know, I am the leader of First Order’s Quiz team.” He let that important fact sink into Kylo’s big stupid face for a moment. Unfortunately, this information didn’t seem to intimidate him even slightly.

“Oh my god. This is about the fucking quiz?” His eyes narrowed with something akin to suspicion, “Did someone put you up to this? Is this a joke?”  
“I don’t ‘joke’, Kylo-”

“It’s Ren.” The boy said in clear irritation. Hux’s expression turned positively murderous at being corrected. Seething, he forced his voice to be calmer. _Don’t let him get to you,_ he thought to himself, angrily. _He’s nothing._

“Whatever. My colleague Phasma here seemed to be under the impression that you would be useful in our search for a new player.” He jerked his head at Phasma, ignoring her expression which for some reason, he saw was brimming with amusement, “Are you?”

Kylo Ren looked him up and down again, his scrutiny unashamed, lips pursed. Absurdly, even in his anger, Hux realised that he had lipstick on, a dark red which accentuated the plump curve of his lips. It did nothing to soothe his mood.

“You want to know the short answer?” He asked, and Hux cocked an eyebrow in response, waiting.

“No.” Ren said.

He seemed to savour the word like a fine wine, as if he could tell just by looking how much it grated on Hux to refuse him. Fists clenched, trying his best to out-stare those dark, mocking eyes, Hux spat,

“What’s the long answer?”

Expression calm, Ren said, “Fuck no.”

The distance between them was easy; a mere step and Hux was up close beside him, face bent close to Ren’s as he hissed at him,  
  
“You ungrateful little _shit_.” He gripped the table hard, knuckles white, as if he was restraining himself from punching Ren, “Most people in this school would jump at the chance of joining the team. _Most_ people would want to bring revenge upon the cowards at Light Side. You must still be a coward, like them.”

To his credit, not a twitch of concern showed on Kylo Ren’s face. He leaned slightly back to remove himself from spitting distance, eyes locked onto Hux. He had completely ignored Phasma and Bazine, who had been watching the confrontation from a safe distance, communicating only in bewildered facial expressions.

“So you lost your best player and now you’re trying to bully other people into joining.” He shrugged his broad shoulders, “Not my problem.”

Hux had to move quickly as he suddenly stood up, his long black jacket unfolding as the whole great length of him rose from the chair. Even in his fury, Hux was dismayed to find that Ren was tall, taller even than he was, and was angry that he had to glare upwards at the other teen.

“Where do you think you’re goi-“

“Not interested.” He cut in, in a bored, sing-song voice. Extending his long legs, he loped away from Hux, shoving the bandanna back on as he moved towards the library doors, not even sparing a backwards glance for the group he had so rudely left behind. They watched him go, catching the eyes of curious students who had clearly been watching the confrontation from behind their textbooks; they looked away quickly when they saw the murderous expression on Hux’s face, however.

“Well.” Said Phasma cheerfully, when neither Hux nor Bazine deigned to mention the encounter. “He was more of a dick than I thought he would be.”

“That.” Hux said through gritted teeth, “Is the understatement of the century.”

With the somewhat dogged steps of failure, the trio began walking back to their table, trying hard to avoid Mitaka’s concerned glance as he leaned across the table, obviously having strained to have heard what had been going on. Students drew their chairs in hurriedly as they passed, the scrapes ringing in their ears.

" _Please_ can we have him on the team." Phasma said unexpectedly as they walked, not even bothering to conceal her grin. At Hux’s narrowed eyes, she explained, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone make you quite so angry _quite_ so quickly. It was pretty mesmerising to watch, actually."  
  
"No." Hux spat at her, his renewed anger growing in tandem with her mirth, "If he's going to be that fucking hard to deal with right now, how on earth will we be able to work with him for the quiz?"   
  
"Alright, alright!" Phasma held up her hands defensively, "You were the one who said you wanted new blood, and someone good. He might have been a dick-“ She caught Hux’s expression and spoke quickly, “Ok ok, he was _definitely_ a dick. But you have to admit he had more spine than anyone else we've spoken to."  
  
As usual, she was right. Hux was loath to admit it, but despite his attitude the boy was worlds away from the other potential candidates who either simpered in a stupidly arse-kissing fashion or cowered away from him as if he would strike them. It annoyed him though that he didn't know that much about this so-called Kylo Ren, as usually his grasp on the students was second to none. It was obvious, however, that the boy was an outsider. One look at his unusual garb, the isolated corner in the shadows, and the way he had held himself as if always prepared to attack made that plain to see. Still though, the quiz needed a delicate hand and Kylo Ren seemed the furthest from delicate that one could possibly get.   
  
"You may be right." He conceded, "May. But I'm going to carry on looking, for sanity's sake."  
  
Phasma gave him another look then, part exasperation and part amusement. She let it go though, and they settled back into discussing potential candidates. Well, the three of them discussed the various shortcomings and benefits of a small pool of students that they had collected while Hux sat on his chair, staring at the wall, distracted. Motes of dust were caught in shafts of sunlight from the windows, floating serenely downwards and he followed them a little blithely, mind far away.

The confrontation with Kylo Ren had rattled him, annoyed as he was to admit it. It had been a long while indeed since a student had been so blunt to him, and even longer since someone had refused to do what he asked. Despite this, underneath his seething, Hux was dismayed to find a tiny, traitorous part of him that welcomed the challenge. It was preposterous; that silly goth kid with his stupid big lips and awful attitude was surely beneath his notice. And yet…the more Hux sat and thought, the more he was torn between images of Kylo Ren bringing some well needed viciousness to their suffering team, and thinking of a sweet and fitting revenge for his insolence.

Phasma was fully aware of his quietness, noticing as she always did the straight-backed posture and slight frown that Hux adopted whenever he was thinking hard. It had deeply amused her how angry Hux had gotten over Kylo Ren, but now the amusement had faded away into a slight worry. She had heard things about this Ren. Some promising, others disturbing, but it wouldn’t do for Hux to get involved in petty revenge when he had no idea what he was up against. Her feeling of discord did not dissipate when the bell rang its doleful tune and they began walking down the corridors to their next lesson, as Hux still hung back, face blank.

Feeling it wise to speak to Hux alone, Phasma hung back with him, treading the long corridors and waiting for the others to get out of sight. When the pattering of footsteps disappeared into the dusty distance, Phasma touched Hux’s arm gently.

“Wait a minute.” She said, as he jolted out of his reverie, eyes startled. They had stopped just short of a classroom and the corridor was empty, most students having already hurried to the next lesson. Hux, who had a free period next, wasn’t concerned about getting held up from anywhere in particular, but he was wary of the calculating expression on Phasma’s face. She knew him far too well.

“What?” He asked.  
  
“You’re thinking of ways to punish Kylo Ren, aren’t you?”

“…No”

“Look, Hux.” She sounded unexpectedly serious. “Don’t try and burn Ren. I mean it- I’ve been finding stuff out about him, remember?”

This made Hux snort.

“Do you really think I’m frightened of that weird goth pretty boy?” He said, sneering, “I could take him down with my eyes closed-”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Hux.” She held up a hand as he threatened to interrupt, speaking hastily, “Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know you could mess him up if you really wanted. But what Mitaka said was true- he _did_ get kicked out of Light Side for beating some kids up, and pretty badly too from what I’ve heard. So I would just forget about him for now. It was my mistake to suggest him.”

“Forget about him.” Hux scoffed, speaking far too loudly. “Did you see the way he spoke to me, Phasma? He’ll learn to regret that pretty mouth of his. When I get my hands on him he’ll rue the day he-“

“Mr Hux?” A disembodied voice sounded through the corridor, reverberating in the empty space. Recognising it immediately, Hux and Phasma stared at each other in horror.

“Shit, _shit_ -“ Hux said, noticing far too late that the door in front of them was slightly ajar, but before he could move-

“ _Mr Hux_?” The voice said again, irritated at having to repeat itself. “Please could you come into the classroom for a moment? You may run along, Ms. Phasma.”

 It was Professor Snoke. And he did not sound pleased at all.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Just a warning- I'm a sucker for slow burners, and I think this might get looong. The perspectives will most probably flit between Hux and Ren, although I introduce Poe and Finn in this chapter! Please enjoy, and find me at http://kyloripped.tumblr.com

The walk to the teacher's desk seemed to take an inordinately long time, the rows of sleek black tables as uniform as gravestones enclosing Hux as he moved forwards, a slight twinge of something akin to regret in his chest. The dark suited shape watched Hux approach with a deceptively mild expression, hands resting on top of a few scattered sheets of paper, abandoned for the moment. He made no comment as Hux stopped in front of him, schooling his expression into careful neutrality, clearly waiting. Knowing what was expected, and hating it, Hux spoke somewhat stiffly.

“Sir.”

The professor was gnarled like an old oak tree, his face often twisted into a grimace of dismay. Whilst physically unimposing, Professor Snoke had an uncanny presence when he sat in his customary place in the corner of the classroom, observing the students with his pale, watchful eyes. Many a large and overconfident student had underestimated the old professor, assuming that he was a genial old pushover; all it took was a whisper from Snoke to the mocking student, and more often than not they would become pale, sink lower in their chair, and hardly speak a word in that classroom again.

Whilst Hux wasn’t precisely frightened of the old professor, he did have a healthy amount of respect for anyone who had been part of the Old Elite with his father, and who, if the rumours were to be believed, had been a comrade of the infamous Vader before he became a teacher. Snoke was known throughout the school as a teacher one should not cross, although he did turn a blind eye to the students which he favoured the most. For some reason unknown to him, Snoke had taken an interest to Hux, possibly because of his father, and he had often encouraged rather than condemned the often-violent exploits of the First Order Quiz team. Snoke had always been the representative for the quiz team in their school for years innumerable, and he had been offering advice and one on one meetings to prepare Hux for his leadership as was traditional.

Now, however, there was a palpable sense of annoyance coming from the old man.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Hux.” He said drily. “ I thought I could hear your dulcet tones ringing through the corridor.

Quickly, Hux tried to recall what exactly he had been saying and, far too late, remembered that Phasma had mentioned that Kylo Ren was one of Snoke’s favourite students, although this was the first he had heard on the matter. The more he thought, the more Snoke’s apparent displeasure suddenly made sense.

“Sir, I’m-“ Hux began apologetically, but Snoke interrupted.

“Let’s not waste our time on petty apologies. I take it you have not yet managed to find a player to replace Finn?”

“No, sir.” Hux hated having to admit this. To anyone else it was most certainly embarrassing but to those pale, unamused eyes it was nigh on unbearable. Whilst he couldn’t say he entirely liked Professor Snoke, Hux knew the value of being on his good side. Snoke stared at him evenly.

“I see.” A pause. “I think that perhaps it is time for me to intervene, lest we remain one student short for much longer. I believe that I have found a suitable replacement.”

“You have?” Hux said, sincerely interested this time. He wondered how long Snoke had been sitting on this revelation, watching him struggle from an unhelpful distance. Despite his feeble hope, He did not like the faint smile playing on his teacher’s thin lips.

“Oh, yes.” An over-large cat playing with a mouse, Snoke had backed Hux into a corner he couldn’t escape from, “ I am sure you are familiar with the name Kylo Ren?”

He should have expected it. He _should have._ For some reason though, Hux had sincerely hoped that Snoke had found someone other than that tall ball of fury who he hadn’t even known would plague his life so much before this day. His mask of indifference slipped for one second before he controlled it, but he knew that Snoke had seen it. Snoke saw all.

“That’s,” Hux struggled for a moment. “That’s…are you sure, professor? His, ah, _temperament_ doesn’t really seem in keeping with our team’s aesthetic.”

“The team’s aesthetic.” A note of amusement crept into Snoke’s rough old voice, “Your team of loving, heart-warming souls, I am to take it? The mild, calm mannered team consisting of both Mr. Plutt and Mr. Leech to say the least?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Then I am sure that you will find Kylo Ren more than adequate. Unless you seem to doubt my judgement on the matter?”

The insinuation in his voice was clear.  
  
“Of course not, sir.” Hux said, more than a little begrudgingly. “We will, _I will_ accept him onto the team if it is your wish for me to do so.” _As if I have a choice_ , he thought bitterly. Snoke nodded at his words, looking unsurprised that Hux had agreed to his demands so readily.

“Very good, Mr. Hux.” He said. “Kylo has attributes that I believe will be beneficial to the team despite his, ah,” He paused delicately, “ _Temperament_. I also believe he will be helpful in retrieving the USB stick that has thus escaped us. I am sure that you know that he used to be a student at Light Side High?”

“I have heard rumours, sir. I was reluctant to put too much faith into them.”

“Wise of you. In this case, however, the rumours have proven to be true, and I feel that Kylo will be invaluable in providing you with the information needed to help your search. Admittedly, I had wished to keep him out of this due to certain…personal interests of his, but I feel that it is past time that he joined the team. Is that understood?”

“It is.” _Thanks for nothing, you slimy bastard._

“Then I shall speak to him and tell him of the arrangement. You may inform the team of your newest member. I think it goes without saying that we shouldn’t mention my involvement too heavily, Mr. Hux?”

_Oh, fucking fantastic, leave all of the blame to me._ “Indeed. I will tell them in the meeting tomorrow.”

“Very good.” With one smooth movement, he swept the scattered sheets of paper in front of him into one pile, the pen clicking into place just above them in his long, graceful fingers. He didn’t look up at Hux again as he began to mark the papers; it was a clear dismissal. Inclining his head with as much respect as he could muster, caring not a jot if Snoke deigned to notice the movement or not, Hux took his leave, spinning on the spot and making his way back through the long rows of tables.

And now to face the wrath of his fellow team members, who would definitely find it hard to forgive him for the newest addition to their team, an insult that he had picked someone both in the year below and completely out of the blue. Phasma would probably be pleased, damn her; he had seen her amused expression when Ren had stormed off earlier. But the rest...he couldn't decide if he wanted to keep Ren as far away from the other team members such as Plutt and Bala-Tik as possible, or sit back and watch the disaster unfold with some popcorn to hand. The latter sorely appealed to him- he felt he deserved a bit of fun, to be perfectly honest.

   
  
***  


The hockey puck rolled its inexorable way down the table, swiftly sliding from one pawing hand to another. It was almost hypnotic, the way the circular disk slid across the worn wood grain, and Poe was quite mesmerised for a while. Eventually, however, the momentum of puck from hand to hand began to increase a little too quickly than was perhaps warranted in their crowded little canteen. Poe took his hands from under his chin, and spoke softly.

“Finn?” At the sound of the name, the hands paused, and the puck stilled to a clattering stop, “You ok, buddy?”

“Huh?” The response was a little delayed, and Finn looked down at his hands somewhat guiltily, “Oh. Sorry, Poe. Yeah, I’m fine, I was just thinking about…stuff.”

“Hey, hey,” Poe clapped a hand on the orange jacket, feeling the firm shoulder beneath the layers of fabric, “No need to be sorry. Just checking that you weren’t dwelling on anything too troubling.”

“Nah.” Said Finn, still a little absently. “I was just thinking about…stuff I told myself I’d stop thinking about. It’s not that important.”

Poe smiled; the expression was sad, and more than a little understanding.

“It’s ok to miss it, you know that, right?

"What?” Finn looked startled at being caught out so, “Miss First Order Academy? Ha, imagine, that would be absurd. Completely absurd.” He continued muttering to himself, the words indistinct.

“Yes, absurd.” Poe agreed, “But not…impossible?”

Perhaps the softness of his tone was what calmed Finn down, or the gentle hand upon his shoulder, worlds away from the sharp, rough way in which team members were handled in his old school. The warm brown eyes looked up, and Finn nodded a little.

“No.” He admitted. “Alright, I’ll say it, I miss some parts. The people, mostly. It’s hard to be part of a team for so long and then just to leave it, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s understandable.”

“But, it’s weird to miss those people, isn’t it? Because they weren’t all that nice to me, not all of the time. And I feel double bad, because everyone’s so nice here!” He sounded bewildered, “No one was ever nice to me at First Order unless they wanted something. They only really wanted me on the quiz team because they knew I was good at specific questions. People are so kind here, and I worry that I’m not nice enough back, and people will think I’m just…pretending.”

“Finn,” Poe started, warmly, “It’s not terrible to miss your old friends or comrades or however you think of them, not at all. You’re only human, and you went through a rough time out there. And people here understand what you went through. What you did, leaving when everyone was telling you not to? That took guts, my friend. ”

At his praise, Finn finally gave a small smile. Finn was good at smiling; it lit up his face and made one want to smile back, just to see it get brighter. Poe remembered when Finn had first taken the hockey mask off; the open, kind face was so different from the angry scowling he had come to associate with the inhabitants of First Order Academy, and he thought that Finn was cute before they’d even finished escaping from the hellish school. Baby steps though, as even though the ex-Academy student had been settling quite nicely into his new school, nervousness and an eagerness to prove himself emitted from him like waves disrupting a calm sea. Currently, he seemed to be settling slowly back into that calm place.

“Thanks, Poe.” Finn said, appreciating his words more than he could express.

“No problem!” Poe let go of his shoulder, grinning. He inclined his head to some point below them. “And besides, if you didn’t leave, who would have saved BB-8?” At his name, a little Pomeranian that had been napping under the table lifted its sleepy ginger head, its fluffy fur giving it a rather puffball appearance. He gave a series of small yaps until Poe leaned down to scratch him on the ear. “See?” He said, as the dog gave a happy growl, “Even BB is saying thanks. And if you were a bad person, he sure wouldn’t be doing that.”

“He sure wouldn’t!” Finn agreed, with a grin, “I saw the way he chased Thanisson. You haven’t had any more trouble with First Order, have you?” He added, voice once again anxious.

“Not a peep.” Poe admitted. “I thought for sure that they would chase us back to our school, but I guess Professor Organa is too powerful for them to do much on her grounds. We’re all kind of on guard.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Don’t be, don’t be!” Poe added, hastily, “They were going to attack no matter what you did, weren’t they? At least now we know what they want.” He directed this last part towards the floor, at the fluffy dog lying on its back for a belly rub. 

“Can’t we just…I dunno, take the USB off BB-8? Hide it somewhere, I mean.”

“I discussed this with Professor Organa, and we both agreed that as long as someone’s always with him, the information is safer on BB. If we left the USB in a classroom or at someone’s house, I’m sure First Order would find some sneaky way of getting it. Or am I wrong?” 

“No.” Finn said, thinking of Hux in one of his particularly vindictive moods, “You’re on the money there, Poe.”

“We just gotta keep our heads down, make sure they don’t get their grubby hands on BB-8 and focus on the quiz. You were still up for joining our team, weren’t you?” Poe couldn’t help a hopeful note from entering his voice. Finn nodded, though he looked a little conflicted.

“Yeah.” He said, “As long as you’re not kicking someone off for me. You aren’t, are you?”

“Nah.” Said Poe, waving a nonchalant hand, “We don’t work like First Order. We don’t hunt down specific people based on three hundred pie charts we’ve made from their intelligence versus their personality versus their usefulness or whatever it is they do. We let people take turns, you know, to see what they’ve got. Obviously we care about doing well, but being fair is more important to us than putting people through a boot camp.”

“I get it.” Finn said, “Thanks for letting me join. It’s gonna be weird, though, going against Hux and everyone. They aren’t going to…be nice about that, you know. They most certainly won’t play fair.”

“Oh, I know.” Poe grinned again, but it was edged with something harder than amusement, “We’ll be ready for them though, don’t you worry about that.”

There was a beep somewhere below them, and Poe dug in his bag to retrieve his phone. He read the message, face intense.

“Got somewhere to be?” Finn asked.

“Kind of.” Poe admitted, “I’ve got some good news! You’re not going to be the new kid anymore, how about that?”

“Oh.” Said Finn, surprised, “How come?”

“Well, as quiz leader you know I have a lot of extra responsibilities, right? It’s up to me to show new kids around, and Professor Kanata told me we have another transfer. Good, eh?”

“From First Order?” Finn sounded alarmed.

“No, no.” Poe said, quickly, “She’s from,” He scanned his message again, “Jakku? I’m not sure where that is but I know it’s pretty far out. She’s coming to have a look at the schools in the area, so we’re hosting her for a bit.”

“Oh, good.” Finn couldn’t keep the relief out of his voice. It did make him feel a lot better that he would no longer be the new kid. People had been perfectly lovely to him so far, but it was hard to brush the feeling of not quite belonging to those readily made friendship groups. Poe considered him carefully.

“You know what? I might ask if she wants to be part of the team too, if she’s interested. Then it will be easier for you to get to know everyone, because you’ll both have to come to meetings, how does that sound?”

“Great!” Finn said, meaning it, “Really great. Thanks, Poe, you really are a great guy.”

“I try, I try.” He smiled, “I really should go, though. Need to talk to Professor Kanata about where I’m picking the new kid up from. See you later?”

“Yeah, see you in a bit, Poe!”

When Poe left, orange jumpsuit a stark contrast to the gentle blue walls of the canteen, Finn gathered the hockey puck into his bag. He was so unspeakably glad for the friend that he had found in kind Poe Dameron, and as he left the room his head was filled with thoughts that he might have another friend soon too.

 

 

 ***

 

The next day loomed grey and overcast, the light from the windows inflicting everything it touched with a dull edge. Chair tipped back slightly, and with two long legs rested on a wooden desk, Ren lounged as if he owned the room. Arms folded across his broad chest, he watched Professor Snoke write in a large, leather-bound book, knowing he was being ignored. Well, not ignored exactly. Often the dour old Professor would make Ren wait in silence, as he rather suspected that Snoke guessed at one of his weakest attributes; patience. But Ren was good at waiting, sometimes. It came from a childhood with parents who had long and unpredictable jobs and waiting on the high windowsill, peeking through the frosted glass for ust a glimpse of that familiar face approaching. Shaking this unwelcome thought away, he tried to focus his mind instead on the scatterings of pencil shavings and discarded bits of paper on the floor, lest he dwell on other unsavoury thoughts. Eventually, the scratching of the pen came to a stop.

“So, I believe that Mr. Hux has been to talk to you, Kylo?” Snoke said mildly without much preamble, offering no real indication of his thoughts on the matter. Ren wasn’t paying much attention anyway; at the mere mention of Hux, his anger had flared up again.

“ _Him_.” He huffed, sinking deeper into his chair. “Tried to bully me into joining his stupid quiz team, as if the thought of his big, scary daddy would frighten me. Ha.” He scowled at the floor, almost pouting a little in his annoyance, “I told him to shove it up his-“

“I want you to do it.”

Deathly calm, his voice brooking no argument, Snoke’s interruption stopped Ren in his tracks. His mouth hung half open as he stared at the wizened old man, bewildered eyes meeting cold, unyielding grey.

“What?” He managed to splutter, wondering if he had misheard. “You want me to _join_ him?”

“Yes.” Snoke regarded him carefully, watching the dark figure as if challenging him to argue back; they both knew that Ren would not. Despite this shared knowledge, Ren did seem to be struggling to stop himself from saying what he was truly thinking, but he managed to swallow the most colourful retorts back. He did not want to bring upon his teacher’s wrath.

“But…what about the Knights?” It was as all that he could bring himself to say. “They _hate_ him. What will they say when I-“

“The Knights,” Professor Snoke said firmly, “Will accept whatever I tell them to. In fact,” He frowned, deepening the lines on his labyrinthine face as he did so, “They should accept anything that you tell them to. Or am I… mistaken?”

The suggestion in his tone, the merest hint of disappointment seemed to make Ren wilt. He could feel it as an almost palpable force in the room, a thick ichor that he would choke on if he was not careful enough to avoid it. _He’s angry with me for doubting him,_ Ren thought, a little desperately, hating how needy he was. He needed to trust the professor. If he didn’t…what would he become? Sad, alone and weak. Just like he had been before Snoke had seen his talent, and shown him how to use it. Remembering this, he sat up a little straighter, knowing the path he needed to take.

“No, you are right. I’ll do it.” He said, staring his teacher straight in the eye, unblinking. Snoke smiled, that twisted, almost fatherly smile, and Ren felt absurd relief flooding through him. Bolstered by this, he added, “Is there anything in particular that you want me to do, Sir?”

“Watch. Learn.” The chair scraped back, and he moved towards Ren, stride deceptively graceful, “Listen to what they tell you about Light Side, and the other opposition. Learn what you can about the team, and its infrastructure.” Stopping at the wooden desk, he rested a hand on Ren’s shoulder, “I am certain that you will do a good job. 

For a beat or two, Ren’s eyes flickered to the wizened old hand. He didn’t always like to be touched in unexpected ways, couldn’t fathom how people in the gym could just slap each other on the shoulder as if it was nothing. But this was Snoke, and the professor trusted him. Wanted him to succeed. He swallowed, feeling the weight of expectation already pressing upon him as surely as the hand on his shoulder.

“I will.”

 

 

***

 

The day after his unfortunate meeting with Professor Snoke, Hux walked the long corridors of the Academy to meet with the rest of the quiz team, his already foul mood increasing with every step. When Hux drew up to the classroom, he could already feel a slight tinge of dread coiling inside his stomach like a thick snake, ready to rear its ugly head when he had to deliver the wretched news to the rest of the team. All of them were already lurking outside of the dark grey door, Plutt, Bala-Tik and Leech standing a little apart from the others as was their custom, and all stared at Hux as he approached, unashamedly looking past him to see if he had someone else trailing behind. Silently, he cursed his lateness.

“I apologise, team,” He fought to keep the breathlessness out of his voice, “I was unavoidably detained. We have a room change, follow me.”

With a little grumbling, the pattering footsteps dogged his own through the stark corridors of the New Block, and the squeak of expensive shoes on the highly polished floor was the only sound for a while. Eventually, despite Hux taking full advantage of his long, calculated stride, Plutt caught up with him, his short, bulky legs working overtime to match his bruising pace.

“Where’s the new member?” He asked, getting right to the point with that infuriating bluntness of his, “You _did_ find someone, didn’t you?”

Gritting his teeth at the suggestion in his tone, Hux answered, “Of course I did, Plutt. I assume they must have missed the memo about the room.” Hux neglected to mention the fact that he had orchestrated the room change himself in the hope that Kylo Ren would be the last person to arrive, just so that he would have enough time to prepare the rest of them for his presence on the team. Plutt sneered.

“Or they’re just late, like you.”

“Now there’s a thought.”

Hux didn’t say any more, hating the smug expression on Plutt’s face. He and the angry, rotund team member had never gotten on; he rather suspected that Plutt was still sore over the fact that Hux had risen to become Team Leader so smoothly, and with so much support. Hux very much wanted to kick him off the team purely to savour the absolute fury that he would see on Plutt’s face, but it would have done poorly for his reputation to get rid of such a long-standing team member, even one as vile as Plutt. Thankfully, his walk became too swift for the stocky figure to keep up, and Hux was alone at the front of the group again, his feeling of discomfort still not quite dissipating.

  
When they opened the door to their designated classroom, it took the group a moment to realise that something was amiss. They crossed the threshold, chatting, and as one stopped dead when they spotted a dark, hunched shape at a desk in the far corner. Hux felt a certain inkling of dread as he recognised the black hair tumbling free from the hood. _How the fuck did Kylo Ren know which room to come to?_ Hux thought, already seething. There was nothing for it; he would have to prematurely introduce Ren to the rest of the team, damn his careful planning. He stepped forwards, but of course Plutt beat him to it,  
  
"Hey!" He shouted, "We booked this room; get lost!"  
  
His voice carried in the cluttered room, asinine and grating on their ears. The long face turned, cool as ever, and appraised Plutt's angry red cheeks. Ren’s resulting sneer indicated that he didn't like what he found.  
  
"No." He said, savouring the way this simple insolence made Plutt's cheeks go even redder, "This is where I'm supposed to be for the meeting, isn't it?" 

“The meeting…?” Plutt spluttered. Ren rolled his eyes, petulance coming off of him in waves.

“For the competition?” He said, very slowly, as if doubting Plutt’s intelligence, “ You _are_ the esteemed quiz team, aren’t you?”

  
All eyes landed on Hux, not all of them looking pleased. In fact, there was a certain level of wordless pleading directed at him, and he rather suspected that they thought this was an elaborate joke created solely at Plutt’s expense. Oh, how he wished that were the case.

“Of course we are.” He shot at Ren. Straightening his posture, he spoke to the rest of the team. “Fellow members, may I introduce our newest member: Kylo Ren?”

The response to this announcement was decidedly lacking in warmth. The rest of the members stared openly at Ren, absorbing his eyeliner, his dark lipstick and long, embroidered coat with its ridiculous hood. He stared back at them evenly, his stiff posture and quirked eyebrow daring them to make a comment. His general appearance was so opposite to the usual standards of First Order Academy that they all seemed rather taken aback. When the silence became just a little too awkward, one of the members, Datoo, spoke.

“But, he’s in the year below-“

“Datoo, you dumbass,” Phasma cut in, rolling her eyes at him “Nines is in the year below too,” She pointed at a reedy copper-haired boy who was staring at Ren with open mistrust, “And we’ve let him in. In fact, Finn was in the year below too and he was one of our best. Why does it even matter?”

“I thought we were looking for good people.” He insisted, stubbornly. Behind him, Leech nodded in agreement, his long hair flying around his face.

“Didn’t you get my message about my friends in Kanjiklub, Hux?” Leech said, sounding annoyed, “It’s a commitment to be in both, I know, but my fellow members would do well in this team.” He sniffed haughtily at Ren. “Very well.”

Hux stared at them, feeling their expected ire surrounding him, stifling him. He flickered his gaze to Ren, and saw to his surprise that his cocky, self-assured expression had changed to something harder, more defensive. He was staring at the desk now, allowing the words of the others to wash over him without comment. In fact, Hux would even go so far as to say that he looked a little…upset, although it was hard to tell exactly. Hux guessed that anyone would, if their usefulness was being debated in front of an entire room of people. Ren’s reticence seemed at odds with the rest of his behaviour, however. It made Hux wonder if he could be controlled for the team, after all. _Interesting._

Feeling that the arguing had gone on for far too long, Hux stood straighter, arms folded firmly across his chest, displaying his customary _shut up and listen to me_ position that he had perfected since being elected Team Leader. The arguments and debates slowly eked away as he stared hard at all of them, Ren included.  
  
"Look.” He began, unable to keep a slight impatient bite out of his tone, “After appraising the candidates carefully, and there were a _lot_ of them, Professor Snoke and I, ah, came to an agreement." Ren blinked at him; obviously, he thought that Hux was going to add his voice to the disgruntled masses. He cocked his head at Plutt, the ghost of a smile returning to his face. "And as you can see, Kylo Ren is our newest member. I have been assured that he has what it takes. I hope that you will all give him the, ah, _warm_ welcome that he truly deserves."   
  
“But-“ Began Leech. This interruption made Hux finally lose his temper.

“Are you questioning my authority, Leech?” He turned on the rest, “Plutt? Nines? Anyone?”

Thankfully, they all had the decency to stay quiet, although they all glared at Hux. He didn’t even bother to glare back; they would accept his decision, whether they wanted to or not. He was the boss here.

“Good.” He said. “Let’s start the meeting then. We’ve wasted enough time as it is.”

Turning to face the board, Hux didn’t even bother to look back at them as he hoisted himself onto the teacher’s desk. The room was briefly filled with a cacophony of scrapes and mutterings as the rest of the team sat themselves down, and he waited patiently, secretly glad as he always was that he was elevated above them all. As he stared around at them, he couldn’t help but notice that the rest of the team had given Ren’s desk a wide berth, those who had been most vocal about him choosing what he thought was the rather dramatic move of sitting rows away from his hulking figure. Ren didn’t seem to care; he was leaning back in his chair, looking bored. Even so, Hux raised his eyebrows meaningfully at Phasma, and with a sigh, she dragged Bazine and herself a few seats to the left, slightly closer to the brooding figure in the corner. _Good,_ he thought, satisfied.

“Team.” He began, raising his voice so that the last of the mutters died away, “We have only a few weeks until the first challenge. A few weeks, to prepare ourselves to swipe that victory that was wrongly denied us last year.” Forming his hand into a fist, he whacked it against the table. He saw Mitaka jump. “We will _not_ be making the same mistakes that we did last time. Losing Finn was a blow, even I will admit but I _expect_ ,” Here, he directed his words at Ren, “That we can pick up the slack. I have been informed of our first opponent.”

“Who is it?” Bala-Tik called out, “It’s not…Light Side, is it?”

The dread in his voice was unmistakeable.

“No.” Hux replied, unable to keep the relief out of his tone. Thank christ for that small miracle, “We’re against Ileenium Grammar first.”

“Ileenium?” Nines scoffed, and his words were mirrored by much of the rest of the room, “Do they think we’re complete fucking losers-“

“I seem to remember,” The distinctive rumble that could only belong to Ren cut across him, “That this team was beaten by Ileenium not four years ago.” He sounded amused. “Or am I mistaken?” 

A cold silence met his words. With great difficulty, Hux suppressed a sigh. Ren was really going out of his way to be absolutely hated by the rest of the team.

“Thank you so much for that excellent and much-needed reminder, Kylo-”

“It’s Ren.”

Hux’s fist tightened on the desk. _Breathe_ , he reminded himself.

“Ren, then.” He said, voice mocking. “Whilst I’m glad you seemed to have clued yourself up on the various failings of this team, I would like to remind both you and everyone else that none here was present on that fateful day. So, there isn’t any need to dwell on it.”

“You were pretty much all there last year though when you los-“

“ _Anyway.”_ Hux cut through Ren before he could finish that dangerous sentence, “As I said, Ileenium are our first opponents. They’re no Light Side, granted, but we still need to be prepared. I have full confidence in…most of you.” Ren stared innocently back at him, eyes wide and thick with eyeliner, “But we must come up with some tactics. _Ren_ -” He barked, and to his pleasure the figure in the corner jolted, “What are your skills?”

“My…skills?”

A few of the others tittered at the uncertainty in his tone. Hux just managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

“Yes, skills. Interests. Knowledge base. In short; how helpful will you be to us?”

“Uhh,” Ren said, “I like…music?”

“Music.” Hux repeated slowly, cocking an eyebrow as he re-familiarised himself with Ren’s appearance, including but not limited to the spiked collar that he thought he might have spotted peeking through a gap in his coat. There was an actual snort as the others seemed to do the same.

“There’s no category specialising in ‘shit music made for people who can’t dress themselves properly’.” Plutt scoffed. Ren scowled at this.

“I bet I know more about music than you do, you tawdry fucker-“

“Oooh, tawdry?” Plutt repeated sarcastically, “Hux, list his special interests under ‘pretentious dickhead’, we’ll surely win then-“

“Team, team!” Hux shouted, as Ren made a violent move forwards, to do who knew what. At Hux’s raised voice, he sunk back into his chair, face as dark as a thundercloud. “We’ve got to _work together._ How else are we going to win? So stop arguing, or one of you is going to have to go.” When Plutt opened his mouth Hux hissed, “Regardless of how long they’ve been on the team.”

Now two pairs of eyes were glaring at him; Plutt and Ren both. _Fantastic,_ he thought. This was going to be much harder than he had anticipated. He was searching for a way to continue the conversation in a more peaceful manner, but thankfully Phasma noticed his struggle and leant a helpful hand.

“Ren?” She said, voice light, “You hadn’t finished telling us your skills. Is there anything else we should consider for you?”

Ren glared over at her, but it was lacking in real anger. It seemed that, like everyone else, even hot-headed Ren had a healthy respect for Phasma.

“Sport.” He said, a little curtly, “Popular culture...shit, I don’t know! I thought the whole point was that the questions were random?”

“In a sense, they are.” Hux explained, “But there are still categories, and I need to know exactly what you’re good at so I can decide who to bring to the final. That’s all I need for now, though, I’ll find out where to put you soon enough.” _As far away from Plutt as humanly possible_ , he thought grimly.

They spent much of the remainder of the meeting re-familiarising themselves with who was better at which topics, and despite a few choice people rolling the eyes at this somewhat monotonous task, Hux was glad for it. It meant he could categorise the team more fully in his mind, fitting this troublesome Ren into the familiar infrastructure like a jigsaw piece from a different set. Their newest member was mostly quiet, his face full of that unconcealed boredom that hinted that he wanted to be here even less than the others wanted him to. What Snoke saw in him, Hux could only guess at. _I didn’t realise Snoke cared for brawn over brains,_ Hux thought privately to himself.

“Ok.” Hux said, when a loud argument between Leech and Phasma had started out about whether Kanjiklub or the hockey team was more sacred to the school, “I’ve made a note of what you’ve all told me. Remember, as well as the topics you feel fit you best, I expect you _all_ to attend the sessions where we go over the core subjects: History, Science, Literature and Mathematics. Did you hear me, Ren?”

The dark figure had been staring out of the window, watching the distant shapes on the sports fields. He hadn’t shown much sign of life except for the moment in which Hux had mentioned the word ‘mathematics’. At this, his face had twisted into a new scowl.

“Yes.” He said, voice clipped. He didn’t look away from the window.

“And do you have a problem with any of that?”

“No. Just don’t expect me to jump for joy when I’m told I’ve got to do extra studying.”

“My heart bleeds for you.” Hux retorted, sick of his attitude. He was already counting down the days until the final, after which he would never have to speak to Ren again. Bolstered by this happy thought, he spoke to the room in general.

“The next meeting is Wednesday, after lessons, same time as usual. I’ll let you all know in the Facebook group of all the important dates that you must, and I mean _must_ attend, so make sure you don’t double book anything. And also you can, ah, always message me if you have any…issues.” He stared around at them, daring them to do so. All of the faces looking back at him looked slightly sick at the thought, except for Phasma, who grinned wolfishly back at him. He already had one going with her, and their conversation was already more colourful than the awkward one that would surely ensue with any other member.

One by one, the team members began to file out of the room, Plutt and Leech staring at Ren with unrepentant animosity before they slammed the door shut behind them. When most of them had left, the tall figure of Ren began unfolding himself from the chair, long coat flapping with his movements. When he drew himself up to his full and admittedly impressive height, he was surprised to find Hux stood next to his desk, tablet in hand.

“And to what do I owe this honour, oh Supreme Quiz Leader Hux?”

“I’d prefer General, actually.”

Ordering about these dolts always reminded Hux of when his father talked about his military days, speaking at length in his deep, reassuring rumble about how he controlled his subordinates, Hux drinking up every word. He wondered vaguely if his father had ever had to deal with someone as perplexing as Ren, visually and mentally. He knew exactly what he would say about that lipstick.

“…So?” Ren said, waiting for him to speak.

  
“I need to add you on Facebook," Hux said, waving the tablet in front of him. Ren's eyebrow quirked, and Hux scowled at his insinuation, "So I can invite you to our meetings and required events." He added, hating Ren's annoyingly smug face, "Just letting you know so that you don't get any stupid ideas in your head and confuse this with me being your actual friend."  
  
"Oh, there's no need to worry about that." Ren grinned, "My only concern is that you might lose me amongst all of your, ah, seven hundred or so other 'friends'."  
  
"Keep a close tab on my Facebook, do you Ren?"  
  
He had Ren there. He saw a tiny flash of something resembling embarrassment on Ren's face at being caught out so, and to Hux it felt like victory. Sadly, this vindictive feeling was only to be a brief enjoyment as the other quickly regained his previous ire.  
  
"Yeah. I needed to check your profile picture to remind myself of what you looked like in case I accidentally got on the wrong side of another self important prick."  
  
"Just give me your fucking name."  
  
"You _know_ my name-"  
  
"Perhaps, but I must admit I'm a little frightened that I might accidentally add the wrong Kylie Ren or Kyle Ren or whatever the hell it is, and then where would we be?"  
  
He felt a vague sense of pleasure as Ren snatched the proffered tablet from him, his customary scowl plastered once again on his face. He stabbed his name into the screen with more force than Hux thought was strictly necessary, but he held his tongue, enjoying that he had bested the sulky figure in front of him. When he handed it back, Hux couldn't resist glancing at the profile Ren had left open, and grinned wolfishly at the new ammunition that he found there.  
  
"Thank you. That wasn't so hard, now was it?"  
  
"Hmmf."   
  
"I must ask though," Hux said innocently, "Was your profile picture taken as part of some amateur photo-shoot for a goth beauty pageant, by any chance?"  
  
Ren flushed, actually flushed, what a victory! As Hux tapped the screen next to his profile picture. Hux could see it, even under the layer of foundation that he suspected Ren must be wearing, a faint pink flush on his smooth cheeks. Ren seemed to have taken great liberties with the black and white filter, and his sultry, half in shadow face might have been arty if it wasn't so woefully unrepresentative of the sulking figure in front of him now. Hux felt as if all of his Christmases had come early

“No.” Ren snapped. “Just because I’m good at taking pictures doesn’t mean you have to be so…so jealous.” 

“Jealous, eh?” Hux was amused by this notion. “Well, you’ve got me there. The next time I’m in need of a weird gothic photoshoot, I’ll surely come calling.

He let Ren seethe for a little while longer, leaning against the desk as he watched the figure pick up a dark leather backpack and hoist it upon one shoulder. Ren looked up to check that there was no-one else in the room; for the first time, Hux realised that they were alone. The thought made him feel oddly uncomfortable, but he was reassured by the fact that at least Ren looked about as awkward as he felt. He saw the dark eyes dart around the room once more, even though they both knew it was empty of anyone but themselves.

“I can’t make the next meeting.” Ren announced flatly. Hux frowned at him.

“You heard what I said- team members are expected to come to each and every meeting, Ren. Are you frightened of committing?”

“No.” Ren said, through gritted teeth, looking as if he wanted to be anywhere else right now, “I’ve got an…appointment I need to go to.”

“Appointment?” Hux repeated, wondering what this could possibly mean. Ren looked terribly awkward again.

“Therapy, alright? I need to go to my therapist.” Ren spat it out, looking somewhere into the distance. “I have to go at four o’clock on Wednesday. It’s not something I can just cut off.”

“Oh.” Hux wasn’t quite sure what to do with this unexpected information. He filed it away in the back of his head, perhaps for future ammunition. “Well, I suppose that’s a decent excuse. But I expect you to catch up on what you’ve missed, and to come to every other meeting, is that understood? 

“Yes, _sir_.”

Ren gave a fake salute, all mockery, and began walking towards the door. Repressing a sigh, Hux followed him, wishing just a little that he were a few inches taller. It would have felt so good to tower over Ren; he felt like someone needed to, just to knock him down a peg or two. Just before he left the classroom, Ren looked over his shoulder, hand resting over the doorknob. He seemed to be working something over in his head.

“Yes?” Hux prompted, noticing his hesitation.

“Art.” He said, and looked as if he regretted saying it immediately. “That’s another category you should put me down for. I like art.”

 

And with that revelation, he was through the doorway, and away from Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I mentioned it, but the story very vaguely follows the plot of TFA, very very vaguely, aha. Tiny Pomeranian BB-8 is just the best <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this chapter took so long to come out! I did a stupid thing where I'd pre-written the other two and had to do this one from scratch and got a bit stuck. But here we go, and thank you so much for reading! <3

 

The next day dawned in a mostly uneventful fashion. In the afternoon, Hux sat in his customary place in his physics classroom, bored out of his mind. The day's work was spread out in front of him, sheets of off-white paper that had been completed in his neat, no-nonsense handwriting, finished before the latter half of the lesson had even begun. When his teacher, Mr Heece, wandered past, he gave Hux an approving nod and did not make any further comment on his lack of working. He knew that Hux was one of the best in the class, and often let him be. But now Hux was bored, and this was dangerous in itself. He _hated_ being bored.   
  
He tapped his pen against the table, and stared out of the window. Distant shapes were scattered about on the sports fields, dark grey blobs moving their inexorable way on the perfectly manicured grass. He thought he could just about make out the tall shape of Phasma, head bulky from her silver hockey helmet, chasing hell for leather after some poor sod in the year below. Hoping it was that ridiculous Kylo Ren, and knowing this wish was most likely futile, he waited for the lesson to end.   
  
Finally, the sounds of shuffling students filled his ears, and Hux brought his attention back to the classroom. Placing his pens carefully into his leather pencil case, a voice from behind jolted him out of his monotony.  
  
"Hux!" It was unmistakeably Thanisson, breathless, sounding as if he had just ran from wherever he had previously been, "I've been looking for you, couldn't work out what lesson you had on right now."  
  
"And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure, Thanisson?" Hux asked, noting the unhidden excited look on his classmate’s face. _Interesting._  
  
"I was just outside Professor Wollivan’s office, and I overheard him saying that a student from Light Side accidentally arrived this morning." He gave a smile, and it was just a little devious, "A transfer. Something about getting the addresses mixed up? Anyway, I saw Professor Snoke on my way to tell you, and he mentioned an interesting proposition."  
  
"...Go on."  
  
"Well, he seemed to be under the impression that it would be, ah, useful to intercept this student before she gets influenced by Light Side." He and Hux exchanged a glance; loaded with meaning, "Use her to get information. Revenge, if nothing else." 

“I see.” Hux rested his chin in his hand, the pensive movement covering the fact that his heart was beating fit to burst in his chest at this good news. Finally, a chance to put all of this mess right again, delivered directly into his capable hands. As much as he hated to be ordered about by Snoke once again, this plan did have a certain finesse to it that he liked the sound of. Corner the girl, and use her as bait, or sabotage. Perfect. Thanisson seemed to be relieved at the slight smile playing on Hux’s lips; he had clearly been worried that Hux might think he was being ordered around. Noticing this, Hux asked, “Do you know where the others are?” 

“I told Mitaka and Unamo on the way here. I can round up a few more if necessary?”

 “Please do. Find them, and meet me outside of Wollivan’s office. I’ll round up the rest, and we can find this…girl.”  

Hurrying to the classroom door, they both split off to go in different directions. Hux cursed inwardly that Phasma and her small team of lackeys were currently occupied; he could have done with their muscle. All the same, he doubted that this transfer would offer him much trouble. He rushed to the office; as the team leader, he acted almost as a glorified prefect, and it wouldn’t seem untoward for him to offer this poor, lost student a helping hand. He could offer to take her around the school, conveniently out of the teacher’s hands, and then the rest could descend. His head was filled with the vague foundation of a plan until he turned to the west wing and bumped into a very sorry looking Mitaka trailing none other than a bored Kylo Ren. Hux stopped, feet coming to a skittering stop on the ground, eyeing him with suspicion. 

“What the hell are _you_ doing here?” He demanded, directing it at the tall figure. As expected, Mitaka moved a step back, but Ren seemed wholly unaffected. 

“I heard that something was going on.” He said, airily, “And then Professor Snoke told me to come and find you. Got a problem with that?”

 It had been, what, less than ten minutes?

 “What, exactly, do you think you’ve heard?” 

“Oh, this and that,” Ren waved it away dismissively, “I have my ways. Sounds fun, though, which way is it to this girl?”

 Hux ignored him, making a show of turning his face away from that smug, lipstick covered one as he stared at Mitaka. He knew it was unfair of him, but he couldn’t help blaming the smaller student just a little for this entirely unwelcome intrusion into his plans. Mitaka bit his lip.

 “I’m sorry.” He said quietly, almost pleading, “Professor Snoke told me to bring him with me.”

 “Oh, great.” Hux replied, wondering if he was now expected to babysit Ren for the rest of his school career. Ren watched their exchange, looking annoyed. 

“You know,” He said, “It’s rude to talk about someone when they’re stood right next to you. And are much bigger than you. Quite rude, actually.”

Incredulous, Hux looked up at him. Yes, he did have to look up, but surely it was only a few inches of difference. Maybe if Ren wore normal shoes instead of those utterly ridiculous platform boots he seemed to favour, the odds would be more inclined into Hux’s favour.  

“You are only coming along on the condition that you shut that mouth of yours, before it gets you into trouble. Understood?” 

“But Professor Snoke said-“ 

“Professor Snoke,” Hux interrupted, “Will have to accept it if I tell him that I refused to bring you because you threatened the task at hand. Now, once again, is that understood?”

Ren stared at him, looking as if there were a few colourful remarks he dearly wished to throw back at Hux. Despite this quite clear desire, he bit them back, and nodded, not even deigning to reply. It wasn’t lost on Hux that the only way to get Ren to shut up was to get angry at him. _He tries to be tough,_ he thought, turning away, _but fuck me if he doesn’t like being ordered around._

The walk to the head office was more morose than Hux had originally anticipated, anxious regret rolling off of Mitaka in waves, a stony silence emitting from Ren. Hux himself was quiet, but only because he had to conceptualise an entire plan with only a few minutes to spare, but arriving to their destination with such a depressing vibe felt like a bad omen. He wondered if he should insult Ren again, just to spice up the atmosphere.

Before he could even think of a suitable retort, the blessed sight of their fellow troublemakers loomed in the distance. Hux increased his stride, anything to distance himself from the sullen Ren at this point, knowing that the rest would be just as baffled as he was with his inclusion in this plan. Unfortunately, Ren’s damned legs were longer than Hux’s, and, perhaps sensing this attempt to not include him, Ren overtook Hux to stand next to Thanisson. He stood, taller than all of them, casting an unimpressed eye at the gathered students. Hux thought this a little unfair; what their group lacked in size, they made up for with pure cunning. Well, most of them.

“We need to move fast.” He said, getting right to the meat of the matter, “I want to talk to her first, to gauge how best to approach this. Either way, this needs to be done carefully, lest any mistake leads back to us. Is that clear?”

The gathered crowd nodded as one. Pleased with their quiet determination, he said, “I need two people to come in with me, any more and it will look suspicious. I want it to be Bazine and-“

“Me.” Ren said, interrupting. All eyes turned to him, none more surprised than Hux.

“You?” He scoffed, “What makes you think that I need you of all-“

“Professor Snoke told me that you would need my help.” He said simply, “That’s what I was trying to tell you before. I’m not just here for fun, or because I want to be, you know. I’ve been given instructions to stay, and that’s what I’m doing.”

The rest of the students looked between them, anxiously watching as Hux and Ren squared up to each other, both tall, both intimidating in their own individual ways. Not once in the history of the team had anyone challenged Hux so. Even Plutt and Phasma, both at opposite ends of the spectrum of friendship, knew where to draw the line. This Ren, however, seemed to do so easily with barely a second thought to what an achievement he was making. It was probably lucky that Hux was in a rush to get his plans into action, because if they had any more time he might have been tempted to deck Ren in his big, smug face, despite his quite herculean attempts to be the better person.

“Fine.” He snapped. “On your own head be it. I want absolutely nothing to do with it if you fuck up.”

“Whatever.” Ren sneered.

Hux was tempted to snap at him again, just for the pure satisfaction that the action might bring him, but he felt a multitude of eyes pressing on him, urging him to make haste. Annoyed, he turned away.

“Right. Okay. The plan.” He said it quickly, “Thanisson and Mitaka, I need you two to be on guard- no one will suspect you if you hang around. Just say that you’re waiting for me to start showing the transfer how to get to Light Side, that should be sufficient if anyone asks.” The two nodded at Hux; the smallest and most unassuming members of their little group, they were the most appropriate for lowering any suspicion their sudden gathering might cause. “Unamo, Nines, I need you both to stay near the main entrance in case our friends from Light Side decide to show up. I am sure they will have been informed by now, and we need to move fast. Text me if you see anything.”

“Okay, Hux.” Said Nines, looking excited at the plan finally being brought into action, and Hux had a very mild suspicion that he was hoping that Finn might miraculously turn up. He and Unamo started off down the corridor, shoes clacking hurriedly on the smooth, polished tiles. As this sound faded into the sterile distance, Thanisson and Mitaka leant on the wall outside the door of the office as if they were having a casual chat; one had to look closely to see that every so often their eyes darted down the corridor to check if anyone was coming. Feeling the cold, almost clinical calmness that he always did before a hunt, Hux turned to the remaining two. Before he could speak, Bazine beat him to it.

“Look, Hux,” She said, hurriedly, “I think I should speak first. I think we need someone to be friendly, and you’re a bit…” She drew off into a tactful silence, but Hux was too stressed to be offended.

“Fine, fine.” He conceded, “You make her feel at ease, and then I’ll implement the plan. Ren, you can,” He cast about for something useful for Ren to do, “Shut your mouth, but look intimidating in case she tries any funny business. Watch her.

“I think you’re _slightly_ underestimating how useful I could be in this situation.” Ren said, in a long-suffering way, “But fine. I’ll be one of those gormless lackeys you seem to favour so much. I’ll do better than the two at the door, by the way.”

Feeling that his current mood prevented him from replying to this in an appropriately civilised matter, Hux just sighed at him, and pushed the door open. Bazine and Ren hurried in after him.

The office was small, only used for the trite sort of admin one would expect in a school. It was currently occupied by only two people; Professor Wollivan small and nervous as always, and a straight-backed girl, bright eyes darting to the door as it opened. Hux was pleased to note that she didn’t look too imposing, small and plainly clothed, with three buns in her neat, brown hair. It didn’t look like she would be all too difficult to bow to his will, and what a relief that was. He smiled at the Professor; the movement was difficult for him in his present state of mind, but he just about managed it without looking _too_ frightening. Thankfully, Bazine took this as the cue to speak.

“Professor Wollivan!” She said, in her brightest, most charming voice, “We are _so_ sorry to have kept you waiting.” She turned to the girl, who was watching her closely, “You must be the new transfer,” Bazine said with a smile. “I didn’t catch your name, sorry?”

“It’s Rey.” Said the girl, voice strong, gaze unwavering. She didn’t look wholly comfortable to be in this room full of strangers. Her gaze slipped past Bazine to fall on Ren, and for a brief moment, there was a crease between her eyes until she caught herself doing it and stopped. Hux side-glanced Ren; he seemed, for some unknown reason, to have gotten a little paler as he stared at Rey, which was saying something because Hux was fairly certain that he wore foundation. Wondering what this meant, but caring more about the task at hand, he gave a demure little cough. Encouraged by this signal, Bazine turned to Wollivan with her most winning smile, “We can take it from here, sir. Shall we show Rey around while we wait for someone to pick her up?”

“Oh.” Said the rotund professor, looking unsure, “I’m not sure whether Rey is supposed to be, ah, staying here, until-“

“But you _must_ have work to do.” Bazine pointed out, “And it’s no trouble. We’d love to do it. Wouldn’t we, Hux?”

Finally, his turn to speak.

“Of course we would, Professor.” Rey was looking at him now, drinking in his red hair, perfectly cut outfit, getting the measure of him, “It would be our absolute pleasure.”

“If you’re all sure…” He said, looking a little relieved that his task of looking after Rey was at an end. It certainly was an embarrassment that it had fallen on First Order to sort out this mess from Light Side, and it was difficult to miss the way his tired eyes darted to the large pile of paperwork stacked on his desk. They had snagged him, just as Hux had hoped.

“Shall we go, then?” Bazine asked, cheerfully. Rey rose from her chair, looking as if it was the very last thing she wanted to do. She turned to Wollivan, for one last attempt at pleading.

“Are you _sure_ it’s okay for me to leave this office?”

“You’re in good hands, Rey.” He replied, nodding at Hux in approval. Hux stared back a little placidly, silently pleased that the professor had so much confidence in him. It was woefully misdirected, yes, but it felt wonderful for his ego. So far, so good.

With the air of someone who was being forced to do the very thing they did not want, Rey followed them out of the door, and for some reason, Ren seemed to be trailing behind Bazine. If he was trying to make himself look inconspicuous, he was doing an extremely poor job; he had lost that battle as soon as he decided to wear that ridiculously long, black coat and dark lipstick. Shaking his head at this nonsense, Hux wasted no time and sidled towards the new girl.

“Now then, Rey, are you enjoying your time here at First Order Academy?”

“Not particularly.” Rey said, voice hard, “You’re not taking me far, right? I _told_ the driver the address for Light Side, he must have gotten mixed up. I didn’t realise there were two schools in this part of the city.” She paused as they walked down the corridor and around the corner, and were immediately joined by Mitaka and Thanison. “There are more of you?” She asked, voice laced with suspicion. Inwardly Hux cursed; he should have made it clear for the others to stay out of sight. Well, it was too late now. It seemed that they were going to have to do this the hard way.

“Is that a problem?” He asked, smoothly, daring her to challenge him, “We just want to show you around. We are fond of doing a, ah, thorough job in this school.”

“So I have heard.” She said, a little curtly. At this, Hux brightened.

“Oh?” He said, interested, “So what has someone from as far as Jakku heard about our school.”

At the name of her home, Rey seemed to stiffen. It didn’t take a genius to work out that it must be a sore topic of conversation for her. She carried on walking however, and it was hard to not to admire her steely determination, just a little.

“Enough.” She replied in distaste. Bazine caught his eye; she knew, just like Hux, that trying to win Rey to their side was most probably going to prove too difficult to be worth it. She was too strong-willed, nothing like the soft, pliable students one might expect from Light Side. It seemed that intimidation, and perhaps revenge, were their best options now.

“Have you heard about me?” He asked her, dropping his light, amiable tone. She flicked her gaze to him, taking in his thin, athletic frame, his expensive, clear cut attire.

“No.” She said, simply.

Somewhere behind him, he heard a half stifled snort that could only have come from Ren. Annoyed, he said, “Well, that’s a pity. It might help you to be a little more…informed.” He let that hang for a moment, noticing the balled fists hanging by her sides.

“Help me?” She said, tightly, “What is this? What’s going on here?“

She had stopped now, body poised, very much the pose of a fighter preparing themselves to strike. She seemed almost unperturbed by the five people in front of her, despite their advantage of height and pure numbers. Despite himself, Hux had to admit that he liked this fierceness.

“You’re headed for Light Side.” He said, calmly, “We’re First Order. Do you know what that means?”

She did not answer him, treating him only to a stony silence. Ignoring this defiance, he continued, “No? It means that you can help us to get something that we dearly, dearly want.”

She gave a little _tsk_ of derision, “And what makes you think that I’m going to help you?”

Behind him, Thanisson gave a little snort of laughter. Hux couldn’t help it, a very small smile twitched at his lips. They always said this, before they were soon shown how mistaken they were.

“I’m sorry, but are you under the impression that you have a choice?” He said, eyebrow raising. Hearing the clear threat in his tone, Rey took a step backwards,

“Get the hell away from-“

A beep filled the air, cutting through Rey’s words, insistent and loud. Inwardly, Hux cursed; it was his phone, undoubtedly a message from the two they had left guarding the front entrance. Feeling the eyes of everyone upon him, and with a distinctly bad feeling like an ache in his gut, Hux scanned the message from Unamo.

_Need to reconvene. Lost them. They have the dog._

Wondering why he ever, _ever_ trusted anyone else to get the job done to an acceptable standard, he turned to everyone except Ren.

“Absolutely bloody fantastic. We need to discuss something, Ren,” He barked, “Watch the girl. I need privacy.”

“This _girl_ has a name!” Rey shouted at the back of his marching figure, but he ignored her. When he was a decent distance away, he turned to the others, “We need to split up. Find the intruders from Light Side, negotiate with them about the transfer. This is what I propose we do…”

As Hux whispered to his gaggle of fellow troublemakers, Ren and Rey were having a wordless stand-off, each staring at the other with distaste.

“Do I know you?” Rey asked, squinting at his almost perfectly made up face

“I doubt it.” He snorted, despite the fact that he was thinking something along the same lines. When she edged back, he gave an annoyed huff, “What are you doing?” He asked, irritated, “Don’t make me have to grab your arm. It would be embarrassing for the both of us.”

“I would like to see you try.” She said, boldly. _Keep him talking_ , she thought. _Distract him._

“You know what?” Ren said, sounding amused now, “You’re wasted on Light Side. You’re too angry for their self-appreciative bullshit.”

“I would like to be the judge of that, thank you very much.” She tried ever so slightly to edge away again, and saw those dark eyes following her every move. _Distraction,_ “As long as you guys haven’t messed with my van, I’ll get to find out sooner than you’d think.” She pointed in the direction of the school car park, a large gravelled space in the grassy distance. Ren followed where she was pointing; a big, silver van. Almost dulled with age, shining in the muted rays of the sun. To her relief, Ren seemed completely consumed with the sight of the van, mouth hanging open in what could only be described as horror. He recognised it. Even though she didn’t understand his reaction, Rey saw her chance, and took it.

Hearing the sound of footsteps pounding across the sheared grass, Hux’s group looked up to see Rey running across the field, all wiry strength and determination as she pelted her escape route from the slightly turned figure of Ren. Quickly, Hux darted back to the distracted figure, wanting to throttle him with his bare hands.

“You fucking idiot!” He shouted at him, “You were supposed to be watching her! Go and get her while I deal with the people from Light Side, go _now-“_

For once, Ren did as he was told without argument, chasing after Rey with his long black clad legs; he was surprisingly good at running, weaving through the short-cropped grass after Rey. Although the sight of that black coat flapping into the distance was undeniably amusing, Hux was too angry to properly enjoy it. Flicking his hand at the others to indicate that they should follow him, he moved back to the school, aiming for the front entrance this time. As they trod the familiar, white tiled path, they almost collided with a breathless and shiny-faced Unamo.

“Well?” Hux demanded, as she stumbled out of his path, “Where are they? And where the _hell_ is Nines?”

Unamo looked frightened at the expression on Hux’s face, and with obvious reluctance said, “They brought Finn back with them and Nines went a bit…you know, they were on the hockey team together and he just…lost it a bit. I didn’t see where they went.” She finished, miserably.

“Oh for christ’s sake,” Hus pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, reminding himself to inhale deeply, “We’ve got to find them. This is a mess. Come one, move, move!”

He ushered her forwards, feeling the pre-emptive taste of defeat already like bile in his mouth. The thought of telling Snoke about this new distaster made him want to bash his head against the smooth walls again, and again. He hoped, and it was frightening that it had come to this, that Ren would prove to be more helpful than he suspected. He hoped.

 

Pelting down the field, the dark spots of weeds threatening to grow up through the grass turned into a green blur as Ren followed the small figure in front of him. He was fast, but she already had the advantage of starting to run long before he had, and he knew that when she turned the corner ahead of him, he only had a split second decision to work out which direction she had gone. And what was worse, he had the terrible, sneaking suspicion that he had recognised her. Rey, the name tugged at him, pulling at his brain with teasing figures. Small, sure of herself. Should he be chasing her, preparing to drag her back to the others? Snoke had told him to do so, but for some reason, the merest inkling of doubt sprouted within him. Regardless of this gut feeling, he stalked her, feeling the distance closing little by little.

Rey spun around the cursed corner, a small darting shape that looked as if it was being consumed by the ostentatious marble building that loomed above them. Ren followed her like a big, dark cat, searching for a mouse that had slipped out of its grasping paws. His dark curls cascaded across his face as he whipped it left, right, searching for her, unsuccessfully. Fighting the urge to swat a hand at the marble pillar next to him, he chose to go right, scanning the way ahead for any indication of where the girl might have gone.

Crouching behind a small, perfectly manicured hedge, Rey watched as the tall, menacing figure stalked towards the east wing of the school, and she gave the smallest sigh of relief. Straightening up, she almost shouted in surprise as she nearly collided with another person anxiously peering around the leaves with her. He looked as surprised as she did, stumbling out of her way as she moved into a defensive stance,

“Hey!” He said, eyes widening, at her balled fists, “You hiding from them too?”

“What?” She demanded, noticing his nervous demeanour, “You’re not with them?”

“No-o.” The figure said, voice etched with relief, ‘I’m, er, sort of not really supposed to be here. Technically.”

It took a few moments for the words to sink in, but when they did, Rey lowered her fists.

“Are you with…Light Side?” She asked, hopefully. _Please let something in my day go right,_ she thought.

“Yeah!” Said Finn, looking pleased at her evident relief, “Oh jeez, are you the transfer?” He asked, working it out, “Did they seriously just go for you like that? Wow, they’re getting meaner.”

Not entirely certain what he was talking about, Rey said, “I don’t know what’s going on, but I feel like ever since I got here, someone’s been out to get me. That big guy,” She thrust her thumb at where Ren had been moments before, “Do you know him? I get the feeling…I might.”

Unfortunately, Finn shook his head.

“Not really. I’ve seen him about; he’s not exactly hard to spot. But I can’t help you, sorry, I just know he’s in my year, err,” He looked awkward, “Or would be, if he was at Light Side, ha. Because that’s where I go. Light Side.”

“Never mind.” Rey said, wondering at his nervousness, but letting it drop for the moment. She was eager to get out of this hellish place. “Do you mind showing me how to get to Light Side, please? I have a truck- my old school insisted that I was driven here but my driver headed back in a different car when I told them I could handle getting to the school by myself. I just need someone to show me the way.”

At the mention of this task that he could complete with ease and efficiency, Finn brightened. Here was something he could actually help with.

“Yeah, sure!” He said, eagerly, “Let me make sure Poe is where I left him, and he can drive behind us.

“Poe?” Rey asked, sounding wary again at the mention of another unfamiliar person. Finn waved it away.

“Nah, he’s not one of them.” He said, a little derisively, “He’s one of the good guys. Helped me get away from here too, once.” He looked out from the hedge again, “Hang on, I can see him! Over there, just across, with the little dog? Yeah, that’s Poe, I think he’s signalling for us to run.”

“Let’s go then!” Rey said, and darted forwards. Surprised by her speed, Finn took off after her, keeping an eye out for any unwelcome visitors. Luckily, they made it to Poe without being spotted. Poe did not pause as they approached him, and they jogged together to the car park. The little dog yapped in a frenzied excitement, fluffy tail wagging.

“Hey.” Poe said to Finn, sounding relieved, “You’re ok! I thought when that lanky kid started chasing you that you were gone for good. He had murder in his eyes.”

Finn laughed, a little uncomfortably.

“Oh, that was Nines. We used to hang out. I don’t think he’s quite forgiven me for…everything, if you know what I mean.”

“I do.” Poe nodded, and turned to Rey, “Hi! I’m so sorry we are not meeting in a more auspicious circumstance. You the new kid?”

Rey nodded, liking his easy, friendly manner, “Yeah, I’m Rey. Nice to meet you, all things considered.” She turned to Finn, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t catch your name, actually?”

“I’m Finn!” He said, and they did a little handshake, mid run. Both smiling at the absurdity of it all, they slowed as the grass made the smooth transition into gravel. They were at the large car park at the head of the school, a large beaten up van taking up a big space. Poe whistled as he saw it.

“Oh man,” He said, admiring the grey shell of it despite its obvious wear. “Neat or what? I love your ride, Rey. Where’d you get that beauty?”

“I got it in Jakku.” She said, sounding proud, “You like it? Rescued the poor thing from a junkyard. Looked like it hadn’t been driven for years.”

Poe made a sympathetic noise, “Damn. You’ll have to let me take it for a spin sometime, I love the old stuff like this, I always admire how-“ He caught Finn’s somewhat panicked eye, and remembered the situation they were in, “Right, right, sorry, we’ll talk later. I’ll get in my car and drive behind you guys, ok?”

“Great!” Said Rey, and fumbled for her key. While she was doing so, Finn cast an anxious eye about the area in case anyone was watching. His heart almost stopped when he saw a figure approaching, and stop at the edge of the gravel, staring at them with an open mouth. Finn recognised the small figure immediately and with no small sense of dread; it was Mitaka. Knowing the others couldn’t be far behind, he turned to Rey,

“Hurry! I can see them coming!”

“Right, right, I do know, you know!” Said Rey, crossly, “Got it, I’ll open the door,”

In a moment, she’d done it, and they both clambered in. Mitaka still hovered at the edge, knowing that there wasn’t really anything he could do at this point but knowing full well the wrath he would face if he returned empty handed. In a way, Rey almost felt sorry for that anxious face watching them go with such regret. Almost. In the seat beside her, Finn gave a whoop as she kicked the van into gear. “Yeah!” He shouted, “We made it! Thank god!”

“And let’s never come back again?” Rey offered, checking the wing mirror. Finn laughed in agreement, and the van drew out of the parking lot, kicking up a little dust from the path leading out of the school. A figure, dark and brooding, froze as he turned the corner in to watch it go, face very pale. He knew that van. Ren took a step forwards, hand shaking by his side. He knew it. How did she have it? Was…he here? Before he could stop himself, Ren’s eyes darted about to check the scene. Immediately, they fell upon Mitaka. Sensing an easy target through which to funnel his building rage, Ren loped forwards. Hearing the sound of his approach, Mitaka turned around; if anything, the sight of Ren coming towards him made his nervousness increase.

“Well?” Demanded Ren, “Did you even _try_ to stop them?”

His sharp face was all the more frightening when he sneered, and Mitaka seemed to take a step back, holding up his hands in defence, “Aww, Ren, I got here too late, there wasn’t anything I could do-“

“Wasn’t there? Could you get the dog?”

“N-no, when you went the wrong way I lost th-“

Mitaka gave a squeak as Ren grabbed the front of his shirt, his powerful fist twisting the fabric. Ren loomed over him, dangerous in his anger, staring at the smaller figure as if wondering how far he could throw him. The knowledge that he could do this if he really wanted to seem to pass between them like an electric shock. He knew, deep down underneath the roiling fury in his head that his anger was misdirected but he did not care, did not care at all. Choking a little from the firmness of his grasp, as the fingers crawled to his neck, Mitaka struggled unsuccessfully, spluttering like a caught fish until a voice whipped through the air.

“Ren, what the _actual fuck?”_ It was Phasma, in full gym gear, displaying her impressive array of muscles as she approached the alarming scene before her. “Let go of Mitaka, you arsehole!”

Her sharp voice got through to him like nothing else had. As if burned, he dropped Mitaka, and stared at his fist afterwards as if unsure as to whether it truly belonged to him. He hadn’t been thinking again. Oh shit, he thought he had stopped doing this. Ashamed, and embarrassed that those two had been witness to his moment of losing control, he turned away from Phasma’s scrutiny. She grabbed Mitaka by the shoulder, and thrust him away, as if Ren might descend upon him again.

“We’re going to go to Hux right now.” She said, eyeing him as if seeing him for the first time, “And you can explain what the hell happened here.”

Sullen, Ren nodded. He didn’t speak as she marched back towards the school, throwing furious glances over her shoulder as she led Mitaka in a motherly sort of way. Ren avoided those glances, face hidden by his curtains of dark hair, avoiding her silent threat that if he tried to do anything like that again, she would have him. They walked past, the familiar sense of defeat so palpable in the air, they were apt to choke on it.

When they reconvened with Hux and the remainder of their sorry team, the red-haired figure didn’t even look surprised that they had returned empty-handed, and with the distinct air of three people who wanted nothing other than to go their separate ways. He turned to Phasma, the fury at the day’s failure still etched upon his face,

“Why are you dragging Mitaka like a sack of potatoes, Phasma?” he asked, eyeing the hand that was still firmly pressed upon his shoulder.

“Because,” She shot an angry glare at Ren, “I found _him_ trying to strangle Mitaka. I won’t have it. I won’t have people being cruel to him just because he’s small.”

“Hey!” There was a mutter of indignation from Mitaka, “It’s not my fault you’re all enormous!” Even so, he looked relieved that Phasma had come so readily to his defence. Hux turned his attention to the dour looking Ren, disgust clear in his eyes,

“You tried to strangle Mitaka? One of your teammates?”

“He was-“ Ren began, but Hux interrupted him.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses. I just want to you to admit it. So, did you do it?”

With the air of someone agreeing to their own execution, Ren muttered.

“Yes.”

There was a moment’s pause as Hux considered him.

“Get out of my sight.” He said. It was perfectly calm. So calm in fact, that no one reacted for a moment until Hux spat, “ _Go_. I am going to talk to Snoke about this.”

Ren looked at him, face twisted, but did as he was told, stomping through the corridor without a backwards glance. As the sound of his large boots clattered into the distance, Hux turned to the rest. He felt very, very tired.

“We’ll discuss this at the next meeting. I’ve got a lot to sort out.”

“Hux,” Mitaka started, looking a little awkward, “It wasn’t…all his fault.”

As the others, including Nines and Phasma, scoffed at this, Hux ground his teeth.

“We’ll discuss it at the next meeting.” He repeated again. Mitaka opened his mouth, sensed it was futile, and nodded. They separated, and Hux wondered if his days would always feel like this now, tinged with a sense of failure and somewhere, for some reason, a little regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This IS a Kylux fic I swear, sorry, I really am a sucker for slow burners. I hope this was alright!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say, thank you so much for everyone who's spoken to me about this! I really, really appreciate it. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you'll all enjoy it! I hope it's not all too hard to follow- rather than plot like a normal person, I tend to write all over the place and string it together so hopefully it's ok. Happy reading <3
> 
> If you have any q's, please find me on kyloripped.tumblr.com :)

Ren lay on his bed, earphones lodged into his ears, dark hair splayed across the pillow in a halo of shining black. His mood was swaying in that odd halfway point between uselessness and restlessness, and he hoped the loud, screaming music would take his mind off of things, the pure volume and rawness of the sound filling his head so that he didn't have to think. The ceiling had one or two cracks in it; he followed their jagged path through the plaster, lost in the pattern. Absently, he laid a big hand under his shirt and onto his stomach, feeling the muscle, fingers critical. He wasn't satisfied. He could be better. He _wanted_ to be better. He should go on a run later, he had been slacking far too much lately, and he felt like he needed to move his body in some violent way just to feel something other than the dull monotony he was feeling now. He pressed harder until it hurt, and the pain felt good. "Be better." He muttered, to no one. 

A few more songs; bites of sound, bits of time. Sometimes, Ren wished that he could fill his head with music like an old radio, watching peoples' mouths as they tried to talk to him, open lips speaking crackles of static as he watched them with the beat beat of music in his head. It would be preferable to the useless shit people usually spouted at him, when he was spoken to at all. Ren hummed to the music without realising he was doing it, hand warm on his stomach.

He thought about nothing. Then, he thought about some things. Whilst he preferred to lie there with that comforting blankness buzzing around his head like a lazy fly, some things just couldn’t be avoided. He thought about Hux.

Hux. Eyes still closed on the bed, his lips twisted. Even the memory of the name brought a taste of bile to his mouth. He had only contempt for that smug, arrogant bastard and yet…he couldn’t help being a little intrigued, too. It was interesting to finally match the cool, calculating Hux with the threatening sycophant he had heard so much about. Growling at his own stupidity, Ren turned over on the bed, his body curling up as if to hold itself together properly. He didn’t like the way Hux had spoken to him, shouted at him. He didn’t like being shouted at at all. It made him feel small again, the confused, broken, anxious thing he used to be, before he became better.

A slower, more melancholy song came on then, and Ren lay absorbed with the piano chords flowing through his mind like a pebble dropped into a deep pool, the ripples of music flowing outwards, calming him. Perhaps…he would try a little harder for the quiz team. His fingers tapped along with the long-familiar rhythm, fingertips soft and persistent against his skin. Only because Professor Snoke wanted him to. Tap tap. And, he finally admitted to himself, it hadn’t been so bad to be included in something. He didn’t have many friends at the school and it hadn’t really been so unpleasant to find himself part of such an important gathering, if he was being perfectly honest with himself. The song ended then, the last chords wavering in his ears, and Ren had made up his mind. He would behave slightly better for the team. It was…an experiment.

In the brief lull while he picked another song to listen to, a faint voice called through the house, muffled by walls and distance.

“Ben?” He could just make out the familiar voice, earphones still lodged in, “Are you in the house?”

Sinking lower onto the bed, Ren’s finger flicked quickly through the music player, seeking something, anything loud. There was a faint sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, a soft padding across the carpet, and Ren froze at the sounds of the approaching figure. The person outside of the door seemed similarly stilled, reluctant from hard-won experience at opening a door when Ren did not want it to be opened.

“Ben?” The voice said again, unsure. Finding what he was looking for, Ren turned the volume up, and turned away, the bed giving the softest of creaks. The figure outside of the door hovered, and sighed a sigh that was heard only by herself. “Ben.” She said again, quieter this time, but it wasn’t a question. Knowing that he didn’t want to talk to her, Leia walked back down the stairs, each resounding footstep on the woven carpet seeming to reflect her upset at being ignored again. With another sigh, she tucked a loose strand of hair against her ear, the coarse fabric of her gardening glove feeling rough against her cheek. A spot of mud or two fell from a fold in the material, and plopped to the floor. Ignoring this for the moment, she went out of the back door, and when it clanged shut felt as if it was just another barrier separating her and her son. As if they needed more of those.

The watering can, shining with a dull gleam in the buttery yellow sunshine, was a reassuring weight in her hands as she grabbed it from where she had left it on the garden table. Water cascaded like raindrops as Leia busied herself with the task of watering her garden, her little oasis of peace in the tumult that she called her life. Unlike Ben, the multitude of flowers didn’t complain as she tended to them, but flourished under her care until the space was verdant with her love and attention. Leia loved the garden, and in its small way, it loved her back. Settling the watering can on the paved stones of the path below her, there was a huff as she lowered herself onto the wooden swing chair, settling with relief onto brightly patterned cushions.

The chair swung idly as Leia surveyed the garden with a tired eye, taking in the soft pastel of the roses, the haughty crimson snapdragons, the merrily hanging fuchsias like purple dancers suspended on the air. There was a patch of wild strawberries hidden in a corner that Ben had planted when he was younger, when joining her in the garden was as easy as the hugs he used to give her, all bright eyes and wild hair and that endless, boundless curiosity. But now, the strawberries were growing sparsely, Ben was taller and distant, and she sat alone. A small sparrow with its downy wings a speckle of brown alit on a bush next to her, hoping for the seeds that sometimes fell from her eager fingers. But Leia was staring at a point in the green distance, eyes looking at but not truly seeing a large rosemary bush.

She had seen Han’s old truck today. The shock of it pulling up to her school had caused her to run up to the window, heart fluttering like the wings of the sparrow that currently peered up at her. She had been anxiously waiting for the new student to arrive, and had been unprepared for the unexpected sight of that well-known silver beast lumbering into Light Side High’s car park. But, of course, when Han did not emerge, she drew back from the window with an odd mixture of relief and disappointment.

Of course it wouldn’t be him, she hadn’t seen Han in a little while now, and she couldn’t see any reason why he would visit in such an unceremonious fashion. In fact, it had been so long since she had last seen him that Leia had quite forgotten that unceremonious appearances were pretty much what Han specialised in. She had greeted the new student accordingly, and had just about managed to stop herself from asking about the van, feeling that no matter how she phrased it this would seem accusing. The girl looked flushed, but had a quiet strength about her, and Leia took an immediate liking to her.

Disgruntled by the lack of food, the sparrow gave Leia up as a bad job and fluttered away. The sound of the tiny wing beats broke Leia out of her reverie, and she blinked a little as her eyes refocused on the stubby green branches. With a slight yawn, she swung herself out of the chair and trudged back down the garden path, eyeing the small, persistent weeds that grew at the sides of the stones, and not having the heart to hack at them quite yet. She might let them grow a little more, and if they decided to put out a flower or two, she might forgive them. When she reached the kitchen, she threw the gloves onto the table, hardly caring at the mud and tiny leaves stuck upon the fabric. Gardening often made her hungry, and Leia pottered about the room, pulling pans from the low cupboards, peering inside the fridge for morsels and noticing a few items she had not bought upon the shelves. Bought by Ben, most probably. Without thinking, she peered upwards in the direction of her son’s room; it was quiet, but she was certain he was still there.

Earlier, she had only wanted to ask Ben if he wanted any food. It was difficult to talk to someone who saw accusations in every word she said, saw scheming in every greeting or question she asked him, but by god did Leia try. When trying to talk to him didn’t work, when tough love led to an even stonier silence, Leia tried to let him be, and though the situation seemed to work for him, it hurt her. It hurt that Ben would close himself to her, when once she had been the one he had ran to after a fall, when he had looked up at her as the one calm spot in the rocky sea of his life. It was one thing she knew that Han had been jealous of, and now it seemed like a sad, sorry joke. Ren came to and from the house as he pleased and she let him, even though she worried about him dearly. The important thing was, he always came back. She clung to this, and it gave her enough strength to allow him to do as he pleased.

Chopped vegetables. The rustle of dried pasta against a tin pan. The rich, heavy aroma of sauce cooking. Leia found a peace in cooking similar to that which she found in her gardening, enjoying the order one found in following a recipe, the neat and tidy pleasure of following a job through to the end. It was something else that she and Ben had shared, once upon a time. Ben still cooked, and whether deliberately or through some unknown twist of fate, they tended to avoid doing this at the same time nowadays. Today, however, the shock of seeing such a vivid reminder of Han had shaken Leia, and she needed to do something, anything, to feel close to Ben. Knocking on his door, the simple act of opening it and talking to him, however, was out of the question. She stirred the sauce, tasted it, and her lip twitched into an approving smile.

Balancing the food on a tray, feeling more than a little foolish, Leia moved carefully up the stairs. Her renewed footsteps startled Ren, who had been lying on his bed and reading by this point, and he froze in his curled position, waiting to hear if she stopped. Leia did stop, just outside of his door, and spoke clearly but not too loudly.

“I made you something.” Leia said, and, just in case, “If you’re there.”

There was no response. Her expression hardening, Leia placed the tray onto the soft carpet. What had she been hoping for? With heavy steps, she moved back down the staircase, and missed the gentle brush of a door against carpet. Ren stood in his doorway, registered that she had gone and looked down. He pursed his lips, and felt surprised at the emotion that ran through him. He felt bad.

Foot just about to lift off the final step, Leia almost missed it.

“Thank you.” Ren said, voice carrying down to her. Almost immediately afterwards, the door clicked shut.

It was small. A tiny, miniscule thing, really. But still, Leia almost smiled as she sat down to finish her own dinner. _Small steps._ She thought. _Small steps._

 

 

 ***

 

On Wednesday, The next team meeting dawned with a feeling of slight unrest. Ren for one thing was not present, and for that small grace Hux was extremely grateful. There was a definite sour note in the air as the team stared at the assembled group, and came up one short.

“Where _is_ Ren, anyway?” Bala-Tik asked, voicing the unspoken hostility at long last and sounding annoyed at their newest member’s absence.

“He’s…” Hux thought carefully about what he should say next. Somehow, he thought that telling these people who clearly hated Ren about his apparent therapist would given them ammunition they probably didn’t deserve, “At an appointment. A doctor’s, I assume.” There, only half a lie. Surely his therapist was a doctor.

“Can’t even be bothered to come to the meetings.” Bala-Tik shook his head, sounding unimpressed. Doubtless, he and many others thought that Ren had chickened out of the meeting, frightened off by Hux’s anger and their open dislike of him. He opened his mouth to defend Ren, and remembered that he had absolutely no obligation to defend that big oaf. Luckily, Leech spoke before he could.

“Does he _have_ to stay on the team, Hux?” Leech asked. A few people muttered their agreement.

“I’ve been through this more than once.” Hux couldn’t stop a note of exasperation from entering his voice, “He will be useful to the team, ah, eventually. And Snoke had the final word on his placement, do _you_ want to be the one to tell him to kick Ren off?”

There was a stony silence from Leech, and Hux knew that he had him. The rest of the team, however, were not so easily placated by the demands from Professor Snoke. No, there was a definite feeling of mutiny in the air as Hux had explained the current situation to them. Looking equally annoyed, Plutt rose up on his chair.  
  
"So, we have to accept this Kylo Ren on the team, even though he's a liability, completely ungrateful and no one actually wants him on?" Plutt asked, angrily. Ignoring the somewhat delicious irony that Plutt had just described himself as well as Ren, Hux knew he had to say something that would meet them halfway, or an actual mutiny would be upon them all.  
  
"Believe me, if I could kick Ren off, I would." Hux said, "But that’s utterly out of the question…” He trailed off, distracted by the dangerous smirk that was beginning to alight on Plutt’s face, “Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, carefully.  
  
"Why not?" Plutt asked, a definite menacing glint in his eyes, "Why not kick him off? In a way that’s…beneficial to us. "  
  
There was a silence following this extraordinary announcement.  
  
"I'm sorry?" Hux said, fighting to keep his voice mild as he sensed danger ahead. The rest of the team looked equally startled at this new suggestion, and unfortunately, more interested in what Plutt had to say than his own feeble protestations.  
  
"Hear me out." Plutt said, smiling around at the rest with a sort of sickly sweetness that was utterly alien on his broad face, "We definitely don't want him at the final, do we? Him, in front of the camera?" There was a cruel snort from the back of the room, and Plutt smiled again as if this only encouraged him, "We know he has some history against Light Side, don't we? We need to use this to our advantage. Oh, it could be so easy."  
  
"So, what are you saying?" Hux asked, sensing where this was going, "We do something and frame him, to get him kicked off?"  
  
"Good to see that we’re on the same page, Hux," Plutt said, smirking. He seemed oblivious to the fact that this fake pally behaviour was making Hux’s stomach turn, "We need him for the first round, and then the semi-final, right? But after that..."  
  
"We deal with him." Said Leech, nodding, "Nice."  
  
Hux thought about it. There was something rotten about this plan, he could feel it, something insidious and cruel, like snapping off the bud on a stem before it had a chance to flower. But then again, that was probably why Plutt had come up with it; he and his particular brand of cronies were responsible for half of the hushed up violence that happened in their school. Truthfully, he had to admit, there was a certain temptation at sorting out the undeniable thorn in his side that Kylo Ren was slowly becoming. The fact that this plan would also stick it to Snoke was not lost on him, either. Agreeing to a plan that Plutt had devised was painful, but Hux couldn't see another way. Not when his team was looking at him with such undeniable hunger in their eyes.  
  
"I'll...consider it." He said. He felt the room visibly relax when he said this, the thread of tension running between him and Plutt snapping with his confirmation. The only person who looked at him differently was Phasma, cocking her head at him with a slight frown. He could tell just by the set of her face that she was going to have words with him after this meeting had ended. Wondering what he had possibly done now to displease her, he spoke to the room in general, “Right. Now that’s dealt with, can we please get onto more pressing team issues?” When the room muttered their assent, he began walking around and talking to people individually.

Striding between the desks, Hux tried his best to ignore the fact that Plutt, Bala-Tik and Leech were all leaning in for one huddled conversation. Instead, he focused on an argument that was breaking out between Mitaka and Phasma, on who knew the most about literature. It was quite something to watch Phasma spit poetry at Mitaka at lightning speed, only to be rebuffed with the smaller man’s seemingly endless recitation of book titles, their author and the date they were written, in alphabetical order. So mesmerised was he, that he wasn’t really paying much attention when Leech broke from his huddle, and called to him,

“Hey, Hux? Can I have first dibs on dealing with Ren, when it comes to it?”

“Whatever.” Hux called back, a little absently. Phasma and Mitaka were now trying to out-quote each other with different Shakespeare plays, Bazine in the background acting as a much-suffering mediator, her eyes cast to the heavens as Hamlet and Othello were being thrown about like live grenades. Plutt watched him closely with his small, mean eyes.

“So you don’t mind the method of how we go about this?”

“Not particularly.”

“Even if it’s violent?”

“Plutt, I could quite literally care less.”

A nod, and Plutt resumed his whisperings with the others. Hux continued his walk about the classroom, firing questions as those he passed, and slowly becoming satisfied with the quality of the team this year. They were good, much better than last year in fact, and despite the various failings of recent times, he began to feel the stirrings of a feeble hope

When he felt like they had discussed enough tactics and scheming for one day, Hux dismissed the group, and they left feeling somewhat more upbeat than they had in a while. True to form, Phasma lingered, sat on a desk and swinging her long legs as she waited for the others to file out. Hux heaved his body onto the desk next to her, feeling the uncompromising gaze of his oldest friend.

“So?” He asked, eventually “What’s up with you?”

Phasma swung her legs in another graceful arc, chewing over the question as if wondering how best to answer, “So, this deal with Plutt-“

“I would rather we used the word ‘compromise’. ‘Deal’ suggests far too much mutual respect for my tastes.”

“Right.” Phasma said, with no little amount of exasperation, “The compromise, then. Are you really going through with it?”

It took a moment for Hux to reply, carefully considering the question in his own head.

“I have to think about what’s good for the team. This Ren, how can I let him stay when everyone hates him? Do _you_ like him?”

Phasma frowned, “I’m not impressed with how he treated Mitaka.” She admitted, “All the same, we barely know him, Hux. I don’t think it’s…wise to jump into something this hastily.

“So, what do you suggest?”

“I think we should get to know him. Find out why he acts like a dick.” When Hux raised his eyebrows, she lifted her hands in defence, “I’m not saying pat him on the back and buy him ice cream, you idiot. I just think it’s better to learn who you’re up against before you completely make your mind up against them. Use your brain; you know I’m right.”

As usual, Phasma was talking sense, loathe as Hux was to admit it. He didn’t want to admit defeat quite so easily, however.

“Wow,” He said, voice teasing, “Is this really the same Phasma I know and love, passing up an opportunity for violence?”

She shoved him; this was very dangerous because she was extremely strong, and Hux had to hang onto the desk for dear life to avoid falling off.

“No, you arse.” She laughed, “This is Phasma, your only sensible friend. In case you haven’t noticed, Ren’s _enormous_ ; I don’t relish the thought of having him as an enemy.”

“No.” Hux admitted, “I suppose not. Okay, I’ll try my hardest to talk to him, even though I fear it might take about ten years off of my life.”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic!” She swung her legs off of the desk then, landing in a graceful jump. “Where is Ren, really, by the way? And _don’t_ tell me the same crap you told Leech. You’re awful at lying to me, and you know it.”

Unsurprised at her guessing that he was lying, Hux hesitated for a moment, wondering if he really should divulge Phasma this information. But she was different than the other team members, and he couldn’t see why it would hurt.

“He told me he was going to his therapist,” He explained, “Can you see why I wanted to keep that on the down-low?”

“Oh.” Phasma said, eyes wide, “Explains a lot, I guess. Well, I did get the impression that he has a few issues to work out.”

“Don’t we all, Phasma.” Hux said, wondering where he could track down Ren to this time, “Don’t we all.”

 

 

***  


The room was light and airy, as if the sky blue of the walls were intended to make the occupants feel as if they were in the midst of a breezy, sunny day. Ren sat on the padded swivel chair, his large body spilling over the chequered padding in a cascade of black fabric and silver chains. His customary slouched posture and disinterested expression were already in check, and he was impervious to such obvious methods of relaxation, ignoring the walls, and apparently, the figure in front of him. His therapist, Dr. Kalonia, knew him far too well to take it personally.

Peering at him with her calm, careful gaze, she was reminded of how far he had come in the recent years. In his first few sessions, he had refused even to speak, the dark, sullen eyes fixed on the floor, big hands always twisting in his lap or pulling at his long hair, never still. Only her patience and complete disinterest in making him talk about himself unless he explicitly wanted to won him over in the end. She remembered fondly the first time he had spoken to her; it had been when she was rattling off some story about her neighbour’s little dog getting loose in her garden, the resultant recapturing of the yapping creature meaning she was a little late that morning that got him talking. Ren had piped up completely out of the blue, eyes still on the floor, that he sometimes missed his father’s dog. With only a little prompting, she got a little more out of him, and soon full sentences blossomed from his mouth.

After that, the ritual was set- most times, she would recount some story or the other, and Ren would offer some tidbit about himself. So, for example, she would mention the weather was playing hell with the begonias, and Ren would tell her that he sometimes liked to sit in the rain, just to feel it soaking through to him, changing him from one state to another. She would mention a trip to the discount furniture market on the weekend, and Ren would ask her for the address because he had broken his desk the last time a rage had taken him, and he needed to replace it before his mum found out. Sometimes he would surprise her and say something unprompted, but these times were rare. When he got talking, though, often he would find it difficult to stop, and at these times he truly let her know his turbulent state of mind.

Today, he seemed to be deliberately avoiding her gaze, which must mean that something had happened to him. She hoped it wasn’t something too drastic; he had been doing quite well recently, hardly any tantrums or shouting. It had been a long time since he had smashed something in her office, anyhow.

“It’s lovely to see you today, Ben.” She said. She always called him Ben. It took until their third session for her to discover that his name change had come to fruition, and he had not answered when she asked which name he would prefer. So, she picked Ben, as he had not stopped her the first time. She did not know that she was one of the only people Ren would let do this.

“Mmm.” Said Ren, one long leg touching the floor, steering the chair left, and then right, the joints squeaking. He seemed occupied, today.

“I was almost worried that I wouldn’t see you, actually.” Dr. Kalonia elaborated, “There seems to be a sort of strange excitement gripping the school, though I must admit I’m not quite up to date on the details.”

Ren stopped spinning the chair for a moment, and finally looked at her. “It’s the school quiz team.” He said, foot balancing tiptoe on the floor, “It’s been a mess. People won’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh?” Dr. Kalonia said, feeling that there was something about this that Ren was withholding from her, “The competition means a lot to the school, doesn’t it? Very traditional. Very exciting.”

“Mmm.” Said Ren again, and after a moment’s more hesitation, “They asked me to join it.”

“Oh!” Dr. Kalonia exclaimed, genuinely surprised. She hadn’t expected this, “Ben, this is fantastic news, I-“

“Well,” Ren interrupted, voice flat, “They didn’t really ask me, actually. I was forced.”

This seemed to deflate her enthusiasm a little.

“Forced?” She asked, frowning around the word, “How so?”

Ren seemed to shift a little uncomfortably before he answered, “They asked and I said no.” He felt a flash of smugness at the memory of Hux’s furious face before he buried it again, “But then I spoke to Professor Snoke and it…felt like something I shouldn’t say no to.”

At the mention of the Professor, Dr. Kalonia couldn’t help her mouth twist into a slight grimace. She wasn’t overly fond of the old professor, and Ren knew it, despite the fact she had never actually put this distaste into words. It was one point that they disagreed on and on which Ren wouldn’t back down no matter how obvious her distaste became; Snoke helped him in ways she could not. As it was, she was considering him carefully.

“So, Professor Snoke forced you to join?”

Already, Ren regretted his choice of words. He tried to backtrack,

“Uhh.” He said, “Not exactly-”

“Then why do you feel forced?”

“Well, they obviously don’t want me on the fucking team, do they?” He spat, unable to hold his temper. “They look at me like I’m some kind of, I don’t know, inconvenient mess that they have to suffer with. It’s how _everyone_ fucking looks at me.”

“Ben.” She said, softly, “You’re doing it again.”

Leaning forwards in his chair as he spoke, Ren noticed for the first time that the painted black fingernails of his right hand were digging into his left. Hard. With a huff, he extracted his fingers, leaving the crescent shaped imprints blooming on his skin. He looked away from her, unconsciously rubbing the marks. They weren’t bleeding, but it hurt all the same.

“Sorry.” He said, only half meaning it. Dr. Kalonia nonetheless accepted it with a gracious tilt of her head.

“It’s ok, Ben.” She paused, “If you don’t mind me asking, why do they treat you that way? Don’t you get on with them?”

And here it was, the crux of the matter. With that perceptiveness that she alone seemed to possess, his therapist seemed to know that there was something Ren was not telling her. He knew that he should. It always felt better when he did, even though the process felt like extracting a rather long and painful thorn. With a sigh, he said,

“I guess…I haven’t been acting the best to them.”

“I see.” She was waiting.

“And.” His eyes remained fixed to the floor, unable to bear the disappointed look that would inevitably cross her face at this particular admittance, “I might have lost my temper with one of them.”

A pause.

“Violently?” She asked.  
  
“Violently.” He confirmed, feeling for the first time a little ashamed. He remembered the feeling of Mitaka under his fingers, the small body shaking like a captured rabbit. He did not know if he was more ashamed at the memory of this obvious fear, or the fact that the idea of throwing him had been so, so tempting.

“Are they alright?” Dr. Kalonia asked, and her voice was still calm.

“Yes.” Ren said, perhaps a little hastily, “I mean, I grabbed him. Lifted him up by the throat. Could feel him trembling, and it felt good.” He looked at her then, “It shouldn’t have felt good, should it?”

“It’s unwise to feel pleasure in the misfortune of others.” She said, treading around the words carefully. Ren nodded, although he begged to differ. It was the only pleasure he really felt, anymore.

“I don’t think I actually hurt him, though.” He admitted, “One of the others snapped me out of it. Phasma. I like her, I think, even though she doesn’t like me.”

“Oh?” She leaned a little closer, “So she stopped you from going through with it?”

“Yeah.” Ren said, feeling a little uncomfortable at the memory. “I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t appeared.” _Probably something awful,_ he thought privately to himself. “She told me she was going to tell the team leader, and it…snapped me out of it, I guess.”

“Why do you think that was? Do you like them?”

“Who, Hux?” Ren scoffed, “Like him? Hardly.” He thought about the smug, arrogant leader, about how every word he seemed to say was edged with a careful cruelty he alone seemed to have perfected. He didn’t like Hux. Did he? “I don’t…dislike him, though. Not entirely.” He admitted, realising as he said it that this was true.

“How so?” She asked, peering at him with chin in hand.

“He’s not nice to me.” Ren said, thinking back to the insults they had shared, passed between them like serves in a tennis game, “But he only gives me the same shit back that I give to him. I like that he treats me like everyone else, even if he isn’t nice to me. People like him…don’t usually talk to me.”

“People like him?” Dr. Kalonia prompted, gently. Ren stared at his knees.

“Popular people. Well-liked people.” He said, hating the admittance. “I think that’s why I tried to strangle Mitaka. Because he looks weak, but people still respect him.” _Unlike me,_ he thought, but did not say. His therapist seemed to sense it though.

“It’s been a while since you have felt this way, correct?”

“What, that angry at people?” Ren asked, “Yeah, I guess so. I messed something up. Pissed off Hux.” Somehow, he didn’t think it would be wise to tell her about the plan he had so miraculously screwed up, “I think I was angry, because, because-“ He stumbled a little, finally realising, “Because it felt nice to be included for once. And I messed up. I wanted to take it out on someone, and picked the first person who I knew was weaker than me. Are you disappointed in me?” He couldn’t help but ask it, knowing how pathetic his voice was even to his own ears. He resented having to come here, his continued punishment for his expulsion from Light Side, but he couldn’t deny it; he liked his therapist. Ren craved praise; to him it was the sweetest sustenance one could ever have. Dr. Kalonia knew this, and knew full well the power one could wield over one who needed it so much. She considered him, feeling his tension at her pause.

“No.” She said. This made him snort in pure disbelief, so she continued a little louder, “It can’t have been easy to be put in a situation that you feel uncomfortable with, with people who you feel don’t like you. I know that you feel like losing control is a setback, but I’m proud that you managed to stop.”

“Proud?” He said, unable or just unwilling to believe it, “It wasn’t my doing. I only stopped because someone told me to.” _And I would have hurt him more,_ he thought, but did not say; even so, she saw it on his face.

“You listened, though.” She pointed out, “A while ago, you wouldn’t have. It’s progress.”

“Progress?” He scoffed, though there was an element of truth to her words.

“Yes, progress.” She nodded. “Now, I just have a question, if that’s ok?”

“Yes?” He asked, dreading it.

“Do you want to stay on the team?”

“I-“ Ren started, thrown by the bluntness of the question, “I…yes. I do.”

“Then, I propose this.” She said, “Why not see how it goes? If it makes you uncomfortable, tell me, and I shall have a word with Professor Snoke. I think it would be good for you to try and make friends with some of these people. When you sort out your differences, I’m sure it will be beneficial to all.”

Ren paused, privately thinking that nothing she could say would ever overpower Snoke’s demands. Even so, it was…nice, to be given a choice. He could see the path she wanted him to take.

“You want me to apologise, don’t you? To Mitaka.”

“Well, ideally, Ben. Is there anyone else you should apologise to?”

Perceptive, again. He thought about Hux for a moment, specifically how shitty he had been to him, just because it had been funny to do so, especially when they had first met. He bit his lip, “I was a bit shit to Hux. He’s so arrogant, it was fun to watch him get annoyed.”

She gave a sigh, “Ben, I think you should at least try and make friends with them. It will be good for you.”

Friends. Ren wanted to sneer at the word. He didn’t have many if any real friends at this school, and she must have known it for a long while. Why else was he here, if he didn’t have anyone else to talk to? While he doubted that anyone on the team would ever want to call him a friend, he had to admit that it might be beneficial for everyone to be on civil terms. He had, after all decided to behave better on the team.

“Right.” He said, conceding at long last, “I’ll do it. I hope it doesn’t bite me on the ass.”

“Good, and I’m certain it won’t.” She said, with an approving nod, “And, Ben?” She added, when he gave signs of moving out of his chair.

“Yes?” He asked, both hands about to push off the armrest.

“Will you promise me that you’ll practice your breathing again?” She asked, pressing him, “You know, the exercises we’ve spoke about in the last few sessions? I honestly think that they’ll help you.”

Another wave of shame washed over him as he hovered on the chair. He had completely forgotten about them in the heat of his rage, the small breathing exercises that had actually proven to be helpful in the past, loathe as he was to admit it. He had been discovering, little by little, that having something as simple and easy to follow as controlling his breathing could distract himself from feeling the fury that often overwhelmed his mind. It wasn’t fool proof, but it also wasn’t a completely terrible idea.

“I will.” He said. “I forgot when I grabbed Mitaka. I’ll remember next time.”

“Brilliant.” She nodded. Ren felt like he didn’t deserve the tired smile that was directed at him, so he bent over his bag to avoid it. When he lifted up the large, black straps, he saw her eyes scan the unusual shape of his bag; long and thin in parts, lumpy in others. He spoke quickly before she could ask what it was.

“Art supplies.” He shrugged. It was a lie.

“You’re drawing again!” She said, and her obvious pleasure at the fact made him shift the strap uncomfortably.

“Yeah.” He admitted. This was not a lie. “Sometimes, when I feel like it.”

“That’s wonderful, Ben.” She smiled at him, “Really, it is. I would love to see your drawings, if you’d like to show me one day.”

“Uhh.” Ren said, unsure how this suggestion really made him feel, “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll see.”

“No rush.” She waved it away for the moment, “See you next session, okay?”

“Okay.” He replied, and moved past her, down past the sky blue walls, and into the corridor. When he was a safe distance away from the classroom, he dug into the bag, and half drew out a long, tapering fencing sword with a red painted guard as if checking it was still there. Some things were worth keeping quiet about, he reasoned to himself, as he moved onwards towards the sports field.

 

***

 

Feeling irritated, Hux trudged across the trimmed grass, his expensive boots crushing the stalks underneath as he walked. He was annoyed because had just made his mind up to track down Ren tomorrow, and no sooner had he done this he swore he had seen the unmistakeable, long black coat flapping in the distance like a flag at the beginning of a race urging him on. He couldn’t ignore it. Sighing at himself, he had followed the direction that he was certain Ren had gone, and had seen no sign of him. Even though his dorm wasn’t so far away, he felt foolish hovering about the sports field when he had no reason to, and the sun was already beating down on his delicate, pale skin, making him feel distinctly uncomfortable. But when Hux began a mission, he was intent on completing it, damn it. So, on he trudged, looking this way and that for the ridiculous long hair, or even some sign of the large, platform boots.

He turned the corner, and was confronted with a shock of white that could only be the school’s fencing team. Watching the masked figures dart across the grass was often mesmerising, and Hux enjoyed it when their tournament was on; the precise dangerous movements appealed to him in a way few other things did. But he had no time for it now, eyes darting to the watching participants to see if Ren was there, but a quick scan indicated that he wasn’t. The two currently sparring were too short to be him as well, and so Hux hurried around the edge of their court, and around another brick wall to a separated courtyard. He admired the school, with its large grounds and stately, towering architecture, but the labyrinthine nature of some parts of it really did give one a headache.

Hux leant against the wall, glad of the blessedly cool bricks on his warm skin. He would stand here and figure out what to do, and would walk through the whole damn school if he had to. Leaning against the wall and catching his breath, it took Hux a moment to realise that he wasn’t alone.

It was the soft sound of feet thudding across grass that caught his attention first of all. Hux turned to the left, and saw a lone figure darting across the grass, almost hidden by the wall and a few manicured bushes lining the small, isolated court that they were currently in. The figure obviously hadn’t seen Hux come around the corner; they moved unselfconsciously, fencing mask focused on a point in the distance. Hux found it interesting to note that the figure did not wear the white jacket nor the white leggings that the other fencers had favoured, but a pair of dark shorts and a white vest. The only other concession to the uniform was a pair of white gloves, dulling with age. His normal sportswear contrasted the fencing mask strangely, as if the person had stumbled across the mask by pure accident and was taking full advantage of it anyway. But, when Hux watched him dart about, he didn’t look as if he was a novice at all.

For it was a he, Hux had worked out by now. He was still looking over at the figure, noting with approval the muscular arms and thick chest, and deadly, practiced speed as he swung the sword in a graceful arc. Here was someone who understood the rules of the fight, and relished in practice and formality, christ knew there were precious few of that sort in this school. He wondered how such a specimen had passed him by, eyes following the thick thighs curving downwards as he lunged.

Hux considered asking the figure if he knew where Ren was sulking as he was sure the long black coat had been flapping in this direction, but he did not resent having to wait and watch; he had rather a nice view by the wall. _Very nice_ , he thought, his eyes raking again over the strong, poised legs as the man made an elegant pounce forwards, caught himself, and leapt back again. 

After a few more intense work outs, the figure stood straight, resting the fencing sword lightly in their hands. Hux leant with well-practiced laziness on the wall, waiting. The figure brought up a large, gloved hand to remove the mask, shaking loose a tangle of black hair, damp with the sweat of his exertion. Hux nearly choked.

It was Ren. Clad in an outfit that was not layers upon layers of black, Hux barely recognised him. In fact, Hux thought, brain whirring with lightning speed, he quite thought that it might have been the first time he had ever seen Ren in something other than that long, black coat he always seemed to favour.

He must have made some sort of noise, because just then Ren's dark eyes snapped to him, eyeliner a little smudged from his exercise. It took him a moment, but when he recognised Hux, he swore.

"Shit, shit!"

He fumbled with the mask and dropped it, the memory of his earlier grace quickly forgotten as he cursed and swooped to pick it up from the floor. Hux, surprised at this vehement reaction to his presence, sauntered over with a determined coolness, arms folded as he stood over the bent figure.

"You know, you really _are_ full of surprises."

Face burning, Ren stood back up, mask now securely in his hands. He spat,

"Laugh. Go on, have a good laugh at me." 

Hux frowned; Ren looked absolutely furious, and so embarrassed at being caught out, that he couldn’t even look at Hux. He stared at the ground, and the fingers on his mask were trembling a little.

"Why would I laugh?" Hux asked, genuinely bemused. Ren was silent, still staring at the floor as if waiting for Hux to be cruel to him. "Look. You were...good. And I respect good practice, okay?" He looked up in surprise, eyes scanning to see if Hux was mocking him. When he found no hint of laughter on his face, Ren stood a little straighter.

"Oh." There didn't seem much else to say. When the silence dragged on a little longer than was strictly comfortable, he asked, "Why were you spying on me?"

Hux nearly tripped over at this unfair accusation, "Spying?" He choked, “I wasn't _spying_ , you big oaf-“

"Really?” Said Ren, eyebrows raised, “Because, from here, it looks like you _might_ have been staring at-" 

"I didn't know it was you! How could I, you're all-" Hux waved a hand to indicate the white vest, the small shorts, "You’re all...well, not exactly normal, but-"

He stopped speaking when Ren sighed, loud and heavy in their quiet space. He was leaning on the fencing sword, his damp hair still a mess around his face. It seemed for some reason as if he hadn’t bothered to remove any of his make-up before his practice, and his less-than immaculate appearance made him look tired.

"D'you wanna grab a drink or something?" He asked, staring at the point in which the sword’s guarded tip met the ground. When Hux opened his mouth, surprised at the unexpectedly cordial invitation, Ren ploughed on, "I've got to go to the lockers to get out of this stupid outfit so, you know, we might as well go on the way, because it's hot as shit and I need to, uh, talk to you about something anyway, and I’d like to get it out of the way.” He finished in a rush, a little awkwardly. Hux stared at him. He thought it might have been the longest sentence Ren had ever said to him, and it seemed that Ren had to really work on it to get it out. 

“…Alright.” He replied, feeling similarly awkward, “I need to talk to you about something too, as it happens.”

“Oh.” Ren said. It seemed that he, too, was at a loss at what to say when they weren’t routinely insulting each other. “Let me get my bag.” He decided in the end. Hux nodded, and waited as Ren moved behind the shrub and grabbed his big bag, depositing the mask and sword inside. When they had safely clunked inside it, they began walking together. Overwhelmed by the absurdity of it all, even just by the purely bizarre concept that Ren had almost politely asked him for a drink, Hux felt like he needed to say something mean before he exploded. He looked down, and realised for the first time that Ren was barefoot.

“Are you…not wearing any shoes?” He asked in disbelief, staring at the big feet.

Ren didn’t even miss a beat, “ _You_ try fencing in platforms, you asshole.”

Really, Hux had to laugh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any q's, please go to my blog kyloripped.tumblr.com <3

The walk back along the grassy courtyard felt strange to Hux, and not just because of Ren’s bare feet and legs flashing in the corner of his view. It had more to do with the fact that he was voluntarily going somewhere with that tall, sulky figure, and without the benefit of other people around them to help keep Ren’s apparent temper in check. Currently, there seemed to be no sign of Ren’s morose side as he walked ever so slightly ahead, and Hux had to catch himself when he realised that he was staring again at Ren, perplexed by the lack of his usual gothic attire.

As it was, Hux still felt a little embarrassed at being caught looking at no other than Ren, for it was obvious that Ren knew he had been watching him practice. He could tell this by the way Ren walked, stretching those long legs languorously, not bothering to stop the shorts from riding up his thick thighs. Hux tried to ignore him, knowing he was being teased, but it was hard; Ren was the sort of figure that commanded a lot of attention. He seemed a little mismatched, all sharp lines meeting the soft curve of muscle, but by god was he muscled. Those thick layers of black clothes had certainly hidden those toned arms, Hux thought privately to himself. It was a waste, really. He tried not to feel a little jealous, but it was hard; the one thing he had never managed to achieve was the muscle of the sort found here, no matter how hard he tried. Ren loped forwards, powerful and knowing it, and Hux tried to ignore it.

He looked away, deliberately staring at the hedges they were walking past. Ren seemed to find it all very funny.

“Are you really that offended by my bare feet?” His large lips twitched, “You are _such_ a prude.”

“No.” Said Hux, a little too curtly. He didn’t want to look at the feet, because that would mean admitting defeat and looking at the legs, “You can do what you like. If you’re happy to walk around like a barbarian, be my guest.”

Ren snorted.

“Don’t worry, my horrible, big feet won’t come anywhere near your pristine person.” He said, wriggling his toes mid-step. The foot landed with a soft thump on the ground, as if to underline this promise.

“I would hesitate to call them feet.” Hux replied, meanly, “Those monstrosities defy scientific description.”

A gleam came to Ren’s eyes then, but disappeared before Hux knew what to make of it.

“Well, you know what they say about big feet, don’t you?” He said, straight-faced. Hux decided to play along.

“What?” Hux asked, eyebrow raised. Ren had his head cocked to the side, as if gauging Hux’s reaction.

“Big dick?” Ren offered, innocently enough. Hux sighed in a long-suffering way.

“You know, you have absolutely _no_ subtlety.”

Ren gave a guffaw at this, low and throaty. It might have been the first time Hux had seen him laugh properly, and the action transformed his long face, making it softer somehow. “Do you really think I _do_ subtle?” He asked, blinking his mascara-smudged eyes at Hux, long lashes fluttering absurdly against his cheek. Hux saw his point.

“I suppose it was a silly thought.”

They were walking past the other group of fencers now, stepping through the edge of the courtyard so they didn’t disturb those darting figures. They were graceful and disciplined, bright white uniforms distracting from the cold, red brick, but none of them had the raw power that Ren seemed to have emitted. Hux side-eyed him as they walked, and noticed a definite wistful look cross Ren’s face as they moved past.

“Why don’t you just join in?” Hux asked, thinking about how Ren had hidden himself away in that lonely courtyard. It didn’t make sense, “I’m fairly certain they would have you. Are you…embarrassed, or something?”

“No.” Said Ren, voice tight. “I would kill to join in.”

“Then why don’t y-"

“Can we not talk about it here?” Ren hissed, eyes darting to the fencing coach as if worried they might overhear. “I’ll explain when we get out of here. Maybe.”

 “Sometimes,” Hux sighed, “I feel like you enjoy being unnecessarily mysterious. It’s really quite annoying.”

“You’re just jealous because you’ve found someone more interesting than you are.” Ren shot back, sounding peeved.

“Oh?” Hux said, eyebrow quirking, “Is that so?”

“Yes.” Ren said, curtly. They had reached the back wall of the outside of the impressively large sports hall, at an intersection which led either left to the changing rooms, or right towards the vending machines and main sports fields. Ren hovered in the middle, clearly caught between his suggestion of getting a drink and his discomfort at being in his current clothes. Hux decided to be gracious for once, though he doubted Ren would appreciate it.

“Ren.” Hux commanded, watching as he continued to dither, “It doesn’t make sense to get a drink first. Get your stuff, put on some of your ridiculous clothes and then we’ll go to the vending machines.”

“We don’t have to-“ He began, but Hux cut across.

“I refuse to sit with someone who is sweating.” Ren blinked at him, “And also, you can sort your make-up out.”

A little self-consciously, Ren touched the corner of his lip with a finger, “Fuck,” he cursed, “I forgot.”

“Well, you can stop forgetting.” Hux said, and then realised that he had never seen Ren without some sort of mascara or lipstick on. He was a little curious, he had to admit, “Unless you want to just take it all off…?” He added, trailing off, and Ren snorted at his suggestion.

“Nice try. You’re not going to catch me without make-up.” He sniffed. “Over my dead body.”

“You are so very strange.” Hux told him, speaking to the broad back as Ren turned away from him. Ren ignored the jibe. He got to the door of the changing room, put his hand on the door handle and paused.

“Don’t follow me.” Ren threw back over his shoulder, and Hux was made immediately indignant at the very suggestion that he would go and watch Ren get changed. He might be unexpectedly muscled underneath his usual dour black outfits, but Hux did have _some_ self-control.

“Worried that I might accidentally fall in love with the sight of your naked body?” He called, but Ren did not turn back, and the door slammed shut. Muttering to himself, Hux leant against the wall outside the changing room, feeling the cool brick against his back. After a few moments, he also felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket, and brought it out, seeing Phasma’s name flashing on the screen. With a slight sense of dread, he opened the text.

_How’s tracking Ren going? Tried all dark corners and available coffins?  
_

Hux just about managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes; clearly, Phasma hadn’t trusted that he would keep his promise of finding Ren. He typed a reply.

_Successfully. Found him in absurd shorts and a vest.  
_

It wasn’t long before the next message came.

_Ooh tell me more_

_I think he might be masquerading as a normal person. An enormously muscled normal person who likes tiny shorts, it seems. It’s hard to look at him, but I can’t look away either._

_You sound unusually interested. I said talk to him, not fuck him.  
_

_My intentions towards Ren are completely neutral, you imbecile._ He typed furiously, _if you count extremely exasperated as neutral._

_I was only joking, keep your hat on._ Even though it was a text, Hux could almost hear her laughter, _Talked yet?_

_No. I won’t forget though, mother._

_Good._ A pause _, Just be home by dinnertime and don’t get whisked away by mysterious, dark strangers who are too tall for their own good. I don’t want to lose my favourite son to wickedness._

_Oh, ha ha._

Hux placed his phone back into his pocket, shaking his head at Phasma’s mothering. For someone who quite frequently stated that feelings were for ‘lesser beings’, she didn’t half worry about him sometimes. Hux would have been more indignant if he wasn’t just a tiny bit grateful that at least someone did. She probably knew about his home situation more than anyone else, and that still wasn’t saying much, and although she never asked about it, she watched out for him. She always had. He leant back on the cool brick, foot tapping an impatient tap tap as he waited.

In the changing room, Ren stared at his face in the mirror, both hands grasping the cool porcelain of the sink. His heart sank as he took in the smudged eyeliner and lipstick, the hair damp from exertion; it felt like a weakness, to be caught like this. And by Hux, too, who could scent weakness a mile off. With a huff, he turned the tap on and began washing his face, letting the steam soak into him, cleansing him. He picked a make-up wipe from the packet he was balancing on the sink, and grimaced as he revealed more freckles, more of the dark circles under his eyes. When he was done, he bent over the sink to try and soak his hair as well as he could, not wanting to use the gym showers in case anyone came in. When he was satisfied, he shook his hair like a wet dog, avoiding the mirror as he went to dig his clothes out of a locker.

Wearing the shorts and vest had been necessary for working out, but by god did he hate it. Discarding that detritus felt like shedding a skin that had never quite fit properly, and he was glad to stuff the clothes in his bag. Slipping on the dark jeans, high, platform boots and black studded shirt, however, slowly managed to make him feel more comfortable, as if putting on the correct armour to face the world. It was too hot to wear his long, belted coat, which was a pity, but this was enough. When he was clothed properly, he dug into his bag for his emergency make-up, and turned back to the mirror to quickly apply it.

When he emerged from the changing room, Hux stared at him, and cast his eyes to the heavens.

“Why am I not surprised?” He asked, mostly to himself, “How the fuck did you manage to do your make up so quickly?”

“Practice.” Ren admitted, “Fear.”

“Fear?”

“Fear that if I took any longer you might come in and try and catch me unawares.”

Hux snorted at this.

“Whilst I’m _so_ glad that you seem fixated on me being some weird sort of pervert, I think you need to know that I am _slightly_ better than that.” Hux said, with no small amount of exasperation. He seemed to scan Ren’s outfit then, and supress another sigh, “I can’t believe you got changed out of shorts to put on something even hotter, in this weather.”

“I can handle it.” Ren insisted, “Believe me, when you commit to being a goth you rise above what lesser beings can’t handle.”

“So I’m a lesser being?” Hux asked, eyebrows raised, “Whatever. I need a drink- if only it was something stronger. I need it, to deal with you.”

They walked down past the indoor gym in the yard that was blessedly empty of other students. Most of them were already engaged in various activities on the sports fields, or perhaps were at home enjoying this unusually balmy day. Hux hoped that he could somehow manipulate the situation so that he could sit in the shade; if he got burnt, which was a big possibility in this weather, he knew Ren wouldn’t let him live it down. They made it inside before the sun could properly attack his pale skin, however, and the softly humming vending machine was a welcome sight.

Hux wasn’t entirely sure of the etiquette for this situation; should he offer to get Ren a drink, as a sort of peace offering? In the back of his mind, he was still a little angry at him, but this feeling was currently washed over with a curiosity that he couldn’t quite get rid of. Thankfully, this conundrum was solved when Ren dug into his pocket, and brought out a few coins, spreading them in his large hands and counting them. He wondered why Ren didn’t just get out his wallet to save himself the job of digging around for loose change, until the furtive way his hands moved and sorted the coins caused a slow inkling of understanding to come to him; maybe, he didn’t have one. Unaware of this thought process, Ren turned to the machine and put the coins in. As they waited for the can to drop, Hux couldn’t help feeling ever so slightly sorry for him.  
  
After Hux had gotten his own can of drink, they settled themselves the wall overlooking the sports fields, sipping from their cans in a comfortable silence. The field dipped slightly beneath them, and they could just about see a group of students in the distance playing tennis, and they watched as the tiny figures darted around the verdant fields, the sounds of their footfalls and laughter muted at this distance. They both sat with legs dangling off the wall, Ren’s thick heels clicking against the rough surface when he moved. Certain that no one would be able to spot them, an admittedly odd pairing to anyone’s eyes, Hux turned to Ren, feeling that he might as well speak first.

"Ren.” He started, aware of how formal he sounded. He coughed a little, and started again, “Ren. We haven't really spoken properly, not since you joined the team.” He thought for a minute, “Well, you insulting me at every opportunity doesn't really count as speaking, in my book."

"What?" Ren sounded incredulous, and his heels gave an indignant click on the wall, " _Me_ insulting you? What've you been doing, then? Don't pretend to be all innocent."

"I'm allowed to insult people." Hux said, lazily, leaning back on his arms, "I'm popular, clever, and in case you haven't noticed, your team leader and therefore superior?"

"Wow." Said Ren, narrowing his eyes at him, "You're not very modest, are you?"

"What is the point," Hux said, with a dramatic sigh, "Of being modest when we both know what I'm saying is true?" He shrugged. "That would just be lying and, well, I'm not above a bit of lying but I feel it would just be wasting time in this case."

"You are  _such a dick."_ Ren said, but he was grinning. Hux took it as a good sign. Still leaning back on his arms, he began fiddling with a bit of grass before he said, "So, what was it that you wanted to say to me, then? I believe we both had mutual subjects to discuss." The delicate strands tore, scattering into a small pile next to his elbow.

"Uh." Ren said, sounding a little as if was regretting ever suggesting it, "About the other day," Ren began, sounding awkward, "I fucked up. And I..." He swallowed, as if what came next was a sacrifice for him to say, "Apologise. To you."

In truth, Hux was so surprised by this, he forgot to be annoyed at him. He stopped pulling up the grass, hand freezing.

"Oh." He said, mind blank, "It's quite alright." Just as awkward as Ren, he searched for something else to say, and his mind fixated on the moment Ren had frozen, staring horrified at the car park, "You seemed a bit distracted, if I’m being perfectly honest. Like you'd seen a ghost or something."

"Mmm." Said Ren, deliberately avoiding his gaze, "Yeah, it was something like that."

Hux waited for him to elaborate, and when it became obvious he wouldn’t speak until he carried on, Ren sighed, "The van that girl drove away in. It is, well _was_ I guess, my dad's." He sneered at the last word, and that small action told Hux all he needed to know. “Like a fucking punch in the gut to see it there.” He admitted.

"Ah." Hux said, "Home troubles?" He guessed, feeling like he was close to the mark.

For some reason, Ren seemed to find this amusing. He snorted, a crease between his eyes.

"Home troubles? You could say that." He replied, voice tight, " _If_ he was actually at home."

Hux felt like was wading into dangerous waters here, considering he barely knew Ren and he was currently staring at the ground, the metal of his can crackling as he squeezed it, the thin metal parting easily in his large hands. He didn’t seem to realise that he was doing it.

"Well, I assume you don't want to talk about it." Hux offered, hoping that he didn't given his own inevitably useless advice on the subject. Thankfully, Ren seemed glad of the chance he had been given.

"Not really." He admitted, "I've done enough thinking about things I didn't want to think about today." When Hux stared at him, he shrugged, "Therapy."

"Oh, of course." Hux remembered that he had a session today, "Why is it that you have therapy?" He couldn't help but ask, properly curious now. 

"It's part of my ongoing punishment." Ren said, in a heavy, long-suffering voice. "For being who I am as a person."

Hux just snorted at this behaviour, which he found both cryptic and self-pitying, two things that he had little patience for.

"Are you _sure_ it's not because you went batshit and got yourself kicked out of Light Side?" He offered, fairly certain that he was right. Ren gave a twitch of surprise.

"Oh, so you did hear about that." Ren said, seemingly torn between embarrassment and pride. Hux tried not to roll his eyes.

"To be honest, Ren, it's just about the only thing people mention when they talk about you."

“People talk about me?” Ren sounded even more surprised, “Really? What do they say?”

“What, you're surprised that people think you’re an idiotic, pretentious vampire who may or may not have killed somebody?"

This, for some reason, made Ren laugh. His eyes crinkled as he threw his head back, dark curls falling over his shoulder.

"Killed someone?” He grinned wide, all lipstick and unexpected goofiness, “Really, is that what people say."

Hux eyed him, wary of this sudden and unexpected mirth. It was still a surprise to see that face screwed up in laughter rather than anger.

"Well, Mitaka certainly was user the impression that you were a maniac. And that was before you throttled him." Hux confessed. "To be honest though, he's not far off though is-"

"Alright, alright! I walked into that." He leaned back over his can, smiling a little. He was, however, jolted out of his reverie when Hux snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Come on, stop stalling and tell me the juicy gossip. What is this mysterious business with the fencing and normal clothes? I'm absolutely _dying_ to know. "

All of a sudden, the laughter seemed to drop from Ren’s face. There was a pause as he seemed to consider how best to answer him, shifting a little to make his position on the wall more comfortable, clearly stalling for more time. He opened his mouth, and took a deep breath.  
  
"Look, Hux," He said, a little awkwardly, "First of all, I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about this." He tilted his head to indicate the bag containing the fencing mask and sword sitting on the wall next to him. Hux was ready to make another jibe at Ren's expense, but he saw Ren's twisted lip and obvious discomfort, and found he couldn't think of one. 

"I don't understand." He admitted, "Are you really so worried that people will laugh at you? I'm surprised that you of all people care so much."

"No, you're right- I don't give a shit about what people think." Ren said, and it was only half a lie. He gripped the can a little harder again, properly crushing the empty metal into scrap in his hand, "I'm not, ah, supposed to be doing it." Spying Hux’s evident confusion, he elaborated, "I'm technically banned. Well, not technically, actually banned. It’s... a long story."

"Well, it's a long day." Hux pointed out. When Ren looked surprised at his interest, he said, "Come on, you can't tempt me with a story like that and not tell me anything. How do you even get banned from fencing in the first place?"

“You get banned.” Ren said, in a somewhat distant voice, “When you lose it and try to stab multiple people with your own fencing sword. When something just snaps one day, and you open your eyes to find six people on the floor beneath you, knowing that you put them there.”

There was a silence. Hux couldn’t help it; he side-glanced Ren, at his sharp profile, and truly saw for the first time how he could be dangerous. He thought about those big, muscled arms twirling the sword about not so long ago and how deadly it had looked even in practice. The thought of Ren, furious as he had been with Mitaka and armed with a sword as well…it made him want to shiver, though he just about suppressed it.

“I thought…” Hux started, forcing his voice to remain calm. “That those swords are supposed to be fairly safe.”

“Not when you try hard enough.” Ren replied, and he was staring at the distant figures now, watching them dart their inexorable way across the field. Hux let him have a moment to collect himself, and Ren’s dark eyes seemed to move slowly to and fro, before he spoke again,

“I was great at it, you know.” He said, sounding glum, “I really was. No point being modest about it, right? I won awards, was one of the best on the team, all of that crap. And then, I just…lost it. One moment of madness.”

“You attacked your teammates?” Hux asked.

“I wouldn’t call them _teammates_ ,” Ren spat the word as if it disgusted him.

“Yes, yes,” Hux waved it away, impatiently, “But, the others.” Hux asked, “Were they…?” He trailed off, and Ren answered for him.

“Okay? No, not really.” He didn’t look proud of this, “A few had to go to hospital. No lasting damage,” He added, hastily, when he saw Hux’s face, “At least, I don’t think so. I haven’t seen any of them since; I was booted out of Light Side pretty sharpish after that mess happened.” He paused, and then, “Do you know what the worst thing is?”

“What?” Hux asked, wondering what could possibly be worse than attempting to stab one’s fellow classmates.

“It was the most stupid fucking thing that I’ve ever done.” Ren said, “But I hated them.” He drew his legs up then, resting his chin on his knees, “I hated every single one of them, on the team, in the school. Every. Single. One. It’s no excuse, I know, but _fuck._ ” He said, staring at the ground, “I can’t lie about that.”

“Well.” Hux said, eventually, when it seemed that Ren wouldn’t speak again, “I suppose it’s one way of sorting out people that you hate, if perhaps slightly unsubtle.”

There was a pause as Ren absorbed his words.

“What?” Said Ren, sounding a little bemused. “Not going to lecture me about how much of a terrible human being I am, or worse, tell me that you _understand?”_

“I don’t think I understand anything that you do.” Hux admitted, “I just don’t think stabbing people you dislike is an entirely bad way to start. Well, maybe you shouldn’t if they’re children,” He added, after thinking for a moment, “So you lose points there. But, give me a fencing sword and an hour alone with, say, Plutt, and I don’t think I would be able to judge you any more.”

Ren stared at him. After a moment, he began to laugh again. He put his head in his hands, dark hair flying across his face as he snorted. Hux looked at him, unable to stop his own lip from quirking.

“What?” He asked, watching as Ren’s shoulders heaved.

“You are,” Ren gasped, “The worst person I’ve _ever_ met.”

And, for some strange reason, Hux found that he didn’t mind at all.

 

***

Later, the sun finally dipped behind the clouds, and it became just about cool enough for Ren to put his long, belted coat back on. Just. He loped down the road leading from the school, through the grassy suburb of Old Coruscant, and in the general direction of his house. It was a fair walk, but Ren didn’t have much of a choice in that matter; he didn’t have enough money for the bus, and he wouldn’t be paid for his last off-the-books shift at the cafe until next week at least. So he walked, boots clicking on the pavement, body slightly hunched as he avoided the gaze of any passer-by who was foolish enough to walk close to him. With a flick, he put his earphones in and turned the volume up, allowing the loud music to fill his head and distract him from his currently buzzing thoughts. This was fruitless, however, because they kept leading back to the same subject; Hux.

Hux. What a continuous, confusing enigma he continued to be. They had spoken a little more, mostly exchanging jibes and insults, but it hadn’t been particularly serious. Then, there was a strangely comfortable quietness as they watched the students on the fields, Hux sipping his drink, Ren trying to bend his can into a different shape. Ren tried to dislike him as much as he had when they had first met, but one fact was undeniable; Hux had been the very first person to react to the revelation about his expulsion from Light Side with something other than horror. He had seemed wary, yes, but he hadn’t berated Ren, or even seemed disappointed in him. No, he had joked about it. Joked! What a breath of fresh air. He was sick of people acting like he was going to fuck up again.

And also, Ren had noticed that Hux was…different when he was alone. Oh, he was still mean and proud, that was certain, but without other people around there was something much less calculating about him. Ren was good at working people out; he had the innate gift of his first impressions often turning out to be correct. But Hux honestly perplexed him. And what was strangest of all was that this wasn’t an entirely unpleasant feeling. He liked being challenged.

The streets soon became lined with rows of houses, the uniform red brick a blur as he moved forwards, humming a little to his music. He was in the nicer part of the neighbourhood, the hedges as well kept as the well to do people that inhabited them. Ren tried not to sneer at the dull conformity as he walked past; he was as unwelcome here as a wrongly coloured front door, or an unseemly weed amongst the hedges. Although he hated Coruscant, and all that he endured within it, he much preferred his street with the jumble of brightly painted houses with their sprawling lawns. He still felt that he didn’t quite fit, but there was some sort of visceral comfort in the peeling front gate, the bright blue front door of his house.

His intention was to go in quickly and pick some things up, as he didn’t intend to spend the night there. However, when he approached the garden path, Ren saw an obstacle in the shape of his mother, fussing with some flowers in their front garden. He stiffened as he walked forwards; he had wanted to be in and out as fast as possible, and he could tell that his mother had been waiting for him, and hadn’t even taken off the smart outfit she wore as Headmistress. He tried to walk past, music loud and jarring, but even he could not miss the plaintive.

“Ben.”

Irritated, he pulled a single earphone out. A harsh, screaming singing rung out from the bud, a little tinny now it was out of his ear.

“What?” He demanded, knowing he was being rude, and caring even less. Leia pursed her lip at his attitude, but decided it wasn’t worth rising to.

“I need to talk to you about something. Could you please just wait a minute?”

Wondering what on earth he had done now, he folded his arms, pleased as he always was that he loomed far above her. This tactic was not always successful, as despite her diminutive appearance Leia still somehow managed to sometimes loom above him, and make him feel ten years old. As it was, she just sighed.

“Can we do this _without_ the music?”

Sullen as a petulant child, he took the other earbud out, and folded his arms again, staring down at her with his mascara-covered eyes. He could feel her own eyes scanning him, looking for something, but he did not know what. When she hesitated, he realised that she didn’t want to tell him whatever it was that she was about to say. Warily, and with the air of someone about to poke a large and irritated tiger, she said,

“Your father rang today.”

And there it was. The gulf between them, the chasm that reopened raw and rubbing whenever this happened and this old, ugly argument resurfaced. They knew how it went, they always did, and yet they still insisted on going through with it. Ren was sick, and tired, and ready for the challenge.

“No.” He said, without preamble. Leia’s face hardened at his bluntness.

“Ben, if you just tried to-“

_“No.”_ He said again, darkening with rage, “I won’t do it. I’m not talking to him. And I’m not seeing him.”

“I’m _not_ your enemy.” She said, unable to contain her own anger, “And neither is he. Why do you always insist on being like this?”

“Why? _Why_?” He let out a hollow laugh, entirely mirthless, “I don’t know, mother. Maybe my father would know, if he was fucking here to talk to me.”

He began walking away then, knowing that his face would be red with anger by now even under his hastily applied foundation. Leia made to step forwards, her face set.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

He ignored her, already reaching for his earphones. She called after him, helpless, filled with an overwhelming feeling of failure, “Ben!” The front door slammed. Tight-lipped, trying in vain to hold in her anger and the accompanying feeling of despair, she started trimming the hedge again with a little too much force, snipping whole branches off and feeling a vindictive pleasure when they clunked to the ground.

In his room, Ren opened his wardrobe drawers with a little too much fury, pulling it out completely from the frame. Cursing, he yanked it back into place and grabbed the first item of clothing he put his hands on, stuffing it unceremoniously into his bag. The urge to take the drawer out and just smash it anyway was growing and growing, but he forced it down, reminding himself that he _liked_ this room, he _liked_ actually having decent furniture for once. He leant his back against the frame of the wardrobe door, breathing heavily. What had his therapist said? _Try your breathing._ He did so, timing each breath as he inhaled, held it, and then breathed out, his great chest expanding and contracting.

It was difficult, at first, to get into the rhythm, but soon he got used to it, and the focusing on the task at hand did serve to distract him from his anger boiling over as it usually did. It needed refining, but, begrudgingly, he accepted that his therapist might be onto something here. When he had calmed a little more, he swept some of the make up off of his table, stuffed it into his bag and considered his sketchbook lying on the old wood of his dresser. He threw it in eventually, making sure that some item of clothing was covering it up. Satisfied, he left the room, not bothering to tidy up his mess.

When he and Leia crossed paths again, it was nothing less than terse. She looked up as he crossed the garden path, but despite her lingering anger, her eyes softened when she saw his bag.

“Where are you going?” She asked. She always asked.

“Out.” He replied, shortly. He always said this.

Leia opened her mouth, to say something, anything to stop him. Ren, spotting this straight off, quickened his stride and was off down the path, and through the gate before she could get another word out. She watched him go, hardened her expression, and turned back to the garden.

Mood blackened, Ren almost stomped the whole way to New Coruscant city, and it was quite a distance to walk. When the houses became sparser, his legs ached a little in protest from a culmination of his day’s exertions, but he carried on, determined. He could have gotten someone to pick him up, perhaps, but he felt like the walk might let off some much needed steam, and the cooling air did calm him a little. Whilst he was walking, he reached into his pocket and put on his black and silver bandanna across his face, feeling glad of the fabric covering his skin. He crossed the busy roads, and stared threateningly at every car he saw.

Great buildings rose up like jagged teeth, the grey skyline cutting into the darkening sky, and he walked in their shadow, a small shape in comparison to their might. Somewhere in the distance, the grey sea lapped hungrily against the shore as if consuming the great metropolis, and it was towards this that Ren was moving his measured way across the drab, grey pavement. He saw the large pier, tacky with flashing lights, weathered with the salt and footsteps of thousands of eager families and made his way towards the steel girders beneath that groaned with the weight of all of that wood. Another dark shape waited there, and they inclined their head in greeting as he approached.

They wore as much black as Ren, a similar silver and black bandanna on their face, hooded and tall. He was taller, however, and nodded his head as he recognised the pattern on the fabric covering the lower half of their face.

“Good to see you, Three.

“Likewise.” They replied, a smile behind the bandanna.

“Where are the others?” Ren asked, politely, eyes flickering to the darkness under the pier as if it might be concealing more hooded shapes. The person in front of him shifted a little.

“Coming. I think they got a bit distracted by a little…trouble, in the city.”

“Ah.” Ren said. He knew what that was a euphemism for. They both waited, the silence comfortable, the sea lapping softly in the background.

Soon enough, more figures approached. Ren recognised Four, and Six. Except for him, the Knights were named in the order that Snoke had recruited them, and no one had ever offered up a different name, not in the several years that they had known each other. He didn’t care that they knew his changed name; it felt good and special in a way that he rarely got to feel. When the others came to a stop at the base of the girder, they inclined their heads towards Ren.

“Ren.” Said Six, in her deep, throaty voice, “Good to see you. Where’ve you been, you old bastard?”

“Busy.” He replied, shortly. In truth, he had been putting off these meetings with the others, a mixture of schoolwork and lying to his mother and therapist about them having taken its toll until he needed a break. It felt good to be meeting with them now, however.

“He’s been off betraying us with some fuckin’ losers from First Order, haven’t you, Ren?” Four piped up, unashamed. When Ren narrowed his eyes at him, he laughed, “I heard about you being on the team. What next, you gonna be head boy?”

“Fuck you.” Ren said, but it lacked any real malice, “At least I have ambition. Five told me you were in the poetry club at your school, so you can get off your high horse.”

Four didn’t seem to mind when the others laughed. He was an odd sort of chipper almost all of the time, which often perplexed Ren, “Poetry is the highest form of art.” He sniffed, “I wouldn’t expect any of you graceless twerps to understand.”

Ren just shook his head at him, a smile twisting his lips. A few more dark shapes emerged out of the evening, a little breathless.

“Sorry, sorry!” Five gasped, “Got stuck in an alleyway. We got out eventually.”

“The other guy didn’t, though.” The figure next to her said, a little ominously. Ren didn’t even bother to ask what this meant; he would question them all individually about their week’s activities later. He stared around at them, the six hooded, half veiled figures that were more complicated than friends. He saw them take him in as well, stare at his eyes which he knew must still be burning from his previous anger.

“Well, what are we doing this fine evening, Ren?” Six asked, expectantly.

Ren scanned them, surveying their eager, threatening faces. He thought about his mother, always worrying, badgering, annoying him. He thought about his therapist, who thought there was a chance he could be a good person despite the obvious futility of this belief. He thought about Hux, who had underestimated him, and then laughed with him when he had revealed the worst of himself. He pushed them from his mind, feeling anger, and disgust and something that may have resembled guilt in his stomach.

“Lets fuck shit up.” He said, and moved into the shadows.

 

 

***

The sky dark outside of his window, Hux lay on his side on his neatly made bed, idly scrolling through his tablet. Long having finished completing the day’s work, he was partaking in his customary sneer through facebook, appraising peoples’ lives, noseying at their pictures, wondering as he always did why he had bothered to add such nobodies, and knowing secretly that it fed his ego to know that he didn’t have their boring lives. His browsing finger paused as he hovered past one of those ever-amusing statuses made of pretentious and depressing lyrics, surprised to find the name accompanying it; Kylo Ren. Before he could stop himself, he had clicked onto Ren’s profile, curious as to what he would find.

Admittedly, there wasn’t much. It seemed that Ren didn’t use his profile as prolifically as he had hoped, which was a shame; he was sure that scrolling through Ren’s profile would offer him endless amusement. He was disappointed to find a few links to videos from some heavy-metal bands he did not recognise, and definitely did not want to google, a few more statuses made of angsty lyrics, some dark and moody pictures that looked a little like Ren if he squinted. So, either Ren didn’t use it much, or didn’t have any reason to bother. When Hux paired this with the fact that he had only ever seen Ren alone at school, it painted a dismal picture of Ren’s life indeed.

Perhaps it was this fact smacking him so smartly in the face, and Hux would fiercely deny that he was feeling an emotion as wretched as pity, but he couldn’t stop himself from clicking the chat option and opening a fresh new window with Ren. It was strictly team business, he reasoned with himself, as he tapped the keyboard.

   
 **[Hux]:** Ren, I forgot to tell you that the next meeting is on Monday. Be there, or I’ll be forced to hit you over the head with one of your own ridiculous shoes.

There. Threatening, to the point and not pitying in the slightest. He had done well. Hux’s mind drifted a little as he waited for a reply, eyes eventually catching on Ren’s cover picture. It was probably the most unusual thing about his profile; a hand drawn scene of a forest, a little moody for his tastes but nicely inked nonetheless. He wondered for a moment where Ren had stolen it from and what depressing lyric would inevitably be attributed to it when he saw an ellipsis on the chat window. Eager, then.

**[Kylo Ren]:** Is this how u begin conversations with everyone on here? R u creeping on my profile u asshole?

Hux gave a little tsk, though he knew Ren obviously wouldn’t be able to hear it. What he didn’t know was that Ren was sat on the sofa in Six’s house, surrounded by the other Knights eating pizza and chatting loudly, holding his phone to his chest in case the others saw and teased him, both pleased and confused as to why Hux had messaged him out of the blue. Oblivious, Hux typed.

**[A. Hux]:** First of all, I do not indulge in ‘text speak’. Type to me properly, or don’t type to me at all.

**[Kylo Ren]:** For fucks sake.

**[A. Hux]:** Missing an apostrophe, but I’ll forgive it. This time.

**[Ren]:** Oh my god, you are MORE annoying in text. Why am I not surprised

**[A.Hux]:** Second of all, I am not ‘creeping’. I’m merely messaging you to inform you of something you would have known had you been at the meeting. Which you missed.

**[Kylo Ren]:** Would you stop going on about that?? If you want to tell my mother to get rid of my therapist, be my guest. It’s your funeral.

_(“Ooh!” Said Four, finally noticing Ren staring down at his phone, “Who are you messaging, Ren?” The other Knights laughed as Ren just replied, “Your mother, you asshole.”)_

**[A. Hux]:** Hmm. If your mother is as tall as you are, I think I’ll decline, thank you very much.

**[Kylo Ren]:** She isn’t even close, but she could still beat your scrawny ass.

**[A. Hux]:** My ass, I’ll have you know, is as dignified as the rest of me. Anyway, I have pressing things to sort out. The meeting. Be there.

**[Kylo Ren]:** Like I have a choice? Before you go, can I ask one thing.

**[A. Hux]:** Depends.

**[Kylo Ren]:** Why is your name just A. on here? Too cool to have your actual name? Is that what all of the idiots are doing nowadays?

**[A. Hux]:** Goodbye, Ren.

**[Kylo Ren]:** Is it Arnold? Please tell me it’s Arnold. Angelica? Is it-  
  


But Hux didn’t see any more suggestions, because he closed the chat window, heart thumping. He could indulge Ren in a superfluous conversation such as this, but he wouldn’t reveal his name, god no. Ren could carry on trying to work it out, but Hux sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him. It was something he had taken great pains to conceal at school, and even those who knew it still called him Hux, or face his retribution. Even Phasma knew where to draw the line, and that was saying something.

He stretched out on the bed, languorous, yawning. It had been a long day. When his eyes fluttered open again, he saw another red notification flash on his screen and rolled his eyes. It was, however, from Phasma.

**[C. Phasma]:** So?

That was all it said. He gave a sigh, but replied anyway.

**[A. Hux]:** Fine. He’s not as bad as I thought. Ok, he’s pretty terrible, but are you happy now you made me suffer his company when I didn’t need to?

**[C. Phasma]:** Perfectly. Tamed the beast? ;)

**[A. Hux]:** Ha! Hardly.

But, Hux thought, remembering Ren throwing his head back, the unexpected throaty roar of laughter, he wasn’t so sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the Knights aren't too confusing! I couldn't think of names for them other than numbers, and I liked the anonymity (they're not to be confused with Nines, sorry about that!). I hope you enjoyed this chapter, there will be more information about Ren's expulsion from Light Side in the future :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to take a while with this chapter! I have been without wifi for a while and it's a nightmare to do anything online. So I hope this is okay, thank you for reading and thank you to people who have sent me messages about this <3

  
When Monday morning dawned, cool and windy, Ren had already crept quietly back to his home and was sat at the kitchen table as if he had never left it. He had spent the weekend wandering about, mostly bored, avoiding home and his schoolwork and knowing exactly how much trouble he would be in for doing this. He didn’t care. Sitting on the tumbling sands, blind to the fingers of cold sea air sneaking its way through gaps in his clothing, he had spent a while watching the sea rolling forwards like a great grey beast, never quite reaching its destination. It wasn’t laziness that stilled him, no; Ren was just struck with that occasional bout of loneliness one feels when friends are not readily available, and when breathing in the salt sea air feels more real than being sat on a bed, wishing things were different.

And here he was, munching a piece of toast, head aching from the late nights spent crashing at various members of the Knight’s houses and from the mere thought of another long and arduous week of school ahead of him. He already felt grumpy because of this. His unfinished schoolwork languished in his bag, wedged between emergency make up and his sketchbook, but Ren had long decided not to give a shit about it. His teachers often despaired of him, a bright mind bogged down with a self-determination to stifle the brightness, but for the most part he avoided their scrutiny. Ren had an uncanny gift of being able to be charming when he wanted to, but not in an obvious way. The teachers would see him, notice his dark presence in the room, and leave him alone when he wanted to be left alone. It worked out nicely for all of them.

Ren and his mother had not crossed paths yet, despite the still steaming cup of coffee and empty plate with crumbs on that announced Leia’s recent presence in the kitchen. Ren chewed, heard the vague sounds of a car door being opened and someone rummaging around, and concluded that she must be sorting out her car for the morning. He did not relish bumping into her and the awkward conversation that she would inevitably try and start, but he couldn’t be bothered to move from his chair. He reached for another bite, and at the same time the house phone rang.

The sound was a shrill screaming cutting through the air, and straight to Ren’s temples. He scowled at it; his mother was just out of earshot and wouldn’t be able to pick it up in time anyway. He sat, hand around his almost finished toast, and endured the ear splitting ringing, intensified by his own tiredness. The caller evidently was not one for giving up, however, because as soon as the last note faded, a few seconds later the whole process would begin again. After the cycle started up for the third time, unable to bear it any longer, Ren picked it up, as warily as one might pick up a poisonous snake.

“Hello? What is it?” He said without preamble, not even bothering to keep his voice polite. The person at the other end seemed caught by surprise, as it took them a moment to speak.

“Ben?” The voice said eventually, a little disbelieving. It was unmistakeably his father.

The plastic of the phone was smooth in his hand, solid, unyielding. This was all for the good, because Ren gripped it hard. This was the first time he had spoken to his father for more than a year, and it had been an accident, a trick. His parents had each other’s mobile numbers, so his father obviously must have rang the house in the hope that he could catch Ren unawares, and he had been successful. Furious that he had been caught out, Ren didn’t speak again and the silence dragged on, thick and uncomfortable as it always had been.

“Uh, Ben?” The voice said again, “Is that you, kid?”

A stony silence.

“Oh, alright. Now I _know_ it’s you for definite. Can I talk to you for a second?”

Ren said nothing. “Right. Ok.” His father sounded annoyed now, “If you’re not going to talk to me, could you at least pass me over to Lei- to your mother?”

Silence. A sigh.

“Aw, Ben.” His father said, sounding tired, “I want you to talk to me, you know? It’s just getting ridiculous now. I want to talk to you about what’s going on in your life. Your mother told me you’re on the school quiz team, that’s a pretty good-”

Ren put the phone onto the table, not bothering to muffle the smack of plastic against wood. In a few long strides he was at the door, hands gripping the frame.

“Mother.” He called, voice toneless, “The phone rung for you.”

“Oh?” Her head poked out from the car, customary bun in place, a strand or two of hair falling over her face, “Who is it?”

“Dad.” He said. As if she didn’t know. She didn’t look remotely surprised, and tried to hide it.

“Ah,” She said, avoiding his gaze, “Have you spoken to him?”

“No.” Ren replied, flatly.

A brief combination of exasperation and sadness eclipsed her face, but she controlled it. Sometimes, arguing with Ren just wasn’t worth the trouble when he had set his mind against something. He reminded her of Han in so many little ways like this, and it hurt. It always hurt.

“Okay.” She relented, “I’ll pick it up. Have a nice day at school, alright?”

He blinked at her a little, wondering where this lack of vitriol had come from. Usually they would argue and argue until someone stomped away in anger, and only three quarters of the time was this Ren. He tried to think of a snappish response to restore the balance, and couldn’t.

“Uh, thanks.” He said. He slung his bag over his shoulder as Leia moved to go past him, and when she reached the front door he managed to call out, “You told him about the Challenge team?”

She ignored the obvious accusation in his tone, hovering a little in the doorway. “Yes.” She called back, unashamed, “We’re both very proud of you, you know.”

And the door snapped shut, leaving him to blink at it, dark hair displaced by the cool puffs of wind.

 

 

***

Legs dangling, Hux sat on the teacher’s desk, surveying the room out of the corner of his eye as he idly flicked through his tablet. Only Bazine and Phasma were currently at the desks, all three of them having shared a free period and made their way to the meeting room together. When the door swung open, Hux looked up eagerly, and when it was the familiar, small shape of Mitaka, brought his attention back to his scrolling through his screen. When another shape appeared at the door, peering in, Hux looked up again, but whoever the figure was seemed to have gotten the wrong door and carried on down the corridor, and Hux moved his gaze back down. Phasma, noticing this, eyed him suspiciously.

“And who, exactly, are you waiting for?” She asked, accusation clear in her tone. Hux looked up.

“No one.” He said, quickly. Phasma raised her eyebrows at him, clearly not believing him one bit. Hux scowled at her. “Is it illegal to double check which members are entering the room when devising a plan of action regarding said members?”

“Hmm.” Phasma said, “Okay. Whatever.” She let it drop, but couldn’t help noticing that now Hux was staring resolutely at his tablet, ignoring the students that were beginning to file in through the door.

Annoyed at being caught out, Hux merely grunted as people called out to him in greeting. He had, in truth, been looking out for the familiar shape of Ren, hoping that he could talk to him before too many of the other members arrived, to warn him that they would be testing him today, like they did for all of the team members when they joined. It wasn’t that Hux cared or wanted to be nice, he told himself, it was just the decent thing to do. But Ren hadn’t appeared yet, and now Hux was feeling frustrated.

More people entered the room, and Hux could tell from their inane chatter that it was Plutt and Leech, so he didn’t even bother to look up or respond. When the door clicked open not so long after this, and a lone figure stomped across the room, Hux still didn’t look up, but he would recognise that unmistakeable clatter of thick boots upon the floor anywhere. He was saved from having to confirm this when Plutt called,

“Finally gracing us with your presence, Ren?”

Allowing himself to look up at long last, Hux saw the dark scowl as it twisted Ren’s face. He had settled himself once again in the corner of the room away from most of the others, and he turned deliberately away from Plutt, resting his head with a resolute thud on top of his bag. Plutt tsked at this clear dismissal.

“Just trying to make conversation.” He said, with an innocent shrug of his shoulders, but Hux distinctly head him say in a loud whisper to Leech, “…such a dickhead.”

Feeling that they might soon be wading into dangerous waters, Hux lifted himself quickly off the desk to stand tall at the front of the room. A cursory glance towards the corner of the room, however, indicated that Ren had managed to restrain himself, which was an oddly sensible thing for him to do. His head was still rested on the bag, dark hair falling across one cheek as he stared away from the others. It didn’t look like he was going to pay much attention to the day’s session, as each of his actions exuded an air of absolute disinterest. Hux wanted to sigh; he thought this petulant behaviour was under control, but apparently he was wrong. Trying his best to ignore the dark cloud in the corner of the room, he addressed the rest of the team,

“Team.” He began, a little solemnly, “The first round of the competition is in a matter of weeks. Now, some of us have been doing well regarding the preparation for the questions-“

“Yeah, _some_ of us.“ Muttered Bala-Tik, and Hux glared coldly in his direction.

“And _some of us_ need to remember to let the Quiz leader finish what he is saying, or am I mistaken?”

There was an awkward silence following this, but at least Bala-Tik had the decency to look a little embarrassed.

“Sorry.” He muttered. Hux let it go.

“Anyway.” He continued, with dignity, “As I was saying, some of us have been doing well, but we are lacking in other areas. Ren.” He called loudly, but the dark, hunched shape didn’t move. “It’s past time that we tested you. What area do you want to specialise in?”

For a few tense moments, it seemed that Ren wouldn’t bother to look up. And then, the long face rose, the familiarly made-up eyes looking curiously blank. _Don’t be a dick,_ Hux thought, _don’t be a dick, don’t be a-_

“I don’t care.” Ren said, a little shortly.

Hux wanted to throttle him. Ignoring the whispers breaking out in front of him, he fought to keep his voice calm.

“Wrong answer.” He said, locking his gaze with that sullen figure. “You had better start caring, because you will severely regret being the one that drags this team down, Ren.”

“Is that a threat?” Ren called out, falsely casual. The rest of the team looked between them, eager to see how Hux would react. Surprising them, Hux gave Ren a small, slightly frightening smile.

“A threat? No.” He said, delicately. “It’s a promise.”

Ren stared at him, eyes narrowed. But, finally, he rested his chin on his bag and seemed to be giving more attention than he had been previously, despite the obvious fact that he wanted to be anywhere else right now. Hux was glad that he was stopping this ridiculous childish behaviour of ignoring him.

“Right. Back to business- I want you to all get into pairs and try out old questions on each other. Phasma, get here,” He called as she made to move towards Bazine, “Stop. I want you to partner with Ren.”

Furious, Phasma glared at Hux in indignation, but he did not back down. Grumbling to herself, she moved to Ren’s desk, and even he looked a little startled at his choice of pairing. It was quite amusing, actually, watching the two large figures eyeing each other warily, as if they were warriors going into battle. Hux might have laughed if he wasn’t still so annoyed at Ren’s behaviour.

He walked around the tables, watching as Bazine and Mitaka questioned each other gently on physics equations, listening in half-amusement as Nines and Bala-Tik argued over who was better at general knowledge. He made himself go around the whole room until he rejoined the unfortunate pair in the corner.

“Look,” He could hear Phasma saying, a little despairingly, “Just answer the questions. Why are you being so difficult?”

Ren had his arms crossed, and if Hux didn’t know any better he might say there was a red tinge to his cheeks.

“I’m not answering the maths questions.” Ren said, teeth gritted. Phasma snorted at this.

“You don’t have a choice. We all have to learn it, it’s part of the three main question sections. You _know_ this.”

“Well, count me out.” Ren sounded resolute.

“Ren.” Phasma sighed, “ Do you _enjoy_ being deliberately difficult? Do you _want_ me to dislike you?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Then why won’t you answer the bloody questions?”

“I hate maths.” Ren said, as if this was an adequate reason.

“Ren, nobody _likes_ maths.” Phasma said, rolling her eyes, and then catching Hux standing close to their table, “Actually, forget what I said; we have Hux in the room. He, I admit, is a weird anomaly that loves maths.”

“Maths is a noble subject,” He sniffed, walking to the back of their chairs, “What’s going on here?”

“He,” Phasma jabbed a finger in Ren’s general direction, “Won’t answer any of the questions I ask him. Honestly, how did we find someone just as stubborn as you?”

Ignoring the jibe, Hux turned to Ren, “Is this true? Are you being difficult?”

Ren looked angry, but firm. “I won’t do it. You can’t make me.”

“You really are the most absurd and annoying person I’ve ever met, you know that?”

Ren didn’t answer. Hux sighed; he was really finding it hard to keep on top of Ren’s unpredictable mood swings, and he was already beginning to think their talk on the sport field had been a wild hallucination. Ren had seemed almost reasonable then, nothing like this sulking, petulant child who wouldn’t quite look him in the eye.

“So you’re going to refuse?” Hux asked, tone deceptively light.

“Yes.” Ren replied, staring at the window.

“Okay.” Hux nodded, “Okay. Suit yourself. You’re staying behind after the meeting is over until you finish answering the questions, is that understood?”

This made Ren twitch with surprise.

“You can’t-“

“I can’t make you?” Hux finished for him, “On the contrary, Ren, I _can_ make you. And you _are_ staying behind. You act like a child, face the consequences.”

Without another word Ren turned away from both of them, dragging his chair with a small screech across the floor. Hux caught Phasma’s eye, and she shrugged at him, looking nonplussed. Ren was still looking resolutely away from them, long hair falling in dark curtains around his face. The dull light from the window threw half of his face into a sharp relief, his profile with its long nose severe, eyes downcast. He really did seem to be in a foul mood, and uncaring of who knew it. Indicating that Phasma should join him, Hux moved back to the centre of the room, leaving Ren behind like a dark cloud festering in the corner.

The rest of the meeting went quite smoothly, and no one felt the need to engage Ren in any form of conversation so he remained half turned, silent and still. Even Hux left him alone, waiting for the end of the session to ask him what the hell was wrong with him. He had already gotten the distinct impression that it was much easier to talk to Ren one on one; the more people there were, the more surly and unresponsive he became. When the last member had filed out of the door, he turned to walk to the back of the room, picking up a paper from a stack on the teacher’s desk.

Chin resting on his arms, Ren wouldn’t look up even as Hux stood by his desk. Feeling impatient, Hux tapped his foot.

“Well?” He demanded, and when Ren didn’t respond, “What the _hell_ is the matter with you?”

It took a moment for Ren to reply, but he still didn’t remove his chin from his arms.

“Nothing.” He said, voice stony.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Hux swore, feeling like he wanted to rip his hair out, “Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. Sometimes I get through, but the rest of the time it’s just impossible. Do you enjoy it, Ren? Do you really enjoy it?”

“I’m having a bad day.” Ren said, through gritted teeth.

“Oh, well, that’s a relief.” Hux said, flourishing the piece of paper that he had picked up, “Because it’s going to get a whole lot worse.”

“What are you doing?” Ren demanded when Hux slapped the paper in front of him. He recognised it as the work sheet he had originally refused to answer and eyed it with suspicion, as if it would rise up bite him.

“I’m punishing you.” Hux said, matter-of-fact, “You refuse to do something in this team, you get punished. Understand?”

Ren’s face twisted again at this. He finally lifted his head from his hands, and when he spoke again his voice was nothing less than petulant.

“And if I refuse again?”

“Oh Ren, Ren, Ren.” Hux said, drawing it out, “Do I _really_ have to go to Professor Snoke about something as pathetic as this?”

That, finally, _finally_ got through to him. Ren paled, if that was even possible under his layer of foundation. With a vicious movement, he grabbed the paper and dragged it towards himself.

“Fine.” He muttered, “Whatever makes you happy, you sick fuck.”

Hux had no idea where this anger had come from, and thought it very unfair.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” He demanded. Ren’s jaw clenched, hand tight around his pen, “It’s just a work sheet. Just answer the maths questions- I did this stuff last year and it’s _easy._ That’s all I want you to do. ”  
  
Wordlessly, Ren got out his pen and stabbed it down as if about to write something, but his pen remained still in his hand. He looked at the questions but didn’t make a move to answer them, his pen like a spear through the paper. Thinking he was still trying to defy him, Hux said with no small amount of exasperation.

“What in the world are you waiting for?”

Ren stared at the paper, eyes burning. He ground his teeth and looked so furious that Hux thought he might actually start ripping it up.

“I’m fucking dyslexic, okay?” Ren spat at him, face burning, “Happy?”

There was a pause as Hux absorbed this entirely unexpected information, heart sinking. _Bloody Snoke,_ he thought furiously, _he knew about this._ He stared at Ren, taking in his reddened face, his slightly shaking hand on the pen, realising how cruel forcing him to do the work must look to him.

“Oh, well,” Hux began, not entirely sure how he should react to this announcement, “That shouldn’t be, ah, too much of a problem-“

“Oh, cut me the condescending _bullshit.”_ Ren snapped. “Of course it’s a problem. I can tell it’s a problem. Why did you think I didn’t mention it when the others were around?”

“Ren, dyslexia is not synonymous with stupidity.” Hux said, knowing as Ren did exactly what the others would have said. They would have ripped the shit out of him, ”Maths isn’t everything in the quiz. As long as you can do other questions, it will be fine.”

“It _is_ an important part of the quiz though, isn’t it?” Ren said miserably. And before Hux could even think of an answer, “I can’t make numbers work.” He confessed, talking to the table, “It's not just that either, they told me it's probably Discalculus as well. I'm good at fixing stuff, and building things and so many other things but I can’t make them work. It’s so…frustrating. ”

It hung between them then, this knowledge about Ren that was clearly secret, because there was no other reason why he would be so upset, why he would look so embarrassed at having to admit it to Hux. It was somewhat of an obstacle, yes, but not insurmountable.

“Phasma wouldn’t have teased you, you know.” Hux said, finally, when it appaeared that Ren was too upset to speak, “If you had explained, she would have understood. You don’t have to be so unpleasant all of the time. If you need help-“

“Help?” Ren snorted, “Ha. That’s a good one. Wouldn’t extra help just make me so popular? The others would be _so_ understanding.”

“Wait.” Hus said, frowning, “You don’t get help for this?” Ren bristled at the suggestion.

“What do you think?” He snapped, “No. I don’t, as a matter of fact.”

“What?” Hux said sharply, wondering how his father’s system could have such a flaw in it, “Surely not. I can’t believe that no one in this school will help you.”

“No one helps me,” Ren said, through gritted teeth, “Because I don’t want them to. I’m sick of people pitying me and thinking they’re being oh so helpful when they’re not and are just waiting for me to fuck up worse. And I’m _sick_ of people caring only when it’s convenient for them to do so. ”

This seemed an oddly specific sentiment for Ren to express. He seemed upset, and coiled with energy as if waiting to strike or run. Hux remembered that he had been in a foul mood even as he had entered the room, and felt like there was more to this than Ren was probably letting on. He steeled himself, knowing how volatile Ren could be when he was in the mood for it.

“Ren.” Hux asked, treading carefully, “This isn’t just about the competition, is it?”

With a screech, the chair withdrew, forcing Hux to jump back in surprise. Ren lifted himself from the chair looking as wild as a trapped animal, the whole great length of him seeming absurdly large for the small corner.

“I need to leave.” He spat, eyes darting towards the direction of the door.

“Ren.” Hux said, firmly, placing a hand on each desk next to him to prevent Ren from escaping, “You’re working yourself up again. Is everything…alright at home?”

"I don't want talk about it." Ren tried to move forwards, but Hux was still blocking his way. Anger and something else was beginning to show on his face, and he loomed large and intimidating, but Hux held his ground. He was well used to facing bigger foes than himself.

"Ren, calm down, you need to face up to the fact that something clearly is the ma-"

" _I don't_ _want to talk about it_!"

A big fist flew through the air; Hux flinched. But it swung in the opposite direction to him, hitting the wall with a sickening crunch that reverberated in their small space. Ren was breathing very heavily, but his eyes were blank, horribly so. When he drew his fist back, there were spots of scarlet blood on his knuckles and splattering the wall. Seeming not to care, he slammed his fist down again, and again, plaster buckling under his strength.

When he drew back fully, his fist shone redly in the electric light of the classroom, speckled with white. The plaster of the wall had caved in a little underneath him, and it might have been impressive if not for the expression on Ren's face. Deadly. Wounded. Hux watched him carefully, trying to work out the precise distance between himself and the door, just in case. He wasn't frightened of Ren. His eyes darted to the door. He wasn't.

“Ren.” He said softly, and the fist paused, "Do you need me to get someone for you?" He asked, forcing his voice to be calm, thinking of his therapist, the school nurse, anyone who might be able to deal with that frightening blankness.

"No!" Ren bristled, and all of a sudden seemed to deflate. "No." He said again, much quieter. "Oh, shit, oh shit, I shouldn't have done that, fucking _shit_." He tried to uncurl his fist, grunting in pain when it hurt too much to do so. He wouldn't look at Hux as he hung over his hand to assess the damage, dark hair falling in a curtain to cover his face. Embarrassment now emanated from him in waves, and Hux hung back, unsure of whether he should approach. When he saw Ren dabbing at his cuts with a hanging sleeve, however, he made his mind up.

Moving briskly, Ren froze as he walked past, but Hux wasn't intending on stopping. He reached the teacher's desk and bent down to open one of the drawers, fumbling through the various pens and bits of paper he found within. Ren was watching him now, looking confused, but when Hux opened the second drawer he found what he was looking for almost immediately. Triumphant, he brought the small red box out and carried it over to Ren.

"Aha." He said, allowing himself to feel a little smug, "I knew the classrooms had these somewhere. I admit I've never quite required the use of one."

"What is it?" Ren asked, voice low and rough from shouting. He looked wary as Hux approached him, like a rogue animal intent on licking its own wounds.

"First aid, what do you think?" Hux said, knowing his attempts at levity were failing. "I heard they got way more strict and put them in all of the classrooms ever since something happened at... another... school." As he spoke, he slowly began to work it out, and Ren stared back evenly, knowing exactly what he was thinking. It must have been because of Ren.

"Merry Christmas." Ren said, drily. He held his uninjured hand out for the first aid kit. "I'll take it."

"Woah, woah," Hux said, snatching it out of his reach. "Just because I've not needed to use one for a while doesn't mean I don't know how to. How do you expect to patch yourself up with one hand, you idiot?"

"Give. It. To. Me."  Ren snarled, lunging forwards. Even with one hand clutched to his chest, he was a formidable opponent, and the tall mass of him approaching at speed was a little startling to say the least. Hux thrust it into his hands, alarmed at his sudden ferocity.

"Shit, okay! Just trying to help, Jesus."

Ren snatched the kit away, eyes burning, fumbling to open it with his good hand. He really was the proudest person he had ever met, Hux reflected, as he watched him struggle. Proud, arrogant and...strong. Despite himself, he couldn't help being a little impressed with the dent Ren had left in the wall. He also begrudgingly appreciated the fact that he didn't just accept help like a weakling, but surely even Ren knew that sometimes one shouldn't bite the hand that feeds. He was doing a good job of gnawing that very hand, turning his body away from Hux as he tried to wipe his knuckles and bandage it. After watching him drop the bandage once, then twice, Hux had enough.

"Let me help." He insisted, moving forwards, "You're making a right mess of that, you know. _And_ you're doing it wrong."

"Shut up. Don't need help." Ren said, through gritted teeth, "This isn't the...first time I've done this."

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Throwing caution to the wind, Hux grabbed his wrist, fingers closing just above a leather bracelet, tightening his grip when Ren tried to wriggle away. "Hold still, I'm going to do a better job." 

Ren huffed and scowled and generally made it known how displeased he was, but he let Hux take his wrist. Hux examined the bleeding knuckles with a practiced, critical eye, and it took him a moment to register the somewhat absurd fact that this was the first time he had touched Ren's hands. They were big, but not indelicate, made for both fighting and something else, something softer. His dark painted nails should look absurd on those long fingers, but somehow, it didn’t, and Hux wondered vaguely how he managed to do it so neatly. It didn’t seem much like him. Hux also couldn't help but notice that Ren had ink on his hands, a few different shades of green smudges that he wondered at. He pushed this distraction out of his mind, however, focusing on the task at hand.

He grabbed the disinfecting wipes and cleared the spots of blood Ren had missed, feeling him wince as he did so, but he made no complaint, and let Hux get on with his job. When he was done, he scanned the box again. Ren remained sullen throughout.

"Right, look," Hux started, "You shouldn't bandage it first off, that's where you were going wrong. It's swollen, see? You need to get some ice on it. I dread to think how badly you patched yourself up the last time."

"It was fine. After a few days." Ren admitted, then bristled again,"Since when were you an expert on first aid, anyway?"

"You _are_ a student at this school, aren't you?" Hux rolled his eyes, "Although," He realised, "You weren't at the junior part, were you? We did a lot of combat training back then. Nasty injuries. Nothing too major for me though, ha."

"I bet you were the one giving out the injuries, you sly bastard." Ren said, with an unsurprised shake of his head.

And then, still holding Ren’s hand in his own, Hux froze, and his grip tightened. His fingers sunk deeper into Ren’s flesh and he winced.

“Um, ow?” Ren said, trying to pull his hand away from the vice-like grip on his wrist. When he caught Hux’s expression, cold, furious, he stopped. “What?” He said, a little defensively.

“ _Don’t call me that_.” Hux hissed, and the sudden extreme change from his light mood to this sudden fury made Ren stare. There was a red tinge to his neck, growing more obvious as he struggled to hold in his sudden temper.  
  
“Call you what?” Ren asked, though he thought he might have an idea.

“Bastard.” Hux spat, “Just, just don’t. Don’t.”

“…Okay. Noted.” Ren said, dearly wanting to ask why, and knowing exactly how much of a bad idea this would be. So, instead he asked, “Could you let go of my wrist, though? You’re hurting me.”

The fingers let go of Ren then as if burned, and Ren gave a small huff of relief, flexing his wrist. He scanned the swollen knuckles, and couldn’t help but peer at the fading, red imprint of Hux’s fingers on his skin. It struck him that this was the first time in a while that he had voluntarily let someone touch him, and waited for the imprints to make him angry. They didn’t.

Hux had his arms folded, looking both embarrassed and as if he was desperately trying not to appear so. Each waited for the other to speak. After a few moments, Ren took the plunge.

“So, you said I need ice.” He asked. “Where can I get that from?”

Of all things, Hux sighed.

“The canteen will be shut now, won’t it?” He said, but it was more to himself than anything. He seemed to be thinking of something, and looked displeased at the conclusion that he had been forced to come to, “We definitely don’t want to lead the office back to here. I suppose that means…we’ll have to go to my room.”

“Your room?” Ren blinked at him, “Why?”

"Because," Hux began, with the air of someone who really didn’t want to go on talking, "I have ice."

There was a pause. 

"Ice? In your room?" Ren asked, slowly.

"It's a mini fridge, okay?" Hux said in a rush," I might have to sacrifice a drink or something for you or...why are you looking like that?" Hux demanded, noticing Ren's raised eyebrows, the quirk to his lips.

"...You have a fridge. In your room."

"Don't say it like that-"

"Jesus fucking Christ." Ren said, smiling wolfishly now,"You rich students really do treat this place like a little hotel, don't you?"

"Do you want help or not?" Hux snapped, "We can go to the office and tell them _exactly_ what happened if you prefer that. In fact, I should be doing that considering this is my father's bloody school and you're quite happy destroying it."

"You wouldn't." Ren said, narrowing his eyes. 

"I will if you don't give me a little more respect.” Hux said, with dignity, “And stop trying to look intimidating; it doesn't work when your hand is ballooning to the size of your face."

Ren looked down; although Hux was exaggerating, his hand was indeed an ugly sight, and it looked painful. He gave a grunt.

"Fine." He said, and fluttered his ridiculous eyelashes at Hux, "Pretty please may I use your fridge? Is that better?"

"Nearly." Hux sniffed, "I'll show you the way, hurry up before I come to my senses and change my mind."

He began walking towards the door, not even bothering to check if Ren was following him. He decided that if Ren didn't then it was his own choice, damn it, and his hand really could swell up to the size of his face for all Hux cared. He reached the door, and of course could hear those loud, distinctive footsteps following him. 

The corridors were mostly empty, save for a few stragglers wandering about the closer they got to the main entrance. This was a good thing; Hux was hoping that no one would see him bringing Ren to his dorm. That was one piece of gossip that he would not tolerate people whispering about, and he knew that if Phasma got even a whiff of it, she wouldn’t let him live it down. He moved down the marble steps outside of the entrance, the finely cut facade of the school looming above him as it always did.

When Hux stopped outside of his door, he heard Ren's footsteps come to a stop just a little after him, caught short by Hux's suddenly pause. Swiftly, Hux reached for his key card and pushed the door open, and he was a few steps inside the room when he heard Ren whistle and say, "Wow, this really is how the one percent lives, isn't it?"

Hux turned around, realised that Ren was in the doorway peering around at his neat room with unashamed interest. Horrified, he barked, " _No_. You stay outside. In no circumstance are you entering my room."

"What, worried I'll dirty the floor with my muddy boots?" Ren did as he was told, but still peered in curiously, long nose just behind the threshold, "I thought you'd be a neat freak, looks like I'm not disappointed."

"Just because _some of us_ thrive in squalor doesn't mean the rest of us have to." Hux sniffed. "What are you, a compulsive hoarder? Have they had to banish you from your room?"

"Don't stay in a dorm." Ren said, the merest hint of regret in his voice. Hux couldn’t say he was wholly surprised at this information; he had never seen Ren hanging around the dorm buildings. Even so, he asked,

“So you live at home, then?”

“Mmm.” Ren sounded evasive. “Sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“When I feel like it.” Ren said with a shrug, as if this explained it. Hux gave up.

“You know,” He said, moving to the corner of the room where his fridge stood, “One day, you’re going to be so bloody mysterious that I’ll give up talking to you.” He bent down and opened the door, a cool waft of air on his face.

“Not likely.”

Shaking his head even though Ren wouldn’t see it, Hux grabbed a can, feeling the cold metal on his hand. With the air of someone doing a great sacrifice, he walked over to Ren and pressed it into his uninjured hand.

“There.” Ren took it, muttering a small thanks, “That should help. It might be better to put an ice pack on it later if you ‘feel like’ going home though.”

Ren just grunted in response. He pressed the metal to his swollen knuckles, relieved at the numbing cold on his skin, and stood in the doorway, eyes closed against the pain. Hux watched him for a moment, wondering how someone who could easily punch a dent into a wall could look so vulnerable. He let Ren have a moment to collect himself, but there really were a couple of things they needed to iron out.

“Okay, Ren. A few things.” He began, and Ren’s eyes shot open, looking wary. Hux folded his arms, “Firstly, you have got, and I mean this, _got_ to stop being so abrasive in the meetings. I’m not asking you to start dancing and handing out presents, but it’s getting absurd now and honestly? You’re bringing the team down.”

“Okay.” Ren said. He looked oddly sincere again.

“Secondly, I won’t call you up on mathematics questions in front of the team again. I’ll put you in for a different specialism and promote Bazine on that section so no one will notice. She’s probably second to me so people can’t complain.” Ren stared at him properly then, looking embarrassed.

“I don’t want special treatment-“

“This isn’t favouritism.” Hux was firm, “It’s practical. I need to re-arrange the team based on strengths and weaknesses, and you will prove your worth in another section. Or am I mistaken?”

“I- no.” Ren said, still looking a little abashed, adjusting the can in his hands to cover his embarassment. “I will.”

“On that point,” Hux continued as if Ren had not spoken, “You _are_ going to get help. You can’t continue with this proud nonsense.”

“Oh, yeah?” Ren bristled, “Says who?”

“Says me. Oh, you can stop puffing yourself up,” Hux sighed, “Ren, I’m not letting this go, it’s your _education_.”

“Fuck my education-“

“No.” Hux said, in a tone that brooked no argument, “Absolutely not. I won’t let you butcher your own future.”

“Hux, look at me,” Ren said, waving his injured hand in front of Hux’s face, “Consider what you currently know about me. Do you _really_ think I have a future?”

“Yes.” Hux said, before he could stop himself. Ren blinked at him in surprise, “As a royal pain in my arse.” He added quickly. “Come on, Ren, it’s incredibly pathetic to be that defeatist. Do you really want me to think you have less spine than Plutt?”

“…No.” Ren said. And then, “Fine. I’ll talk to someone. Professor Snoke knows; he tried to make me take exta tutoring but I hated the teacher. I’ll try again.”

“Good.” Hux said, relieved that Ren had managed to restrain himself from having another tantrum. “Now, as much as I would _love_ to have a large, oafish statue in my doorway, it doesn’t do much for the rest of my décor. Go home, and _please_ restrain yourself from punching any more walls?”

“I’ll try.” Ren said, with a twitch of a smile, “Although I might accidentally remember that you exist and be unable to stop myself.”

“I knew my legacy would be a wasted one.” He sat on his bed and waved a hand. “Now shoo.”

Still smiling, Ren half-turned to leave the doorway. Before he had left it completely, however, he seemed to be struck with another thought, and paused for a moment. Before Hux could ask what was the matter, he turned his head back and said in a rush, “I _was_ angry at the meeting because of home stuff. My dad. I accidentally spoke to him on the phone. That doesn’t sound bad but it’s been a year since I’ve spoken to him and I really didn’t need it today. Made me too fucking angry. ”

“Why are you telling me this?” Hux had to ask, curious at Ren’s sudden change of subject.

“To be less mysterious.” He said, and walked into the corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Ren with Dyslexia isn't too OOC- it just struck me that it would be interesting to see him struggling with something that would frustrate him so, as I see him as someone who is naturally good at a lot of things. Not too long until the First Round of the competition ;)
> 
> Edit: I've included a bit about Discalculus; I know dyslexia is generally more comprehension/word based, but it can also affect how you read numbers so that's why I mentioned it first off, as I feel it's relevant for Ren's case. Thank you for your comments though, it's good to get these things right :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the feedback on the last chapter! It really was helpful, as it has been a while since I properly wrote a fic so this one has really been a case of me trying to get back into it. I appreciate all of you reading, and thank you so much for being so lovely! As ever, my tumblr is kyloripped.tumblr.com, so if you have any q's I'm there. My update schedule might get a bit longer when I start my new term of uni, but I should post some updates there if that does happen. Please, enjoy <3

The next few days were rather uneventful for Hux. The looming fact of the first part of the competition was ever-present in his mind, as well as his large amount of school work, and so he had little time to focus on anything else except his essays and planning for the competition. Another slightly stressful item to focus on was a couple of interviews at universities that he also had coming up, and although he didn’t doubt his own abilities for one second, it didn’t do much for his already unrelaxing schedule. He had many late nights, and became terser and dark-eyed as the days went on.

To make matters even worse, his parents had organised one of their frequent dinner parties in the middle of this busy schedule and for some infuriating reason had insisted that he attend. Hux had tried his hardest to wriggle out of it, but even his mother would not relent, although she had the decency to sound a little apologetic on the phone. “I’ve not seen you in _weeks,_ Armitage.” She had said, in that plaintive way of hers, “And soon, I’ll hardly see you at all. Please don’t make me suffer this wretched party alone.”

And so, here he was, dressed smartly in a dark suit, an entirely fake half-smile on his lips as he hovered at his mother’s elbow, watching as she threw back her head of sleek red curls in laughter and knowing that she was faking it as much as he was. She had always been a good actress, however, and the guests seemed charmed by her, with her tall, elegant frame leaning on the furniture as languorously as a queen at court. When she caught Hux’s eye, her small, pouting lips that were so similar to his seemed to twitch into a private smile as if to say to him, _it’s so easy to please these idiots, isn’t it?_  
  
He wanted to talk to her, and wouldn’t admit that he was jealous of the other guests, but it sent a stab of annoyance through him when his mother was constantly surrounded by a flock of people as persistent as pecking hens. When he grew too bored of half-listening to their conversation, he moved to get her attention but was stopped in his tracks as a loud, “Rosaline!” called through the air. His father. With a slightly apologetic look at everyone around her, Rosaline moved towards where Brendol Hux stood impatiently waiting, sparing a secret sorry glance at her son as she passed him. Hux watched, impassive, as his father didn’t even spare him a glance.

Hux didn't want to be here. He really didn't. But, he played the part and smiled and inclined his head politely to everyone that spoke to him, and hated every moment of it. Whilst Hux wasn't above a bit of networking, he was woefully aware of how little the guests actually cared about him. Oh, they pretended just like him, but he could see their eyes glaze over when he answered their perfunctory questions. He was just a walking, talking accessory for his father’s ego and he itched to leave; instead, he was trapped in that stifling room, surrounded by a sea of dark, expensive clothing, floating in a low rumble of self-assured voices.

Boredom, a blur of shining wine glasses, the rich, thick carpets of their large house. It all jumbled together for him, a symbol of the life he was so clearly expected to follow. Bureaucratic, simpering, boring. By the time Hux had somehow managed to get close to his father, he was amusing himself by imagining Ren punching through their tasteful gilt wallpaper, those large hands shredding some excitement into his life. He was so taken by this image that he was quite unaware that someone was talking to him until he heard his father’s rumble slice through the air.

“Armitage?” He said, irritable, “You’re being spoken to.”

Snapping out of it, Hux turned to see one of his father’s colleagues smiling at him in a slightly bemused way. He was shorter than Hux, and a little on the paunchy side, a military man somewhat gone to seed.

“Oh, it’s no trouble.” He said, jovially, sensing Hux’s embarrassment, “Your father, Armitage, told me that you were applying for universities! I was just wondering, what subject will you be reading?”

With a flickering glance at his father, Hux replied, “Engineering, sir. Mechanical and Aeronautical, mostly.”

He caught his father’s eye then, cool, and not entirely happy, but Hux stood his ground. His choice of university subject was one of the only things he had ever openly disagreed with his father on, and even now Brendol’s displeasure was palpable. Oblivious, the old colleague exclaimed, “Engineering! Bless me, Brendol, I didn’t realise that you had someone so intelligent in the family.“ When Brendol gave a wan smile, and Hux flushed with a mixture of embarrassment and pride, he winked, “Not fancying a career in the military then, eh?”

There was a quiet pause as everyone waited to see what Hux would do. Feeling like he was caught in a trap, Hux said, “I have always, ah, felt that engineering was a career that was best suited to my talents, sir. Perhaps when I am graduated I might…consider it.”

“Oh, good, good.” He laughed, and the tension broke, “It would be a pity to see Brendol’s son turn completely away from his origins.”

“Quite so.” Brendol said quickly, and before anyone else could interrupt, “Now, Lieutenant, may I interest you in a story of our recent excursion to the ruined site of Alderaan? I feel that you would be interested in the details…”

And with that, Hux was quickly forgotten. Heart thumping, he extracted himself from the overpowering huddle of dull, apparently important people, and edged towards the door. When he was on the other side, he fell with his back to the wall and closed his eyes, trying in vain to suppress the sudden surge of anger welling up inside of him. The low rumble of voices from the adjoining room washed over him, and he tried to focus on the indistinct sounds, the clatter of heels on the fine wooden floor, anything other than the rage building inside of him. Slowly, with visible effort, he began to calm down.

The persistent tapping of heels grew louder, however. When Hux opened his eyes, he was confronted with the image of his mother, cheeks tinted a light pink from alcohol, her elegantly cut dress sparkling a little in the dull hall light.

“Armitage.” She said, softly, and Hux bristled at her tone, sensing the merest hint of pity that would blossom into something worse if he let it. He hardened his expression.

“Happy?” He spat, hardly caring at how rude he was being, “He doesn’t want me here. It’s painfully obvious. And why are you two being so friendly, anyway? I thought you were on a break.”

It took a moment for his mother to answer, but when she did, Rosaline was delicate, ”I am not happy to see you upset, Armitage. And your father and I don’t _do_ breaks. When Brendol gets silly I move back to my studio for a while, you know that. I’ll be back there tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Hux said, voice small. He didn’t mean it to come out that way; his mother always brought out this weaker side of him, intentionally or not. Rosaline blinked at him in surprise.

“Is something happening tomorrow?”

“I, it’s…it doesn’t matter.” Hux crossed his arms, and wouldn’t look at her. “It is of no consequence.”

“…Darling?” She prompted. She had only called him that as a child, or nowadays whenever she got a little drunk and the soft affectation slipped out like a hazy memory shimmering in the air. It always got through Hux’s defences, no matter how stoic he tried to be. He spoke to the floor.

“I have an interview at a university.” He said, curtly. “Corellia.” When he looked up, he saw to his surprise that his mother was smiling widely.

“Oh,” She breathed, “How wonderful. I’m sorry that I didn’t know. You must have told me- oh, you must think I’m _awful-“_

“No, no.” He said, quickly, “I haven’t spoken much about it. Father, well, you know that he doesn’t approve.”

“He doesn’t.” Her grin was wolfish now, “He is absolutely livid. Oh, _Armitage-“_ To Hux’s surprise, she grasped his hand, holding him in her firm grip.

“Mother…” He began, wondering at how drunk she really was, “I haven’t even had the damn interview yet. I might not get in.”

“You will.” She insisted, eyes shining, “You haven’t disappointed me yet.” She squeezed his hand, and he found that he didn’t mind, not really, “Now, come on, put your face on. I think I can hear that some of the guests are leaving.”

Put your face on. That was something she had been telling him for years, ever since he became old enough to understand the importance of manipulating people one didn’t like into liking oneself. Hux allowed his face to relax into a small, half-interested smile, and his mother nodded in approval. She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb, and let go of him with some reluctance. In that moment, at the exact point of the loss of contact Hux realised with a sudden twinge that he wanted to be hugged more than anything.

But, before this hope could manifest itself into an action, the murmur of voices became louder as footsteps approached the adjoining door, and his mother shimmered away from him. Hux crossed his arms, hands grasping close to his elbows, but it was a poor substitute for what he really wanted. He watched as a group of guests chattered across their lavish hallway, and smiled politely as they wished him goodnight, looking through him as if he was one of the decorative armchairs that lined the walls.

When they were gone, and his mother had slipped dutifully back into the dining room, Hux decided that he had played his part for the evening. He turned to face the spiral staircase that led upstairs, and he only had one foot on the plush carpet when he heard behind him,

"And where are you going?" Brendol Hux called through the corridor, mildly enough. When Hux turned around to see his father hanging out of the doorframe, he saw that his eyes were cold. Hand on the banister, Hux’s face hardened.

"To prepare for my interview.” He said in explanation. And when there was no response, he elaborated, “At Corellia." _You know this._ He wanted to scream. _You know I do._ His father stared back, cool as ever.

"Corellia." He repeated. He didn't need to say any more. The cold, unfeeling eyes spoke more than words ever could. This attitude, this clear snub towards him upset Hux more than anything else. 

"It's in the top five league table." He said, fighting to keep his voice even, hating that he was having to explain himself, "Their mathematics department is supposed to be outstanding. They... only interview twenty students a year for my course. "

“Is that so?” His father said, as if he didn’t know. “Well, you had better prepare, then.”

Not trusting himself to speak lest he say something to his father that they would both regret, Hux inclined his head, and made to move further up the stairs. When he was gone only a few steps, the voice called,

“Oh, Armitage?”

With a sinking feeling, Hux paused and said, “Yes, Father?”

"Don't disappoint me." 

 

***  
  
The next day, Ren sat alone in the library with his earphones firmly in place, loud music blasting over the irritating chatter of the other students. He had already been here for a while, pretending to work, enjoying the blissful calm of the early morning atmosphere when most students were too lazy to come in. Lessons had long started, however, and now Ren had to deliberately ignore his fellow classmates, and pretend not to care when they in turn ignored him. It had been this way for years.

Feeling a twitch of irritation, Ren turned his music up, despite the fact that it was already making his ears throb. His chosen isolation hardly bothered him anymore, but for some reason, today he could feel displeasure sinking its insidious fingers into him. He shook his head, displacing the dark curls around his face, and wouldn’t admit to himself that he wanted to talk to someone. A very specific someone.

A cursory glance around the library told him that the flash of red hair he seeked was not in sight, though his eyes did widen at a copper coloured mop of curls that turned out to be Nines. Ren looked away quickly then, not wanting to have to endure any awkward eye contact with the team member that he was fairly sure disliked him. His gaze instead fell upon Phasma, leaning back lazily on a chair as Mitaka bent over his work next to her.

Without giving a proper thought to what he was doing, Ren gathered up his books, thrust them into his bag, and pulled off his headphones. It wasn’t a long walk to Phasma’s desk, but the closer he got, the more he felt that this was perhaps not an entirely wise idea. It was too late now though; hearing the sound of boots clacking across the floor, Phasma had looked up and was observing his approach with her sharp face, eyebrow raised in a quizzical fashion. Ren stopped just short of her chair, feeling a little foolish.

“Hey.” He said, cursing that it had come out in a mutter. Phasma’s expression did not change.

“Greetings, Ren.” She said, doubtfully, “To what do I owe this dubious pleasure?”

Ren paused, unsure how to phrase what it was that he wanted, exactly. He wasn’t sure how to express that he wanted someone to tease, to feel that easy banter to flow between them that he hadn’t quite found with anyone else.

“Where’s Hux?” Ren asked instead, as nonchalantly as he could. Phasma glanced at him, not believing this for a second.

“He’s gone to an interview for a university. So he’s not in today.” She said, unwilling to offer much more information than this with so many people around them, “This is our last year, and I’ll be off to do the same next week. _Now_ can you see why the competition is so important to Hux?”

“Mmm.” Ren replied, disappointed, not quite looking at her, “I’d do anything to get out of this shithole.”

“Well,” Phasma said brightly, “You’ve only got another year after this one.” When he continued to look glum, she laughed, “Cheer up, Ren! I mean, if that’s physically possible for you…?” Scowling, Ren folded his arms, but Phasma only found this more amusing. She patted the desk next to her. “Come on, sit down. You might as well.”

Surprised at the invitation, as he was fairly certain that Phasma also disliked him, Ren nonetheless pulled out the chair with his good hand and sat down. When he rested his lightly bandaged hand on the table, Phasma eyed it carefully. 

“Shit. What happened there?” She asked.

“Uh.” Ren replied, unsure at how much of the truth he should actually reveal. “I had a fight with a wall.” He tried to flex his fingers, and failed, “The wall won.”

Phasma’s lips twitched with another smile, but she tried to hide her amusement.

“I see.” She said, “You really do pick the strangest fights.”

He found that he had nothing to say to that, and settled instead on staring at his hands, twisting the edge of the bandage this way and that. Phasma watched him for a moment, and then resumed her leaning on the chair, reading a book this time. The silence, oddly enough, was more companionable than awkward. Ren couldn’t fail to notice that this was one of the first times that he had been actually invited to sit with a group of people who didn’t seem over-eager for him to leave. The thought was strange, but not unwelcome.  


“Phasma,” Mitaka was leaning back on his chair now, old quiz cards in hand as he flickered his gaze to Ren, and then quickly away, “Do you have a spare pen I could borrow? Mine’s run out and-“

“I’m sorry for strangling you.” Ren told him, completely out of the blue, before Phasma could even open her mouth. Mitaka blinked at him, looking surprised, and then a little frightened as if he expected this to be some kind of trick.

“Um.” He said, glancing at Phasma for help, “That’s, um-“

“ _Don’t_ say it’s okay, Mitaka.” Phasma sounded a little despairing, “It isn’t. But thank you anyway, Ren. Don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.” He replied, so solemnly this time that even Mitaka had to smile.

“Good.” Phasma said, and threw a pen over her shoulder to Mitaka. He caught it, and the three of them resumed their separate tasks until the bell rang, and it was time for them to separate. Ren made his way to his English Literature class, still slightly unable to believe that he had stayed in the other two’s company, and that it had felt fine, easy even. He sat in his customary corner of the English classroom, still fiddling with the bandage on his hand and only half-listening.

When the lesson was over, and with it the school day, Ren made his way down the grand marble staircase of the front entrance, scowling at the unwelcome autumn sunshine. He drew his hood firmly over his head, hardly caring at how hot his outfit would make him as he sauntered over the pebbled pathway that led out of the grounds. He had already made his mind up to go into New Coruscant City and make use of the annoyingly sunny day, as he had been itching to draw for days and had lacked proper inspiration trapped at home and school. He wanted to go to the beach and listen to the softly rolling waves of the sea as he sketched something just out of reach, made tangible by the scratching lines of his pen.

Thankfully, Ren had the bus fare today and suffered through the tepid, sweaty heat of the old vehicle as it moved from the more suburban areas to the choking mass of the city. It was always quite something to see the neatly manicured hedges morph into the long twisting highway, and soon into the skyscrapers which loomed like jagged, watching faces, windows making eyes and gaping mouths. When the bus stopped at a busy street near the centre, Ren hopped off and greedily sucked in the ever so slightly cleaner air, finally relenting and shoving down his hood to let the light breeze roll on his face.

First thing first. He needed to go to the art shop and buy some more ink, as he had spilt his green one all over his desk a few days previously. It was annoying, certainly, but Ren liked the old art shop with its dusty cans of paint and labyrinthine shelves of mismatched pens and inks and other forgotten items. He made his way there, the low rumble of people and throaty roar of motorbikes echoing every step.  


***

 

When Hux was back in New Coruscant City, flying past the old, weathered welcome sign low on his motorbike, he was angry. One would have to observe him closely to see signs of this, but it was noticeable in the tight way that he clutched his motorbike handles, in the rough way in which he slammed the breaks down to come to a shuddering stop. He felt angry because….there was no need for him to be angry. The interview had gone well, very well, in fact. He would have gone as far to say that it had been excellent. But, each time he tried to savour this thought, his father’s voice, unfeeling and cold, leaked into his mind: Corellia. Sneer.

Scowling, Hux lifted off the helmet, breathing in the familiar fumes of that ever-moving city. He liked the city well enough, felt the power and awe in those massive, looming buildings, in the breath-taking scope of people and jagged facades, all jostling for space and attention. Everything was ceaseless and he was caught in that effervescent flow of minds and pollution and corruption, and it felt like home. It was far, far better than Arkanis, his true home city. Just the name in his mind brought another distasteful twist to his lips as he remembered the desolate skyline and the endless, mind-numbing rain. Arkanis. Wouldn’t his father just _love_ it if he went back there, out of sight, out of mind, rotting like the old wooden rooftops.

Well, Hux refused. He was sick of pandering to people, to be simpering and false, and worst of all, blank. He wanted to carve out something for himself, and if that meant defying his father, so be it. The very thought make his hands grip the helmet a little harder than was strictly necessary, but he was resolute. So be it.

Checking that his bike was safely locked up, he walked towards the bright row of shops that made up the promenade of this part of the city. Feeling like he required some much needed retail therapy, Hux spent a bit of time wandering around the more expensive shops, casting a critical eye over the clothes, anything to distract himself from feeling morose.

When he felt like he had done this for as long as he could possibly manage in his current temperament, he moved back to the railings of the promenade, leaning over them to peer down at the iron-grey sea. There were a few other people doing something similar, staring out at the opposite bank with its buildings shimmering in the burning autumn sunset like a mirage, and Hux half-glanced at the tall figure next to him, half-lit with the orange light of the evening. He did a double take.

“Oh.” He said, eyeing the mop of familiar black curls, “It’s you. Why is it that I’ve never bumped into you in town before?”

“You probably have.” Ren said, elbows on the railing, still staring out across the water, “You probably just didn’t care enough to notice.”

“True.” Hux conceded. Before he had met Ren, if he had indeed seen that tall, dark figure out and about with his scowling face and make-up and ridiculous chains, he most likely would have sneered and walked a little further away from him. “Are you following me?” He asked, only half-serious.

“No.” Ren said quickly. “It’s not illegal to come into town. And I was stood here way before you got here.” He turned away from the railings then, and his eyes widened as the looked at Hux.

“You have a _motorbike_?” Ren sounded incredulous, eyeing the shiny helmet clutched in Hux’s arms. Squirming at his scrutiny, Hux found that he resented the obvious disbelief in Ren’s tone.

“Yes. Is that really so surprising?” Hux asked, annoyed at his insinuation.

“Oh, sweet.” Ren said, but there was something other than disbelief in his tone now. Envy. “I’ve always wanted one.” Ren eyed him closely again, as if seeing him in a new and more impressive light. Hux felt very self-conscious all of a sudden.

“Can you ride?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow, and regretted it. For some reason, to him it sounded a little dirty. Ren wasn’t paying much attention, thank goodness, caught up in some memory.

“No-o.” He said, sounding regretful. “My dad could, though, and I’m almost certain my mother can. I must have spent my whole childhood messing with engines and stuff, but he never got around to showing me how to drive one properly, though I did try when he wasn’t looking.”

“That’s a shame.” Hux could well imagine Ren on a motorbike, sleek and dangerous. He almost considered joking that Ren could have a go on his bike if he behaved himself, until he realised that that would entail those long arms grasping around his waist. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that. “I could show it to you, if you’re really that interested…?”

“Oh, yes.” Ren sounded eager, more so than Hux had ever heard him, “I’ve not seen one in ages.” Indicating that they should go forwards, Hux led the way and Ren flapped behind him like an over-large and excited puppy. Hux found this sudden and unexpected interest very entertaining and was happy to indulge it. Ren usually seemed so grumpy, but this enthusiasm brightened him, changing his countenance almost completely. When they had done the short walk to where the bike had been left, Hux had the distinct impression that this was a different Ren to the one he had thus far come to know.

Ren let out a low whistle when the saw the bike. “Wow.” He said, admiring the shining black exterior, “Shit, that must have been expensive.”  
  
“I assume so,” Hux said with an attempt at a nonchalant shrug, though he knew so, “I got it a couple of years ago for my eighteenth.”  
  
“Lucky.” Ren cocked his head as he admired the side of the bike, “I’m surprised you have the engine exposed. I thought you would have gone for something…sleeker.”

“I like seeing the engine.” Hux said, “It would be cruel to hide away something so beautiful, don’t you think?”

“I do.” Ren grinned at him, all lipstick and that surprising goofiness, “I had no idea that you were interested in this sort of thing.”

“Well then,” Hux rolled his eyes, “You don’t really know anything about me then, do you? I mean, I _am_ planning to study Engineering after all. I’m quite interested in this sort of stuff.”

“Oh!” Ren exclaimed, looking embarrassed to have forgotten, “Yes. Phasma told me you had an interview, uh, did it go…okay?” He asked, a little awkwardly. Hux forgave him.

“Yes.” He said. “If I get a place and, what am I saying, I probably will, I’m tempted to go. Corellia certainly has a less, ah, hectic vibe than Coruscant.”

“Corellia?” Ren’s eyebrows shot up. His surprise ignited that tinder of annoyance Hux had been nursing all day.

“What,” He snapped, “Is everyones’ problem with Corellia? Am I missing something?”

“No, no.” Ren said quickly, “It’s nothing, it’s nothing. My dad, he grew up there, and I lived there for a few months when I was a kid. It’s just weird to hear it out of the blue, is all.”

“Oh.” Despite himself, Hux was interested to hear this tidbit about Ren’s elusive father. He was surprised to hear the rest as well, as he had assumed that Ren had always lived in the city.

“So, how long have you lived in Coruscant, then?” Hux peered at him, leaning on his bike with a lazy ease, curling a possessive arm about it. Despite his admittedly unsual appearance, Ren did have the look of an Old City resident. He just had a whiff of that Old City downtroddenness about him sometimes. Hux knew that, in contrast, with his expensive bike, clothes and learned haughtiness that he reeked of the New City. Ren paused, working it out in his head.

“Well,” He frowned, “I was born in Coruscant. We moved, uh, I don’t know, when I was three? Shit, I don’t know.” He shrugged, “We moved around a lot. Like, a _lot._ ”

“Oh.” Hux said. He had only ever lived in Arkanis and Coruscant, and couldn’t sympathise with this hermit-like way of living, “So you haven’t really been here that long?” He wondered if that was why it seemed that Ren didn’t have many friends.

“I have.” Ren insisted. “Well, we moved back here about, oh, six years ago?” Ren still seemed to be considering it. “Yeah, that’s right. This has been the place I’ve lived in the longest. Surprised I’ve lasted this long.”

“What do you mean?” Hux asked, confused, “Why did you move so much?”

“Dad’s job.” Ren tried to say it nonchalantly, but there was a definite bite of bitterness in his tone. “There was always some trouble. Once I got home from school and found our house completely trashed, like broken into and stuff stolen. Things like that used to happen all of the time. Used to drive my mum absolutely insane.”

“ _Shit.”_ Hux was surprised by this information, “What the hell did your dad do?”

“Uh.” Ren looked evasive, as he sometimes tended to when he was uncomfortable about disclosing information about himself, “This and that. He was always doing something different, so I couldn’t tell you for definite. Would always be great to explain at each new school, like, what does your dad do? With other kids it was like, oh, he’s a manager! He’s a stockbroker! He’s a nurse! What does your dad do, Ren? Oh, I don’t know, but we definitely got our windows smashed in last week because of it!”

And there. Ren was looking upset again, that old resentment sneaking onto his face that Hux knew so well. He was sorry that he had asked.

“Well,” Said Hux, wary of making Ren more upset, “That sounds mildly horrifying. My only consolation is that at least you didn’t grow up in Arkanis.”

"Arkanis!" Ren repeated, surprised, and Hux winced at his tone, "Wow. I knew from your accent that you weren't from around here, but..." He let it hang, both knowing that he didn't need to spell it out. 

"It wasn't utterly awful." He said, even though it was. Hux didn't even know why he was defending that sodden hellhole anyway, but for some reason he still felt like his birthplace deserved perhaps a tiny bit of respect, "I mean, it was a shithole but it's behind me now. Literally and figuratively. Moved here about ten years ago, thank Christ." 

"I can't imagine you in Arkanis." Ren admitted, "You're too-"

"Posh?" Hux finished for him, and Ren snapped his mouth shut. He had been going to say, of all things, "bright", although he couldn’t quite work out why that was the first word that had come into his head. Ren just couldn't imagine him trudging though the mud and grime of Arkanis, that bright red hair surrounded by the gloom and greyness of that sodden city. Even so, he was glad that Hux had prevented this odd sentiment from escaping him. 

"Yeah." He lied, not quite looking Hux in the eye, "Posh."

Hux snorted.

"My father beat out any hint of my being common, I can assure you of that." He said, with a hint of venom in his voice. Ren blinked at him, and opened his mouth to ask a question, but Hux was tired of thinking about his father. “Anyway,” He said, quickly, “Why are we still hovering here? Am I not distracting you from swooping down on some poor, innocent civilians to suck their blood?” 

“Oh, ha ha.” Said Ren, sarcastically, “Yes, because that’s where vampires thrive; the beach.” He cast another wistful look at the motorbike, “I was only on my way there to do, uh, something.”

“Something.” Hux repeated, but Ren didn’t elaborate. With a sigh, he said, “Well, I need to go to the shop to pick up some food before I head back, so I’ll walk with you.” When Ren looked surprised, he explained, “To check that you won’t sneak back here and pick the lock on my bike. I have a sneaking suspicion that’s an entirely plausible thing that you could do.” 

“Hah.” Ren snorted, “That’s _easy._ I’ve been picking locks since I was seven. Could probably jumpstart it, if I tried hard enough.”

“You see?” Hux said, already walking away, “I’ve got to watch you. Come on, get away from my bike or I’ll start thinking that you want to marry it soon.”

“Hmm.” Ren said grumpily, but he did as he was told, giving the bike one last, lingering glance. He followed Hux, and they treaded the cobbled pathway down the promenade, both relieved at the cool sea breeze playing on their faces. Hux hoped dimly that none of his classmates would see them, but the hope was less urgent than it had been in the past weeks. He doubted it anyway, as they moved to use a shortcut through the back streets. When they moved to a street only lightly populated with pedestrians, they began chatting again. When they were about halfway down, however, they both heard a raised voice.  


"Ben?"

The voice rang out behind them, clear as a bell, cutting though the quiet street easily. Hearing it, Ren's face paled as he looked out of the corner of his eye and seemed to recognise the owner of the voice. Immediately, he began walking faster, strides so long that Hux was caught off guard and almost had to skip to keep up.

"What are you doing?" Hux panted, cursing Ren’s long legs, as he tried in vain to match his pace, "Who in the world is that?"

" _Walk faster."_ Ren hissed, staring determinedly forwards.

"Ben!" The voice shouted, louder, sounding delighted. Hux, struggling and confused, demanded,

"Who is Ben? What is going-"

"Walk faster, walk faster, walk-" 

A figure sped past them and came to a shuddering stop in front of Ren, his kindly, moustached face cracking into a smile as Ren was forced to come to a halt in front of him,

"Ben! It _is_ you, well, what do you know-"

Arms folded, Hux could see that Ren’s face was burning, even underneath his foundation. Evidently, this was not a happy surprise for him.

“Uncle L-“ He began, and caught himself. “Lando.” He said, a little stiffly.

A slow feeling of realisation seeped through Hux, gaining in momentum until it emerged in a large, sly smirk. 

"Oh my god." He whispered. Ren stared daggers at him through the corner of his eye. The man, Lando, looked at Hux for a brief second, but brought his attention eagerly back to Ren, his enthusiasm a stark contrast to Ren’s frozen posture.

“Ben.” He said again, warmly, and Hux’s smirk grew wider, “My god, it’s been years! I didn’t expect to bump into you of all people! You look,” He stared upwards at the cold face, covered in foundation and lipstick, pentagram earrings dangling. “Different.” He finished, lip twitching. Ren was quiet, obviously uncomfortable, and Hux wondered if Ren was always this rude to people that he knew. To his relief, Ren spoke before it got too awkward.

“Yeah. I guess so.” Lando looked relieved that he had spoken too.

“You’ve definitely gotten bigger.” He said, craning his neck, “I swear, you must have been the same size as Chewie the last time I saw you.” Hux saw Ren twitch at this new name, and a shadow of something pass across his face, “Say, you seen him recently?”

“No.” Ren said, and for some reason, his voice sounded pained. “Not for years.”

“Years?” Lando said, looking surprised, “Surely not. You’ve seen your father-?”

“Not for years.” Ren repeated, sounding significantly less upset at this fact. Lando seemed to register this, and put two and two together. He side-glanced Hux again as if wondering how plainly to speak, but Hux didn’t say anything. He felt a little out of his depth here.

“Oh.” Lando said, looking for the first time a little uncomfortable himself, “That’s too bad. I was hoping to find him around, actually, I mean I knew you and your mother moved here a while back.”

“Well.” Said Ren, voice flat, “You won’t find him here. Trust me. ”

Lando looked at him for a long time. He seemed to search Ren’s face, the eyes that wouldn’t quite look at him properly, and it was painfully obvious that he felt sorry for Ren. He knew Han about as well as anyone could, and could tell even when Ren was a child the resentment he felt towards his often-absent father. Thankfully, he was wise enough not to put this into words.

“I see.” He said, seeming to understand that Ren wasn’t wholly comfortable with talking to him. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, he extended a hand for old time’s sake, “Well, nice to see you again, Ben.”

To his credit, Ren took the hand, and gave it a firm shake. In that instant of contact, he felt eight years old again, small, excitable, laughing at his rouge uncle’s jokes and anecdotes. He had liked Uncle Lando. He still did; it was just difficult to find himself confronted with such a startling reminder of the past, which he would dearly like to forget. He felt a little bad at his own coldness, to be perfectly honest. When he finally looked into Lando’s eyes, expecting more pity, he saw instead that he understood Ren’s discomfort, and held back. 

“Nice to see you too.” Ren said, and Lando cracked one of his bright smiles. To their surprise, he also extended a hand to Hux.

“Sorry,” He said, apologetically, “Didn’t mean to ignore you- I was just so surprised to see Ben! I didn’t quite catch your name?”

Warily, Hux took the hand, “Hux.” He offered. The merest crease appeared between Lando’s eyes, but he quickly hid it. They let go, and there was a brief pause before the older man said, “Well, best be going. I might check up on your mother, Ben. Maybe see you later?”

“Maybe.” Ren said, with a slight nod. Lando smiled again, shaking his head at the coincidence, and began walking. Ren watched him go, and waited until he was almost completely down the street until he turned back. He groaned at the expression on Hux’s face.

"Don't-"

“What an _interesting_ conversation.”  
  
“Hux-“ Ren said, warningly, but he was ignored.

"Your name is Ben." Hux savoured the name like a fine wine, "Dark, mysterious, mystical _Ben_. Please, tell me-is it short for Benjamin?"

" _Fuck_. You. You. Asshole." 

The gritted answer was all Hux needed for confirmation. His laughter flowed freely as he watched Ren's scowl get angrier and angrier.

“I didn’t even realise that Kylo Ren wasn’t your real name.” He said, grinning. Then another thought occurred to him, too sweet to pass up, and besides he was genuinely curious now, “Wait, so if your name is Ben, _surely_ your last name can’t be Ren. Although I honestly do wish your actual name was Ben Ren, I somehow think it’s not.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He fumed, looking determinedly at the floor. Sighing a little at Ren’s complete inability to have a little fun, Hux relented.

“Fine, fine! Don’t tell me about your mysterious, secret name. I’ll figure it out, mark my words.” 

“Hmf.”

“Oh, cheer up, Ben!” As soon as he said it, Hux regretted it. Ren twitched at the use of his real name, and even looked a little hurt.

“Don’t…call me Ben.” He said, quietly. “Please, don’t.” Hux was quite thrown; he had expected rile Ren into normality, not make him more upset. 

“Okay, okay.” He said, hastily, “That was low of me. I won’t do it again.”

“Thanks.” Ren said, and then, “I didn’t change my name for nothing, you know.”

“I suppose not.” Hux conceded, and before he could stop himself, ”I wish I could change mine.”

“Really?” Ren said, looking surprised at this confession, “ _Surely_ it can’t be that bad. What is it?”

“Unimportant.” Hux said curtly, and it was Ren’s turn to look exasperated.

“What an unusual name.” He said, drily, “You definitely won’t be able to get that in a gift shop.”

“It’s a tragedy I must bear, certainly.”

They carried on walking, until it took them both a moment to realise that they had overshot the supermarket by a street or two. It had seemed that they had been too busy talking to notice. There was an awkward moment as they both realised this at the same time, and Hux glanced behind him in the direction that he should have gone.

“I should really go.” He said, wondering why he was justifying himself, “I am sorely lacking in comfort food and I need it to survive my approximately one thousand essays.”

“Fair enough.” Ren said, amused, “See you later, Unimportant.”

“See you around, Arsehole.”

Ren’s laughter seemed to follow him as he turned to walk back down the street. He was a few paces away when Ren called, “Oh, Hux?”

“Yes?” He replied, not stopping.

“Give your bike a kiss from me, yeah?”

Shaking his head at Ren’s ridiculousness, he called back, his voice becoming more distant, “You are _not_ courting my motorbike, Ren.”

It only occurred to him when he was finally in the supermarket, scanning the shelves of brightly packaged chocolate bars, that he didn’t feel angry anymore.

 

***  


  
The next day at school, Hux stifled a yawn as he sat in the mostly empty canteen, clutching a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. He really needed it- missing school yesterday meant that he had even more work to catch up on on to of his current load. Groaning, he rested his face in his hand for just a moment. What he wouldn’t do for a bit of rest.

Letting his eyes close for a few blessed seconds, he heard a shuffle as a tall shape plopped down next to him. Opening his eyes a crack, he could tell from the grey shorts and vest that it was Phasma.

“Hey, you.” She said, nudging his chair with her foot, “I need to talk to you for a moment. About the competition, or more specifically Ren.”

“Oh?” Hux said, disliking the urgency in her voice, and raising his head ever so slightly, “What has he done now?”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” Phasma waved it away, “Look. I overheard Plutt talking to some of his cronies. I know, I know,” She said hurriedly, when Hux’s face twisted, “I should know better than to listen in on their stupid conversations. But they were complaining loudly about Ren and it wasn’t exactly difficult to overhear it.”

“What were they saying about him?” Hux asked, voice even.

“They were talking about how it’s apparently a joke that he’s on the team. I _know_ Hux, don’t look at me like that, but unfortunately, people seemed to be agreeing with him. But that’s not it- he was also saying that Ren was completely unprepared for the first competition next week because he missed that one meeting and then was too grumpy to properly join in on the next one.”

“So?” Said Hux, when she let it hang. She gave a sigh.

“Well, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s not exactly untrue, is it?” She paused, “He hasn’t been great, Hux. We don’t even know what he’s good at, and currently? It does look like he might bring the team down.”

“He’s, it’s-“ Hux struggled to think of a response to this that didn’t sound like he was trying to defend Ren, because Phasma’s words had a definite ring of truth in them, “What do you want me to do about it?” He finished, a little pathetically. She gazed at him, a slight frown line between her eyebrows.

“From what I’ve noticed, Ren doesn’t do great when he’s around a lot of people. He’s _slightly_ better when you’re around, actually.” Hux bristled at this.

“Better?” He snorted, “More arsey, don’t you mean?”

“Mmm.” Phasma said, but seemed to be ignoring him, “What I’m saying, you idiot, is that Ren might benefit from a bit of help with the competition. Without the others.”

“Wait, wait, hang on,” Hux said, frowning at her. “Let me get this straight; you want me to have a one-on-one session with him? With Ren? Who punched a wall when I tried to help him last time?”

“Yes, you drama queen.” Phasma rolled her eyes, “Don’t pretend you’re not the only one who can get him to shut up. Look, he _listens_ to you. You can sit there and sulk and twitch at me all you want, but I’m just stating the facts. Make Ren take it seriously, or there will be hell to pay. Mark my words.”

Hux opened his mouth to bite back a vicious reply, a multitude of arguments ready on his lips.

“Fine, fine! I’ll do it.” He said instead, “He’s incredibly proud though- he’ll take it as an insult.”

“How on earth did we miss Ren all of these years?” Phasma said, sounding exasperated, “He’s like a sulky, goth version of you.”

Choosing to ignore this jibe, Hux brought out his phone. Moving his back deliberately to face Phasma, he wrote a quick message on his chat with Ren.  
  


**[A. Hux]:** Are you on the school grounds?

A couple of minutes later, cutting through his stony silence with Phasma, Hux saw the little ellipsis that meant Ren was typing.

**[Kylo Ren]:** This is a strangely sinister message 2 randomly receive. Are u watching me?

**[A. Hux]:** Ren.

**[Kylo Ren]:** for fuck’s sake. I forgot about the text speak thing. You are SUCH a weirdo

**[A. Hux]:** Answer the damn question.

**[Kylo Ren]:** Fine. I’m about to leave. Why?

**[A. Hux]:** I want to talk to you about something, just briefly.

**[Kylo Ren]:** …can’t you just ask me now?  
  
**[A. Hux]:** I would much rather speak to you in person. Typing can be easily misconstrued, and I would just hate it if you thought I was being sarcastic or cruel. Also, you’re less likely to have a tantrum and slither away if I’m actually there.

**[Kylo Ren]:** Oh, ha ha. Right, whatever. I’ll wait by the big pillar at the West Wing but if you take longer than ten minutes I’m walking. I DO have a life outside of you and the quiz you know.

**[A. Hux]:** Don’t you just wish you did.

**[Kylo Ren]** Whatever, Agatha.

 

When Hux popped his phone back into his pocket, he turned to see that Phasma was staring at him with open incredulity.

“Were you…smiling at your phone?” She asked.

“No.” Hux snapped. “You must have mistaken my grimace of pain for something else. Anyway, must be off.”  
  
Shaking her head at him, Phasma watched him go without further comment.  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd mention, I'm sorry if the spelling has gone a bit awol because my word spellcheck has gone funny. I actually am really looking forward to the next few chapters because the stuff I've written I've been waiting a while to use! So apologies if it has seemed a bit slow so far- I'm a sucker for setting stuff up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, thank you so much for your support on this story! There was a point where I was considering not carrying on because of various things, but I am so happy to continue. So, thanks for reading, and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter (which was very, very fun to write, aha!).

When Hux walked across the grassy courtyard towards the large, marble pillar, the first thing he observed was that Ren’s hair was wet, and that he had a large bag slung carelessly across his shoulder. So he had just caught him after one of his secret fencing sessions, then. Ren watched him approach with a casual air, his cheeks still ever so slightly flushed from his exertions. He was wearing a dark leather vest with cut off sleeves, and Hux noticed for the first time that his muscled arms had a multitude of freckles on them, a stark contrast to his deliberately made-up face. He wondered vaguely if Ren had freckles hidden there too, before he came to his senses and pushed this ridiculous and unnecessary observation away from him.

“You took your time.” Ren stated, arms crossed.

“And yet, you still waited for me.” Hux pointed out. He had been unavoidably detained by one of his teachers, waffling on and on about some stupid essay he had written the week before. When he had finally escaped, he wondered if Ren would keep true on his threat and go home without him. It seemed, however, that this had been an empty promise, and Ren picked at a loose thread on his vest rather than admit it.

“So, you wanted to speak to me?” He said, instead.

Hux steeled himself. From what he knew of Ren so far, he just knew that this would not go down smoothly.

"Ren." Hux said, with the air of someone who was about to go into a battlefield, "The first stage of the competition is next week. We've got to be as prepared as possible."

"...Right." Ren said, looking bored. He had heard this numerous times before in their meetings, when Hux was in one of his more passionate and despairing moods.

"So," Hux paused, wondering what the best way to phrase this was, "You are our newest member. We have been somewhat neglectful with your participation thus far," By ‘we’, Hux of course meant ‘you’, "And I think that you would benefit from a study session, separate from the current meetings. To be completely ready, of course."

Ren looked at him, disbelief becoming clearer and clearer on his face the more Hux spoke.

"A study session." He repeated, drawing the words out, "What the _fuck_ does that mean?"

"There's no need to be like that." Hux said quickly, but it was too late. Ren already looked quite upset.

"Is this because I've got Discalculus?" He said, sounding hurt, "I'm not going to mess it up because of that. You _know_ I won't."

"No." Hux replied, delicately. And when Ren still clearly didn't believe him, "I'm offering because you need to be better prepared, and I can tell that you're nervous about it."

"I am _not_." Ren insisted, although Hux could tell from his tone that he had hit close to the mark.

"Oh, really?" Hux said, raising his eyebrows, "Why is it then that every time Plutt goads you about it, you fall right into his trap and start hissing like an old kettle?"

Ren had no answer to that. Arms still crossed, he looked down at the floor, as unyielding as the marble pillar behind him.

"Who would be teaching me?" He asked, voice flat. Hux blinked at him.

"Well," He started, confused by the question, "Me, of course."

That made Ren look up.

"Oh." He said, sounding surprised, "I thought you were going to make one of the teachers do it. So...would it just be me? And you?" He sounded half hopeful, as if he was only a little certain that this was something he truly wanted.

"I could, ah, offer the session to other team members if you want me to." Hux said, a little awkwardly, hoping dearly that he wouldn't have to. He could only imagine how uncomfortable it would be if he was forced to invite, say, Nines along too.

"No." Ren realised that he had said this much too quickly, and tried to backtrack, "No. I would rather the team didn't know. They hate me enough as it is, anyway."

Hux paused. He wasn't sure how to counter what Ren had said, as current evidence pointed to him being completely true. He settled instead on saying, "Is that a yes, then?"

Ren considered him carefully. The knowledge that this was something they would do together, away from the team was not lost on either of them. Hux was ready to accept Ren's refusal, after all, it was not as if he enjoyed being in Hux’s company even slightly-

"Yes." Ren said. "Okay. Fine. If you insist."

For a moment Hux was caught quite off guard; he had expected to argue with Ren much more on the matter. He collected himself, although he still felt rather flustered.

"Oh, good."  He said. "That's settled then."

"I guess." Ren replied, looking a little surprised himself at what he had agreed to. And then, "Where will we do it? The library?"

Hux considered his question for a moment.

"Hmm." He thought of all the students who would be there, watching and listening to the admittedly odd couple doing work together, "No, I don't think so. I don't think this is something we can just do in an hour, and the library might close before we're done."

"Okay." Said Ren. He looked a bit relieved at the refusal. It seemed that he, too, wasn't eager for others to observe them. "Uh, your dorm?" He suggested.

"No." Hux said quickly. "Absolutely not." He couldn't bear the thought of he and Ren in that confined space. It felt too private, too intimate, somehow. If someone saw him bring Ren inside his room...no, he didn't want to think about it.

"Oh, whatever, princess," Ren rolled his eyes, "I guess..." He paused, thinking something over; "I guess you could come to my mother’s house, if you really insist on being that stubborn about it." He suggested, with the air of someone doing a great sacrifice.

"Oh." Hux said, genuinely not having considered this. Despite himself, he was a little curious about Ren's home, "I suppose that would be...a solution."

"Hmm." Ren snorted, "That, or you're just being a nosey fucker. Okay, you can come over as long as you leave before my mother gets back."

"And why is that?"

"Because she'll hate you." Ren said, without preamble. When Hux opened his mouth to protest, he elaborated, "Believe me, she will. I'm absolutely certain of it."

"Well, she sounds about as charming as you are, at least." Hux huffed. "What's her name, so I can at least not look like a complete imbecile if I do see her."

"Her name isn't important." Ren said quickly.

"Oh Ren, come on!" Hux protested, "Am I supposed to call her Mrs. Ren like she's a teacher?"

For some reason, this made Ren look very uncomfortable indeed.

"She's not called Mrs. Ren; I told you Ren isn’t my last name. Don't call her anything. Don't talk to her. Don't even look at her."

"You are just _so_ hopelessly awkward." Hux shook his head at Ren. The tall, dark figure did not deign to reply to this, and instead crossed his arms looking defiant and for some reason, a little nervous.

"So?" He said, expectantly. When Hux stared at him he said, "Are we doing this now, or tomorrow?"

"Now?" Hux replied, thinking fast. He felt like he needed to prepare a little before he visited Ren's house. It was a logistical headache. "No. Tomorrow would be best, I think."

Again, Ren looked a little relieved. He hoisted his bag higher upon his shoulder.

“Tomorrow.” He nodded, “Shall I, uh, give you my address or do you want to go from school? I have a free period last.”

“I’ll meet you there.” Hux said, quickly, thinking ahead in case something went horribly wrong and he needed an escape route, “I’ll bike it. Will your mother mind my bike being in the driveway?"

“Mmm.” Ren considered it, “Nah, probably not. She might not even be around; she works overtime some nights and sometimes stays over at-“ He stumbled over his sentence, just stopping himself from saying ‘school’, “At where she works.” He finished. Hux stared at him, noticing the blunder, but decided not to comment.

“Okay.” He said, “Your address, then?”

Ren gave it to him, and when it was done, they parted ways. It was only when Ren was through the courtyard and in the doorway leading to an adjoining corridor that it really hit him that he had basically invited Hux to his house. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had someone over, if he ever had in recent years. Not even the Knights had visited. He paused, hand resting on a door handle, wondering if he regretted it. It took him until he was halfway through the corridor to admit to himself that, no, he didn’t.

 

***

 

The next day, Hux was low on his motorbike, wending through the winding roads that led from school and into the surrounding suburbs. It was quite a pleasant change from the grey of the city, and although the houses did not have the same grandeur as the ones in his own area, he supposed there was a certain charm to their manicured hedges and occasional run down fence. He couldn’t really imagine Ren living in any of the houses he passed, but then again, he supposed that as he imagined Ren in some sort of dark, gothic castle, this was hardly likely to be realistic.

Having memorised the roads surrounding Ren’s on the map he had brought up on his phone, Hux slowed down a little as he recognised the name of a road that he knew joined up to where he was supposed to go. Soon, he was drawing up in front of a house with a bright blue door, the lavishness of the front garden surprising him. There was a lot of care there, he observed, and it could hardly be because of Ren. As he killed the engine and moved to take his helmet off, he couldn’t help but twitch a smile at the mental image of Ren in an apron and watering can, watering the flowers with his usual dour expression.

“What are you smiling at?” It was the real Ren, hanging out of the front door, not an apron in sight. Instead, he was wearing a sleeveless top a little like the vest of the previous day, but with a few chains dangling from it, and skinny jeans that were tight on his long, muscular legs. Hux was momentarily distracted by the thick khol around his eyes, much thicker than he would get away with at school.

“Nothing.” He said, and swung the front gate open. “Love your front door, by the way. It’s eye-scorchingly bright. ”

“My uncle picked the colour.” Ren explained, “I wanted red but was outvoted. Come on, I’ll put your bike in our garage.”

Hux followed him, hauling the bike. Ren opened the door to the garage and lent him a hand, shifting the bike easily with that brute strength of his.

“You’re only helping so you can touch my bike, aren’t you?” Hux asked, eyeing Ren as his big hand lingered on the handle as he moved the bike into place amongst tubs of paint and old car parts. He didn’t look the least abashed.

“Maybe.” He admitted, frowning as he saw Hux examining some of the car parts. “What are you doing?”

“How come you have all of this?” Hux asked, nudging an old and battered looking wheel bearing with his foot, “Do you fix stuff in your spare time?”

“Not really anymore.” Ren admitted, “I used to, but I haven’t recently.” He had been feeling too down for it lately, wondering what was the point of trying to fix small things when there was no chance of fixing the bigger stuff, “Most of it was my Dad’s, but it’s been years since he was in here. We should throw it away, but I don’t think my Mother wants to.” For some reason he hadn’t been able to face it either, and the parts scattered the garage like ghostly imprints of his father, always ready to trip him underfoot.

Hux turned tactfully away from it then.

“Okay.” He said, “Where should we do the session?”

Ren thought about it, “My room.” He decided. There would be less chance of his mother seeing them, although Ren was almost certain that she wouldn’t be in the house tonight. Hux nodded, and followed Ren as he went through a door that led upwards through the house. Hux stared about himself curiously as they moved up the softly carpeted staircase, hoping to find pictures of Ren and his elusive family, but for the moment he was disappointed to find none around. It was a nice house; cosy, with a lot of old wooden furniture and little knickknacks on shelves. Hux was quite surprised, although he wasn’t sure what he had been expecting.

Ren’s bedroom, however, was almost entirely as he imagined it would be. It wasn’t exactly messy, but it was very cluttered with possessions haphazardly balanced on shelves or on top of boxes, various band posters tacked to the red walls. It seemed that he had been allowed to choose his own room colour, then. The effect was somewhat eye watering, the bright red making everything seem more vibrant somehow.

There were a couple of drawings hanging on the wall too, ink drawings of forests and dark figures crosshatched to make them indistinct and a little ethereal, but the overall effect was quite pleasing. Ren, having plopped himself on the bed, followed Hux’s gaze with a somewhat nervous eye. Everything about him seemed oddly nervous as soon as they had entered the room, as if he was waiting for Hux to pass judgement upon him.

“Nice drawings.” Hux said, meaning it, “Who did them?”

There was a pause. Ren looked shifty.

“…I drew them.” He said, fiddling with one of his chains.

“Oh.” Hux scrutinised them even closer, trying to imagine Ren’s big hands sketching something so delicate, “I had no idea you could draw. Why have you never said?”

“Is it relevant?” Ren said, not properly looking at Hux, though what he really meant was ‘would you really have cared?’. Hux seemed to sense it.

“I suppose not.” Hux admitted. “Well. I’m already enjoying this experience- you are becoming less and less mysterious as time goes on. Soon you’ll be almost normal, and then who will I have to infuriate me?”

Ren snorted at this. All of a sudden, he felt much less nervous.

“Normal my ass.” He said, and then, “Are you going to carry on staring at all of my things, or are you going to sit down?”

Hux turned away from the drawings then, and eyed Ren’s furniture. It was curiously mismatched; two cheap looking chairs, a few bookshelves and a dresser that didn’t really go together at all. It seemed quite different to the rest of the house, and Hux wondered vaguely why this was so. He eyed a rolling chair that was sat at Ren’s desk, but it seemed churlish to sit all the way over there when Ren was on the bed. Feeling a bit foolish, he lowered himself onto the sheets, sitting cross-legged. Ren stared at him; it was difficult to grasp the concept that Hux of all people was sat on his bed. Hux did not miss this.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I’m waiting for you to tell me what to do.” Ren admitted. Hux rolled his eyes.

“Relax, Ren,” He said, exasperated, “I’m not here to make you feel uncomfortable. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“No, no.” Ren said, quickly. He felt stupid, “Let’s start. So, what do I have to do?”

“First things first,” Hux said, and dug into his bag to retrieve his notebook. “Okay,” He said, hovering his pen over the page as he consulted his notes, “For the competition, I have you down for Music, Sport and,” His eyes flickered to the drawings on the wall, “Art. Is that correct?”

“Yeah.” Ren replied, “Maybe general knowledge? I’m quite good at remembering stuff.”

“Okay.” Hux wrote another note on the paper. “Right, you do understand how the quiz works, don’t you?”

“I do.” Ren replied, “I saw the final last year. That was, ah, unfortunate.”

Hux gripped the pen a little harder, expression pained.

“Unfortunate doesn’t cover it.” He said, through gritted teeth. Ren regretted mentioning it at all.

“You were good though.” Ren told him, and when Hux looked surprised, he elaborated, “That’s the only reason why I remember it- your face whenever your idiotic captain spoke was priceless. You looked like you wanted to _kill_ them.”

“That certainly did run through my mind, yes.” Hux was a little distracted by the news that Ren had known him before he had joined the team. He wondered what Ren had thought of him, originally. He remembered how rude Ren had been to him when they had first spoken; he probably hadn’t been too impressed with him, then. He pushed this troubling thought away.

“Right then, I think we should focus on your main strengths. Why is music one of your preferred subjects?” Hux brought his gaze then to one of the posters, featuring a heavy metal band and all of their dark, studded finery. Ren scowled at him and his clear insinuation.

“Hey.” He protested, “Don’t be so judgemental. I like a lot of stuff. Don’t be one of those assholes who assumes that just because I like metal means that I don’t have brains, or taste. Metal’s great, it's got feeling, you know?”

“I’m not sure whether I do.” Hux admitted, and when Ren bristled, “I shall take your word for it, though. How are you with classical?”

“ _Please_.” Ren said, rolling his eyes, “My mother loves classical music. Her and one of my uncles used to fight with my dad over who got to put the cassette in the car radio all of the time. Classical won a lot. A _lot._ ”

“Is this the same uncle as the one we met the other day?”

“No.” Ren said, “Lando’s not my real uncle, obviously. Neither is the other one I’m talking about. I have…a lot of uncles who aren’t actually related to me.” He shrugged at Hux’s bewildered expression, “My family gets around.” He explained.

“…Right.” Hux said, and made a note on his paper. “Rock?”

“Bingo- dad listened to that, obviously. I’m almost certain he knew all the lyrics to the Disney songs too, can I put that down?”

“Why would that be relevant?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Said Ren, airily, “You’ve got to be prepared for any eventuality, Hux.”

“I’ll put down ‘animated soundtracks.’

“You just _have_ to make it sound so pompous, don’t you?” Ren leaned back on his pillow, stretching his long legs out lazily. He nudged Hux’s leg with his own foot, hardly believing his nerve but doing it anyway. “What are your specialisms, anyway? Fine dining, suit tailoring and the Spice Girls?”

Hux huffed, “I am the backbone of the team, I’ll have you know. I am taking on the noble subjects of Maths, Physics, Politics,” He side-eyed Ren, “And Posh Spice. She was my favourite of the available options."

“ _Christ_.” Ren exclaimed, eyes wide as he lay on the cushion. “Was that a joke? Are you joking? What on earth have I done. What version of you have I _unleashed._ ”

They continued much like this for a while, working through the sections Ren had selected. Hux found Ren to be much more informed than he had previously expected; it seemed that underneath his angry, scowling exterior, he was much more intelligent than he let on. He tried to hide the fact that he was impressed when Ren answered some tricky pre-prepared questions on modern artists correctly, but it was hard. Ren just shrugged.

“When I like something, I like to know all about it.” He explained, “There’s always more to know, more to find out, you know?”

“I do.” Said Hux. They caught each other’s eye, and understanding passed briefly between them. Embarrassed, they both looked away quickly.

They had quite a long and healthy debate on sport, which Ren apparently loved and Hux thought was frankly extraneous. Hux didn’t find it too surprising that Ren enjoyed the more violent sports, like wrestling and kickboxing.

“Of course _you_ like sports.” He told Ren, “You’re so enormous, you could probably flatten anyone that you wanted.”

“You think so?” Said Ren, looking oddly flattered.

When the light outside the window was getting decidedly more orange, casting an even more sinister blood red tinge to the room, Hux and Ren had resumed their argument about music. Ren had actually gotten his mp3 player out and was trying to thrust it into Hux’s hands.

“No _way_.” He was saying, “I won’t accept that you don’t like The Smiths. Stop trying to get away, put the earphones in.”

“ _Ren_ ,” Hux complained, trying to avoid the big hands flapping in his face, “I’m resolute. If I want to be miserable, I would rather make others suffer with me than it be because of a bloody song.”

Eventually, Hux gave up struggling and lay on Ren’s bed, listening to the sad, downbeat music on Ren’s music player and caring much less than he had been pretending to. It was actually one of the most relaxing things he had done in a few days, having so much work to stress about that he had hardly had any time to just lie somewhere and have a breather.

Hux was genuinely surprised. He had truly thought that by now, Ren's house would have bored him and he would be itching to return to his dorm. But it wasn't so; it had been rather enjoyable, poking fun at Ren's posters and music and seeing him get more passionate and annoyed the more he did it.

When a few songs had finished, Hux sat up and looked at Ren, who had his legs drawn up to his chest and chin on his knees, seeming content to sit there staring at nothing. He was so peculiar; so sharp, and yet soft, sometimes infuriating, and then sometimes intriguing. Hux found it very hard to keep up with his changeable personality sometimes, and yet, he also discovered that didn’t mind the challenge.

Hux looked out of the window then, and was surprised to see how dark the sky was getting. Ren, snapping out of his daydreaming, followed his gaze and seemed similarly shocked to see the orange of the sky leaking into dark blue. He cocked his head at Hux.

"So, it's getting pretty late, I guess." He said, sounding hesitant.

Hux nodded. Ren was probably bored of his company by now, and he didn't want to make it any more awkward than it had to be. Ren was looking at him a little strangely, and they both started speaking at the same time.

"Do you want to-"

"Yeah, I should probably-"

"-Get a pizza or something?"

"Leave if you want- wait, what?"

Ren opened his mouth, then closed it again. Hux stared at him, took a moment to realise his mistake. _Oh shit,_ he thought. Ren was looking at the floor, clearly embarrassed,

"Oh, if you need to go that's fine, don't worry about it. I, uh..." 

Hux stared at him. He thought about going back to his room, walking past the groups of people drinking and chatting together and going back to his never-ending piles of work. He thought about going to his bed, bored and tired and with no one to talk to. He thought of Ren alone in the house.

"Do you think I've completely lost my mind? Only an idiot would turn down free pizza." Ren looked at him then, startled, and Hux cocked an eyebrow, "It _was_ an offer of free pizza wasn't it? Which you definitely owe me for suffering your god awful opinions on sports and wailing music, by the way."

"Wailing?" Ren saw the chance Hux had given him and took it gladly, "If you're calling The Smiths wailing, you're paying for half, you philistine."

Only a little while later, they sat cross-legged on Ren's bed eating hot slices of pizza, ordered from a little place Ren apparently knew well. Something about it Hux found quite thrilling; in his house, he would never dare to eat on his bed lest he incur the wrath of his father. Even in his dorm, he still felt a little guilty whenever he ate in his room, as if his father knew and disapproved. This was not the case for Ren's room, however, and he snorted when Hux asked if they should go into the kitchen, throwing the boxes on his bed. Hux had paid half in the end; he tried to pay for it all but Ren wouldn’t let him, and the delivery man looked confused when Ren batted Hux’s hand away.

It was pleasantly warm, and Hux lay on Ren’s bed, as full and content as a cat. He felt quite tired, actually, but was trying his hardest to pretend that he wasn’t. Ren was sketching next to him at this point, seeming comfortable to do so now that Hux knew about his apparent secret skill. He peered upwards; Ren’s eyes with their very thick eyeliner were intense in their concentration as he sketched, and Hux wondered if his make-up was always this dramatic when he wasn’t in school, or whether he had just put more of an effort in today. Either way, he spoke to distract himself from his tiredness.

“Can I see your sketchbook?” He asked. Ren’s pen paused, and a brief flash of embarrassment showed on his face.

“Oh.” He said, sounding conflicted, “I don’t know. It’s not all good.”

“Even so.” Hux insisted, “I’d like to see it. Unless you’ve been drawing something inappropriate…?”

“Oh, ha ha.” Said Ren, but he still looked a bit flustered, “There are some nudes, but I can warn you beforehand so you can shield your innocent little eyes.”

“Well, well,” Said Hux, feigning horror, “I might faint, in that case. Come on.” He wriggled his fingers, “Hand it over. Let me see the nudes.”

“You’re filthy.” Ren said, but he passed the leather-bound sketchbook over, only a little reluctantly now he knew that Hux was more interested than ridiculing.

He watched, chin back on his knees, as Hux flicked through his book, scanning through the drawings. Hux himself could draw to an extent, but preferred the more technical sort with its logic and planning and linear rules. Ren’s style was more free, sometimes verging towards the realistic, and then back towards the abstract, and he flipped past rougher sketches and finer, more elaborate illustrations. It was mostly quite dark, which was unsurprising, but Hux was caught off guard when he flipped a page and was assailed with a bright ink drawing of the open sky above a stark plain, small plants just about overtaking the ruined earth. Ren eyed him as he ran his fingers over the delicate ink lines.

“Where is this?” Hux asked, admiring the subtle spots of vermillion that indicated that small flowers were growing in cracks in the lichen-stained rock.

“Alderaan.” Ren said, sounding a little sad. “We went there when I was eleven. Was a pretty depressing trip, but the flowers were growing back. Made me feel…hopeful, in a weird way. Probably didn’t look like that, not really. I was just a kid when I saw it.”

“It’s,” Hux didn’t want to say good; the drawing deserved more praise than that. Compliments didn’t come easily to him, but he tried anyway, “Very skilled, Ren. Have you considered doing art at university?”

There was a pause. There was a slight frown line between Ren’s eyes as he considered the question.

“I…don’t know if I want to go to university.” He picked at the seam on his trousers.

“Really?” Said Hux. The concept was odd to him. “Why not? What else would you do?”

“I don’t know.” Ren sighed, “I hate school. No one likes me. Why would university be any different?”

Hux didn’t know what to say to that. He looked back to the sketchbook, and couldn’t help but feel that Ren was just letting his skills go to waste.

“You should consider it.” He said firmly. Ren made a noise of dismissal, but he didn’t argue. Hux resumed his flicking through the sketchbook, and Ren watched him for a while. When he felt like he needed a good stretch, Ren stood up, making Hux jiggle on the bed as his weight was displaced. Looking up from the pages with a quizzical expression, Hux said,

“What’s wrong?”

"I'm making a tea.” Ren said, despite the darkness of the sky outside. “Want anything?"

"No, I'm good." Hux yawned. Ren left the room, and Hux could hear him clattering around downstairs for a little bit. He came back sooner then he expected, running a hand through his hair, an expression of concern on his face. 

"Hey Hux, is it alright if I leave you in here for a bit? I need to go to the shop. It’s just around the corner.”

"The shop?” Said Hux, a little incredulously, ”At this hour?"

"Yeah." He looked a little annoyed. "I used up the milk and my mother can get a bit weird if she can't have a coffee when she comes back in the morning. We argue about it...a lot."

"Well, I'm fairly sure I can cope in here for a bit, Ren."

"Good." He sounded relieved. Reaching for his jacket, he cast another furtive look over Hux.

"Are you sure you'll be-"

"If I can't survive your bedroom for a little bit, Ren, I think I deserve to die, don't you think?” Hux said, sounding exasperated, “Unless there's something in here you don't want me to see...?"

"Oh, shut up." He said, smiling. "I'll be back in a second. Don't go looking for my stash of tentacle porn."

"You disgust me."

Hux yawned again as Ren left the room and he lay spread on the covers, tracing the dark duvet pattern with his fingers. It felt good to be lazing on a bed after being so busy in his dorm, and he stretched languorously, casting a furtive look at the door in the slight chance that Ren was still there. When he was satisfied Ren was gone, he brought the sketchbook back in front of him and flicked back through it a little absentmindedly. It really was quite excellent, he had to admit. He yawned, shook himself out of it, yawned again. He leant his head on his hands, and began to follow the soft lines of Ren’s drawings again, his eyelids drooping.

 

***

 

Silver and black bandanna thrust determinedly on his face, Ren stomped to the shop. When he had been in the kitchen making himself a cup of tea, he had turned his phone on as he waited for the kettle to boil, realising that he had neglected it the whole time that Hux had been over. His eyes widened as he saw many unopened texts, and even a missed call. The most recent of these texts demanded that Ren meet the sender immediately, and Ren frowned at it, wondering how on earth he could do this without telling Hux about the Knights. When Ren noticed that he had used up all of his milk, however, he realised that he had a valid excuse to tell Hux why he was leaving. It had only been half a lie, but it hadn’t felt good to do it to Hux. He scowled underneath the fabric.

Ren didn't really know why he felt so annoyed; usually he felt a secret thrill when the Knights contacted him, perhaps something to do with the knowledge that he would spend the night in someone's company rather than by himself as he usually did. But now, he felt quite irritated, and wanted the meeting to be quickly over so he could go straight back home.

Sure enough, leaning casually on a street lamp by the corner shop was Four, his own bandanna on his face and hood up, looking threatening enough to make others cross the road when they saw him haunting the dark corner like a spectre. His eyes seemed to have a sparkle of amusement when Ren drew up to him, however.

"Four." Ren said, shortly, inclining his head.

"Hey, Ren!" Four replied, with that strange jollity that never seemed far from his lips, at odds with his distinctly menacing appearance, "What's hanging, you old bastard?"

"Not much." Ren dug his hands in his pockets, "Actually, I can't be here long. I'm...sort of doing something."

"Really?" Said Four, interested. The Knights didn't know much about Ren’s personal life really, but they knew enough to know that he didn't hang out with many others except for them, "Are you doing something, or,“ His eyebrows wiggled suggestively, "Someone?"

The question made Ren feel rather flustered. He didn't know why; it wasn’t as if Four’s words were even remotely true. He scowled.

"None of your business, Four." As he expected, the other Knight didn't take offense, but laughed again in that slightly infuriating way of his.

"Okay, okay, I get it." He said, grinning, "Must be very important. It's not who I think it is, is it?"

There was a pause.

"And who," Ren said, feeling the heat rise to his face and being very glad for his bandanna, "Would that be?"

"Oh, I don't know." Four said, feigning ignorance, "Can't remember his name. Tall, ginger, always looks like he's sucked a lemon?" When Ren didn't say anything, he took it as a confirmation, "Didn't know you had a type, Ren."

"I do _not_." Ren protested, although he had to admit privately to himself that while Hux was infuriating, he did have a certain pleasing aesthetic about him. His red hair particularly fascinated Ren, with its rich sheen and almost obsessive neatness, and he was annoyed at Four for making him consider this.

"Right." Four said, clearly not believing him, "You sure you don't want to ditch that asshole and come and have some fun with us? Snoke gave us the address for a really sweet looking job, we get to smash stuff up and everything."

The mention of Snoke sent a small stab throughout Ren. He wouldn't be pleased at all when he heard that that Ren had ignored an invitation to join in with the other Knights, but for the first time, Ren just did not give a shit. The intensity of this feeling surprised him.

"Nah." He said, trying to sound nonchalant, "I'm cool. I'm feeling tired, so I'd just slow you guys down. You can take the lead if you want, just tell the others I'm busy."

"Ah, sweet!" Four said, distracted by the offer as Ren knew he would be, "That's a shame, but whatever. I'll smash something big up for you."

"Cheers." Said Ren, curious that he felt no regret at refusing the offer, "Now, I actually do have to go to the shop, so I'll see you later."

"See you later, Ren," Four called after him, "And remember, don't forget to buy protection!"

"Absolutely fuck off, Four.” Ren threw back over his shoulder, hearing the titter follow him into the shop. When Ren was inside the shop, he let out a long breath that he hadn't even realised that he had been holding in. Shaking it off, he moved to the dairy aisle.

When he was striding back home, milk held firmly under one arm, Ren couldn't help but note how very dark the night sky was. He didn't know how late it was, although he suspected that it was probably just a little too late for Hux to be biking back home. The noise of his engine roaring away would probably make his neighbours furious. He smiled slyly at the thought, and wondered if he would ever be able to persuade Hux to let him have a go on it or whether this was just absurd.

As he drew back into his driveway, he noticed that his mother's car was still not parked there, and breathed a small sigh of relief. He threw the milk unceremoniously into the fridge and hurried up the stairs, taking two at a time, an apology ready on his lips for leaving Hux alone. When he entered the room, however, he blinked down at his bed in confusion.

Hux was lying a little curled up on the duvet, arm loose about his sketchbook, fast asleep. Ren looked at the time, saw it was 2.30am and swore quietly to himself. Hux looked surprisingly gentle in his sleep, his face free of any emotion other than that deep peacefulness that comes with sleep, his light lashes long against his pale cheeks.

He seemed smaller somehow, made more delicate perhaps by the lack of a malicious or scheming look on his face, and Ren watched Hux’s chest rise and fall, mesmerised by the slight movement. He had never been able to look at Hux for so long or so closely without being scowled at, and Ren discovered that he had a fine scattering of freckles on his cheeks and that his hair, when displaced from its obsessive neatness, could fall over his eyes. When Ren realised he was staring, he jolted himself out of it, annoyed, even though Hux couldn’t have known what he was doing.

He needed to work out what to do. He could carry him, he was fairly certain he could pick Hux up easily, but to where? Somehow, he thought that Hux would _not_ appreciate being carried all the way to his dorm. The thought of waking him up seemed oddly perverse, and Ren privately thought he must be going soft.

"Hux?" Ren said, a little half-heartedly.

The figure on the bed muttered incoherently and rolled over, but did not wake up. Biting his lip, Ren made a quick decision, and left the room. He returned not long after with arms full of cushions and two blankets from the airing cupboard, placing the cushions on his rolling chair.

Feeling somewhat foolish, he threw a blanket over Hux, remembering the gesture as something that his mother used to do when he fell asleep on the sofa after trying to stay up too late for his father to come home. He wondered vaguely if it was the appropriate thing to do in this situation. He wouldn’t know; he hadn’t had anyone stay over in his room for years, and the very concept that someone other than him was currently asleep on his bed was already baffling enough. He didn’t dare drag out the duvet that Hux was lying under lest he wake up and laugh at Ren’s mothering behaviour.

Knowing full well how angry Hux would be when he woke up in his room on a school night, for some reason Ren found that he cared little. He watched Hux for a little bit, feeling strange. He had never had someone else in his room for so many hours. And Hux, of all people, effortlessly cool, cruel and different, was asleep on his bed. Shaking his head at the absurdity of it all, he went to wash his face.

Standing at the sink, Ren twisted his long hair up to keep it out of his face, staring at his own reflection with a critical eye. He looked tired. With swift, practiced motions, he wiped the make-up off, grimacing as he unveiled the multitude of freckles and moles underneath and the dark bags under his eyes. He didn’t like his reflection much, and he tried to be as quick as possible.

When he came back, Ren got changed quickly into an old t-shirt and some shorts, casting a furtive look towards Hux, but the smaller figure remained asleep. Feeling a bit peculiar, Ren sat in his rolling chair and drew his legs up, grimacing a little at the lack of room. He was in for an uncomfortable night, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to sleep in the living room. He had considered just going for it and sleeping on his bed, but somehow he thought that Hux would not appreciate waking up next to him. He peeped at Hux to check he was asleep and slowly, slowly, he found himself drifting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter shouldn't be too far off, I am so looking forward to getting that one done. I also can't believe I managed to shoehorn in a Spice Girls reference into a Kylux fanfic but I guess that is just the pure magic of fandom <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I got SLIGHTLY carried away with this chapter, so it is fairly long, but I hope that you will all enjoy it! Thank you as always for reading, and find me on kyloripped.tumblr.com for all sorts of Kylux related fun <3

"I. Am going. To fucking. _Kill you."_

Frowning a little, Ren muttered incoherently in his half-sleep, curling his long legs upwards into a slightly more comfortable position. His eyes shot open when hands grabbed the front of his shirt and shook him vigorously, however.

"Wake up!" 

It was laughable; Hux loomed over him, his clothes a little rumpled, his red hair messier than Ren had ever seen it. This, coupled with the pure expression of fury made Ren actually laugh, and when he started he couldn't stop. Hux let go of him in disgust and Ren’s back hit the back of the chair with a soft thump. 

"What's so funny?" Hux demanded.

"You." Ren gasped, "You're not really a morning person, are you?" 

Hux scowled at him, his red-rimmed eyes attesting to Ren's words. He opened his mouth to argue, and then seemed to scan Ren's face properly. His eyes widened as he drunk him in, hardly daring to believe what he was seeing.

"Jesus." He said, wonder plain in his voice, "Is that really what you look like under your make-up?" 

Inwardly, Ren cursed. He had hoped that he would wake up before Hux and go through his morning remonstrations before he even knew anything was amiss, but of course he had been beaten to it. Hux stared with unashamed interest at his freckles and unadorned eyes, and he burned with embarrassment, annoyed that he didn’t have a trusty layer of foundation to hide the red bloom that must be on his cheeks. Instead, he settled on scowling at Hux’s evident delight at catching him unawares, and touched his lip without even realising he was doing it, feeling naked without his customary dark lipstick.

"You don’t need to look so worried!" Hux laughed, noticing his anxious gesture, "I've always assumed you were human underneath all of that; now it's just like a tiny baby version of you is sat in front of me."

"Oh, shut up, you asshole." 

He stood up, the blankets falling unceremoniously to the floor, and marched to his dresser, the old oak boards messy with various bottles and books which crammed the surface in untidy piles. Hux’s smile grew even wider as Ren moved past, heading in the direction of a little silver mirror balancing precariously on a box or two, but Ren beat him to it before he could even begin to speak,

"And if you even think about mentioning my hair, I _will_ give you a makeover. I think red nail varnish would suit you well, yeah?" 

That shut Hux up. Ren had tied his long, glossy hair into a bun, bobbing at eye level to Hux as he had moved past, taunting him with this delicious blackmail. Despite his amusement, Hux actually thought it suited him, but he had vowed to himself that would never, ever admit that to Ren, not if he valued his own sanity.

Ren surveyed himself in the mirror, looking less than pleased. Hux was quite distracted by a large freckle high on Ren’s cheek, usually hidden by his foundation. Dissatisfied with his appearance, Ren straightened up, and side-eyed Hux. The shape of his eyes without their eyeliner was so different to what he was used to, Hux felt quite thrown.

“I am going to go to the bathroom to sort out my hair.” Ren announced, “Try not to destroy my room while I’m gone?”

“I’ll try my very hardest.” Hux called to the retreating back.

When Ren’s footsteps had faded away, Hux let out a groan he had been holding in and allowed himself to wallow on the bed for a little bit. How, _how_ had he allowed himself to fall asleep in Ren’s bed? They had over an hour before they needed to be in school, and Hux realised with a sinking feeling of dread that he didn’t have a change of clothes. _I’m going to be wandering back like it’s the bloody morning after,_ he thought to himself, annoyed. Deciding that if he didn’t have anything better to do he might as well have a nosey around Ren’s room, Hux got up from the bed and wandered to Ren’s desk.

The surface was cluttered with various items, scattered about as much as Hux expected from someone as frantic as Ren. There was quite a decent selection of make-up, a few books, and a big box that looked like it might contain some art materials. Hux peered at it all, interested to see what Ren deemed important to his life. A frame on top of the box caught his eye, the silver of it glinting in the feeble light from the window, and he moved closer to peer at the photograph clipped within it.  
  
It was Ren, and the photo must have been taken a fair few years ago because he was in that awkward stage between being a child and teenager, all gangly limbs and big ears, not nearly as tall and muscled as he was now. What interested him about the picture most was that Ren was smiling, actually _smiling_ up at the camera with a big goofy grin, arms around an enormously shaggy dog that was trying to lick his face. It seemed like an odd picture for the gloomy Ren to keep in his room; he hadn't quite reached his goth stage here. It was hard not to twitch a smile at the picture; Hux didn't think he had ever seen Ren smile so freely or look so...innocent. A pointed cough behind him jolted him out of his reverie.  
  
"You're nosey, aren't you?"  
  
It was Ren, of course, freshly returned from the bathroom, manifesting himself in a puff of a pleasant, citrusy smelling shampoo. He raised one of his thick eyebrows to Hux, looking a little annoyed that he had spotted the photograph.   
  
"How could I possibly have resisted looking at this, Ren?" Hux asked, lips quirking, pointing at the tiny figure of Ren, "Look at you, you're like a little string bean-"  
  
"Oh, please don't-"  
  
"And I hesitate to say-"  
  
"Don't you dare-"  
  
"Rather cute."  
  
"Ugh." Ren groaned. "God forbid I was ever _cute._ "  
  
He reached over and snatched the picture frame from the box, and despite his apparent ferocity it was impossible to miss the delicate way in which he handled it, cradling the frame to his body as if it might break. Hux found it all very amusing.  
  
"Who did that enormous dog belong to?" He asked, "It's not here, is it?" Hux didn't like dogs very much, they were much too slobbery and jumpy for his liking, and he would dearly have liked a warning if one had been in the house. Ren's eyes tightened.  
  
"He's my dad's dog. He took him when... When he left."  
  
"Oh." Hux said, surprised that Ren seemed to care so much about this family pet, more so apparently than his own father. He didn't seem much like a dog person, "What's his name, if you don't mind me asking?"   
  
"Chewie." Ren said, quietly. "Well, his real name is Chewbacca but Chewie was what I called him when I was a kid. We've had him for as long as I can remember. Or, we did."  
  
"Oh." Hux said, remembering Lando mentioning the name in their brief conversation. "He looks...quite, ah, big."  
  
Of all things, this made Ren laugh, just ever so slightly. His eyes crinkled as he did so.  
  
"What?" Asked Hux, alarmed at this sudden switch in moods.  
  
"You, trying to say something that isn’t awful." Ren shook his head, his damp mane of hair flying around his face, "It's fine. You don't have to pretend you like him. Chewie takes some getting used to anyway. He would probably crush you, I think."  
  
"Excuse me,” Hux protested, “I'm only a few inches shorter than you when you don’t have those ridiculous shoes on!"  
  
"Hmm." Ren said, eyes scanning his thin, athletic frame, "Nope. He would definitely squash you."  
  
"Arsehole." Hux said, glaring at him. Ren grinned back, his smile so different without lipstick covering it. He leaned over Hux again to place the frame back on the box, placing it down as carefully as he could.  
  
"He has this funny growl," Ren said, absently, lost in a memory, "Used to scare the absolute shit out of the other kids when I was picked up from school. But he was a big old softie."   
  
"So, your father took him when your parents...split?" Hux said, a little awkwardly, uncertain as to whether this was the right way to phrase it. Luckily, Ren didn't seem to notice his fumble.  
  
"Yeah." He replied, "Dad got Chewie, my mother got me. I think they were both hoping for the dog."  
  
This made Hux snort. Ren stared at him, seeming curious at his outburst.  
  
"What?" He asked, a little defensively.  
  
"You're so _depressing_ sometimes, Ren." Hux walked back to the bed, crossing his legs as he sat back down, "I forget that your goth aesthetic doesn't just stop at clothes."  
  
"Oh, ha ha." Ren said, drily. 

He moved back past Hux and to the dresser, settling himself on his chair. He searched through one of the boxes, rustling about for a few moments until he retrieved a tube of foundation. He busied himself with applying it, and Hux settled instead on plonking his body back on the bed and watching him. It wasn’t as if he had anything else to do.

He watched with fascination as Ren finished with the foundation and started applying his eyeliner. He was well practiced; it was quite mesmerising watching him stare at his little mirror and apply deft strokes to his lids. Deep in concentration, it took Ren a moment before he noticed that Hux’s reflection in the mirror was looking at him. He paused mid-stroke, pursing his lip.

"Do you _have_ to watch me?"

"Not necessarily." Hux couldn't stop a note of embarrassment from creeping into his voice at being caught out, "It just boggles my mind that you care so much about your appearance, is all." 

This made Ren snort.

"Oh yeah? So this is really so different to what you and all of those other boring robots do, with your expensive haircuts and designer suits, making sure you have just the right amount of rip in your jeans to make mummy and daddy mad. Ha, and thinking you’re all special when you’re just exactly the same as each other." He clipped the lid of his eyeliner shut as Hux reeled at his words and the undeniable truth in them. He picked up a lipstick and unscrewed it, the red of it shiny and darker than the shade he wore the previous day. Lifting it his lips, he said. "You all have your armour. Let me have mine."

"Alright, Aristotle." Hux said, a little mollified. He was genuinely surprised. He had never thought of Ren's ridiculous outfits as something to protect him, and protect him from what? But, as Ren continued to busy himself with his make up, it slowly began to make sense. 

Without it, he had been a different Ren to the one he knew; anxious, embarrassed. But, the more he put on, the calmer he seemed to become. Soon enough, he put his various tubes and bottles away and turned to look at Hux, perfect eyebrow quirked as if daring him to make another snide comment. This was the Ren he knew well. As it was, the whole situation had left him feeling rather stumped.

“ …I don't wear ripped jeans." Was all Hux could think to say, as if their conversation had never even paused. 

“Alright.” Ren said, humouring him. “You’re a bit different, I’ll admit. But only a bit. Wearing expensive stuff doesn’t make you automatically better than me, you know.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Hux protested, “I meant this.” He gestured towards Ren’s face, “I was only saying that I was surprised you were into make-up because, well…to be honest, Ren, it makes you a bit of an easy target. Especially at our school.” 

“I don’t give a fuck what people say about it.” Ren sniffed haughtily, “ _I_ like it. One day I just thought, you know what? People are going to be shitty to me no matter what I do, so I might as well enjoy myself. You should give it a try.” 

“Give what a try?”

“Doing something you want to do, rather than something you’re expected to do.” Spying Hux’s expression flicker to annoyance, he said, “Did I hit a nerve?” 

“What?” Hux snapped , “I _always_ do what I want. What are you talking about?”

“Oh, really?” Ren said, sounding like he didn’t believe a word of it, “So, being the team leader was one hundred percent your choice? You weren’t forced into taking the job for no reason other than your own satisfaction?”

“I-yes- of course I wasn’t!” Hux protested, but it was half a lie. It _was_ incredibly satisfying, being the leader and wielding the power that he did, but Ren’s words had a sting of truth to them. He had been expected to be the Team Leader, and so he had risen to the challenge. Choice hadn’t come into it, and Hux was angry at Ren for picking up on this.

“Right.” Said Ren, sounding doubtful, but he dropped it for the moment. Having finished applying his make-up, he began brushing his hair, smoothing his dark, damp mane back to its usual shining curls. Ren crossed one of his large legs over the other as he leaned back to inspect his progress in the mirror, and with a jolt Hux realised he was wearing shorts again, thick thighs spreading on the chair. When he found himself staring, he jolted himself out of it, embarrassed, and leant back on the bed. As he did so, Hux’s back nudged the blanket he had fallen asleep under. _Hang on,_ he thought suddenly, _I didn’t have one of those._

“Ren?” Hux said, as he put two and two together. The dark eyes looked up as Ren paused in his brushing.

“Yes?” He said, a faint frown line between his eyes as separated a knot.

“Did you... put a blanket on me last night rather than wake me up like any sane person would have done?”

At this, Ren pursed his lips. He looked rather embarrassed. 

“…Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” He said, looking down at his desk so he didn’t have to see Hux.

“I have no idea.” Hux admitted. “Do you usually let strangers sleep in your bed?”

“Yeah, all the time, especially ungrateful ginger ones who won’t stop pestering me.” He rolled his eyes, “Of course not. Anyway, you’re not a stranger, you’re my-“ Ren paused, not entirely sure how to phrase what Hux was to him. Friend didn’t seem quite right, although Ren wasn’t sure if letting someone stay in one’s bed was something one did for their enemies.

“Superior?” Hux suggested, when the silence became too awkward.

“Yes. Superior.” Ren said, eager to latch onto anything.

“Well, thank you.” Hux didn’t quite know why he said it; it just slipped out. All he knew was that this was not the first time he had fallen asleep somewhere that he shouldn’t have, but it was perhaps the first time that someone had actually looked after him like that.

Even as a child, he had often woken up cold and ignored, waking up with his face pressed against a frosty window, waiting and waiting for his mother to come and visit. That was when his father was still married to his first wife, and he had no memory of her being anything other than cold and distant, and she would never have done what Ren had done for him. Ren seemed to sense that Hux was hiding something more behind his thanks.

“You’re welcome. I feel like I can solve a lot of the problems in my life by throwing a blanket over them and walking away.” Ren said, with an attempt at a nonchalant shrug.

“A sound philosophy.” Hux agreed. Ren nodded, and stood up from his chair.

Moving to his wardrobe, he shifted through a few outfits, running a big hand over the dark, gloomy fabric. He pulled a black shirt out, and peered at Hux from the corner of his eye.

“Hey, Hux?” He said, “If you need anything to get ready, my stuff’s on the highest shelf in the bathroom.” And when Hux looked a little perplexed at his offer, he shrugged, “You look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.” 

At this, Hux groaned.

“Bloody fantastic.” He said, knowing exactly what Phasma would say to him if she saw him now. “Fine, I’ll go. I must restore myself to my former beauty. Some of us have standards to uphold.”

Ren just snorted at him, grasping a small pile of clothes in his hands as Hux moved past to get out of the door. When Hux was on the plush carpet of the landing, he realised that Ren mustn’t have wanted to get changed in front of him. How odd. With a shrug, he went into the bathroom.

When he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, Hux was dismayed to find that he did indeed look a little bedraggled, though perhaps slightly more well rested than the day before. He was unable to do much more than wash his face and attempt to flatten his unusually unruly hair, but he tried his best. When he peered into the mirror for one last time, he noticed that Ren had left some concealer on the sink, and for a moment allowed himself a small, private smile at the fact that he had caught Ren out without make-up. He couldn’t have known that this was the first time Ren had dropped his guard in front of someone so, though he perhaps suspected it.

When Hux returned, Ren was restored to normality in a black shirt with netting under the sleeves, and dark trousers which clung to him tightly. He was just attaching a choker with silver spikes to his neck when he noticed Hux hovering, running a hand over the cheap wood of one of his chairs.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, attaching the clasp.

“I’m curious, why does none of your furniture match up?” Hux asked, peering around at the mismatched furniture that made up Ren’s room. Following where he was looking, Ren looked a little embarrassed that he had noticed this. He gave a cough, avoiding Hux’s gaze. 

“Because, uh,” He sounded very awkward, “When I get angry, I, uh, tend to just…smash everything up.”

“Oh.” Said Hux, not entirely sure how to respond to this. 

“I’ve gotten better.” Ren said, hastily, “Since going to my therapist, I mean. But my mother and I have an agreement that if I smash stuff up, I have to replace it myself. So I go to charity shops and wherever isn’t expensive to find the cheap things. It’s not that big of a deal.” He tried to shrug in a nonchalant way, “I’m not here all the time.”

“Wait.” Said Hux, confused at this. “You told me you don’t have a dorm, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” Said Ren, sounding doleful, “My mother didn’t want me to have one and you needed to have a guardian to sign for it. Sucks to be me.”

“Right,” Hux said, sensing that Ren was trying to be evasive again, “But if you don’t have a dorm, and if you don’t always stay at home, where _do_ you sleep when you’re not here?“

"I, uh.” Ren looked uncomfortable for a moment, as if he was unsure as to how truthfully he should answer, “I don’t really need a lot of hours of sleep so I sometimes just go to, well it’s not _that_ weird if you think about it, it’s open early-”

“Oh my god,” Hux said, staring at him in disbelief, wanting so much for it not to be true, “ _Please_ don’t tell me that you sleep in the library. Ren, please.”

The slight red tinge to Ren’s cheeks was all he needed for confirmation.

“So what? If you get there early enough there’s no one around to bother you. And if you put headphones in, no one even bothers to check on you if they see you there. And besides,” He definitely was avoiding Hux’s gaze now. “I have other places to go, sometimes.”

“Really?” Hux found that hard to believe. “Like where, perchance?”

“Oh, sometimes one of the Knights let me stay when we’ve been out,” He said airily enough, but his cheeks were definitely red now, “Sometimes, uh, Professor Snoke lets me crash at his-”

He stopped talking at the horrified expression on Hux’s face.

“What?” He said, a challenge rather than a question.

“Professor Snoke.”

“-He’s an old family friend-”

“Professor Snoke…lets you stay at his house.”

“Oh, don’t say that like I’m fucking him.” Ren snapped, crossly. “Really, Hux? Do you think I’m _insane_?”

“To be honest Ren, can you blame me?” He crossed his arms, “It’s not exactly normal, is it?”

“I don’t do it all the time!” Ren regretted ever entering this conversation, “I’ve done it maybe, I don’t know, a few times? It’s not like I go ‘hey, school’s over, let’s go and fuck Snoke’-”

“Please, please for the love of _god_ stop saying that.” Hux cringed. The image currently assaulting his mind was both unwelcome and very disturbing. “I get it, ok, you stay at a teacher’s house sometimes. No big deal.” They both looked at each other. “Can I just ask-”

“I’m bored of this conversation. I’m going to make some breakfast.”

Ren swept past him, his movements causing a small breeze that ruffled Hux’s clothes as he passed closely in front of him. He could tell that Ren was annoyed at him, and for some reason, he felt a little annoyed at Ren, too. He just didn’t look after himself properly. Stay with Professor Snoke indeed. The very thought made his skin crawl, although Ren didn’t seem too affected by it at least. He supposed that was a good thing, but for some absurd reason it grated on him how much Ren seemed to favour Snoke. He always spoke as if he was one of his kindly old uncles, when Hux suspected this was as far from the truth as possible

They moved across the landing, silent, and it was the first time that the silence had felt truly uncomfortable. Desperate to salvage some of the good feeling of the night before, Hux asked, “Your father didn’t leave a spare motorcycle helmet behind, did he?” 

Ren paused, looking over his shoulder at the sudden change of subject.

“…Why?” He said, slowly, as if hardly believing what Hux was saying.

“Because,” Hux began, wondering why he suddenly felt so embarrassed, “It feels impolite to just leave after breakfast and make you walk to school. And I am many things, but I am _not_ impolite.”

Ren was so quiet for a moment, Hux wondered if he had somehow said the wrong thing. And then, “I think he did. No, screw that, he _definitely_ did. Are you…sure?”

He sounded so hopeful, so hesitant that Hux felt quite mollified, as if he had offered something sordid, “We’re taking the back roads. _And_ I’m dropping you off on the road before school. Because I presume that you’ll be so overcome with my manly prowess that you’ll weep the whole way there, and I can’t be affiliated with that.”

Ren blinked at him, once, twice, and then a large smile cracked across his face.

“Oh, _man_.” He said, wondrously, and then pulled himself together, “I will most probably be weeping at your driving, certainly. What’s your crash record?”

“Who are you, my mother?” Hux asked, mockingly. “I am impeccable, I’ll have you know. If your enormous, oafish body makes us crash, I shan’t be blamed for it.”

They moved to the kitchen, arguing quite merrily and not at all seriously, and perhaps because of this it took them both a moment to register the small, suited figure that was stood by the kettle, stirring a cup of coffee with their back to the doorway. Hux saw Ren take in the figure, who despite her much shorter height could only be his mother, freeze, and mutter a quiet, “Oh, _shit_.” Hearing the sound of their approach, the woman turned around. As the dark eyes took them both in, softening at Ren and staring openly at Hux, Hux couldn’t help it; his mouth fell open. It was Professor Organa.

The headmistress of their enemy school. Occasional guest to the elaborate dinner parties at his own large house, invited more out of courtesy than actual respect from his own parents. He stared back at her, and felt her similar scrutiny like a torch burning on his face. The last time he had seen her had been years ago, and he felt her properly scan him, take in his red hair, add a few inches of height accumulated over the years, and then her eyes widened in sudden recognition.

“Armitage?” She said. Her tone contained no trace of warmth.

“Professor Organa.” He replied, somewhat stiffly.

Ren looked between them, completely lost, looking a little like he was tempted to stand in front of Hux to spare him from his mother’s steely gaze.

“Um.” He said, eyes flitting between them. “Who?”

This unexpected question seemed to break the tension between Hux and Leia, snapping through their staring match like a bullet whipping through the air.

“What?” Leia frowned at him, not understanding the question.

“Who are you talking to?” Ren asked, as if there was someone else in the room hidden from him, “Who is Armi…Armi-whatsit.”

There was an awkward moment of silence, as they all looked at each other, wondering who should explain. Hux wished the ground would swallow him up.

“That’s my name, Ren.” Said Hux, staring somewhere in the vicinity of the dishwasher. He sounded mortified. “My first name. Armitage.” He offered, as if Ren was being deliberately slow just to force him to say it.

“Oh.” Ren said. “Oh, _shit_.” He elaborated, a hand half covering his mouth. He tried to stifle a snort, and failed. Leia looked between them, noting Hux’s rapidly reddening cheeks, and Ren’s unabashed amusement.

“Ben?” She asked, “Why are you bringing guests over who you don’t even know the name of? You know how I feel about having strangers in the house.”

At this, Ren rolled his eyes.

“Um, excuse me? You two obviously know each other?” He said, a little incredulously.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Leia said, eyes never leaving Hux, “I know his parents. We are…old acquaintances, one could say.”

“One could say that.” Hux agreed, unwilling to back down even in front of one as stoic as Leia. She stared back at him evenly, gaze cool, and despite their obvious difference in size and stature, this action reminded him of Ren more than anything else about her. Seeming to decide that she was finished with Hux, Leia turned to Ren who looked poised for a fight.

“Ben.” She said, softly enough but underlined with definite steel, “I would like it if you would tell me when you’re having guests around in the future, please.”

This, of all things, ignited a small spark of fury inside of Ren. She knew that he never had anyone over, she _knew._ Of all people, she knew how lonely he was.

“Right. Whatever.” He said, struggling to keep his voice neutral, “It’s not like you even knew or cared that I was in the house or anything.”

“Ben-“ She said, warningly.

“Would you like it in writing?” He sneered, “Is there some kind of form you’d like me to fill in with nice little checkboxes? You could give it to my therapist first, I bet you’d love th-“

“Ben, that’s enough.” Somehow, despite her diminutive appearance Professor Organa managed to loom over Ren. He closed his mouth and looked at the floor, every inch the petulant child being told off by his mother. Hux would have found it very amusing had Ren’s mother not been eyeing him with such suspicion, as if she was unhappy with letting such a volatile presence in her house. He felt very much like he was intruding, and also extremely unwanted.

“I’m, ah, just going to go back to your room, Ren-“ Hux started, shifting on one foot towards the door.

“No.” Ren and Leia said at the same time. They eyed each other.

“Stay.” Ren told him, not caring one jot what his mother thought, and caring even less at how pathetic he sounded. “ _Please_.”

Leia glanced at Ren, eyes softening at his tone. 

“Yes, please stay, Armitage. I am going to work now anyway.” Leia said, and then she sighed. “Look, forget about what I said, Ben. I am _not_ your enemy. You can have guests over if you want to, after all, it’s your house too.”

“Oh.” Said Ren, sounding surprised, and a lot less angry than he had previously been. “…Okay. Thanks, I guess.”

Leia nodded at him, accepting the begrudging thanks.

“No problem. I’ll be going.” She walked across the kitchen, coffee in hand. When she passed Hux, she nodded at him, “Armitage.” She said, politely.

He inclined his head, for politeness’ sake, though he was aware how much she obviously distrusted him, “Professor.” He replied.

When the door clicked shut, Hux waited right until the sound of the car engine started up until he turned back to Ren. He was leaning against the counter top, arms folded, looking both ready for a fight and, perhaps, a little frightened. He was clearly waiting for Hux to speak, and he wasted no time.

“Your mother is _Leia Organa_?” Hux’s voice was hoarse, disbelieving despite the obvious evidence that had been put before him. Ren looked oddly embarrassed, and more than a little annoyed.

“Well, obviously.” Ren said, sounding like each word caused him pain.

This information was so hard to swallow. Both Ren and the stoic headmistress of Light Side operated on completely different planes of existence in Hux’s mind, and to see them intersect so suddenly, so closely, disturbed him. For some reason, it had never occurred to him that Leia Organa, legendary and powerful, had a son. He perhaps knew once, from some whisper or casual conversation he had been part of, but he had obviously cared little. This was absurd; Ren’s mother being Leia Organa, when she and her partner had been such a thorn in his parents’ side-

He blinked. He _knew_ who her partner was. His eyes flickered back to Ren. Surely not.

Ren watched him as he worked it out, eyes cool, lip twisted. He looked coiled, as if waiting for Hux to pass harsh judgement upon him.

“So…” Hux began, slowly, “I take it your real name isn’t Ben Organa.”

“No.” Ren said, curtly. He didn’t elaborate further. This continued stubbornness more than anything else made Hux roll his eyes.

“Come _on_ , Ren.” Hux said, exasperated. “We both know what’s going on here. Why can’t you just say it? Then this whole farce can be over and done with. So, what is your real name?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ren snapped.

“You’re right, it doesn’t.” Hux agreed, but then, “Just tell me. Come on; you know my fucking awful name. Is this harder?”

“Yes.”

_“Ren.”_

Folding his arms, Ren looked at the floor. For one moment, it seemed as if he would continue defying him. But then, despite the obvious disgust on his face at being forced to admit this apparent secret, Ren spat the name out.  
  
“Ben Solo.”

“Ben Solo.” Hux repeated, tasting the unfamiliar name on his tongue. They stared at each other, knowing exactly what it meant. “Your dad is Han Solo. T _he_ Han Solo?”

As soon as the name passed his lips, Ren gave a twinge.  
  
" _Don't say it like that_." He snapped, staring daggers. To be honest, Hux was more than a little bemused by his venom.  
  
"Like what?" He asked, mildly enough.  
  
"Like everyone else. Like it should be impressive, or worse, like I should be thankful. The name means less than shit to me."  
  
"Christ Ren, that's cold." Hux said, raising his eyebrows in surprise at this vitriolic statement. Ren bristled.  
  
"Oh, _really_?" It was easy to forget how very tall Ren was until he decided to loom down on him. Hux had to take a step back, just to protect himself from any incoming wrath, "Please, tell me how _grateful_ I should be. Should we go and meet my dad right now just to see how much of a legend he really is?"  
  
Hux tried to speak, but Ren ignored him, talking loudly over the top of him. "Oh, wait, we can't. He's not fucking here to talk to. Classic Solo behaviour. I'm so _grateful_ for it."  
  
He stormed off to the window behind the sink, leaving a very stunned Hux in his wake. The abandoned spoon on the countertop shook, moved by the vibrations caused by the ferocity of Ren's stride.  
  
"Look, Ren, look." Hux hurried over to him, worried that he might escape out of the back door, and perhaps a little annoyed that he had to skip a little to match Ren's long loping pace, "I didn't mean to assume anything. It's just a little difficult to know almost nothing about you and then to find out you're the son of two people my family bitch about over dinner, alright?"  
  
"Ha." Ren said mirthlessly, but he stopped all the same, "Must be so hard to accept that two legends make a fuck up."  
  
"Ren." Hux said, rolling his eyes, "You think I don't know how it feels to have people make up their mind about you before they've even met you, just because of your parents? _Really_?"  
  
"It's not the same-" Ren protested, hotly, but Hux interrupted him with a snort.  
  
"Of course it is! I know _exactly_ how you feel, you arsehole, so stop pretending you’re so special. At least people love your parents; they bloody hate mine. You saw what your mother thought of me, and we’ve barely met. Can you honestly tell me that when you first met me you weren't thinking of my father?"  
  
"I- I- No." Ren admitted. Hux raised an eyebrow at him.   
  
"You see?" Hux said, "Okay, I get it. It's tough living in your parents’ shadow. There's no point getting a stick in your arse about it though; I'll still call you Kylo Ren if that's what you want."  
  
"I _do_ want." Ren said, teeth gritted, "I didn't move schools and change my name so that people would still look at me like I was my father born again, and be disappointed when they actually got to know me."  
  
"Oh, you're not _that_ bad.” Hux began, then thought about it, “Oh no, wait, what am I saying?" Ren side eyed him, "You were already pretty terrible before I knew Han Solo was your father and Leia Organa your mother; so I wouldn't worry about that."  
  
Ren didn't even miss a beat.  
  
"Well, I thought you were a pompous prick even before I had the evidence to _know_ that you're a pompous prick."  
  
"Good." Said Hux, delighted and a little relieved that Ren's anger seemed to be dissipating, "I'm glad to know that we sorted that nonsense out.”  
  
Ren mumbled something, to which Hux put a hand to his ear,  
  
"Didn't catch that, sorry. Were you by any chance saying, 'thank you for cheering me up Hux, you're amazing?"  
  
"The day I say that," Ren sniffed, "Is the day I want you to euthanise me. Painlessly, preferably."

Shaking his head at Ren’s melodramatic nature, Hux sat himself at the kitchen table and allowed Ren to make him some toast. He would have helped, but he knew enough about Ren to know that he probably wouldn’t hear of it, so he just sat and watched as Ren loped about the kitchen, busying himself with taking jars out of the cupboards. When he placed a couple on the table for him to pick from and watched as Hux chose chocolate spread, he raised his eyebrows.

“You know,” Ren began, “You never cease to surprise me. I thought you would want something more bitter and mature.”

“Hmm.” Hux said, grabbing the jar closer to his body, “You can try and pry chocolate from my cold, dead hands, but not before. People have tried, believe me. None have yet been successful.”

“I guess I’ve finally found your weakness.” Ren said, shaking his head as he smiled at his own toast.

When they were done, they went back upstairs to get everything ready before Hux biked them to school, and Hux hoisted his bag onto the bed to check that he had everything safely inside it. When he realised that he was missing his notebook, Ren passed it over to him from the desk and there was a moment where his eyes brushed over the name _A. Hux_ written on it in the neat handwriting as it moved past his eye line. Before Hux could snatch it away, Ren gave a wolfish grin.

“You know,” Ren said, a hint of his previous amusement clear on his face, “I find it a bit rich now, you making fun of my name when you found out it was Ben. How’s the weather down there, Armitage?”

“Fuck off.” Hux said, hating the way Ren pronounced his name, as if it were a punch line to an extremely unfunny joke.

He knew Ren had to find out eventually, knew that he himself had been perfectly foul to him about his true name as well, but it still burned. He _hated_ his name with the passion of a thousand suns. At least Ren got to obliterate his and replace it with something admittedly stupid but something of his own choice. He was stuck with his, or his parents would certainly make him suffer the consequences of that action. Somehow, Ren seemed to be ignoring Hux’s obvious displeasure at their conversation.

“I _did_ wonder why your facebook name was just A. Hux, remember?” Ren continued, as if he hadn’t heard Hux speak, “I thought it was you trying to be cool or something. I didn’t realise it was because your actual name makes you sound like an insurance company. Armitage Hux, I mean-”

He stopped speaking as he realised that Hux was standing in front of him, face murderous. He took a step back as he advanced even further.

“If you don’t stop talking about my name.” He said, venom injected into every word, “I’m going to find it extremely hard to stop myself from punching you in the face. And to top it off, I will call you Benjamin at every opportunity that I get, and I’ll make certain that the rest of the team do it too. Is that understood?”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Ren held up his hands in defence, “I was only joking! So you’re allowed to tease me, but not the other way around? Insecure, much?”

“You of all people might be able to sympathise as to why I don’t want you to say my name. Give it a think. I assume you have a brain, although I’ve never actually had a proper reason to believe it.”

Ren bit back a choice retort at that, seeing how tense Hux was in front of him. He thought about it for a moment. Why would Hux, with his rich family and large group of friends, having everything he wanted in an instant, care about his name? He tried to work it out, and when that failed, he thought about himself. Shedding Ben Solo had been a relief, like peeling away a face that felt like it no longer belonged to him, a blessed unburdening to cast it away from him. He wondered if he could have coped after his breakdown if he still had to cling onto that old ghost. An idea came to him, slowly.

“It’s not who you want to be, is it?” He guessed. When Hux’s face softened just a little, he knew he had gotten it right. 

“Armitage is who people want me to be.” He said. Cold green eyes met dark brown, “Hux is who I am.” 

Ren nodded, and for maybe the first time, felt like he understood Hux, just a little.

“Okay.” Said Ren, “Same for me and Ben, right? Can we agree not to be shitty to each other in that way, please?”

“Agreed.”

There was a companionable silence as Ren busied himself with finding some slightly more appropriate shoes than his enormous platforms for riding the motorbike, and Hux sat back on the comfy bed, mourning slightly that he would have to leave it. The memory of his accidental sleep slapped him in the face with all of its ensuing embarrassment then and Ren looked up as he groaned, sinking into the covers.

"I _still_ can't believe that I fell asleep, and that you let me." Hux complained, "What if someone notices I've gone? Oh god," He sat up straight, eyes widened in pure horror, "What if people think we've been fucking?"

Without missing a beat, Ren just said, "Maybe we should, you know, just to cut out the middle man." 

And Hux stared at him, lost for words. And then, he started laughing. He felt his sides heave and gasping, he lay back on the bed, spreading his whole body on the dark sheets as he shook with spasms of mirth. Ren walked a few steps closer and looked over at him in concern, "Uh, are you ok?"

"Cut out the-" Hux gasped, collected himself, collapsed into laughter again, "Ren," He heaved, "You're really weird, you know that?" 

He looked pleased.   
  


***

  
  
When they went back into the garage to wheel out Hux’s bike, it was obvious that Ren was thrumming with excitement. He tried to hide it, but it was palpable as he reached into a dusty corner and took out an old, battered helmet and carried it back to Hux as they moved to the driveway. 

“Ren,” Hux began, asking a question he had been wondering at for a while, “If you like bikes so much, why did you stop learning?”

“Oh.” For one moment, Ren’s good humour seemed to dip, “I guess…a couple of years ago, I just stopped doing a lot of the stuff I enjoyed. Just didn’t see the point anymore.”

If Hux could hazard a guess, he would say that ‘a few years ago’ probably lined up quite closely with when Ren attacked his fellow students with his fencing sword. It was a shame; he imagined that Ren on a motorbike would be a force to be reckoned with.

“I see.” He said, tactfully leaving that obviously painful subject behind, and then without further ado hopped onto his bike, placing his own helmet on his head. Ren hovered beside him looking perhaps a little apprehensive. It seemed that he had forgotten that he would have to grab onto Hux if he was sat on the back, and he stood there blinking at the bike, unsure as to whether he should just go for it.

“Come on.” Hux said, amused by his hesitation. “Get on. I won’t bite.”

With little difficulty, Ren heaved himself behind Hux and put his father’s abandoned bike helmet on, sliding it snugly over his dark hair. When he had settled himself onto the seat he sat a little stiffly, arms hanging by his sides. His long legs were both touching Hux’s thighs, a fact that was not lost on neither of them.

“Okay, so you’re on alright?” Hux asked, to distract himself from this and heard the muttered confirmation, muffled by the helmet. He waited for Ren to move his arms. When he didn’t, he shot at him, “What on earth are you waiting for?”

“I-uh,” Ren said, sounding embarrassed, clearly reluctant to put his arms around the waist in front of him. Hux snorted at this uncharacteristic nervousness.

“For pity’s _sake_.” He said, and reached behind to grab Ren’s big wrists. He directed the hands so that they came to rest on his slim hips, so big that they could fit quite a way around them. Ren’s grip was still hesitant and slack, so Hux pressed firmly down, telling himself that he was doing this purely for Ren’s sake, and not because it actually felt quite nice to have those big hands gripping him. Not at all. 

“Hold on.” He warned him, “Or you’ll fall off. And as _hilarious_ as that would undoubtedly be, I don’t think it would do for your mother to like me even less, now would it?”

“Mmm.” Ren replied. He didn’t seem capable of much more than that. Hux gave him up as a lost cause, shaking his head under the helmet.

“I had no idea you were such a blushing bride, Ren.” Hux said, with clear amusement, “It’s almost as if you’ve never touched a body as gorgeous as mine before.”

There was no reply for a moment. And then, a small, forced, “Just drive, you asshole.”

Hux gave a laugh, and felt Ren’s hands adjust upon him as his body shook with the movement. He didn’t know what was wrong with him; it was absurd that Ren’s arms were around him, utterly absurd. This should be torture, a dreadful experience for both of them, and yet he couldn’t stop teasing Ren into holding him tighter. Hux hadn’t been held for a long while, and Ren’s arms were so strong around him, he felt a security that he had been missing. It was hard not to feel a little grateful for it.

He kicked the engine into life and tried to concentrate on the roads, but he could never quite tune out the fingers gripping his hips, and the big knees pressed up against him no matter how hard he tried. This might, he reflected as they passed over a bump and Ren’s knees tightened around him, have been a bad idea.

It was quite a different experience, winding through the roads of the Old City with someone else for company. Ren was quiet for a while, oddly demure, until they moved onto the country roads and Hux sped up, the hedges a green blur around them.

“ _Fuck.”_ He said, breathlessly through his helmet, “Can you go faster?”

“I could.” Hux agreed, and did so, revving up the engine. He could hear Ren give an exhilarated laugh behind him as the air whipped past them, distorting the sound.

“You’ve _got_ to teach me.” Came the excited voice, “Shit, it’s so powerful. Smoother than I expected too, whoever bought you this really knows their stuff.”

“My mother, I believe, was the mastermind of the whole thing.” Hux said, loudly over the roar of the engine. “She, after all, appreciates my dual need to look extremely powerful and dramatic.”

“Well, I agree!" 

After that, the journey seemed far too short. After twisting the various hedge-lined roads, and slipping through a few smaller ones to approach their school from the back, they drew closer and closer to the road Hux had promised to drop Ren off at. He knew the layout of the school like the back of his hand, having visited numerous times during its construction, and he knew from experience that few people would spot them approaching. He hardly cared anyway; it felt good to have Ren praising him even for this small thing, and he would have crushed anyone who dared laugh at him and his strange cargo.

Clearly, Ren wasn’t nervous anymore, and his big arms grasped firmly about Hux’s waist, squeezing him in tandem with every corner they turned, and every time they went just a little faster. Despite his determination to seem cool and collected, Hux couldn’t stop himself from pressing backwards into Ren’s chest, just a little. Their destination loomed in front of them, but Hux felt entirely surrounded by Ren.

Somewhat reluctantly, Hux brought his bike to a standstill, just on the curb behind the sports fields. As they sat on the bike, he could still feel Ren’s broad chest pressed against his back, bumping him as he breathed heavily, and they sat on the bike, huffs of breaths fogging up the helmets, the soft flutter of small birds flapping about the hedges the loudest sound around them. And, even though Hux felt unusually comfortable with the arrangement, he felt like he needed to say something.

“Um, Ren.” Hux said, trying to enunciate clearly through the helmet. “You can let go of my waist now. We’ve been stopped for quite a while, actually.”

“Hmm?” Said Ren, and then as he registered what Hux had said he dropped his arms immediately away, “Oh! Sorry. Shit.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Hux said, meaning it. With a sweep, Ren removed his helmet and his dark, glossy hair spilled out to fall around his shoulders. Hux turned on the seat and extended a hand, “I’ll take that if you want. There’s no point in you carrying it around all day.” _And in case you need it again_ , he did not say, but it hung between them. Ren handed it over, grinning.

“That was fucking _ama-zing.”_ Ren said, drawing it out, stroking Hux’s ego nicely. “Thank you. Thank you. Why did you do this for me?”

They were looking at each other properly then, Hux twisting in his seat, his helmet off, Ren’s legs still squeezed behind his own. Hux was calm, proud, his red hair silhouetted by the dark green of the thick hedge behind him, and Ren looked pink cheeked and exhilarated, but more than a little bemused. Hux had to admit to himself that he felt a similar question bubble in his mind.

“I…don’t know.” He admitted, quite truthfully, “It felt like something I should offer. So I did. Was it the wrong thing to do?”

“Hell _no_.” Ren said, with feeling. He hoisted himself off of the seat then, and clutched his bag closer to his body. Hux leaned casually on the handlebars, knowing that even with his less than neat appearance that he struck an imposing figure, lounging with his sharp outfit on the cold metal lines of his bike. Ren seemed to drag his gaze over Hux again, drinking him in anew. When he realised what he was doing, he jolted himself out of it, and bit his lip, sharp teeth bright against his dark lipstick. 

“Look, Hux…” Ren started, hesitantly at first, and then he couldn’t stop it all from tumbling out, “Thanks for coming over, okay? Not a lot of people would do that.” _They never have. Not for me._ He almost said, but stopped himself. Hux was caught quite off guard by the sentiment.

“Oh.” He said, fumbling for an appropriate response. “It’s quite alright. We have to be as prepared as possible for the competition.”

“The competition?” Ren repeated, sounding blank, and then he nodded, not quite looking at him. “Oh, yeah. The competition, right.”

Ren fiddled a bit with his bag then, and Hux let him do it without comment. The fact that they were both going their separate ways into school was not lost on either of them; having spent all of those hours in each other’s company, they had quite forgotten that they did not hang out together at school. Hux had also forgotten that he was supposed to be disliking Ren like most of the rest of the team. It was an odd thought.

“I’ll see you…at the next meeting, then.” Hux said. “The first competition is in a few days, so make sure you can go to that meeting or I will personally kill you. Running over you with my bike is an option I am currently considering.”

“Noted.” Ren said, with the ghost of a grin, and he loped a few steps forward. “Oh, Hux?” He threw back over his shoulder after a moment’s consideration.

“What?”

“Get some sleep.” Ren called, “If you fall asleep in the meeting, I’ll have to use my big scary goth coat as a blanket for you. It will swamp you.”

“I will run you over with my bike, Ren. Do not test me.”

When Ren moved forwards towards a gap in the hedges, the roar of the motorbike sounded behind him, slowly fading away into the distance like a great, growling beast. Padding into the sports field, he stopped to let out a deep breath he had been holding in, the slight wind displacing dark strands of hair. After he was done, he allowed himself a moment of standing in the tickling grass, trying desperately to register the events of the last few hours. 

Hux knew about him. He knew about his mother, and his father, and his stupid habit of smashing or abandoning things that he loved, just because it felt good to feel them crumbling under his hands. He knew, he had observed, and he had neither run away, nor refused to talk to him. Hux, with his acid tongue, and tiny waist, who tried to be so hard and angry, and who had lain curled on his bed like a little bird, desperate for a bit of rest from all of the expectations thrust upon him.

Ren’s hand twitched. He wanted to curl his fingers around Hux’s waist again. He wanted to feel the sharp hipbones, stroke his fingers along the ribs as Hux laughed with him, at him, it didn’t matter. Hux was right; he had never touched a body quite like his, in fact, he had never properly touched anyone like that at all. He wanted more. It was disturbing how suddenly this feeling hit him, and Ren was rendered quite still for a short while, hands twitching with the phantom memory of Hux’s waist.

After it was soon becoming close to him being late for his first lesson, Ren made his move. Like a dark ghost, he moved across the empty sports field, footsteps hardly making a sound as they fell softly on the grass. It felt strange not to wear his thick-heeled demonias, but it was slightly easier to walk without them, and his progress was swift. About half way down the field, Ren checked his phone and idly flicked though a few boring emails. His eyes widened, however, as he spotted an unopened one from Professor Snoke. With growing trepidation, he opened it.

 

_Kylo,  
_

_It has come to my attention that we have not had a meeting in a while, and after recent correspondence with the Knights, I feel it is rather overdue. I know you have a free period after lunch, so please make your way to my office. I am expecting you, and we have much to discuss._

_Best,_

_Professor Snoke._  
  


With a slightly sinking heart, Ren put his phone back into his pocket. He had almost completely forgotten about the old Professor, so caught up with Hux and the team. He tried to hold in a sigh, and failed. With a definite downturn to his mood, and a dreadful feeling that he might have somehow disappointed Snoke, he trudged back into school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're drawing closer and closer to the quiz, I swear it! There's stuff in this chapter I've had written for months, and it's such a relief to get it all out. And sorry about Snoke, is it even possible to write him without making him super creepy?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking a little while with this chapter- I've had quite a busy time lately. But, thank you for reading, and all of your comments are just so brilliant to hear <3

When Ren reached the door that lead into Professor Snoke’s office, he allowed himself a moment or so to prepare for entering that small, oppressive space. He wasn’t quite frightened of the old professor, no, but he was a little worried that he might have disappointed him somehow. The thought made him feel quite cold, and his hand shook ever so slightly as he entered the room despite his efforts to appear cool and collected.

Sat at the large, oak desk, Snoke didn’t even look up as Ren walked towards him; his gaze was practised, focused on a piece of paper below him. Ren hovered behind the seat in front of his desk intended for visitors, feeling as he usually did both relieved and a little anxious about what might be said to him. After a moment or two, Snoke deigned to look up from his work.

"Kylo." Snoke said, and his voice was already so warm that Ren began to feel quite relieved. He had expected the old professor to be angry with him, but a small, almost fatherly smile twitched at his thin lips. "Take a seat, please."

Without further ado, Ren sat down in front of the oak desk; his chair was a lot smaller, and without standing Snoke loomed above him, elbows resting on the fine wood of his table. Looking up, Ren was immediately assuaged with feelings of tremendous guilt that he had forgotten about his teacher.

"Sir." He said, politer to him than he was to any other teacher in the whole school.

“Kylo.” Replied Snoke, watching him with those dark, dark eyes that always saw right through him. “Have you been keeping well?”

“I-“ Ren could feel something hidden in this question, but could not quite work it out in time, “I feel well enough, sir.”

“Oh?” Snoke said, mildly. “I did wonder if something was the matter with you.” When Ren blinked up at him, he continued, “I have been keeping in contact with the Knights. Four told me that you were absent last night at their most recent gathering.”

“Uh,” Said Ren, feeling the trap closing in on him, and knowing that he was powerless to stop it, “I was…I was otherwise occupied, Professor.”

“I see.” Both of them knew full well that Ren had never missed a session with the Knights before. The knowledge hung between them, unspoken, uncomfortable.

“I was gathering information about the competition, Sir.” Ren said, a little desperately. It was only half a lie. He had certainly been gathering information about Hux, though he thought it was possibly of little use to Professor Snoke. What would he do with the information that when Hux slept, his mouth was open just ever so slightly? That when he ate it was straight backed and proper, as if he was at a gourmet restaurant? Snoke seemed to sense the lie.

“You were with Mr. Hux, weren’t you?” He said, his voice giving no indication of his real opinion on the matter. _Oh, fuck you Four,_ thought Ren angrily.

“I…was.” Said Ren, slowly. For a single second, Snoke’s lip pursed before he straightened it out.

“And what were you _doing_ with Mr. Hux?” Snoke asked. The particular way in which he said it made Ren feel hot all over.

“Preparing for the competition!” He said, far too quickly. The old teacher’s eyebrow quirked as he clearly didn’t believe him one bit.

“Don’t lie to me, Kylo.”

“I’m not lying.” Ren insisted, “We were. We really were- I was catching up on lost time. It was…to assuage his nervousness about the first competition.”

“And why, pray tell, did he stay at your house?” When Ren twitched with surprise, and then horror, Snoke leaned forward on his desk, “I saw you both on the road. It wasn’t terribly subtle of either of you, I’m afraid.”

Of course he had seen them. Of course. Ren opened his mouth to protest, to explain, but his mind was blank. Snoke had this particular effect on him; he sometimes made him feel slow minded and foolish, like prey that had stumbled blindly into a predator’s trap. The cold, dark eyes watched him squirm, and he was relentless.

"Kylo?" Snoke said, softly, dangerously, "You are not getting attached, are you?"

"Attached?" Ren repeated, trying his hardest to sound incredulous and knowing that he was failing miserably, "To Hux? Never. Never, I-"

"Because," Snoke said, interrupting Ren as smoothly as if he hadn't been talking, "You are very special, Kylo. Very much so. And Mr. Hux? He won't see that. He wants to use you for his own gain, I can promise you that with absolute certainty."

Ren swallowed. It was wrong, he knew, that Snoke's words affected him so, but they did. They really did. For someone who rarely got more than a barely concealed sigh at his very presence, the compliment sunk deep. Special. He wasn't special to anyone.

"His own gain?" Ren repeated, not quite able to look at the old professor lest his kindly gaze affect him more, "Do you think so?"

"I am quite familiar with his type. I have seen his sort in a thousand different faces, a thousand different times."

"But not me?" He couldn't stop himself from asking, knowing how pathetic he was. There was a pause as Snoke considered him, dark eyes raking his face and down to his chest, and back up again.

"No." He agreed, speaking mildly, "Not you."

Ren nodded down at the table. He felt so confused and conflicted, but overriding it all an absurd sense of pleasure at his teacher’s words. It was wrong, he knew it, but it felt so fucking good to be noticed. All the same, he couldn't help himself from blurting out,

"Sir, I understand what you're saying but...but from what I have observed Hux really does seem different from the others. When we are alone, he..."

As soon as the words had left his lips, he could tell immediately that he had displeased the old professor, and Ren trailed off a little hopelessly as he saw Snoke purse his thin lips. There was a silence as Snoke eyed Ren coolly, allowing him to bask in the discomfort he had created.

"Well." Snoke mused, and for a moment that was all he needed to say. Ren cringed. "Is that so, Kylo? Do you know better than I?"

"I, I-" said Ren, floundering, hating himself for speaking at all, "No."

"They're laughing at you, Kylo." Snoke said, coldly, and then when Ren gave a twitch of surprise, "What did you expect? They don't know you like I do. None of them do."

By ‘them’, Ren knew with certainty that Snoke really meant Hux. His words sunk their vicious fingers into him, twisting him painfully, and Ren was so overcome that he couldn't speak. He bent his head over the desk, the dark curtains of his hair falling over his face, and the old professor waited, eyes never leaving his neck.

"What should I do?" He said, eventually. Snoke smiled at him then, and it was full of understanding,

"Observe." He said, "Forget about the original task I gave you with the USB and Light side; it’s all meaningless chattel. Observe the team and find out what you can, but do not become attached. Resume your duties with the Knights, and I will instruct you further when the time is right. Do that, and become what I've always thought of you as."

"And what's that?" Ren asked, quietly, head still bent.

"Better." Snoke replied, drawing the word out. He raised an eyebrow at him. "You won't disappoint me?"

"No." Ren replied, quickly. The very thought sunk through him, filling him with shame.

"Good. Very good." Snoke said, and after that there didn't seem much to say.

Ren lifted his head then, and stared out of the window. He could feel the cold gaze scrape over him now and again, and he cringed each time with the knowledge that he might have disappointed the old professor. When he was finally dismissed, Ren hurried from the room.

When Ren was a safe distance away from that claustrophobic office, he moved into an empty side corridor and stood for a moment, head in his hands. Despite Snoke’s warnings, his earlier desires ran through his head, battering at him for dominance. He wanted to touch Hux. No; Hux was only using him, Snoke _knew_ , he always did. But Hux had spent the evening with him, eaten with him, laughed with him. Ren pounded the side of his head, and the pain focused his mind, although it didn’t make him feel any better. He only wanted to touch Hux because no one else had ever let him. There, that was better.

And so Ren walked back down the corridor, wishing he could talk to someone and knowing that the only person who could help him make sense of this mess was off limits. With a scowl, he treaded the shining tiles, the right part of his head beginning to throb in earnest.

 

***

 

Back in his room, Hux lay idly on his bed, spreading his body on the familiar covers. A day of school and a quick shower had rendered the events of the previous night quite surreal, and Hux almost wondered if he had just made the whole thing up. He rolled onto his side and his face rubbed against the jacket he had been wearing that morning and which he had thrown on his bed the moment he had gotten off of his bike; it smelt very vaguely of the soft, clean scent of Ren’s house. So it had been true, then. He allowed himself to lie there for a little while, basking in the pure absurdity of it all.

And then, the realisation that the first part of the competition was in a mere two days seemed to slap him fully in the face. Groaning at the fact that his brief respite was about to be ruined, he took out his tablet. Flicking through various names, he contacted all of the team members to let them know that the last meeting before the quiz would be tomorrow. He saved Ren until last, finger hovering over their chat window.

**[A. Hux]:** If you’ve quite recovered from the majesty of my bike, don’t forget to come to the meeting tomorrow. Overawe is not a valid excuse.

Lying on his front now, Hux flicked through a few articles on the screen, only half-reading them. Whenever he got a notification, he immediately clicked on it and was disappointed to find that it was always one of the other team members, tentative at being contacted directly. _Disappointed?_ Hux frowned at his screen, annoyed at himself for feeling that particular emotion.

To take his mind away from this troubling thought, he busied himself with reading through a long and arduous news article, actively avoiding checking his messages even when they began to build up. When an hour or so passed, he wavered and checked them; he was irritated to discover that Ren hadn’t even looked at his message yet, especially considering that he had always been prompt with his replies previously. His thumb hovered over the keyboard until he remembered that he owed Ren nothing.

Disgruntled, he threw his tablet unceremoniously away from himself, the leather case bouncing on his bedcovers as it landed. Instead, he brought out the notebook with the information on the team members, and flicked through it. When he scanned a page that had both Mitaka and Ren’s details, he noticed that someone had crossed out the words next to Ren’s name that said ‘ _newest member’_ so that it now read ‘ _cleverer than Hux’_. The handwriting was long and spiky, and Hux had absolutely no doubt as to whom it belonged to. He didn’t correct it but shook his head at the page in exasperation.

When the moonlight filtered through from his window and the noises from the dorms around him quietened into the odd bed creak or soft shuffle as someone made their way back to their room, Hux decided that he deserved to sleep. When he was changed and settled underneath the thick duvet, he turned deliberately away from his bedside table. Moments passed. He tried to will himself to sleep, wondering why the hell he had succumbed to Ren’s bed so easily when it was sometimes so hard on his own. After an immeasurable amount of time had passed, he gave up and grabbed his tablet off of the table, and turned it on.

He made himself check every message from the other team members first. When that arduous task was done, only then did he check Ren’s message; no response, but with the word ‘ _read, 12.05pm’_ at the bottom of the chat window. Wondering why he even bothered, Hux turned the tablet off and fell asleep with it nestled next to his head.

 

***

  
The next day was another long one. Hux felt in a bad mood, but could not quite explain why. When Phasma tried to suggest that he was perhaps nervous about the looming competition, he gave her such a filthy look that she actually moved across the room from him, deciding that Bazine was more worth her time. Hux bent over his work, pretending not to care, and sat up straight as a dark shape appeared in the corner of his eye. When he looked around, however, the shape had vanished.

Throughout the day, this strange event continued to occur. Hux would be talking to someone, maybe leaning on a wall or sat on a desk, and he would see the merest indication of dark clothes, or hear the slight jingle of a chain, but when he deigned to look up this ominous apparition was always gone. He wondered vaguely how he had ever gone around school without noticing Ren, when now he could recognise him just from these subtle cues. When it got to around lunchtime, Hux had the distinct impression that Ren was trying to avoid him, although he admittedly wasn’t trying very hard. When he saw the dark coat flapping out of the canteen as soon as he entered, however, Hux had enough.

Two could play at this game. Hux stalked through the long corridors, ignoring other people, forcing his footsteps to be quiet but long so that he was never too far behind. When the coat was only a few arms breadths away, Hux called.

“Ren?”

Immediately, Ren’s body swung to the left, and he entered a random classroom, the wooden door slamming in its frame behind him. Properly annoyed now, Hux followed him, deciding that he would deal with this petulance the old fashioned way, damn Ren.

The room was blessedly empty, chairs neatly pushed under tables. Ren had obviously hoped that this was one of the classrooms that joined onto another for a quick escape, but he had been unlucky. He was trapped in the middle of the room with only a whiteboard behind him, and Hux stood in between the desks, preventing him from moving backwards.

"Ren?" Hux repeated, sounding bemused. He slapped a hand down on the desk next to him, effectively blocking Ren's escape route, "Are you...avoiding me?"

Knowing that it was futile to ignore him now, Ren turned slowly around. He looked angry at being caught out and eyed the door behind Hux, clearly trying to see if it was possible to dip under his arm.

"...No." He said, but his eyes still flicked forwards towards his only escape route. Hux wanted to laugh at the obviousness of this lie, but felt that perhaps this wasn’t the best route to pursue considering Ren’s angered expression. He tried a different tactic instead.

"Have I done something?" Hux asked, noticing his frenetic behaviour, "If I have, I would be absolutely _dying_ to know what it is."

"Why are you hanging out with me?" Ren blurted out, unable to come up with a subtler way of phrasing it now that Hux was so close to him, "Are you just laughing at me behind my back? Is that what this is?"

There was a moment as Hux blinked at him, almost letting his arm go slack on the table in a brief moment of weakness. It really was as if the evening at Ren’s house had just been a vague dream.

"What?" Hux said, utterly thrown by the unexpected question, "Well, you are fairly amusing, whether you intend to be or not, so it’s hard not to laugh at you a little."

This was apparently the wrong thing to say. Ren flared up properly at his words, his lip twisting as he spat, "Oh? Why do you even _fucking bother_ then?"

He actually tried to push past Hux then, his broad chest brushing at his arm, but Hux was steadfast. He held his ground, although it was a definite struggle and he could feel his feet sliding on the cool tiled floor.

"I am _not_ moving until you tell me what the hell is going on, you idiot-"

"Stop calling me that!" Ren hissed, angry that his attempts at escape were being foisted. "I'm not an idiot. Stop it."

" _Ren_." Hux said, plaintively, and something in his tone made Ren pause in his struggling, "I really don't understand what I've done to upset you. It would be easier that you let me know, or this is just going to get more ridiculous. Just _tell_ me."

And then, Ren took a few steps backwards, lips pursed, struggling to hold in his strange, sudden anger. Hux let him have a moment to pull himself together; it seemed that Ren always needed a few moments anyway to calm himself down after one of his angry episodes.

"We're not friends." Said Ren, bluntly, "Why are we pretending to be?"

“Pretending?” Hux repeated, “Who told you that I’m pretending to be your friend?”

When Ren did not answer, Hux knew immediately who the culprit was, the only person who seemed to be able to influence Ren without even trying. The thought sent an icy stab of anger through him as the name rose easily to his lips.

“Snoke.” Hux said, and when Ren twitched at the name and the vitriolic way in which he said it, he knew that he was right. “Snoke told you that, didn’t he?”

“Maybe he did. What’s it to you?” Ren said, nastily.

“You actually _listened_ to what that creep said to you?” Hux shook his head in disbelief, “You really are more desperate than I thought.”

Again, this was entirely the wrong thing to say. Ren flared up at these particular words, and in this close proximity Hux was struck anew by how very large he was, especially puffed up in anger.

“Desperate?” Ren said, spitting the word at Hux, “ _I’m_ the desperate one? You’re just jealous because he prefers me over you. You can’t stand it. You’ve always, _always_ been jealous about it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Said Hux, feigning politeness, “Are we fighting over Snoke’s love? Is that actually what we’re doing? Count me out, in that case. You can have that slimy git to yourself.”

“He’s not slimy.” Ren fumed, “You know _nothing_ about him.” Ren was approaching him even closer now, dark, menacing, but Hux stood his ground, although he would have very much preferred it if he didn’t have to look upwards at him. He wondered vaguely if Ren would punch him, and if he would crumble like the wall Ren had also attacked with his stupid, big fists. It was strange that the thought didn’t trouble him much.

“I know enough.” Hux said, quite mildly considering that Ren was by now only a foot away, “But do you know what your real problem is, Ren?"

"What?" Ren hissed.

"You try so hard to be unpleasant so that people will actively dislike you, because then you have an actual excuse to be alone. But it's so fucking easy to see through." Hux stared him down, unable to stop the truth from coming out more nastily than he had intended, "Because when people give you the slightest bit of attention, you lap it up like a pathetic little dog. Ever noticed that?"

"Fuck you." Said Ren in retaliation, and his fists were curled now, “ _Fuck you.”  
  
_ “Oh, carry on trying to make me angry with you.” Hux said, with a maddening smile that he knew with certainty would goad Ren on, “I know that you _love_ that I actually bother talking to you. You love that I notice you. Makes a nice change from sitting in the library alone and being Snoke’s obedient little pet, doesn’t it?”

And then, inevitable as anything, Ren’s big hands were upon him in an instant. Their truce of their evening together was forgotten, their easy time spent together dissolving as quickly as Ren’s strange anger had appeared. Lifting Hux as easily as he would a rag doll, Ren slammed him against the wall, ignoring the rattle of a corkboard next to Hux’s head as the vibration ran through the white plaster.

“What did you say to me?” He shook Hux so that he was forced to look up at him, “Think carefully. I could really, _really_ fuck you up.”

That, Hux did not doubt for a moment. Heart beating fast, Hux was determined to be cool, unafraid. He was not scared of Ren. Even with those strong arms gripping him, digging into his sides, he was surprised to find out that he was not afraid at all. He stared evenly into those dark, thunderous eyes and tried to work out why he was so intent on goading Ren on. He wanted more than anything for Ren to _see_ what he was doing to himself, damn him. It was so painfully obvious.

“I said that you’re Snoke’s pet.” Hux repeated, not caring when Ren’s hands tightened on his body, “Which is surprising, because I actually think that you’re better than that.”

And, madly, this of all things made Ren’s grip loosen ever so slightly. Hux slid a little further down the wall as this occurred.

“What?” He said, far softer than Hux expected him to. Knowing he treaded a fine line between being freed and getting his lights punched out, Hux considered what to say next carefully.

“I think you’re far too trusting of what Snoke says.” He said, getting right to the meat of the matter, “And that you let him tell you things that aren’t true, just because it feels good to know that at least someone has noticed you, don’t you? It feels good to know that someone has looked through everyone else and has seen you instead.” He said, and when Ren just blinked down at him, he continued, “Or am I wrong?”

There was a pause. Ren let go of him fully then, and Hux slid down the wall in earnest, his shirt making a soft brushing noise against the plaster.

“How could you possibly know that?” Ren said, quietly. His anger was leaking away into another state now; weariness. He looked down at Hux as if he was the one who had just attacked him, knowing that instead of strength Hux wielded words like knives, cutting deeper than Ren’s actions ever could.

“Ren.” Said Hux, sounding exasperated, “Do you think anyone actually likes me?”

“But-“ Ren said, thrown by this, “You have loads of friends. So many people admire you-“

“Admire, ha.” Hux said, quite mirthlessly, “Fear, maybe. Do you know how many peoples’ beds I’ve fallen asleep on recently? How many of my so called friends I’ve done that with?”

“...No...” Said Ren, clearly reluctant to be proven wrong.

“None, except for yours.” Hux told him, hardly caring about admitting the truth to Ren anymore, “Not even my last ex’s, towards the end. So, why are we pretending to be friends? Maybe it’s because we’re both too bloody scared to admit that we might, _might_ , just enjoy the other’s company. Maybe because we’re so scared that if we say the word, it might actually come true, and then where would we be?”

In the wake of Hux’s words, they stared at each other, Hux almost on the floor, Ren with his wild eyes both disbelieving and hopeful.

“Agh,” Said Ren, hands on his temples. He felt confused, and pleased, and torn in so many different ways. _He wants you for his own gain,_ Snoke had told him. But what could Hux have possibly gained from this particular confession? Nothing. Nothing, except contradicting everything Snoke had told him. He didn’t move his hands or say any more, and Hux took this as a sign to haul himself up.

“What an elegant response.” Hux said, drily, pushing himself from the wall, “Although, perhaps, rather accurate for the situation.” He trotted away from Ren then, giving his slightly bent body a wide berth, “Just sit down, Ren. Stay for the meeting, and then go wherever you want. I won’t bother you.”

_I want you to bother me,_ Ren thought desperately, as Hux walked past him. That was the crux of the matter, his greatest betrayal towards Professor Snoke he had ever conceived. Snoke’s words had made absolute sense at the time, and he had fervently believed them, but with a glance, with a few choice words from that sly acid tongue, Hux had planted a tiny seed of doubt in his mind. And Ren wanted it to grow, to blossom into this confusing, twisted thing that might, might be considered friendship. Instead, overwhelmed, he sat down.

Away from Ren, Hux wrote another message to the group members informing them of the new room change. When the door finally opened and Phasma walked in trailed by Bazine and Mitaka, she froze only a few steps in, eyeing the hunched figure of Ren at the desk, at Hux on the teacher’s table staring at the window; both silent, neither looking at the other. She cleared her throat.

“Am I…interrupting something?”

“Yes.” Said Ren, slightly muffled.

“ _No.”_ said Hux, staring daggers at him. “Sit down. I want this meeting to be brief.”

Not too long after this, the rest of the team members had entered the room, looking a little disgruntled at the late room change. Seeing Hux’s reticent mood, however, they seemed to realise that complaining would be a dangerous thing to do, so they sat without comment, though a couple of them whispered between themselves. When they were more or less settled, Hux moved off of the desk and stood in front of them all.

“Team.” He said, gravely, staring around at the upturned faces. Ren was fiddling with a pen rather than looking at him, “Our first match against Ileenium Grammar is tomorrow. As I hardly need to remind you, most of our school will attend, as well as Ileenium and some of our other enemy schools to size us up. Are we ready?”

“Fuck yeah.” Called Phasma, “I was _born_ ready.”

The rest of the room tittered. Hux smiled at her gratefully; Phasma was always excellent at boosting morale. It was a particular talent of hers. Ren was perhaps the only one not to respond, as he didn’t seem to be paying much attention. He cared for this version of Hux much less than the one that he had gotten to know, far less than the one who sometimes spoke softer to him than the rest of the team, who knew his real name and did not care. He zoned out a little, comforted by the sound of Hux’s voice but not actually listening to his words. He was however, jolted out of his reverie when a snort rose above the others.

“Hmm, I still think _some_ of us are more ready than others.” Plutt said, inclining his head meaningfully to the corner of the room. Unfortunately, a couple of people muttered their assent. Feeling their obvious ire towards him, Ren thankfully did not respond, though there was a definite hardness to his expression now as he bent lower in his seat.

Still rather pissed off at Ren for blindly believing in Snoke’s every word without question, Hux found that he simply could not allow Plutt to demoralise Ren so the day before the quiz. They all needed to be at their best and Plutt’s smugness was mirrored by the unwelcome return of Ren’s scowl, as he looked down at his desk and gipped his pen hard as if he wished it were Plutt’s neck, and was hoping to crack it. Hux had just had enough.

“If you are by _any chance_ talking about Ren,” Hux said bluntly, in a tone that brooked no argument, “I believe that he is fully adequate for the task, actually.”

It wasn’t exactly high praise, but it shut Plutt up. Feeling the shocked response from the rest of the team members, Hux chanced a glance at Ren and was surprised to see that he was actually smiling down at his textbook, looking quite flattered. His smile dropped when he caught Hux’s eye, but Hux had definitely seen it. When he brought his gaze back to the rest of the team, he could tell by Plutt’s frown that he had noticed this brief exchange between him and Ren, a slight crease between his eyes as he tried to work it out. Feeling like they were wading into dangerous waters, Hux spoke to the room again.

“Anyway.” He said, “I won’t tolerate insults to any team members until we win. Then, you can say what you like to each other, I honestly don’t care. Is that understood?” When they all muttered their assent, he carried on, “On to the details, then. We’ll get picked up at ten-thirty tomorrow from the school car park. Be there, or you _will_ face my retribution.”

A few more boring but necessary run-throughs of the rules and etiquette of the competition, and he dismissed the team. They filed through the room one by one, and Ren rushed past before Hux could even begin to say something to him. As he watched the dark coat flapping through the door, he turned to see Phasma stood behind him, a sly grin on her face.

“What?” He demanded, disliking her expression.

“Check you out, defending Ren.” She grinned, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a cute expression on his face. Was it a blush? Could have been.”

“Oh, shut up.” Hux said, disparagingly. However, despite his obvious reluctance to do so, he couldn’t help but agree with her.

 

***  


The day of the competition dawned grey and overcast, shafts of sunlight trying fruitlessly to break through the thick cloud. The team was all gathered together in the school minibus, and it was not lost on any of them how strange it was to be together outside of school. It was already amusing for Hux to see Ren in the bus because of how very _big_ he was; crouching in the confined space, he had already ousted Hux from the best seat, complaining that if he didn’t get more leg room then he would refuse to take his coat off for the duration of the competition. Fearing that the audience might think he had allowed a large and irritable vampire bat on the team, Hux had agreed and Ren sat smugly next to him, stretching out his legs.

It wasn’t long until they arrived at the auditorium where the quiz was traditionally held, just on the outskirts of town. There were already a fair few vehicles in the carpark, various family members and schoolmates who were coming to watch the first show. Hux knew better than to look out for his parents’ separate cars, as his mother was out of town and his father…well, Hux rather thought that his father didn’t give two shits that this was an important day for him, despite that fact that he _knew_ that he wanted him to be Team Leader. Trying to quash this sudden dark thought, Hux led the team through the car park and towards the building.

When they were getting closer to the large glass doors, they walked past a battered old van, the silver panelling weather-beaten but still robust. Wondering why it felt so familiar, Hux glanced very briefly at Ren and saw him take in the van and falter just ever so slightly, a look of pure horror flashing across his face. Fearing that Ren might panic and do something stupid like run away, Hux lagged behind and muttered, “It’s not your dad’s van anymore. That girl, Rey, she must be here.” And when Ren just gave out a long, shaky breath, “Ren, it’s okay.”

Ren nodded, slowly, and Hux was startled to see that he wasn’t wearing lipstick today. His lips were still plump enough without it, but it seemed a distinctly odd thing for him to do, considering how he knew how much ren’s make-up meant to him. He had to admit that he could feel a strange, frantic quality to Ren today, and wondered if it could potentially be nervousness. He hoped not.

When they were inside and Hux signed them in, they were moved to a small room next to the stage. They had about an hour until the competition began, and Hux was glad that they did not film at this early stage because despite their enthusiasm of the day before, there was definitely an anxious air in the room. Perhaps it was to do with the confined space; Phasma and Ren in particular just looked too big for it, squeezed onto small chairs like dolls that were too big for a dollhouse.

No one spoke. The strange, oppressive feeling increased in intensity until Plutt stood up and announced that he was going out to get a drink. With this, the tension in the room was thankfully quashed, like a balloon that had a needle pushed into it. As Plutt left through the door with its frosted glass, Bazine leaned on her chair and started a mild discussion about the first stage of the competition last year, and Hux was happy to indulge her.

Walking down the tiled corridor, Plutt moved towards the water fountain left there for the members in the anteroom. What he found instead was a tall, bald man stood nervously by the fountain, staring up and down the corridor as if he as hoping that someone might come down it. He certainty looked relieved at the sight of Plutt.

“Hello!” He said, in happy surprise as Plutt stopped, “Excuse me, terribly sorry to bother you, but are you by any chance from First Order Academy?”

Plutt eyed him suspiciously. The man was fairly old, skinny as a beanpole and a complete stranger to boot. He wore old-fashioned sort of clothes made of some strangely metallic fabric that might have looked at home in a long-lost disco, but he stuck out in the drab corridor. Plutt didn’t recognise the man, and didn’t relish the thought of telling a stranger anything about his school.

“Maybe.” He said, not entirely politely, “Why?”

“I’m just looking for someone on your team, and I have absolutely no idea how to find the room!” The man pressed on, sounding urgent, “Ben?”

Plutt stared at him openly, wondering if he was quite alright in the head. “Ben?” He repeated, “There isn’t anyone on our team called Ben.”

“Ben Solo?” The man said, hopefully, and flapped his arms about, “Um, tall? Dark haired and… bless me, I haven’t seen him in quite a while, I don’t think I even know how to describe him anymore. I feel quite awful about it now.”

Slowly, the description began to click in Plutt’s mind. He gaped at the tall man, noticing that he had a large golden earring in his ear, and it reminded him forcefully of a certain other earring-wearing member of their team.

“Do you mean _Ren_? He’s really called Ben Solo?” Plutt said, unable to believe that he had stumbled across such delicious blackmail. The tall man seemed to recognise the look of unabashed glee on his face, and slapped a hand to his forehead with more than a little regret.

“Oh dear!” He complained, “I quite forgot. His mother told me about the name change, how could I forget?” He sounded quite regretful, but endeavoured to fix the situation, “Anyway, never mind about that- could you please tell him that his uncles are here to see him? His mother couldn’t make it, I’m afraid, so we decided to watch instead. “

“Oh, I’ll tell him.” Plutt replied, voice falsely sweet, his sly look increasing when he realised that by mother, the man _must_ have meant Leia Organa. No wonder Ren kept _that_ particular fact about himself quiet.

He left, and the tall man stood there watching the stocky figure of Plutt plod away with a slightly mournful air, filled with the inexplicable feeling that he might, somehow, have messed up. The plastic cup in his hand began to overfill, and he stared at the water trickling onto his hand without really feeling it. And then, a small, slightly chubby hand moved over his own, pushing his thin wrist out of the stream. He turned around to see a small, rotund figure behind him, eyebrow quirked in an unspoken question. He sighed.

“I thought I might be taking too long.” He said, and then he couldn’t hold it in, “Oh, Artoo!” He exclaimed, “I think I might have made a dreadful mistake…” He was unable to keep the sadness and frustration out of his voice, and the hand patted him softly.

Back in the anteroom, Plutt settled himself back into his seat, peering over at Ren quite slyly. The room was too small for him to be confined in a corner, so Ren sat on a chair in-between Phasma and Hux, his head resting on one hand as he idly watched their conversation, looking both baffled and a little pleased to be sat there with them. Watching him, Plutt’s lip twisted. He hated Ren. Oh, he had also hated Hux for years, but ever since that petulant, scowling nobody had wormed his way onto the team, Plutt had been yearning to crush him. It would just be so very satisfying to watch that smug face crumble as he got booted off the team. He was fairly certain that with a little pushing, he could probably make Ren cry. He looked like the pathetically crying sort. He bided his time for the right moment to act, and watched Ren carefully all the while.

When about twenty minutes had passed and the competition loomed ever closer, Hux took to pacing the room. His pacing was his only acquiescence to nervousness; his outward appearance was mostly calm, and walking to and fro served to settle his mind. He was re-shuffling the order of the team members in his mind, and spoke almost as if to himself.

“Phasma by my right hand,” he muttered to himself. This made sense- he and Phasma often worked on the same wavelength, and her knowledge base was formidable. For his left side though…

“Hmm. Left,” Muttered Hux. He cast an eye over his teammates. He settled on one on particular, looking oddly inconspicuous as he quietly watched the others chat. “Ren,” Hux said, louder than before, “I want you on my left. As our newest member I need to check that you won’t panic and mess everything up.”

There was a stunned silence after this announcement, none so stunned as Ren. He seemed to break out of his daze, looking like a strange mix between flattered and frightened.

“Me?” He said, a little incredulously.

“Him?” Said Plutt, sounding angry, “What are you playing at, Hux? You need someone good next to you. Someone who will actually help us win.”

“Oh, shut the _fuck up.”_ Said Ren, rolling his eyes, “No one asked you. Scared that I might actually be better than you? I’d try and comfort you but…well, let’s just say that I know the answer to that particular question.”

Ren was more than a little disconcerted by the smile Plutt directed at him.

"Oh, whatever...." Plutt paused meaningfully, "...Ben."

There was a moment of pure silence after Plutt said this. Ren actually froze as the name sunk fully into him, the pure horror clear on his face at the knowledge that Plutt knew, he _knew_. The rest of the team looked between them, not quite understanding the enormity of Plutt’s words, but Hux felt his heart plummet down, down. Ren came back to life, leaning forwards on his chair.

"What did you just call me?" Ren said, fighting to keep his voice calm. Plutt stared across at him, perfectly cool, utterly unafraid of the dark expression on Ren’s face.

"I called you Ben." He said, and raised his voice so the room could all hear, "Sorry," He said, not looking the least contrite, "Isn't that your actual name? Ben?" He paused again just to ham it up a little, "Ben Solo?"

There was whispering around the room after this as the other team members finally worked out the importance of what Plutt had just said. Hux distinctly heard Leech mutter, "Solo? Like, Han Solo?" To Bala-Tik, and get a disbelieving shrug in response.

Ren looked murderous. In fact, he looked rather like he wanted to strangle Plutt with his bare hands, something which Hux knew could actually be a reality if he let it. _Fuck you, Plutt,_ Hux thought desperately, _fuck you, fuck you. You knew this would upset him._

"Plutt." Said Hux, warningly. The short, stocky figure turned to him, and there was danger written plain on his face.

"What?" He said, somewhat accusingly. "It's his name. His _real_ name, I mean. Don't you think the rest of the team deserves to know when they've been lied to?"

Before Hux could even begin to answer this, Ren actually rose from his chair, fists clenched and shaking with rage as the legs scraped over the tiled floor.

"It's not a lie if it's something you don't fucking _deserve_ to know." He snarled, advancing towards Plutt. The rest of the team, looking between them both as if they were observing serves in a tennis match, parted quickly as Ren strode past them, fury in ever step. To his credit, Plutt stood his ground.

"On the contrary," Plutt began, arms folded, flanked by Leech and Bala-Tik who were sizing Ren up as he approached, "I think we all deserve to know if one of our team members is the son of the headmistress of our enemy school." He let that sink in before saying, “Who knows what he could have told them.” 

One by one, the team members began side-eyeing Ren as if looking at him in a new light. Even Phasma, who had been beginning to admit that Ren was growing on her, gaped at him as he walked past. Ren saw all of them looking at him, judging him and maybe even fearing him a little, as he stopped a few steps in front of Plutt.

"I'm Kylo Ren."  Ren said, voice shaking, "Call me that, or I'll punch your fucking face in."

"Okay, whatever..." Plutt stared right at him, waited for about one second, "Ben." He said sweetly.

It happened before Hux could even begin to try and calm Ren down. Snarling, the dark shape hurled across to Plutt, knocking a terrified Mitaka aside in his haste. And who knew what might have happened if Phasma hadn't had the foresight to grab the back of his coat, stopping him and inch from his intended target. However, even she was struggling to contain Ren, her massive arms straining as he tried to get at Plutt, murder in his eyes.

"Let go of me!" He screamed at her, struggling, "I want to punch him, let go-"

Leech and Bala-Tik were coiled, ready to spring should Ren get free, and Hux had no allusions as to what they would do to Ren if given the chance. And, of course, Ren did get free. He paused in his struggling, and when Phasma’s arms went slightly slacker for about one second he leapt out of her grasp, looking victorious. Without thinking, Hux stepped forward and shouted the only thing he could think of,

“Ren,” He shouted, “Sit the _fuck down.”_

And, to everyone’s astonishment, he did. Throwing his massive body into the nearest chair, Ren crossed his arms and glared at Hux, angry, defiant, but heeding his command. Even Hux was a little taken aback at how immediately he had responded.

“He’s provoking me, Hux.” Ren complained. “He has no right, no _right-“_

Opening his mouth in retaliation, Plutt was prevented from speaking as Hux stood in between both of them, arms out to prevent them from becoming any closer. “I will _not_ tolerate this. Both of you, leave the room until you can both function as normal fucking human beings.” And when Ren made to follow Plutt, “ _Separately.”_ Hux hissed. And Ren glared at him, and it was full of more than just anger. He looked hurt and for some reason, utterly betrayed. As the door slammed shut, Hux had the distinct impression that Ren was, for some perplexing reason, angry at _him._

The remaining members of the team stared at him as he breathed heavily in the centre of the room, his previous calmness forgotten. Hux ran a hand through his hair, considering the situation. After a moment or two, he turned to Phasma.

“Look,” He sighed, “I need to go and calm Ren down. If I don’t, he’ll probably find a room full of equipment and start smashing it up. I can’t deal with that sort of paperwork right now.”

Phasma nodded, still looking a bit haunted, “Be careful, Hux. Shit, he looked like he wanted to kill _everyone_ in this room. Even you.”

“It’s a chance I’m willing to take.” Hux said, voice hard. He walked to the door and followed where Ren had gone. With a sigh, Phasma bent to help Mitaka up from the floor, where he had been trying to make himself more inconspicuous lest someone else try and knock him over.

Rushing down the corridor, Hux aimed for the room that looked like it was hidden in the darkest, dankest section of the building. When he skidded past a room that had a battered old door that looked like it had lain there unnoticed for hundreds of years, he pulled it open.

And, sure enough, a dark shape was sat on the floor, back to the dusty door. Knees drawn up to his chin, Ren didn’t even turn around as Hux stepped carefully towards him.

"You told him." Ren didn't even sound angry. He sounded upset; more upset, in fact, than Hux had ever heard him. "I can't believe you told him." He said, voice wavering.

"I didn't." Hux said quickly, and when Ren looked incredulous, "Ren, I swear I didn't!"

"Don't fucking lie to me, Hux." Ren choked out. _Snoke was right,_ he thought dully, _they all hate me. Especially him._ "I'll leave. I swear it, I'll leave the team, I'll-"

"Ren, listen to me!" Hux grabbed his shoulder, desperately, wanting him to look at him, damn it, "I. Did. Not. Tell. Him."

" _Don't touch me_." Ren hissed at him, jerking his body away from the hand, "I don't like being touched."

Hux let go of him immediately, looking for the first time a little sorry.

"I had no idea." He said, quite truthfully. He thought that Ren hadn't minded him grabbing his arms on the motorbike. Maybe he had upset him even then.

"Well, now you know." It was half a lie; Ren didn't always like to be touched, but he did actually like to be touched by Hux. Usually. He was just feeling too upset for it now, and his hands on his shoulder felt like exactly what he wanted, and what he knew he shouldn’t have. They were close, but Hux was deliberately putting more distance between them, to give Ren the space he obviously wanted.

"Okay." Said Hux, and they stared at each other. "I didn't tell him." Hux repeated, speaking more calmly. Ren searched his face for a moment, properly searched, and his own expression softened just a little.

“Right.” He nodded, “I can see that now. It just felt a bit convenient that he found out as soon as I told you, you know? But I…shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. That was shitty of me.”

Hux had to bite back a retort that maybe Ren should have thought about that with Snoke as well, but realised that perhaps now was not the best time for that particular sentiment. He could tell that Ren was still upset.

“Never mind.” Said Hux, eager to move away from the subject, “Ren, Plutt is an absolute dick, but you _can’t_ let him get to you like this. He’s trying to undermine you so you’ll do badly for the competition. Can’t you see it?”

Shuffling on the floor, Ren looked uncomfortable.

“He told them, Hux.” He said, miserably, “I’ve been in this school for four years, and no one has ever known my real name _. Four whole years_ I was free of it. And now…” he paused, “Now, it’s all gone to shit. I think you might appreciate the fact that I might be losing it a little.”

That much was obvious. Hanging by his sides, Ren’s hands were twitching and Hux had no doubt that he was fighting some urge to smash something, or to hurl something across the room. _Four whole years_ , Hux thought sadly, _four whole years he’s been alone at this school._

“Can I get something for you? Someone?” Hux said, sincerely, “Just say, and I’ll do it. You’re my responsibility.”

“Yeah, just for the quiz.” Ren said, and it came out bitterly. Hux sighed.

“If you say so.” He muttered, and then much more loudly, “What can I do?”

Ren peered at him. He felt angry, and upset, and underneath it all a horrible nervousness that he had been fighting all morning and which he was ashamed of more than anything else. Half of him, guiltily wanted to ask Hux to stay there with him, but the other half of him, much louder and panicking in his mind wanted to be alone. He sighed as well, knowing which part would win.

“Could you just let me be alone for a second?” He said, and it almost came out apologetically. When Hux looked startled he said, “I won’t go anywhere. I won’t run away, I promise. I just…need a moment to get my head together, please?”

Nodding, Hux made his way across the room. For some reason, it made him feel rather useless that Ren didn’t feel like he could calm down in a room with him. Nevertheless, he allowed Ren the privacy he needed to regain his composure. Before he left, he said,

“Ren?” His voice rang through the dusty room.

“Yeah?” Ren replied, warily, forehead back to touching his knees.

“You were fine when we were practicing.” Hux said, before he could stop himself, “Don’t let them convince you otherwise.”

A few minutes after Hux’s footsteps had faded into the distance, Ren brought his face up from his knees. All of a sudden, the oppressive darkness of the room seemed too much to bear, and he found that he actually didn’t want to be in this room alone. He didn’t want to go back to the other team mates, but maybe he could find just one of them or some poor passer by who might just let him sit near them and listen into their conversation to feel less alone.

Walking back down the corridor, Ren listened closely to a few side rooms. The closer he got to the anteroom with the other members, the more sounds he heard behind the wooden frames. Looking through the frosted glass of one of these doors, he thought he might just recognise the shape behind it, and without really considering it pushed the door open.

Bazine was stood alone in the little side room, adjusting her headscarf with some brightly coloured pins. When she looked up to see Ren hovering in the doorway, looking half-crazed, she gave him one of her small smiles as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

“Hey, Ren.” Out of all of the team members, she always seemed to have the most time for him, “Come in- I’m almost finished now. You okay? You look a bit…nervous.”

Seeming to decide that it was safe to enter, perhaps solely because she had deliberately opted to use his chosen name as opposed to the name Plutt had revealed to her, Ren shut the door and moved to a chair near her. He drew his knees up to his chin, resting his head there, his dark hair falling across his face in a cascade of black so that it was mostly obscured.

“Please don’t tell the others.” Ren didn’t mean for it to come out like begging, but couldn’t prevent it all from spilling out, hating himself so much for admitting it, “ _Please_ don’t tell Hux.”

“I won’t.” She promised, sincerely. “But, seriously, you really shouldn’t worry about it. Everyone’s nervous- Plutt, Nines,” Her lip twitched, “Hux.”

Ren gave a snort at this, as she knew he would. The puff of breath displaced a strand of his hair, and she could just make out his dark eyes through the gap, “I doubt that. He could do all of this with his eyes closed and _still_ look good doing it.”

“Even so.” Bazine finished pinning her scarf then and when she was done seemed happy to just sit there with him. The silence was comfortable, and Ren found that there was something about her that he found inherently safe, an easiness that made him want to talk to her. He couldn’t see what she would gain from telling anyone, anyway. It struck him then that he had never spoken to Bazine properly, not really.

“I’ve never done anything in front of a crowd before.” He admitted, avoiding mentioning the scene he and Plutt had just had. He thought then about his old fencing tournaments, wondering how he could have forgotten when they once meant so much to him, “Well, never anything without a mask on.”

He dearly wanted his bandanna on. A thin layer that was just enough to separate him from the rest of the world, and which he could peer over imperiously at anyone else who dared to look at him. With it, he didn’t have to be himself; he could be anonymous, he could be better and he would never, ever be Ben Solo again. The mere thought of facing the crowds with his plain face made his insides squirm. He had neglected to put lipstick on today, knowing with certainty that someone was bound to be cruel to him about it, and feeling too on-edge to take it at the moment. He looked up from his knees, and Bazine’s eyes softened as he touched his bare lip.

Wordlessly, she leaned backwards and picked something out of her little bag, her fingers rustling against the various items inside. When she held out the small tube out to Ren, he blinked at her.

“Go on.” She said, waving the lipstick towards him. “ It’ll make you feel better. You aren’t yourself at all. It’s not as dark as you would usually have, but I think it’ll do.”

Tentatively, he took it off of her. His hand shook a little as he began to apply it, with a little difficulty because there was no mirror to hand. When it began to take him a little too long, Bazine stood in front of him.

“You missed a spot, here.” She took the lipstick out of his loose grip and dabbed a little on his lower lip. And, to his own surprise, Ren let her do it. There was something so companionable about the action, so alien to him, that Ren was struck quite dumb. When she was done, he had to ask her. “Why?”

“It wasn’t right, what Plutt said about your name.” Bazine explained, with a twist to her lip. “I really, really dislike Plutt. And Leech. You haven’t been…the most polite team member,” She said, quickly, “But they used to do stuff like that to Finn, too, and it was too much for him. I’m not sitting by and watching it again.”

“Thanks.” He said, a little awkwardly.

“It’s no problem.” She said, “Also, I think Hux will appreciate it. He’s a lot funnier with you on the team, you know.”

There was a moment as Ren absorbed her words.

“What?” He said, incredulously, “What do you mean?”

“Oh,” Bazine waved it away, “He’s just a bit less uptight. He doesn’t usually have someone as stubborn as himself to bounce off.”

Ren did not know what to say to that. Eventually, he managed to mumble, “ _Less_ uptight?”

“Yep.” Said Bazine, “If you can believe it. Come on, they’ll be missing us if we don’t rejoin them soon.”

And so, they left the room together, perhaps one of the most unlikely couples on the whole quiz team. When they returned to the anteroom where the other team members were gathered, Hux was hanging out of the doorway, looking concerned. He seemed relieved when he saw that Bazine was leading Ren, and his eyes widened as he saw the maroon lipstick on Ren’s lips. Before he could comment, Bazine spoke first,

“I was just helping Ren with his make-up, Hux. I think he looks much, _much_ more like himself, don’t you think?” She said in a voice of steel, challenging him to oppose her. Faced with this unusual opposition, Hux faltered.

“Y-yes.” He said, and then regained his composure, “Good. I’m glad. Thank you Bazine, for, ah, looking after Ren.” Even though it was utterly absurd, he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that Ren had let Bazine tend to him. She seemed to spot a hint of this on his face, and smiled at him slyly. Face burning, Hux turned away from them. “Come on.” He snapped, “We need to get to the stage. The rest of the team has starting moving there already.”

And, in what seemed like no time at all, all nine of them were gathered on the stage behind one long table. No one looked at Ren as he moved to the place on Hux’s left, but he could tell that the whole team was wary of him, bar a couple of members. Trying not to let it bother him, he rested his arms on the table, looking down at some blank sheets in front of him. Hux side-glanced him, and looked quickly away as he saw Ren register this.

“I’m sorry.” Ren said, knowing how much this all meant to him and feeling that he might have already ruined everything.

“Don’t be sorry.” Hux replied, “Just be ready.”

“I’m ready.” Ren said, and this time, he really meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry that I didn't get to the actual competition in this chapter- I really wanted to but other stuff built up and I really want to do it justice, so it will be in the next chapter. I am really happy that people seem to be enjoying this, sometimes I worry that it's a bit long but I love a slow burn. Also, I HAD to include R2-D2 and C3-P0 as Ren's uncles, it was far too fun not to! Enjoy reading <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just thought I'd point out before this chapter goes ahead- the competition is loosely based on University Challenge (all of the questions are actually from the show), but for the story's sake the characters aren't actually at uni. So it's a sort of loose interpretation of the show. Sorry if that's confusing, but this was a fun one to write!

There was a slight buzz of conversation as the room slowly filled with people, mostly classmates and family members and other spectators who awaited the start of the annual competition with barely disguised eagerness. Many were keen to see if First Order would fail as spectacularly as last year, Hux was almost certain. He bore the brunt of the stares well, so cool and collected that anyone who dared look at him soon found that they had to look away.

Unperturbed by this attention, Hux felt quite calm. He had always found performing easy; there was just something so deliciously refreshing about putting on a face that he could use to manipulate other people, but on a larger scale. He just sat there, drumming his fingers in his bored, haughty way, and knew that he looked good doing it.

Next to him, Ren felt a little overwhelmed by all of the faces in the crowd, increasing in number as time went on. Then, Ren gave a sharp intake of breath as he looked into the upper tier, and immediately recognised three figures sat there, all staring back at him. He blinked at them, hardly able to believe it, and also unable to prevent a feeling of gratitude from spreading inside of him. He had not expected anyone to come and see him, and Plutt had neglected to tell him about his unexpected visitors.

“He saw us!” Said See-Threepio, gazing at the distant figure of Ren with excitement, “I’m sure he did. Oh, he’s even taller than Han-“

“I wouldn’t mention Han to him, if I were you.” Lando warned him, “I think it’s a sore subject. He wasn’t pleased when I mentioned him last time.”

“Oh, what a shame.” See-Threepio sighed. “Even so, Leia did tell us to give Ben some space, remember Artoo?” The smaller figure nodded sadly. See-Threepio tried to sit still, but after a second or two of this torture he gave up, “Do you think he would mind if I waved?”

And so, Ren looked up to see his uncle waving frantically from the top chairs. Knowing he couldn’t do something as ridiculous as wave back from the stage, he nonetheless smiled up at them, slightly bemused. He could just see Artoo wave as well, and then press a soft, exasperated kiss to See-Threepio’s cheek to surprise him into stopping. Ren looked away then, feeling oddly jealous. Not jealous that Artoo wasn’t kissing him, but a bit envious of the ease in which they so clearly loved each other. He wished…he didn’t know what he wished.

Next to him, Hux side-eyed Ren, wondering at his uncharacteristic smile. When he followed Ren’s gaze, he felt a jolt as he recognised Lando, and two people he did not know focusing on the tall figure next to him. _Even Ren has someone here_ , he thought dully, before realising how cruel that thought was. Trying hard not to move his lips, despite the fact that the quiz had not even started yet, Hux whispered to him, “Family?”

“Uncles. Sort of.” Ren muttered back. He still looked quite surprised, “Who the fuck knows why they’re here. Oh no, he’s waving again, oh god, why won’t he _stop_ -”

Luckily, Ren was saved any further embarrassment when the lights over the audience dimmed ever so slightly. There was a collective hush over the audience as the shadow washed over them, the warm spotlights flooding the stage as the various students upon it composed themselves. Hux allowed himself to gaze over at the team from Ileenium, and recognised a few of them as they smiled back at him. They soon realised their mistake as he didn’t return the smile, and a few of them looked at each other as if to say, _what’s his deal?_ But Hux hardened himself to them; there was no point trying to pretend to be friends when the competition was at stake.

The whispering soon became a quiet, steady rustling as a sober, clean-cut figure stepped onto the stage. Lor San Tekka, legendary quizmaster, hosting each show for who knew how many years still cut an impressive figure as he moved to the centre point between the two teams. Older and more weatherworn than at the peak of his hosting, perhaps, but there was still a respectful quietness as he stood surveying the crowd. The whispering came to a standstill as he sat at his customary desk on the stage, and he swept a calm smile over the upturned faces, and all felt as if the smile was personally for them.

As he waited in his genial old way, a disembodied voice called over the speakers,

“Welcome to the Challenge- asking the questions, Lor San Tekka!”

There was polite and enthusiastic clapping following this announcement, and Lor San Tekka waited until it dissipated. When it had faded into another respectful silence, he spoke.

“Hello,” He said, in his soft rumble, “ I warmly welcome you all to this year’s Challenge. The first-round matches begin today with the return of our most prolific challenger, First Order Academy, playing the small and ancient Ileenium Grammar.” There were a few muted cheers in the crowd, and Tekka let them off with a slight smile, and continued, “As always, the object is to win a place in the second round. Let’s meet the First Order team.”

The posture of Hux’s team became ever so slightly better as the focus of the room came upon them. Tekka reeled off the names of the team members; Plutt, Leech, Nines, Bazine, Mitaka, Phasma, Ren and finally him. It felt quite glorious to be returned as the Team Leader after last year’s disaster, and he liked how Tekka swept over him with a familiar glance, as if approving of his ascension through the ranks.

When their host reeled off the names of the opposing team, Hux was only half paying attention, hearing the gulping sound of Ren’s throat beside him, and noticing that he was gripping their table hard underneath. Without moving his lips, he whispered, “Ren?” A gulp, and no answer, “It’ll be fine.” Hux told him, eyeing the crowd.

“Mmm.” Ren said, but it sounded pained.

Under the table, Hux nudged him with his foot. “Breathe.” He whispered, as Ren’s eyes widened in surprise, “I know you can do this. Am I wrong?” And then, miraculously, Ren straightened. He seemed to be using Hux’s foot as an anchor point, the surprise of the contact distracting him, and too late Hux remembered what Ren had said about being touched. But he didn’t seem to mind at this current moment, and there was a familiarly petulant tone to his whisper when he replied, “Of _course_ not."

Before Hux could whisper anything else, he realised that their host had started talking again. “…The rules are the same as ever.” Tekka said, “Starter questions are solo efforts, they’re worth ten points.” Hux felt a quiet snigger from somewhere along the row at this particular wording which seemed to be aimed squarely at Ren, and hoped that he hadn’t noticed, “Bonus questions are team efforts and are worth fifteen points. Fingers on buzzers, here’s your first starter for ten.”

The anticipation in the room became palpable as Tekka paused, and Hux couldn’t help but think, _here we go._ He felt a thrill that only the competition brought; he was ready. Next to him, Ren looked calmer than he had all day, and Hux was pleased to see this change in him.

“In cytogenetics,” Tekka began, “What term describes the entire chromosomal complement of a cell which may be observed during mitotic metaphase?

A buzzer rang through the air; cutting and shrill.

“Karyotype.” Hux said, with confidence. Tekka inclined his head.

“Correct.” He announced, and while Ileenium looked slightly crestfallen, the First Order team basked in the delicious knowledge that the were the first in the whole competition to get a question right, “Your three bonuses, First Order, are on Germanic tribes. Firstly, led by Alaric I, which Germanic tribe sacked Rome in 410?”

The team leaned into each other to confer quietly. Frustrated that he didn’t know the answer, Hux eyed Mitaka the most intently. He was their resident history nerd, after all.

“Mitaka?” He asked, imploringly. He, of course, got a bitten lip in reply as Mitaka thought hard about the answer.

“Um,” He said, in a somewhat distant voice, “Might be the Visigoths?”

“Ha.” Said Plutt before Hux could question Mitaka’s use of the word ‘might’, “This should be Ren’s speciality.”

“I’m not that kind of goth, you absolute dic-“ Catching Hux’s eye, Ren stopped talking. Although, they weren’t being filmed for this game, it probably wouldn’t do if anyone caught Ren saying ‘dickhead’ on the stage. To stop the other idiots from talking, Hux spoke directly to Mitaka.

“Well?” He said, aware that this was already taking too long, “Might or is?”

“Is.” Mitaka said, with more confidence than before. At this, Hux raised his head and looked at their waiting host, knowing that as Team Leader his word was rule.

“The Visigoths.” He said, hoping, hoping, and-

“Correct.” Tekka announced, “Which branch of the Goths split from the Visigoths in the fourth century, and under Theodoric the Great, established the Gothic Kingdom of Italy?”

There was a pause from the First Order Team as they stared at Mitaka in hope, and Mitaka for some unknown reason was staring at Ren, perhaps for inspiration, which of course led to everyone staring at Ren as well.

“Would everyone _please_ stop looking at me?” Ren said, crossly, and a little too loudly.

There was a titter from the crowd, but it was more amused than cruel, and Ren even gave a little apologetic smile as he realised that they must have heard him. Hux didn’t even bother to tell him off; it would actually be beneficial for the team to come across as pleasant and joking. It might allow them more leniency in the long run.

Mitaka and Bazine had been conferring as this happened, and after a few moments Mitaka whispered to Hux, “The Ostrogoths.”

Trusting him, Hux said loudly, “The Ostrogoths?”

“Correct.” Tekka said, with a small smile, and Mitaka looked pleased as Hux inclined his head in thanks.

When they got the next question right, Hux felt that his previous worries might have been for naught. It was an excellent start, only slightly dampened when they got a question wrong courtesy of Nines, but Hux was pleased with the points they managed to rake in in that first batch of questions.

When the question finally went to Ileenium, they seemed competent enough, but fumbled a few answers. Tekka was kind and courteous to them, however, and they continued to look quite cheerful despite the lead that First Order had. Hux presumed that they must be those awful kind of people who enjoyed competition for the _participation,_ or something as sickly as that.

When Phasma supplied a series of answers about Hamlet, and Leech helped with a tricky one about hydrocarbons, Hux couldn’t help but be struck with the distinct feeling that Ren was holding back. He could tell that Ren was considering the questions, his thick brows knotting, but another member of the team always overtook him. Plutt in particular seemed determined to speak just as he tried to. When this happened for the third time, Hux actually twisted in his seat to turn to the figure next to him after Tekka had asked a question that he thought particularly suited Ren’s specialities.

“Ren?” He asked, “Any thoughts on which famous poet’s brother painted the picture Liffey Swim?”

Blinking at being asked so directly, Ren said, “Uh, Yeats, I think?”

There was a disparaging _tsk_ from their right.

“It’s Tennyson.” Said Plutt, raising an eyebrow in a disparaging sort of way.

“Nope.” Said Ren, tilting his chin at Plutt, “You’re actually wrong. It’s Yeats.”

“You said _I think._ Not very confident, is it?”

They stared at each other, both trying to do their best to undermine the other. When they both turned to look at Hux, he felt the distinct impression that he was under two very intense spotlights.

“Well?” Said Plutt, dangerously, “Who do you trust?”

Pausing, Hux considered them both. Plutt certainly seemed more confident than Ren, but he wasn’t entirely sure that he hadn’t just spoken out of pure spite. Hux had a vague inkling that Tennyson might have been too early, but Ren had been much more faltering in his answer. He was almost inclined to agree with Plutt despite how little he wanted to do so, and seeing his conflicted expression, Ren whined, “Hux?”

“William Butler Yeats.” Hux said loudly and clearly, seeing the flash of anger on Plutt’s face as he turned towards Tekka. The old man barely paused.

“Correct.” He said, and Hux heard a small, “Ha!” Next to him. Ren had settled back in his chair, not even deigning to look at Plutt. He looked very pleased to have gotten a question right, and Hux let out a breath, glad that he had been right to place his trust in him. He listened closely to the next question.

“In 1902, which two brothers published The Varieties of Religious Experience and The Wings of the Dove?” Tekka asked them.

When Hux turned to consult the rest of the team, Plutt just scowled at him. There was a certain glint to his eye that he didn’t like the look of one bit. It just smacked of insolence.

“You know the answer, don’t you?” Hux asked him, feeling that he might. Plutt feigned ignorance, however.

“Nope.” He said, as if Hux was being absurd. “Why don’t you ask Ren?”

“I’m asking _you.”_ Hux said, through gritted teeth. Now was not the time for petulance.

“He’s _obviously_ so clever.” Plutt continued, knowing that he was dragging out their available discussion time, “Why don’t you just nominate him to answer?”

“Fine, I will.” Hux snapped, losing his already limited patience. Before the horrified Ren could speak, Hux called, “I nominate Ren.”

“Oh, shit.” He heard the desperate whisper next to him. He also heard Ren gulp as the crowd focused on him, the first nominated answerer for their team so far. Ren opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Tekka turned to him, quite kindly, reading the name on his card.

“Ren? Do you have an answer?”

“Uh.” Ren said, still looking like he wanted to dive off of the stage and through the nearest door. “Uh. The…Wright Brothers?”

Tekka gave him an apologetic smile, clearly sensing his despair, “Incorrect. The answer is William and Henry James.”

Sinking back into his chair, Ren groaned as their host moved to ask the opposing team a series of questions. Hux could just see the long nose poking out of the hair that Ren had thrown over his face, perhaps to hide his embarrassment.

“ _Why_ did you nominate me?” He shot at Hux, “I don’t know everything!”

“Shh.” Hux whispered back, “Don’t get upset.”

“Don’t get upset!” Ren sounded furious, but at least he whispered, “Don’t do that to me again unless I ask. I have family here- I don’t want them to think I’m a complete and utter _moron.”_

“Right. I apologise.” Hux conceded, and then. “I need to listen.”

He could tell that Ren was in a huff about getting a question wrong, but Hux had no time for it. The opposing team got a scattering of questions right, slowly edging their score up. First Order were still in the lead, but they couldn’t afford too many slip ups. Strangely, he found that he wasn’t even annoyed at Ren for getting a question wrong, not really. This troubled him a little, as he was sure that a few weeks ago he would have been furious.

When the questions were directed once again at their team, there were a few equation-based questions that he nominated Bazine for straight off the bat, knowing that she sometimes outshone even him in this field. She answered them all with her easy grace, and didn’t even look smug when she got them all right. He sometimes wished he knew how to be that demure. Phasma easily answered a few questions on sport, aided by Bala-Tik, and their score crept up.

And then, when Tekka had asked the particular question, “On his death in 1926, which French artist did The Times call the great painter of light?” Hux felt a very small but pointed nudge on his calf. Peering to his left, for it could only be Ren who dared to do such a thing, he saw the large lips move.

“Nominate me.” He said, his dark eyes very wide. When Hux paused for a fraction of a second he whispered, “Trust me.”

“I nominate Ren.” Hux called out. This time, Ren spoke clearly and confidently.

“Monet.” He said, feeling the eyes of every person upon him, expectant.

“Correct.” Tekka told him, looking happier that he had actually spoken this time rather than splutter like a sad, old exhaust pipe. The pressure on Hux’s leg lifted away and Ren smiled to himself, a sweet little thing, pleased that he had managed to redeem himself just a little. Hux was transfixed by the smile, so much so that he missed Tekka’s question.

“Could you repeat it, sorry?” He asked, annoyed at himself. He answered it correctly, pleased that he didn’t need to confer with the rest of the team. Halfway through his next question, however, a gong sounded and Hux blinked at Tekka, hardly unable to believe it. But, indeed, the old man turned to the crowd.

“And at the gong, First Order have 160, and Ileenium Grammar have 105. “ There was raucous applause, and some cheering following this announcement, “Bad luck, Ileenium.” He told the other team, who looked a little sad but put on a brave face nonetheless, “I’m afraid we’re going to have to say goodbye to you. First Order, well done- we’ll look forward to seeing you in round two, congratulations to you.” He spoke to the crowd again,” I hope you can join us next time, for another first-round match, but until then, it's goodbye from Ileenium Grammar.”

“Goodbye.” The students from Ileenium chanted, as was tradition.

“It’s goodbye from First Order Academy.”

“Goodbye.” Hux’s team trilled, hardly able to hide their mirth.

“And it’s goodbye from me, goodbye.”

There was more applause, even more enthusiastic than before. They all waited on the stage as the clapping washed over them and Hux felt so victorious, he was dangerously close to doing something stupid like slapping Ren on the back. But he resisted, and drunk in the applause quite happily in his seat. Ren turned to him, his hair back over his shoulder.

“Sorry for getting mad. Wasn’t very professional of me, on the stage and all.” He said, as the sound of people chatting and moving from their seats filled the air. He sounded oddly sincere, which made Hux feel worse about the whole thing.

“It’s quite alright.” Hux told him, “We’re all under a lot of pressure. It was my fault, anyway.” Ren seemed surprised at this, but nodded regardless.

When they were away from the stage and ensconced once more in the anteroom, Phasma whooped and slapped Hux hard on the shoulder.

“We did it!” She shouted as Hux reeled underneath her brute strength. “Aha! I _knew_ we could do it.” Turning to Bazine, she hugged her tightly, lifting her slightly from the floor. Laughter filled the air, and Bazine patted the broad shoulders on her way up, holding her scarf steady.

“Phas.” She said, grinning against her shirt, “You were great.”

Shaking his head at them, Hux turned and found himself face-to-face with Ren again. The two girls embracing behind them, there was a moment when they peered at each other, neither wanting to make a move in case they misjudged the other. And then Ren grasped Hux’s hand and held it in a kind of half-shake that neither of them fully committed to, and yet neither pulled away from. They stared at each other, Ren’s large hand encompassing Hux’s smaller, more delicate one and they grinned, caught up in the wonderful and undeniable fact that they had _done it_ , they were through to the next round. There was a pointed cough behind them.

“You know.” Said Phasma’s voice, quite loudly, “If eyes could fuck, one of you would be pregnant right now.”

“Phasma!” Bazine groaned, as Hux and Ren let go of each other quickly, “You’re so _vulgar_. I’m taking you somewhere where you can’t be a nuisance to anyone. Come on, you’re the worst person I’ve ever met-”

Phasma just laughed as the smaller Bazine dragged her away towards the hall where the friends and family of those in the quiz were gathered and waiting for them to arrive. Feeling his ears burn, Hux waited until their footsteps had faded until he turned back to Ren. He looked similarly embarrassed but tried to hide it, crossing his arms in that peculiar, faux-cool way of his.

“Should we follow them anyway?” Hux asked, inclining his head towards the door.

“Yeah.” Ren said, a little strained. He padded after Hux as they left the anteroom and towards the muffled sound of various people talking just down the corridor. They didn’t speak, but they didn’t need to; they both felt a sort of heady joy at just being there, victorious and in the others’ company. Hux almost felt sorry when he opened the door to the hall. There was something a little depressing about entering a room where he knew no one was waiting for him, and where he knew Ren would eventually separate from him to find his own family.

They stood in the large hall, tables pushed against the light patterned walls, reluctant to part. More people were filing into the meeting room after them now, a soft buzz of voices starting up around them as a scattering of friends and family members congratulated and commiserated with the various students who had been in the competition. When Ren didn’t move to mingle with the crowds, Hux felt like he needed to say something more.

“You did well.” Hux told him, “I’m impressed.” And when Ren just stared at him, incredulous, he tried to backtrack, “I mean, surprised. I’m pleasantly surprised.”

But it was too late. Ren’s grin was very wide as he stood there, basking in the rare compliment, “You weren’t too bad either.” He said, trying to act casual, but ruining it by continuing to smile.

“Well,” Said Hux, wondering how they had stumbled into this parallel universe where they had started complimenting each other, they apparently touched each other’s legs and Ren was acting _shy,_ “I am fantastic by default, so _that_ is not a surprise.”

When Ren snorted, Hux felt as if some normality had been restored. They stood surveying the crowds, close but not touching. Hux watched as parents hugged their children, looking proud even at those who had lost, patting and laughing with them. He was struck then with a feeling of such forlorn jealousy that he turned to leave the room, unable to bear the fact that he had no one to go to and no one to be proud of him despite all that he had done. Before he could do so, however, Ren grabbed his sleeve.

“Don’t go.” He pleaded, staring at a point ahead with a somewhat anxious gaze, “Please. Don’t make me face my weird, messed up family alone.”

“But-“ Hux began, wanting to protest that if his mother was anything to go by, the rest of his family were hardly going to like him, but it was too late. He saw the now familiar figure of Lando approaching, trailed by a short, jovial looking man and a taller, thinner one who looked quite worried the closer they approached Ren. Even so, the old, tall man couldn’t help but give a happy exclamation when they were a few steps in front of him.

“Be-“ The short man nudged him and he changed mid-word, “R-ren! How _lovely_ to see you.”

Ren cringed a little as the man somewhat awkwardly said his name, “Uncle Cee.” He said, with more patience than Hux had expected, “I forgot that I haven’t seen you since my name change. It sounds…weird coming from you.”

“Oh.” Said See-Threepio, looking abashed that he had noticed the fumble, “I’ll still use it though, if you wish it.” When Artoo gave a small titter, he poked him in the arm, “Quiet, you. I _can.”_

Raising his eyes to the heavens, Lando pushed past him. “Well done, Ren.” He said, with much more ease. “You did really great.” He nodded at Hux, “You too. It was well played.”

“Thank you.” Hux said, politely. As soon as he had spoken, the attention from the uncles he had not met before was brought upon him, no doubt encouraged by the unlikely pairing that he and Ren made.

“I don’t believe we’ve met.” See-Threepio said, as politely as Hux, “You are…?”

“He’s, uh,” Ren began, reluctant to put a particular label on Hux, but he was interrupted.

“Hux.” Hux replied, and his gaze flicked to Ren for just one second before he said, “I’m Ren’s friend. It’s a pleasure to meet his family.”

Everyone peered at him in surprise, but none so much as Ren.

“Yeah.” Said Ren, sounding both wondrous and a little unsure, “He’s my friend. My friend Hux. We’re uh-”

“Friends?” Lando supplied, lip twitching, “Never mind. I wanted to tell you, Ren, that your mother was sorry she couldn’t come; she had some business to sort out at the school. She seemed pretty cut up that she couldn’t make it, actually.”

“Oh.” Said Ren, looking unsure as to whether he should be looking pleased or upset at this news, “That’s okay. I didn’t…expect anyone to come anyway.” He admitted. He looked at his uncles, and they returned his gaze with a certain sadness that he tried to ignore. See-Threepio looked the most upset of all; it seemed that he was trying very hard not to dart forwards to embrace Ren, his arms twitching by his sides.

“Oh, Ren.” He said, voice cracking, “I am so terribly sorry not to have visited for such a long time. I thought, that is to say _we_ thought, that- that you didn’t want-“

“S’alright, Uncle Cee.” Said Ren, and for once there was no malice in his voice, just a sort of weary patience, “I know I’m not very easy to be around.” When all three of them tried to protest he spoke loudly over them, “No, no, it’s true. I know I remind you all of… him. It used to make me angry.” _It still does_. He did not say, but they all felt it nonetheless, and heard the insinuation in his voice.

“Ren.” Lando said quietly, “It’s not a chore to see you. You should never think that.”

“Mmm.” Said Ren, but his disbelief seemed to waver for a moment. “Thanks for coming to the competition.” He blurted, his words rapidly gaining in momentum. “I didn’t mean to be rude and ungrateful and everything else. I’m always rude. I’m always, I’m-“

“Ren.” Hux murmured to him, “Breathe.”

Ren stopped talking then, unaware that he had been babbling to the point where he had forgotten to take a breath. He sucked in deeply, both thankful and embarrassed that Hux’s words had cut through the panicked fog in his mind. He felt a tug on his sleeve then, and looked down to see the small figure of Artoo staring up at him, his lined old face more familiar to him than any of the many houses he had lived in as a child.

“We should probably go and let you have fun with your friends, Ren.” He said kindly in his high, quiet voice and then, “You’re too tall for me to give you a hug now.” Looking up at him, Artoo seemed so pleased to see him, and it was such an alien experience for Ren that his hard-won stoicism broke.

“I… wouldn’t mind.” He admitted, in a small voice. And he bent just slightly to allow the small arms to hold him for a few moments. And when See-Threepio looked a little forlorn at being left out, Ren embraced him as well, hearing the surprised intake of breath as he put his arms around the thin body.

“You’re always welcome at our shop anytime, Ren.” See-Threepio blurted when Ren drew back, and seemed to remember that Hux was there as well, “You too. Any friend of Ren’s is welcome to visit.” He added, nodding to his right.

“Oh.” Hux said, caught quite by surprise, “Thank you.”

There was a pause as everyone looked at each other, clearly at a loss as to what they should do next. Lando, perhaps sensing that Ren was just a little embarrassed about his brief emotional outburst, saved them from further discomfort.

“I think we will leave you two to celebrate your victory with your other friends.” Lando said to them. “I’m quite looking forward to the next competition though. We’ll definitely be there, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Ren said, meaning it. With a fond nod at him Lando began to walk away and despite See-Threepio’s obvious reluctance to leave them, the mismatched couple plodded off behind him, leaving the other two to be alone once more.  
  
They stared around at the team members and their respective families; Mitaka being hugged by his small, kind-faced mother, Bala-Tik being trailed by a line of younger brothers who stared about the great hall with undisguised awe. Hux stood beside Ren, and felt far less despondent than he had been feeling before.

“Thank you for waiting with me.” Ren said to him, when they had gone a little while without speaking.

“Well, I didn’t do very much.” Hux pointed out, feeling that he hadn’t quite earned the thanks. He still felt a little like he had been intruding on a small family moment, but no one had actually seemed to mind that he was there, not really. It felt unusual in that regard. He was quite used to being the unwanted one in those kinds of family situations.

“You did.” Ren told him, “You being there was helpful. To me.”

“Oh.” Hux said, not entirely sure how he should respond to this.

“Uh, just because, you know,” Ren continued, a little awkwardly, “I couldn’t be completely heartless with you there.”

“Ren.” Hux started, “Why would I care if you were heartless or not? Do I strike you as a particularly caring person?”

“I just thought, I...oh, never mind.” Ren said, as he leant against the wall, a deep sigh expanding his great chest.

Hux opened his mouth to ask what the hell Ren was talking about, but decided that the argument probably wasn’t worth it. They watched the room again, and Ren stayed quiet as Bazine walked past with her mother and both chatted merrily to Hux about how much better the competition had been this time around. Ren did return Bazine’s smile, however, when she looked up to give him a thumbs up, and he didn’t feel too left out. When a few people started leaving the room, Hux and Ren decided unanimously that they should go back to the minibus.

They walked through the hallway of the studio and back out the front entrance, the sky still grey with its heavy clouds threatening rain. When they reached the van, Ren looked over at the other cars, perhaps to see if he recognised any. The car park was slowly emptying, however, and he soon turned back to the van, tapping his long fingers against the cold metal. While they waited for the rest of the team to emerge, Hux felt like he needed to say something before they were interrupted and he could be persuaded from what he was about to ask Ren.

“So.” He said, casually, “You coming to Coruscant to have a drink with the rest of the team?”

“Oh.” Said Ren, sounding as if this was something that he had not expected in the least. As his hand stilled on the metal, Hux spoke quickly.

“We do it after every winning game. It’s…like another tradition, I suppose. I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it to you but we always do it.” He realised he was talking too much, but couldn’t stop, “It’s Phasma’s turn for rounds, if I recall correctly.”

“Oh, Hux, I,” Ren started, looking conflicted. “I can’t.”

“That’s fine.” Hux told him, feeling stupid all of a sudden. He had said this much too quickly again, and Ren seemed to catch his discomfort at the whole thing.

“No, no, I’d like to.” He said, quite sincerely, “I really would. It’s just…I promised to meet some people after this finished.”

“You’re free to do whatever you want, Ren.” Hux said, wondering vaguely why he just didn’t stop talking, “You don’t always have to do what I say. Note that down, because I won’t say it again.”

“Don’t I?” Ren tried to joke, but it almost came out as a genuine question. _Don’t I always do what you say?_

“Of course not.” Hux said, imbuing it with some force, “Just meet your friends. I’m sure we can survive.”

Ren’s face twisted a little at this particular wording.

“Oh, friends,” He said, “I don’t know if I’d call them that. They’re more…people that I know.”

“People that you know.” Hux repeated, slowly, trying to work out what on earth _that_ meant. This made Ren scoff.

“I _do_ know other people than you and the team, you know.” He said, although Hux up to this point had thought that Ren pretty much operated alone, “Jealous that I hang out with other people?”

“Ha. Hardly.” Hux said, though he was a little intrigued. Pride prevented him from enquiring further; he was fairly certain he could wheedle this information out of Ren on a different day. “I’m sure you’ll have fun. If these not-friends are anything like you, they’ll probably be quite infuriating, and after all I need a good laugh.”

“Oh, shut up, you dickhead.” Ren said, but it was more exasperated than malicious. Hux raised his eyebrows at him in mock offense.

“Watch your mouth, or I’ll tell your uncles exactly how terrible you are, especially now I’ve been invited to their shop.”

“Ohh,” Ren groaned, his back hitting the metal side of the van in in despair, “I can’t believe you actually met them. What were they _thinking_ , coming here? I dread to think what you thought of them.”

“Your uncles were…interesting.” Hux said, delicately. Ren snorted at his attempt at being polite.

“Yeah, that’s one word for them.” Ren said, but it was overlaid with a certain fondness that Hux had never heard on his voice before. For a moment, Hux felt oddly jealous, although he couldn’t quite work out why.

“Those two I haven’t met before, are they together?”

“What, Uncle Artoo and Uncle Cee?” Ren laughed, “Well, d’uh. They’ve been married for about one million years. Or, at least since way before my mother was born, so I guess they’re more my great uncles or something. I think Uncle Cee actually cried with joy when I told him I was gay.”

There was a pause as Ren realised what he had just said, a rare snippet of information about himself that he would usually keep close to his chest. He looked then a little embarrassed, although Hux wasn’t exactly sure why he felt this way; it wasn’t as if this was entirely unexpected news to him. To save Ren from any further embarrassment, however, he just said, “They really do seem to care for you.”

“Hmm.” Said Ren, sounding like he was inclined to disagree, “I feel like sometimes people only care about me when it’s convenient for them to do so.”

“Oh, Ren.” Hux protested. He’d seen the way those men had looked at Ren- wary, certainly, but so glad to see him that it was hard not to feel just a little jealous. He wasn’t sure of the last person who had looked at him like that, except perhaps for Ren, “Come on. I think you’re being a tad unfair.”

“Am I?” Ren huffed, but he looked a little ashamed when he calmed down. “Oh, alright.” He conceded. “I just haven’t seen them in ages, okay? Ever since, you know, the fencing thing happened everyone just…treated me differently.”

“Differently?” Hux asked him.

“I didn’t want to see anyone. After it happened.” Ren said, with a sigh, “And then when I did, when I actually wanted someone to be with me, everyone kept their distance. It was like…being in a locked room, and when I wanted to get out everyone had just left me there. It was shit being alone like that, Hux. The most shit I’ve ever felt about anything.” He looked embarrassed after this admission, as if he had confessed to something weak, something shameful.

“Things are better though now, right?” Hux asked him. Only after he said this did he realise how empty the words sounded. He cringed inwardly at himself, but Ren seemed to be actually considering the question.

“Yeah.” He said after a moment, eyes brushing Hux’s face, “They are.”

 

***  
  
  
The next day at school, Hux basked in being congratulated by various students and teachers alike regarding their success at the competition. Not everyone had been able to go and watch, but it seemed that all had heard how readily they had crushed Ileenium. It felt especially good that people continually told him that the team was now in much better hands, and Hux tried to act modest for appearance’s sake, but it was difficult not to feel a little smug.

It seemed that Ren, however, was not having such a brilliant time. Rumour often spread like wildfire throughout their school, students exchanging gossip with a speed that was both frightening and impressive, although Hux often suspected that was just what happened in an environment where people often lived to outdo each other by any means possible. At any rate, there had been definite whisperings about the revelation of Ren’s parentage, and not one bit of it was innocent.  
  
The day after the competition, the team had mostly been met with praise and congratulations, but some people regarded Ren with open hostility. Hux wondered at their rudeness and mistrust until he realised that many of the students were the children of crooks and other such shady characters, and that while Leia Organa had helped to put some of them behind bars, Han Solo was also famous in the underbelly of their city for outsmarting and tricking them all. Even Bala-Tik seemed to regard Ren with a definite coldness now, standing deliberately a few steps back from him.

There was a certain hardness to the way Ren held himself now, coiled perhaps as if ready for a fight. Underneath it all, Hux sensed a deep weariness within him that hinted that this experience was something that Ren wasn’t wholly unfamiliar with. He heard the whispers, held their challenging gazes, and didn’t speak a single word. Hux opened his mouth to talk to him, heard his heavy, steady breathing, and realised that he was trying to hold it together.

“Ignore them.” He muttered. “Just ignore them, Ren.”

Ren did not reply. In fact, he began walking a little faster down the corridor, past the whispering students and through the nearest door, walking out into one of the school’s luscious courtyards. When he left, the tension in the corridor dissipated a little. Hux stared out of the door and thought about following Ren, but the eyes of the other students were upon him, and he continued walking down the dark, polished floor. He suspected that Ren wanted to be alone, anyhow.

Working busily through the school day to catch up on what he had missed on the previous day, Hux didn’t have much time to pay attention to whatever the idiots were muttering about. By the afternoon, he was hunched over a few books in the library and hardly looked up when Bazine drew out a chair to sit next to him. She didn’t speak for a few moments, and Hux didn’t indulge her, busy with a particularly tricky equation. Eventually though, she spoke.

“Hux?” Instantly, he heard the worry in her voice. With a slight sense of dread he looked up from his books.

“Yes, Bazine?” He asked, politely enough. Her khol-lined eyes were very wide.

“Did you…hear about what happened in the first lunch shift?”

There was a beat of silence. The sense of dread coiled in Hux’s stomach, and began to form into an ache.

“No.” He said, more curtly than he had intended, “I’ve been stuck here for a while. What happened?” He asked it mildly, but Bazine hesitated. _What has Ren done now,_ he thought, a little numbly.

“Well, I wasn’t there but I heard people talking.” She began, “Apparently Ren came in to get some food, and some idiot began catcalling him, you know how some of the guys who are too big for their boots get when they know someone’s already upset.”

“Yes. Go on.” Hux said, wishing she would just say it.

“Apparently, Ren just didn’t speak. Didn’t react. And it egged them on.” There was a definite bite of anger to Bazine’s tone now, “I really don’t know what they expected-“

“Bazine.” Hux said, trying his hardest not to get annoyed, “What did he do?”

“Well, I was told that he just walked up to them, silently, and stared at them coldly. Like, _really_ coldly. I was told it was pretty unnerving. And then, one of them called him Ben-“

“Oh fuck.” Hux muttered, sensing where this was going.

“-And he just got his metal tray and started hitting him. And wouldn’t stop.” She said, miserably, “A few of them pulled him off, but apparently it was scary. And when they let him go, he just walked out of the canteen.”

There was a pause as HUx digested this somewhat horrifying image in his head; Ren, cold and unfeeling, using his brute strength to smash the hard metal tray against a smug face. This was bad. For the team, for Ren.

“He just walked out?” Hux asked, fighting to keep his voice steady, “Of the canteen or school?"

“Both.” Said Bazine. “This was about half an hour ago and I haven’t seen him at all. Hux.” She said, very seriously, “I’m scared for him. He was so worried about the competition yesterday, you should have seen him.”

“I did see him.” Hux pointed out, remembering Ren’s nervousness on the stage. But Bazine was already shaking her head.

“He was worse when I spoke to him alone.” She admitted, “I think he was worried about what you would think of him.”

This in itself was laughable.

“Worried about what _I_ think?” Hux said, unable to keep the incredulousness out of his voice, “Ren?”

“I think he really,” Bazine paused, picking her words carefully, “I think he respects you more than you think he does. He listens to what you say, anyway.”

Hux was struggling to accept this, “Okay.” He conceded, “Say that’s true- what can I do about it now? Plutt’s already told everyone. It’s completely out of my hands.”

“Oh, Hux.” Bazine said, with a sigh, “Just make sure he feels like he’s worth something. People have just found out his biggest secret and they hate him for it. Please look after him?”

Hux was ready to argue. He was not Ren’s babysitter, to soothe him whenever he had a tantrum. But, loathe as he was to admit it, Bazine was right; Ren listened to him, for some godforsaken reason. He remembered shouting at him to sit down before the quiz started, and Ren obeying him without a second thought. How Ren had stayed with him afterwards when he had no one else to be with, and hadn’t even made him feel bad about it. And then, he had a dawning and horror filled realisation that Ren might have been babysitting him.

“Okay.” He said, making it sound as if it was a great sacrifice to him, “I’ll message him or talk to him if he reappears. How on earth did you get into this school, Bazine? You’re too nice by half.”

There was a small grin at this, almost sly.

“Niceness gets you things, Hux.” She told him, “In this case, it’s peace of mind. Ren just reminds me of a dog we once had that was the sweetest little thing, but would always bite if she got threatened. She’d always lick you after and be so sorry, but she’d bite again and the whole thing would just repeat.”

“…Ren’s not sweet.” Hux said, although he couldn’t deny the truth of this analogy.

“No.” Bazine conceded, “But he likes to bite.”

 

***

  
Later on, a fair amount of time after his conversation with Bazine, Hux took out his phone as he lay in his dorm. He wasn’t quite sure why the action filled him with such trepidation; it wasn’t as if he feared Ren even slightly. Even so, it took him longer to type the message than he had intended.

 

 **[A. Hux]:** Do you want to talk?

 

Blessedly, for Hux was almost certain that this would be ignored like the previous message he had sent to Ren, it was only a couple of minutes until the reply came.

 

 **[Kylo Ren]:** No.  
  
  
Hux sighed down at his phone. Typical Ren, refusing to accept help even when he truly needed it. He felt like this was a situation that he needed to approach with some delicacy, lest he upset Ren even more. Unfortunately, that always seemed to be his speciality when it came to Ren.

 

 **[A. Hux]:** Fair enough. The offer is still there, though.

 

It took a little longer for Ren’s message to arrive this time. Hux could see the ellipsis that announced that he was typing flash a few times, falter, and then flash again. Eventually, the message appeared.  


**[Kylo Ren]:** Thank you.

 

A few more seconds passed as Hux blinked at the unexpected message, and then.

 

 **[Kylo Ren]:** I’ll remember that.

 

There didn’t seem to be anything that Hux could reply to that, so he let Ren be. He stretched out on his bed, languorously, and allowed himself the rest that he had been denying himself for the last few days. He rather thought that a nap was in order, and fell asleep half content about how well the competition had gone, and half worried that he would wake up to even worse news about Ren.

For the next few days, for the very first time, Hux seemed fully aware of Ren's absence from the school. He supposed that he had grown used to him scowling in the library, or else queuing in the canteen with the other mortals. It was strange that after so many years of him not even existing in Hux’s world, his absence had started to feel distinctly noticeable. The whispers had not stopped; in fact, Ren’s absence seemed to have strengthened them, if anything. Hux would take no part in the myriad of discussions, gritting his teeth and frightening them all away.

After the third day of him not appearing, Hux decided that he could not allow this to continue. He would not allow Ren, a member of the team, hell, his friend, to scupper his education like this. Some drastic action had to be taken, and Hux suspected that he was the only one who cared enough to actually do something.

Gathering what he thus far knew about Ren like a man preparing for battle, Hux considered his options. Ren could be at home, but he knew that sometimes he opted to stay somewhere else, especially if he was upset. His lip twisted at the thought that he might be staying with Snoke, but he pushed that option far, far away from him in the hopes that it would make it untrue. He had bumped into Ren in the New City before, and when he thought about it, it seemed like the most likely place for him to be in the daytime.

Luckily, Hux had no lessons in the afternoon of that day, and when lunchtime appeared he went back to his room to get his motorcycle helmet. When he was about to leave, he spotted the helmet that he had taken from Ren hanging on the back of his door. It stood out from the rest of his obsessively neat room; a shining, chrome shape that reminded him of Ren’s arms around his waist, the thrill as he had taken him on that winding ride through the old city. Without really considering it, he unhooked the helmet and tucked it under his other arm certain that if he brought it, Ren would come back with him.

When he kicked his motorbike into life, the roar of the engine was a blessed relief from the whisperings of the other students, the dependable roar of steel and speed. He bent low on the bike, leaving the cold marble of the school behind him, determined to talk some sense into Ren. And, if he was very lucky, bring him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for how long this chapter took! I started uni again and was confronted with about 5 projects at once, so had no time for writing. So, please enjoy this chapter, and I hope it was alright <3 Also, I panicked when picking a host for the show so I hope Lor San Tekka was acceptable, aha!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please enjoy and find me on kyloripped.tumblr.com <3

It was a soft, sorry October afternoon, crying out for a bit of sunshine. The feeble rays of sunlight attempted to break through the heavy cloud but were mostly unsuccessful, and there was a slight dullness to everything the light did touch.

Ren sat on the gritty, briny sand of the beach, the sounds of footsteps crunching and seagulls cawing in the brittle distance tugging at his consciousness in a vague, half-listened to way. He was tired, bone-weary in fact, and was both annoyed at the presence of other people and desperately, hopelessly lonely.

He sat underneath the old, rusting pier that jutted out of the promenade of the new city, his dark clothes blending into even darker shadows, hidden by the groaning girders that held the old monstrosity up. He just sighed as the biting wind nipped at the gaps in his long coat, and drew the fabric tighter about him.

There was nothing to do but stare at the uncaring and distant grey waves of the sea, but Ren was well used to that. He was used to coming here with nothing other than his mind brimming over with anger, with nothing he could possibly damage except for tiny shells hidden in the sand. It was ideal in that regard; here, there was nothing for him to ruin. He always came here when he had ruined something.

Although there was no one to see him, Ren sneered _. They're laughing at you._ Snoke's words rang through his head as they had been doing for hours now, the painful truth of them biting into him, vicious and unyielding. His old professor had been true; it was just a matter of time until they turned against him, and now look where he was. Upset, and feeling more alone than he had even been before, which was saying something.

He needed to eat something. He was hungry and cold and he cared so little about these facts that he knew that it would soon become a problem. He rested his forehead on his knees, willing himself to sleep, but there was just something slightly depressing about falling asleep under the pier. So he sat instead, huddled, a dark shape amongst the dank crisps of seaweed and abandoned shells.

When Hux secured his bike at the top of the promenade, he cast his eye over the sandy swathe of beach in front of him, his heart sinking as he realised how long it was. Long fingers of land stretched into the horizon, and little figures ran on its surface, chasing after dogs or else laughing as they slipped over the tumbling mounds.

First off, Hux was certain that Ren wouldn't be wandering the beach. He seemed to favour the darker, more abandoned places at school, somewhere where he could skulk about and avoid other people. Hux ran a hand through his hair, considering the area around him and hoping that this wouldn't be a futile trip.

He walked a little along the sea front, leaning out over the railings as he stared at the iron grey waves in the distance. The tide was far out, leaving a wide expanse of beach to be freed, and no water lapped underneath the wooden planks of the pier.

Frowning, Hux stared at the lurid flashing lights of the amusement arcade that perched atop the pier, a veritable haven of cheap prizes and fixed games that cheated unsuspecting tourists out of their money. He considered going in to look, but it felt too vibrant, too full of people to house a sad and vulnerable Ren.

As he frowned, There was a brief commotion as a small, yapping dog ran underneath the pier, breaking him out of his reverie. Hux tried to stare into the shadows to see where it had gone, and his eyes widened as he took in the dank, salt- blanched surface of the underside of the long wooden walkway.

He moved to the side of the wooden platform that he was stood on and down some rickety old steps that felt like they would fail some sort of health and safety test. When he was at the bottom, he stared towards the back of the underbelly of the pier, and took a step into the shadows.

There were more footsteps crunching on the sand now, coming closer and closer by the sounds of it. Ren drew tighter into himself, chin on his knees, wishing he could just blend in with the shadows and rust and be forgotten about. The sound of the footsteps were relentless, however, and Ren couldn't help but think the traitorous thought _let it be him. Of all people, please let it be him_.

"Ren?"

It was.

Ren breathed out, long and steady. He wanted to laugh, to cry at the absurdity of the fact that he was pleased to see Hux, of all people. But he still hurt. It hurt to be around people who knew how much of a fuck up he was.

"Get lost." Said Ren, but it was decidedly lacking in venom.

When Hux didn't make a move to leave, Ren was not even remotely surprised, but he didn't invite him to come closer. He sat curled up and hurting and Hux watched him lurking in the shadows, the only sound the choppy waves that crashed into the distant shore.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Hux asked him, when the silence had gone on for too long. He could just see the jaw clench as it rested atop Ren's knees.

"They were all looking at me." Ren said, voice tight, "And whispering about me. It happens again, and again and a-fucking-gain. Picking me apart, and putting me back together as they think I should be. How they _want_ me to be. I'm not a..." He scrunched his eyes, "I'm not a punchline. I'm a human being."

Ren's face was still in shadow, his shoulders rising and falling. Hux wasn't sure if it was a good idea to come any closer, so he stayed where he was, a good few paces away from the body on the floor.

"Are you crying?" He asked, wondering if that was why Ren wasn't looking at him.

"No." The voice said roughly, but the face didn't turn to talk to him.

" _Ren_." Hux said again, plaintively this time. He took a few steps closer, and as he did so Ren shifted. 

At his tone, the dark head finally moved out of the shadows, the crisp dark lines moving away from the pale skin as Ren moved into a struggling shaft of sunlight that had sneaked through a gap in the old wood.

Those big brown eyes that were always so full of emotion looked so tired, and Hux suspected that Ren hadn't slept much if at all. Even more noticeable was a large cut on his lip, splitting the plump skin in a livid red line, and a light bruise high on his cheek. It all served to make him look even more like a wounded animal, lurking in the dark and waiting to be treated roughly again.

Without thinking, Hux brought out his hand, and Ren tilted his chin up in defiance, daring Hux to touch him. And, seeing both the challenge and invitation Hux did so, brushing his thumb lightly over the cut, and remembering vaguely what Bazine had said about Ren biting.

"How on earth did you get that?" He asked, trying to keep the thrill out of his voice.

It was terrible, awful really, but there was something so deliciously enticing about the physical evidence of a fight. Hux's father would have called it common, but Hux had always savoured every injury he had received, seeing it as a sign of strength. He wondered if Ren had any more injuries hidden about his person.

But Ren was stock still, staring at Hux so intently that he wasn't sure whether to take his hand away for safety's sake.

"Had a fight." Ren muttered, "Should've seen the other motherfucker."

"A fight." Hux repeated. He struggled to hold in a sigh, wondering if there would ever be a point where Ren would just stop fighting the world around him. The great head shook in irritation, dislodging Hux’s hand.

"Yeah." He said defiantly, "And if you don't like it, you can piss off. Go on."

He rested his forehead on his knees so that his face was hidden again, and so that he didn't have to look at Hux anymore. He waited for the sound of footsteps to lead away from him, for Hux to leave. They always left him.

But there was no such sound. Ren waited, and the waves crashed, and there was no other noise around them except the distant, fading calls of people running about the sands. Ren was surprised, but it made him no less wary.

“What’s the point of talking to me?” Ren said, his morose voice muffled against the fabric of his coat, “What’s the point of me even trying to do anything. I get so. Fucking. Angry.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being angry.” Hux told him, but this was apparently the wrong thing to say.

“Oh, shut the _fuck_ up, Hux.” Ren snapped. “Don’t try and act like it isn’t a problem. It is a problem. I always think that I have it under control and I just,” His voice shook, “I just can’t stop. I can't stop.”

“Fine.” Hux said, losing a little of his hard won patience, “It _is_ a problem. You have a big, difficult problem that you keep running away from, and telling yourself that you're handling it and you're not. You're doing a shit job of handling it. Does it make you feel better to hear the truth?”

It didn't. Ren tried to take the criticism with a hard heart, and found that it hurt even more to hear it from Hux, as if he was disappointed in him.

“I'm not running away.” He protested, knowing how absurd it was to say this from under the bridge. Hux gave a harsh bark of laughter.

“Oh, really?” He said, “You’re handling yourself rather well under this pier, I take it?”

“Hux-“ Ren started.

“Picking fights.” Hux carried on as if he hadn’t heard him, “In school and out. Looking like you might die from being too tired, or else too cold.  Yes, Ren, what a marvellous specimen of togetherness you seem to be. I'm in awe.”

“Hux-“

“I'm sick of being nice to you because you don't _listen.”_ Hux said, “You’re the epitome of not handling it well, Ren, so stop pretending you are. You're an utter shambles. You’re being a _coward_. You're…”

And then, Hux trailed off as he realised that Ren was curved even more forwards, face still pressed to his knees and shoulders shaking. Feeling like he may have gone just a little too far, Hux was worried that he might have accidentally made Ren cry. This startled him, as he had wanted to goad Ren into reacting in a way other than this strange pathetic way he seemed to be indulging in. He took a step closer, caution in every movement.

“Ren?” He said, carefully. The dark shape didn't move, “If you're crying I can't-“

“I'm not _crying.”_ Ren said, and his voice came out angrier than thick with tears, “I don't cry for anyone. I'm trying to count. So shut up and let me concentrate.”

And, Hux let him. He stood, watching the shoulders rise and fall as Ren struggled to hold himself together, and when it seemed inevitable that he would have to wait longer than he would have wanted, Hux settled himself onto the sand. Hearing the soft thump of his body hitting the floor, Ren finally spoke.

“Go away.” He said, sharply.

“No.” Hux replied, and didn't made a move to leave.

“Go.” Ren’s teeth were gritted as his head rose up, “ _Away_.”

“No.” Hux repeated, quite plainly.

Before Ren could spit something else at him, Hux said, “I’ll go away when you actually want me to. Do you really want me to leave you alone again? On this beach? Ripping yourself to shreds because you feel like someone has to?”

There was a stony silence, lingering with Ren's reluctance to answer.

“Do you really want me to leave?” Hux made a movement as if to rise upwards from the floor, and the dark head rose further to look at him fully.

“...No.” Ren admitted, at long last. “Stay. Please.”

And with another thump, Hux sat back on the ground. It was just ever so slightly damp, and Hux wondered how Ren could bear to sit here for a prolonged amount of time. Still, he was pleased to get that farce over and done with.

“Better.” He said, “Don't pretend that you want to be alone when I can tell that it's ripping you to pieces.”

“I don't want to be alone.” Ren said, in a small voice. “I just don't want you to…see my like this.”

“Ren.” Hux said, exasperated, “If you're worried about me seeing your worst, may I remind you that quite recently you slammed me against a wall and threatened to do worse? I think we _might_ have passed that point a rather long time ago.”

There was a groan, and Ren made to put his head back down but Hux snapped his fingers at him, leaning across the damp sand.

“Ah!” He said, “No, you're not doing that. Sit up straight and look at me.”

The demand got through to Ren like nothing else had. To Hux’s surprise and relief, Ren's back uncurled, and his legs spread further on the sand, his chin no longer resting on them. He looked so much bigger than the small, curled up thing that Hux had found under the pier, and he even tossed some of his hair over his shoulder in that way he usually did, with that over-dramatic flick of his head. He seemed to realise for the first time that Hux was sat on the sand next to him, and he cocked his head at this decidedly odd sight of Hux acting like a mere mortal.

“Why are you here?” Ren asked him, and there was genuine confusion in his voice, “I just don’t understand. Why do you even speak to me?”

They had been through this before, and it never got any easier. Hux regarded the question, turning it over and twisting it about the way he usually solved a tricky maths question. This, however, seemed to be a much harder task, and when he took a moment to reply, Ren gave a sharp bark of mirthless laughter.

"You see? What's the point.” Ren asked him, sounding morose, "We do the same thing over and over, and it never ends. I get mad, talk to you and it still always happens again. What do you get from me talking to you? There's no fucking pleasure involved."

“I don’t know.” Hux admitted, and it was quite possibly the most truthful thing that he had ever said to Ren. He seemed quite unimpressed with this reply.

“That’s a piece of shit answer.” Ren said, accusingly.

“Isn’t it just?” Hux agreed, “I can’t think of a better one. You infuriate me, and you confuse me and you're fairly unlikeable at times. But here I am. I'm not quite sure what that says about me.”

Ren gave a snort.

“That you're a self-indulgent idiot?” Ren suggested. As soon as he said it, everything clicked into place.

“That's it!” Hux said, pointing a finger at Ren, “No one dares speak to me like you do. It's refreshing. Even Phasma knows where to draw the line, but you…there just isn't a line, is there?”

“Not really.” Ren muttered, and for a while, they just sat there in the cold. Hux watched Ren's long, striking face in profile as he looked out through the steel girders and into the grey expanse of sky. He was looking more serene than at the start of their conversation, but Hux felt that if they didn't leave soon then he would be dangerously close to throttling Ren until he was forced to follow him home.

"You've got to go back to school." Hux told him, getting right to the point.

"No." Said Ren, without turning his head. It was perfectly calm, clear. Hux gritted his teeth.

"You know what, Ren?" Hux started, "I think it's time someone told you something important. No bullshit, no pandering, and I'm not even going to be nice. People are always going to talk about you because, guess what? You're fucking _weird_."

And Ren finally looked at him, his face already falling into a hurt expression, but Hux continued, "You’re weird, and different and you're always going to have your parents' legacy hanging over your head. And do you know what will make people talk about you even more? Weakness. So you can either scowl and mope and run away, or look the cowards in the face and say I'm Kylo Fucking Ren."

Ren pursed his lips, “So, fake it even if I feel like shit?”

"Welcome to the Hux family school of thinking." Hux said, "Stick a knife through their ribs, and smile so charmingly that they'll think it was a gift."

"Ha." Ren snorted, "That’s just you through and through, isn't it?" But finally, _finally_ he gave a small grin. “You came all of this way to tell me to go back to school?”

"Oh." Said Hux, trying to think of an excuse that did not even slightly hint at an emotion as ridiculous as caring, "I was...in the area."

"Uh huh." Ren said, not sounding convinced in the least. "You just happened to be around the beach on a school day?"

"I don't have to explain the mechanics of my free time to you, Ren." Hux said, with some dignity. Unfortunately, something about this particular wording made Ren grin again. "What's that soppy look about?" He demanded.

"Nothing, nothing." Ren said. He couldn't bring himself to tell Hux that he was pleased that he had wasted his precious free time to come and talk to him. Hux peered at him, frowning. And then, giving up trying to work out anything that Ren said or did, Hux rose from the ground, patting the damp sand from his trousers.

“I'm leaving now.” He announced. Looking up at him, Ren's face fell. That old guarded look returned to him as he nodded.

“Right.” Ren said, in a tight voice.

And then, Ren huffed as Hux threw something into his lap, the cold shining surface of it slipping on his coat. He scrabbled for it and looked up when his fingers brushed the unmistakeable visor.

“Why have you given me this?” He asked, voice laced with confusion.

“Because,” Hux began slowly and then decided to just go for it, “I’m going to take you to one more place before I bring you home. Pick carefully, because I want that to be the place that you go to when this happens again, and again. You’re not disappearing again- I absolutely forbid it. You’ll go there, let off some steam, and I’ll pick you up. It’s a fairly simple concept to grasp.”

Hands grasping the cool metal, Ren was quiet for so long that Hux was concerned that he might, somehow, have upset him again. But Ren spoke, so softly that he was in danger of being taken over by the wind.

“I don't deserve to know you.” He said.

Hux blinked at him; he had not expected that. “Well, no one _deserves_ to know me. Least of all you. And if you take the piss and make me pick you up all of the time, I'll either leave you there to rot or drive us both into the sea for sanity’s sake.”

But, despite his words Ren was still looking at him in that strange way of his, as if he could see through Hux’s prickly protestations and to something else, something hidden.

“Alright.” He said, as if he was humouring a small child that wouldn't admit to breaking something, “Whatever you say. It just seems pretty…nice for you.”

"Well, I shouldn't have come here." Hux admitted, "To be honest, I didn't even really want to. But you're my responsibility whether you like it or not and I always make note of my responsibilities."

"Responsibility." Ren repeated quietly. From someone else, it might have sparked anger in him, but he liked the thought of being Hux’s responsibility. "For the competition, you mean?"

This made Hux roll his eyes, "You know what I mean, you insufferable oaf."

Ren gave a grin.

“That's the Hux I'm used to. The pretentious dickhead I've grown to…” He floundered for a moment, “Tolerate.”

“How wonderful.” Hux said, but he sounded quite thoughtful, “Maybe we’re both just terrible people who are just glad to find someone worse than themselves.”

And then Ren was laughing, his back thunking onto the soft sand.

“That’s it!” He gasped, “That’s totally it. You’re awful, smug and annoying.”

“And you’re even worse.” Hux said without missing a beat, ”You’re violent, proud and infuriating.”

Bits of shell and other debris were displaced as Ren turned over on the ground, groaning.

“It’s so refreshing to hear someone tell me how shit I am.” Ren admitted, “Oh fuck, what’s up with that?”

He was laughing again as Hux stood beside his prostrate body. He gave a pointed cough as Ren lolled beneath him, trying his hardest not to kick this enticing sight of Ren splayed on the ground.

“Are you going to get up? Or am I going to have to leave you here like any sane person should have done in the first place?”

“Yeah, just leave me here.” Ren joked, “As if you can.”

_As if you can._ Hux turned his back then, wanting to avoid Ren so that he did not have to face the truth of his words. But he was utterly right; Hux could no more leave Ren now than he could have stopped himself from coming to the beach in the first place. He didn't _like_ Ren, that was absurd. Life was just more interesting with him in. Hux told himself that as he folded his arms and listened to the sounds of Ren shifting his body from the sand, and wondered if this was quite as true as he had originally thought it was.

When they had walked up the steps of the pier and back towards where the bike had been chained up, Hux made Ren beat the remains of the sand off of his clothes before he could even consider settling down on the back seat. He put the helmet on, but Hux tapped it so that he lifted it off again. He asked Ren where he wanted to go and Ren replied quietly.

When Hux settled on the front seat, this time Ren needed no prompting to put his arms around his small waist. As the big arms slid around him, Hux had a strange moment where he realised that he had missed the contact, missed the warmth of someone pressed behind him, holding onto him and trusting him. The big knees were squeezed about him too, and Hux found that he liked this feeling too _. Everything about him is so big,_ he thought, _big, and violent, and willing to follow what I say. I could make him do anything._ He was glad then that Ren could not see his face.

They roared past the iron railings of the pier, a few random heads turning at the purr of the engine and the two tall figures sat atop it. Remembering Ren’s instructions with his impeccable sense of direction, Hux moved them away from the shore and climbed up a winding dirt road, Ren holding on tighter as they moved around the bends. It was a lonely sort of road, splitting off in a few directions but he moved them up and up until they reached a rocky plateau towards the top. Ren squeezed him with his knees and said, “Here.” His voice almost taken over by the loud engine.

The bike slowed to its steady, slipping stop, the tyres treading the brittle stony ground of the top of the cliff. There wasn't anywhere to park so Hux lead the bike so that it was looking out over the outcrop of rock, facing the rolling sea. When the bike stopped for good, there was a moment as they both just looked out, watching the sun begin to dip on the flickering horizon. When Hux felt a head resting on his back, he realised that Ren must have at some point taken his helmet off.

He didn't comment as Ren rested against him, arms still firmly around his waist. It was dangerously close to an embrace, but he could tell Ren needed it, needed the physical reassurance that someone, _someone,_ was there for him. The longer they sat there, the more Hux realised that he needed it too. They looked out into that vast grey expanse of scudding clouds and roiling foam and Hux thought that if anyone saw them then, he would tell them outright to fuck off if it meant that Ren would have to let go of him.

“My dad used to leave all of the time.” Ren said into the gentle quiet, “For work, or because of the arguing. I never settled anywhere. I found it…hard to make friends everywhere I went. I used to lie and tell everyone it was fine. I lied, and I ran away and I lied. I don't have to think when I come here and I don't have to pretend.”

“This is very disparate information, Ren.” Hux said. He felt the head lift off then, and couldn't help but miss the contact just ever so slightly.

“Yeah.” Ren conceded, “Yeah, I guess so. I guess I've not really had anyone to talk to about it before, ‘cept my therapist. I just want you to know I wasn't just shitty out of nowhere.”

“Ren,” Hux said, “No one’s shitty out of nowhere. Family especially is…” He paused for a moment, the words unusually tight in his throat, “Complicated. I understand that well enough. I-“  But he couldn't finish, flooded with his own hated memories on the subject.

Ren was quiet again. When Hux twisted in the seat, he saw the face looking at him with an almost tender expression.

“Your family's complicated?” Ren asked him, “But, your father, I thought…”

“My father?” Hux shook his head, “Oh, I see. I see what's going on here. You think my family is, what, normal?” For some reason, Ren’s words irked him, “You don’t know a thing about me.”

“I know enough.” Ren said, hurt at Hux’s sneering tone. He was almost certain that he knew more about Hux than many of his other so-called friends.

“So you think I grew up a pampered little prince, with mummy and daddy giving me anything I wanted, so loved and adored and spoilt?” Hux said, mockingly. “You know what, Ren? I actually wish you were right. I really fucking do. I suppose you didn’t know that my father cheated on his first wife with my mother?”

“I…I heard…rumours…” Ren said, feeling awkward to admit this under Hux’s rapidly flaring anger.

“Oh, so you’ve heard the rumours.” Hux smiled, but it was a frightening thing; all teeth and rage and barely suppressed loathing, “How excellent. Did you know that instead of breaking it off with her and marrying my mother like any sane person would, they all came to this wonderful little agreement that my mother wasn’t allowed to see me and I had to be raised by someone who clearly, and believe me when I say _clearly_ , hated me?”

“Hux,” Ren began weakly, hardly knowing what to say. Hux seemed to smell the weakness on him, descending down upon his words like a lifeline. It seemed that now he was started, he couldn’t stop the vitriol emerging from his lips like a hot, stinging poison, his knuckles white as they gripped the bike..

“Oh, but don’t worry about it. My father did marry my mother, eventually. When I was eight, might I add, and what a wonderfully long eight years those were. By then I was used to mind games, and the scheming, and the lying, oh the lying! I was well prepared for that old farce. But no, please tell me what a jolly childhood I had, Ren, I’m absolutely dying to hear about it.”

There was a clack as Hux swung his legs over the side of the motorbike, slipping off the black, shining body and onto the gravel. He felt frantic, and pissed off and most of all angry at Ren for assuming like everyone always did. There was a beat as Ren sat frozen on the bike, and then he quickly came to his senses.

“Hux!” He shouted, leaping from the bike in a swathe of flapping black fabric.”Hux, please don't go.” He ran after the receding straight backed figure, picking his way across the struggling weeds that grew atop this rocky outcrop. Hux did not slow.

“I believe it's my turn to tell you to _get lost.”_ Hux said, hair fluttering with the speed of his movements. Ren bit his lip, but didn't move away.

“I’m sorry.” He said, meaning it, “I didn't mean to assume anything, it's just, You never tell me anything about yourself.”

And Hux stopped, so suddenly that Ren almost crashed into him. He was breathing heavily, fists clenched by his sides as if preparing for a fight. It was startling to see him so undone.

“What?” He snapped, “That’s not true-“

“It is.” Ren insisted, “We always talk about me. You're right- I don't know much about you at all. So, please? Tell me. I'll listen, because you always listen to me.”

A conflict of emotions ran across Hux’s face; disbelief, and then perhaps just a little bit of want. He tried to play it off, folding his arms across his chest.

“Why would you even care?” He said, bitterly.

“Because,” Said Ren, feeling a little hot, “I care if it's making you upset, actually.”

And Hux stared at him, really stared. Whatever Hux had expected him to say, it wasn’t that. He blinked, but didn’t lower his caution, still staring Ren down. He seemed to be waiting, and Ren, bolstered by this, continued, “You’re good at putting up a front, I guess. You always seem so, I don’t know, together? The last thing I expected from you was home troubles.”

Finally, the eyes looked down, and Ren noticed how fine Hux’s pale eyelashes were as they almost fluttered shut, “Some of us.” Hux began, looking as if he wasn’t sure if he was going to regret the next confession, “Don’t have the option to be as open, as emotional as you are, Ren. I spent a long time working that one out. Sometimes, I wish I could just punch a wall and walk away from it all. But I can’t. It’s not expected of me. ”

“You can punch a wall if you want.” Ren offered, in all seriousness. “I won’t tell anyone. I owe you one, after all, don’t I?” His fingers twitched, as if with the memory of punching the wall all of those weeks ago.

This sincere seriousness, of all things, broke through Hux’s anger, and his lip twitched.

“I don’t think it would be wise to actually punch a wall, Ren.” He said, “But I appreciate the support, thank you.”

Ren nodded, relieved that Hux’s sudden and strange anger seemed to be dissipating at last. He felt stupid, and oddly pleased that he had managed to learn something new about him. He was loathe to end this tentative exchange of information, but it was always difficult to gauge how Hux would react.

“Do you want to sit by the bike for a moment?” He asked, a little tentatively, “I mean, you're free to ride home. But, if you want to, I’ll listen.”

For a moment, Hux looked at the ground, seeing the crisscross of plants struggling to grow across the gravel, Ren’s offer washing over him.

“Let's sit.” He said, and turned back towards where he had abandoned the bike, walking quickly. Ren followed, feeling pleased.

When they returned to the sleek figure of the bike perched atop the hill like a watching metal sentinel, they settled on the sparse grass. The day had dulled properly, the sun much lower in the sky, but there was something oddly peaceful about staring out over the rocks and the lichen and the cold, damp places. Hux was beginning to see why Ren liked it here.

“So,” Ren began, feeling that Hux was waiting for him to speak,, “Did you not see your mother at all? Before she married your father, I mean.”

“Oh, I saw her.” Hux said, voice tight, “Never in the house, though. It was always on little trips out, and sometimes it was if we would just bump into her and then my stepmother, Maratelle, would just hand me over like it was a game. Or, at least that’s what it felt like. It was confusing, for me. I would look at other peoples’ mothers and wonder if they weren’t allowed in the house, either.”

“Shit, that must have been hard.”

“Mmm.” Hux said, still reluctant to admit this particular weakness to Ren.

It had been worse than hard, in truth, and he did not relish having to relive the memories of watching through a window, waiting and waiting for someone who never came. It was difficult to talk about it, even though he knew that Ren of all people would be able to sympathise with his awkward home situation.

Even though it was mostly in the past, it still burned to bring it up. And yet…it felt good to tell someone. Like a plaster being ripped off; painful, but much better for it. He always assumed it would be embarrassing to do so, shameful somehow, but he found to his surprise that this was not so. Ren was a fair listener.

“Did you resent her?” Ren asked, and there was something of his own mother in the question.Hux took a moment to answer, the truth separating easily from his tangled, confusing feelings about his family.

“My mother? No.” He said, sincerely. “I would be nothing without her. She was only twenty-one when she had me, having an affair with a dangerous, married business man and just starting her own fashion business with no job security. Do you think she wanted to hand me over to my father and his wife?”

“…No.”

“Me neither. When my father stuck by his first wife and told her that she had to either hand me over or he would completely cut off any support, she made a choice. Fuck me if it was the right one, but she understood duty more than those two ever did. It’s funny,” Hux’s mouth twitched properly into a tiny smile, “People always just assume that I find all of my strength in my father. Well, people are stupid, aren’t they?”

“Definitely.” He agreed, and then, “I’d like to meet your mother.” Ren said it without thinking. When Hux stared at him, he hurried to say, “She’s Rosaline Hux, isn't she? I admire her work. And she sounds like you. It would be… interesting to see you together.”

“Well.” Said Hux, sounding surprised. “I can’t imagine a situation where you would. I think she would find you quite amusing; the tall, goth son of Leia Organa, hanging out with the son of Brendol Hux.”

At this, Ren grimaced. Hux noticed this, and wondered again why Ren seemed to dislike his mother so much when she obviously cared about him. He had seen the way she had looked at him, all love and worry and care. He had ached for someone to like at him like that when he was a child. Therefore, he thought it only fair to grill Ren on the matter after the spotlight had been on himself, after all.

“Now, I guess my question to you is, do you resent her? Your mother, I mean.”

“Yes.” Ren said, immediately. As soon as it was out, he had the strangest feeling that this was too cruel. “No.” He added, feeling foolish, “Oh, I don’t know! Sometimes. You’re making me feel bad, now you’ve told me about your mother.”

This, of all things, made Hux laugh. It was always mesmerising to watch that stern face wrinkle in amusement, and Ren watched him, non-plussed. After a moment, Hux said, “It’s not a competition, Ren! If your mother makes you feel shitty, you’re allowed to say so. My mother isn’t perfect- the games and lying didn’t end when she eventually married my father. They’re still going strong, believe me.”

“She doesn’t…mean to.” Ren admitted, “I don’t think so, anyway. I just…I can never shake off the feeling that she wishes I was more like someone else. Someone, I don’t know, easier? Ever since I got expelled, I feel like she’s been waiting for me to fuck up even worse. I feel like everyone is.”

There was a pause after this somewhat melancholy confession.

“For what it’s worth,” Hux said, delicately, “I’m not. “

“What?” Said Ren.

“I’m not expecting you to fuck up anytime in the near future, because that includes the competition final. And therefore, I will kill you before that happens. Does that make you feel better?”

“Oh, Hux,” Ren rolled his eyes, “You always know how to cheer me up.”

“I always try my absolute hardest to boost morale.”

And then Ren slid onto his front, propping himself up on his elbows. The dark hair fluttered about his shoulders as he looked up at Hux, sat with his arms in his lap and as poised as ever. He had the ability to sit on this cold rock and still look like he was at a dinner party, all good posture and sharp looks. Ren liked watching him.

“Tell me about Arkanis?” Ren asked him, wanting him to continue speaking, “I'm curious to know more about it.”

“Arkanis?” Hux repeated, twisting the hated word about, “What is there to talk about? The best thing is the motorway leading away from it.”

And Ren was laughing, his elbows shaking in the ground as they fought to hold up his head.

“Tell me more?” He asked, voice still shaking with his laughter, “I love hearing you ripping the piss out of things.”

At first, Hux was on his guard. He spoke as if wondering whether Ren would somehow use his words against him, slow and careful, and then when Ren was listening rapt to him, he spoke more freely. He detailed the sagging, water clogged rooftops, the small animals that darted in and out of the rain if one cared to look, how he had been mesmerised by the hills of Coruscant after the flatness of his home . He thought it might be boring, but the dark eyes followed his every word, never looking away.

And Hux continued speaking to him, knees drawn up to his chin now, describing that dismal, rainy town in his acerbic tongue, a flow of narrative that was broken only by a few short questions by Ren. Despite his interest, his words began to flow together for Ren and he just enjoyed the sound of his voice. _I don’t want him to stop_ , he realised, about half way through their talk. _I don’t want him to go. I would rather sit here with him than be alone._ It was an entirely new concept for him. He realised that there was an eloquence to Hux’s speech that he had not found much in his swift moving from place to place. He liked it, and dreaded it ending.

For Hux, it felt wonderfully cathartic to talk about these seemingly inconsequential things with Ren. Even talking about the depressing state of his home town felt good, as Ren seemed content to let him talk. After a moment of describing how it felt to wake up almost every morning to that grizzly, all encompassing grey, Hux stared out over the darkening sky, immeasurably glad that he was here instead. Here in Coruscant, here with Ren. He sat, quiet for a few moments, and the evening was serene around him.

When he turned back, he realised that he might have paused for just a little too long because Ren was lying properly on the ground now, face pressed against his arm and his coat fanned out in a swarth of black about him. His shoulders rising and falling steadily, it was clear that he had somehow fallen asleep. _It always comes to this_ , Hux thought, unable to prevent a smile from twitching down at the sleeping figure.

“Ren?” Hux called down, for there was absolutely no way he would be able to carry Ren anywhere. The body twitched, but did not wake. Hux placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, but Ren just turned and burrowed into it, making a soft noise in his sleep. He was far more affectionate in his sleep, shifting with him as Hux tried to move away like a large cat that wanted stroking.

“Ren?” He said again, properly amused, “You can't sleep on the ground. You need to go home, you absurd human being.”

He shook the shoulder, and an eye opened groggily. It took a moment to focus.

“Mmm?” Ren muttered, clearly disorientated, “’M not asleep.”

“Oh, _really?”_ Hux humoured him, “ I beg to differ. Am I really that boring?”

“Not boring.” Ren said, still half out of it, “Nice voice. S’good.”

For a moment, Hux felt quite frozen. Nice voice? But Ren was settling back on the ground and Hux knew that despite how hilarious it might be to let him sleep, it perhaps wasn't the most kindly thing to do.

“Come on, Ren.” He said, speaking loudly, “Get up, come on.”

With a little encouragement, he got Ren to lift himself off of the floor, but it was no easy task. He still seemed almost half asleep, blinking at the sky around them as if surprised at how dark it was. He groaned, rubbing his eyes with one of his large hands and smudging his hasty make-up just slightly.

“When was the last time you slept?” Hux asked him, walking towards the motorbike. Ren followed him, eyes screwed up.

“I dunno.” He said, still sounding groggy, “Never?” He suggested.

“Well, you're going to sleep when you get home.” Hux told him, voice brooking no argument, “Are you able to ride home?”

“’Course!” Ren protested, wobbling just a little on his feet. When Hux raised an eyebrow he said, “Fine, give me a moment.”

He leaned on the bike, eyes screwed shut against the onslaught of weariness. For some reason, Hux felt in quite a teasing mood.

“You were very sweet, there on the ground,” He said, smirking, “You only dribbled a little.”

The dark eyes shot open, annoyed.

“Don't forget you fell asleep on my bed too.” Ren reminded him, warningly, “That’s worse- you were completely at my mercy.”

“Oh, your _mercy?”_ Hux’s eyebrows shot up, “Whatever were you planning on doing to me?”

And Ren looked so embarrassed, he had to laugh. It was funny how aloof Ren could be, and how he could be brought down with a simple insinuation. For the first time, looking at his abashed expression, Hux wondered if Ren was actually more innocent than he seemed.

“Never mind.” Hux told him, “It’s hard to control yourself when someone as alluring as me is asleep on your bed, and I admire your stoicism. Are you blushing?”

“No.” Ren turned to the bike, and wouldn't turn back. Feeling oddly victorious, Hux climbed onto it. He tapped the seat behind him.

“Put your ridiculous hands on my waist,” He instructed, “I'm utterly at your _mercy.”_

_“_ Oh, shut up.” Ren groaned, but he did as he was told, hoisting himself onto the bike and slipping his arms across the dark fabric of Hux’s jacket, squeezing a bit harder than was strictly necessary. “Is that comfortable?” He asked, sweetly.

Hux tried to answer, his breath a little constricted. He could feel the strength in Ren's squeezing hands, and he wasn't even trying very hard. It was…a little distracting. He wasn't sure if he could take them home if Ren continued like this.

“If you want to touch me up and we crash, I want it to be known that it was _your fault.”_ Hux breathed out. “I want it in writing.”

The pressure lessened. “You asked for it.” Ren muttered quietly.

The ride home was quite pleasant, despite the cutting wind that hounded them on the motorbike. They thrummed down the hill, the dark sea lapping against the even darker horizon consumed by rocks and sparse trees dropping their golden leaves onto the ground as they passed downwards. They had to go up another hill to get back to the old city, and as they rose up a blanket of skyscrapers and the jagged lines of buildings from the New City emerged in fingers of grey grasping at the sky. Ren stared out into the surrounding dark, the pinpricks of lights from the still busy city flashing and dissipating like fireflies. It felt as if he could reach out and touch them, and that his hands would come back glowing as orange and bright as Hux’s hair.

When they roared through the country lanes, it felt as if they were the only two beings alive in that quiet, stark night. Any cars they did pass seemed to contain nameless, faceless figures, and Ren was only aware of his hands grasping Hux’s waist, his chest firm against his small back. He wondered what it would be like to envelop Hux properly, to hold his tall, thin frame in his arms. He had never known someone that he wanted to touch so much, and was utterly lost as to how he could even ask for such a thing. Holding him was enough, but he wondered how big his hands would look on the bare skin of his ribs, his hips.

Both of them felt a little sorry when they drew up to the neat row of houses, stopping in front of the berry brown hedge at the front of Ren's house. The front garden was still pretty in its fading Autumn state, although it was hard to see the green leaves slowly tinting to gold in this light. The roar of the motorbike faded to a stop, but it had drawn the attention of a figure in the window who looked out briefly to see what the commotion was.

Ren recognised his mother, and despite himself couldn't help feeling a slight twinge of guilt at not being home for a few days. The first time he had ran away, he had been told that she had waited every single day for him to come back. He had been past the point of caring at the time, but he realised that he didn't want to put her through that waiting again. The figure left the window, and he made a note to apologise this time.

Reaching up, Ren took the helmet off. In an almost parallel movement, Hux did the same. And then, he reached for Ren's bike helmet, securing it on the bike. There was a moment as neither of them wanted to move, but there was no longer any real reason for Ren to stay. With a slight feeling of melancholy, Ren lifted off of the bike and Hux sat still, watching him.

“Will I be seeing you at school?” Hux asked him, hoping he had been successful in his trip. Ren paused for only a few seconds, hand on the worn wood of the front gate.

“Yes.” He said, and Hux felt quite victorious.

“Good.” Hux told him, “I'm glad. Are you coming to the meeting on Wednesday?”

“Oh.” Ren said, lip twisting, “I know that I should but…I kind of need to see my therapist?” He cringed a little as he confessed this, as if worried that Hux might get annoyed at him.

“Definitely see your therapist.” Hux said, firmly, “That's the only reason for absence I'll allow. Running to the beach, no, but you've got to see her. Also,” He started, Ren's grateful look washing over him, “We’ll be in the library at lunchtime at any point.”

There was a moment as Ren absorbed this information, looking hopeful and disbelieving all at once.

“Okay.” He said, slowly, “Isn’t that where you usually are?”

“Yes.” Hux agreed, “But you're, ah, welcome to join us. If you want.”

And Ren looked down, overcome by that simple offer. He nodded, his dark hair falling over his face with his movements. Hux watched him, and couldn't help feeling a little sorry that this simple reaching out to him affected him so.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Thank you.” The voice said, low and rough. “I've…always wanted a friend like you.”

Tiredness and gratefulness had caused the confession, but Hux himself had brought it out. Hux could have denied it, could have protested that he was just doing what any person with a brain should have done, but he realised too late that he cared. He cared that Ren had let him bring him home. He cared that he had accepted his offer. He cared that when he shut the door, he would be leaving Ren behind.

“Well.” Hux said, “Welcome to the shittiest friendship you'll likely ever have.”

And Ren leaned against the doorframe, not looking sorry in the least. He was smiling, and gazing down at Hux with his tired eyes.

“Goodnight.” He said, everything he wanted to say too big, too frightening to put into words. Hux nodded at him.

“Goodnight.”

When the door clicked shut, Ren rested against the wall of the hallway, his eyes closed, back sliding. He felt overwhelmed with…something. It took him a moment to work it out, but when he did it was as clear to him as anything. _I should have kissed him on the cliff._ He realised, too late. He felt shivery and strange, the way one might after running a marathon and finding themselves sat suddenly when it's all over and done. Ren had never kissed anyone.

He put his head in his hands. _You can't just like someone because they give you a bit of attention._ He told himself, crossly. But he thought of his hands around Hux’s small waist, his head resting softly against his back, allowed to do it and feeling like he was wanted. Snoke would be disappointed, but he didn't know how it felt to have Hux’s delicate hands on his face, stroking his injuries and looking impressed, and telling him that he was a fuck-up but not hating him for it. He didn't know how it felt to be listened to, and to be told things that he knew were private and special to Hux. Ren knew that he didn't fall into things easily, and when he did it was usually all or nothing. He had fallen into Hux, and it was the good kind of falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise if the formatting of this chapter is a bit off- I have accidentally broken my laptop and I had to write this entire chapter on my phone! Also, I know that this chapter is a bit dialogue heavy but it was just too fun to delve into their conversations. Thank you for all of the lovely comments, they really do help in quite a stressful time <3


	13. Chapter 13

The next few days at school were fairly subdued. Hux, tired by his long-winded retrieval of Ren but nonetheless pleased by the result, had spent his time trying to get more work done and resisting the urge to message Ren to check that he had been following his instructions. _I don't need to babysit him,_ Hux thought crossly when he caught himself checking his facebook more often than strictly necessary. He busied himself with his work, and found himself more bored by it than usual.

On the Wednesday, stood in the busy canteen with its buzzing hubbub, over the sea of heads Hux at one point was certain that he saw a familiar flash of dark hair and darker clothes, skulking about as usual. _Good,_ he thought before he could stop himself. As if somehow sensing this, Ren looked up from his tray and there was a brief eye contact between them. Dark eyes met cold green as both stared at the other, awash with the knowledge that Ren had both listened to and obeyed what Hux asked him to do. Feeling that it would be churlish to do otherwise, Hux gave him a small, satisfied nod. Ren turned then to leave the canteen, but it would have been difficult to miss the small smile on his lips as he flapped away. 

“What are you staring at?” Phasma bumped her tray playfully into his, “Is something awful happening that I've missed?” She made a show of looking over his shoulder.

“No.” Said Hux quickly. Not believing him, Phasma peered forwards and seemed dissatisfied with what she found. She made no further comment, but side-eyed Hux quite a bit as they moved to take a seat in the crowded room.

Later on in the library, they sat as a group amongst the tall wooden shelves with their vast array of books just waiting to be thumbed open. Hux was bent over his work, the excited chatter of Mitaka regaling some tale to Bazine just background noise to him. It was very warm, the heaters working hard to combat the Autumn chill that crept in from outside, and he wanted nothing more than to lay his head on his book and bask for a bit, but he had work to do. He scanned his equations, consulted his textbooks and Mitaka chatted inanely beside him.

However, when this noise ceased and left a strange unusual silence hovering about he looked up, wondering what could have stopped Mitaka from talking when he was excited like that. He followed his wary gaze to the left and saw a dark, tall shape hovering at the end of the table that he recognised instantly. He waited a moment for Ren to speak, but the silence stuttered, grew wings and took flight. Even Phasma lifted her head from her arm to see what everyone had gone quiet about. Ren just stared back in that uncanny way of his that could stretch on endlessly if they let it.

“Phasma.” Hux said, breaking the awkward silence, “I know that I am ridiculously charming and enigmatic, but has my presence actually caused Ren to freeze into a statue?”

And that did it. As Ren scowled at him, Phasma gave a short bark of laughter.

“Definitely a statue.” She agreed, grinning, “Gothic’s back in this season.”

Choosing to ignore this, Ren put his hand on the only available chair, which was conveniently beside Hux, but he did not draw it out.

“I'm bored.” He announced, and Hux could tell that he was trying to make it nonchalant, “Can I sit here, or am I not _cool_ enough?

“Sit.” Said Hux, gesturing towards the chair, “You don't have to ask, you idiot.”

But he knew Ren did, in his funny little way. He remembered offering this to Ren on his doorstep, and sensing the gratefulness so palpable it seemed to hang in the air between them. Ren was different around other people, though; he was much more prickly and guarded, settling himself on the chair as if he was still half worried that he might be told to leave. As Ren moved to take off his long coat, Hux thought he might know the way to make him feel more comfortable.

“What on earth are you wearing?” He asked, as Ren rested his partially bared, muscled arms on the table, the ribbed sleeves he had just revealed torn in a deliberate sort of way, “Are your sleeves supposed to be ripped like that or did you have an accident?”

Ren side-eyed him, and it took him no time at all to see the opportunity Hux had given him to fight for himself a little, “I wouldn't say it was an accident.” He said, seeming to consider the question, “Happened the last time a pretentious dickhead criticised what I was wearing, come to think of it.” And as Phasma snickered at someone besides herself daring to call Hux that, he continued, “I know it's hard to wrap your tiny mind around something that doesn't count as ‘stupidly expensive and mind numbingly boring’, so you have my sympathy.”

Hux feigned offence, leaning back in his chair to look at the high ceiling of the library. He spoke to the lights, his chin pointed up, “I've changed my mind.” He announced, “You _aren't_ cool enough to sit with us.”

Ren just gave a snort, and drew his chair further into the table, “Too late.” He said sweetly, as he scraped it across the floor, “I'm comfortable now. Move me if you can, though I highly, _highly_ doubt that you could.” He peered over at Hux's smaller, skinnier frame, and his insinuation was clear.

“Can I just say I would _love_ to see that?” Phasma chipped in, as Hux scowled at him. Feeling somewhat betrayed, Hux turned to her; she looked positively gleeful, “What?” She said, raising her eyebrows, “I for one would love to see you try and move Ren with your skinny little arms. He probably weighs two of you.”

“I have never been so insulted in my whole life.” Hux leaned back over his work, shaking his head in disgust,“I can't believe I'm being bullied like this. You're all monsters.”

They all joined in the laughter then, even Mitaka, and afterwards the general vibe was much more comfortable. Ren seemed content to sit there rather than do work, staring at various points around them, but that was fine by Hux. Anything to stop his strange lonely moping seemed like a victory, anyway.

They settled back into doing their work, and after a little while it was as if Ren had always been there. Mitaka got over his original misgivings and resumed his chat with Bazine, and Phasma leaned on one great arm as she pored over a book. Hux tried to follow suit, but it was hard not to observe Ren, that tall, volatile presence confined quietly to a chair. And he was quiet; he watched as people talked, dark eyes focusing on lips and faces and hardly moving as he observed what they were saying.

It was so unlike the Ren that he had grown to know in their time alone that Hux had to say to him in a low voice, “Are you okay?” There was a small twitch as Ren registered that he was being addressed, “You're a bit quiet.”

“Mmm?” Ren said, drawing his gaze away from a group sat next to them, “Oh, right.” He sounded a little embarrassed that he had been caught out, “I like watching people. You learn so much shit.”

This made Hux snort. There was the Ren he knew.

“You're so incredibly nosey.” He teased, “I need to watch out for you.”

“You should.” Ren said, and it came out more sincere than he intended, but he couldn't stop the words from coming out,“You should watch out for me.” He said, a little too intently.

Hux opened his mouth to retaliate, and just hung his head in bemusement instead, shaking it down at the table. Ren could feel his face burning; it had all come out more desperately than he had intended. Bazine watched them both in that quiet, unassuming way of hers, her lip twitching as she saw them trying not to look at each other.

Sat together, it was peaceful in an unexpected way. Their table with its vast array of tall people was just a little cramped, and Ren found that his leg was pressed against Hux just a little. He tried to ignore it, but every time Hux twitched his leg to make himself more comfortable, Ren could feel it. He cursed now that in his anger he had told Hux that he didn't like to be touched; he discovered that he didn't mind if Hux did it, especially in such a companionable way as this. He dared to stretch his leg out just a bit, only to feel the slight slide of Hux's leg against his own. It made him feel stupid, but he did it anyway. Hux didn't seem to notice.

About twenty minutes into this, some student miscellaneous to the majority of them moved past the table, perhaps on his way to a towering bookcase on the far wall. He knew better than to speak to the majority of the quiz team, but as he moved past Ren he hissed, clearly enough for all of them, “Scum.”

It reverberated loudly in their quiet workspace, and Ren slowly twisted his mane of hair to the right to see who had spoken to him.

Hearing this, Hux rose up from his work, his mind already working overtime on ways he could get Ren to calm down. But, when he turned to look at his fellow teammate he was shocked to discover that Ren was _smiling._ He leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his impressive chest, a sharp, ever so slightly frightening smile on his face.

“Oh, _really_?” He said, quite politely, “Care to expand on that statement?”

The student took one look at his muscles, and despite his anger seemed to balk at the startling reality of being faced with such a calm, sinister presence. Ren was a formidable foe even sat down; all chains and thick limbs and that cut on his lip that already spoke of a previous fight. The student mumbled something, but Ren somehow did not rise to it and did not look away until he had stomped past. The rest of the team resumed their conversations as if nothing had happened, sneaking a glance towards Ren now and then. Hux waited a moment before he said quietly. 

“Well done.” He told Ren, “How did you manage to not get angry this time?”

Looking quite satisfied with himself, Ren had lowered by now so that his chin was resting comfortably on his arms; his dark eyes looked up from his ripped sleeves.

“Well.” He began, “I just thought about what you would say. And I said it.”

Hux blinked at him, “Oh.” He said, wondering why this meant something to him, “That's. An acceptable way of doing things.” He finished, quite lamely. Ren looked at him for another moment, and then seemed to go off in a daydream, focusing on the wall in front of him. 

The bell rang a little later, splitting the air with its tinny ringing and reminding them all that the next lesson was going to start soon. They packed up their bags, and made their way as one through the library. When they left, Ren made to turn in a different direction to the others, and Phasma called out, “See you later, Ren?”

He stopped, and when he turned to face her he looked a little regretful, “Can’t make it, sorry.” He said, “Got an appointment.”

When he didn't elaborate, Phasma understood that he didn't want to talk about it. She nodded her head, “Right. Well, we’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” Ren said, “I'll see you…around.”

He resumed his way across the hall, and Phasma watched him go, looking amused again. Hux waited until the coat had flapped around a corner before he said, “What are you so pleased about?”

“He’s a funny one, isn't he?” She mused, “He's a right old sulk sometimes, but I don't buy it.”

“Mmm.” Hux was inclined to agree, but it wouldn't do for Phasma to know what he knew about Ren. She was too shrewd by half. She didn't seem finished however, chatting merrily as they walked to their next lesson.

“It's kind of funny.” She continued, Hux trying as always to keep up with her long, confident strides. Mitaka hurried behind them like a small rabbit, but Phasma didn't wait up, “He's a completely different person with you there.”

That almost stopped him in his tracks.

“How so?” He asked, carefully, lest his voice betray him.

“Oh,” said Phasma casually, “It's no big deal. We've sat with him before when you were at your interview and he wasn't half as calm as when you were there. Bit twitchy.” 

Hux tried, he tried not to feel jealous about this. But he was annoyed that Ren hadn't mentioned it to him. He took a moment to answer, as if it was beneath him.

“That's unsurprising.” He said, “Ren hardly ever seems comfortable.” 

“Well,” She replied, looking thoughtful. “I suppose.”

“Oh,” Hux groaned, “You _suppose._ What on earth does that mean? What are you trying to insinuate? I know you too well, Phasma, so don't try to pull something.”

As Phasma paused to formulate the right words to express what she was feeling, behind her Mitaka and Bazine looked at each other, worry passion between them. They had much experience with a cautious Phasma and prickly Hux, and saw the warning signs of a mini argument brewing.

"It's weird but," Phasma paused, knowing how Hux would react," Have you not noticed how much more...bearable Ren is when you're around?"  
Hux stared at her.  
"What?" He snapped, "Ren, bearable? We're talking about Kylo Ren, right? And how am I supposed to know what Ren's like when I'm not there?"

"Don't be like that, Hux." She towered over him even while walking, glowering down at him. "I just mean, when you're not here he sulks and barely talks, but as soon as you're in the room, he," she flapped her hands, "I don't know, becomes softer, somehow-"

"Phasma." Hux stopped fully, causing the whole group to come to an abrupt standstill. He gritted his teeth, "You’re my best friend, but if you talk any more about how I make Ren soft, we might have to seriously reconsider that arrangement."

They glared at each other; it lasted for about five seconds, and then the tension broke. Phasma burst out laughing, and even Hux gave a grin.

"Never mind." Phasma said, grinning. "I should know better than to listen to petty gossip; I abhor it." This made Hux snort anew.

“Yeah right, Phasma,” he said, “We all know that you like a dirty bit of gossip as much as Mitaka.”

There was an indignant squeak from behind, but Phasma just laughed.

“I've been rumbled.” She said, and then, “Thanks for talking to him, Hux. He's been a lot better since you put the effort in.”

Hux nodded; it was a fair statement. It seemed that, despite how much he hadn't wanted to in the first place, Ren had thrived with just a little attention. 

“He's a massive pain in my arse.” He admitted, “But he's not quite as terrible as I had first thought, it seems.”

“Aha.” Phasma said, “I've never heard such high praise from you, Hux.”

He supposed she was true, Hux mused as they walked the polished floor.

“He's very lonely.” Hux found himself saying. “I suspect that he doesn't hang around with anyone at school.” Phasma looked surprised at this.

“Oh?” She said, interested, “And you care because…?”

“I don't _care.”_ Hux insisted stubbornly, “I'm just observing. He's…difficult to tune out.”

“That's interesting.” Phasma said, but they had reached the classroom. They slipped inside, and Professor Snoke’s head rose up from his voluminous stack of papers to watch them cross the threshold. Hux didn't catch the old professor’s eye, opting instead to sit in the shadows.

When that tortuous hour spent avoiding Snoke's relentless gaze was over, Hux slipped out of the classroom as quickly as he could, bumping his bag against the doorframe in his haste. He wasn't quite sure why, but he felt that the old professor was unusually intense today, and was certain it was most probably to do with Ren. He wasn't eager to find out, however, so he rushed to the classroom in which they were holding the next meeting, the sound of Phasma’s loud, thunking footsteps as dependable as ever in the background.  
  
A short while later, when Hux sat at the front of the meeting room, it was immediately noticeable that there were too many faces looking back at him. The normal team was there, arranged in their usual groups, but Hux roved his eyes over these newer and hunched shapes dotted about them, his lips pursing.

The entirety of Kanjiklub was here, and that was an extremely bad omen in itself. Hux wasn't afraid of them, no, but it was only sensible to have a healthy amount of respect for a group of people who half of the school feared. He waited until he was sure that everyone had arrived, and then he lifted himself off of the desk to stand tall in front of them, glad that despite his skinny frame he was still taller than most.

Just before he started, it was with the air of someone entering a minefield. Hux stood at the front, straight backed and poised as always, a sea of carefully watching faces watching him and all feeling the distinct lack of a grumpy presence that usually lurked in the corner of the room. At first, no one acknowledged it, but it soon became painfully obvious.

“Let's get started.” Hux said, wishing to get it over and done with. A few people turned to each other, and he couldn't help but notice that the members of Kanjiklub looked especially disappointed.

“Is Ren not coming?” Called Bala-Tik, brave enough to voice their concerns, “Is he still refusing to come to school?”

“Ren is…” Hux thought fast, “Indisposed. He will be joining us for the next meeting.”

There was a snort following this careful statement. Plutt turned to Leech, and he whispered something to him. The words were mostly Indistinct, but Hux clearly hear the word “coward” exchanged between them. It made him angry. 

“I said indisposed, not refusing to come.” He said, directing this to Plutt and trying to keep his voice level, “It's a personal matter. One which _you,_ of all people, don't deserve to know in case I wake up tomorrow and find out that the whole bloody school knows.”

There was an ugly pause after this, in which Hux realised too late that he might just have gone a little too far in his anger. Slowly, expression thunderous, Plutt rose from his chair.

“We deserved to know about his parents.” He and Hux eyed each other, each almost reeking with their dislike for each other, “You knew, didn't you?” Plutt said, realising for the first time, working out why Hux was so angry, “Why did you choose not to tell us, Hux?”

He felt the eyes of the whole room on him, all curious and angry and most ready to agree with Plutt. Hux swallowed, feeling horrendously outnumbered.

“It isn't important.” He said, wishing that he had the back up of more than just a handful of people, “In fact, it's utterly unimportant to our cause-“

There was a harsh bark of laughter, 

“Utterly unimportant that his parents are traitors?” Plutt asked, sweetly, “I suppose so. I suppose it doesn't matter at all. Or were you really too busy kissing Ren's ass to tell us?”

Fury, cold, utter fury seeped into Hux then. A few people muttered to each other, and Hux chewed over quite a few choice words he would like to say to Plutt, verging from ones that were harmless enough, and others that would undoubtedly get him beaten up. Phasma saw the signs, and made to rise as well,

“Plutt,” she said warningly, but Hux held up a hand as she was half up from her seat.

“No.” He said, voice so calm, it was frightening even to himself, “I'm perfectly fine, Phasma.”

She sat back down, but it was with obvious reluctance. Bazine, her eyebrows furrowed with concern at the way events seemed to be unfolding, put a consoling hand on her arm, a sign for her to wait and calm down. Hux didn't take his eyes away from the threatening group in front of him, knowing that despite his stance of calmness his damned face would still be patchy with red.

“You seem to be insinuating that I don't care about this team, Plutt.” Said Hux, carefully, “Is that true? Do you honestly think I'm that thoughtless?”  


“We all do.” Plutt spat at him, not intimidated for a second, “You kissing Ren's _and_ Snoke's ass and allowing Ren to stay on the team is testament to that.”

So this was it; the meat of the matter. Hux could tell that he was being manipulated to get to a certain point, and wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. He had to test the waters.

“So, what exactly is it that you are suggesting?” Hux asked, dreading but needing to know the answer. Plutt smiled at the fact that they had finally gotten to this point, but it was sharp, unforgiving.

“We don't want him on the team.” Plutt said, “I have the agreement of almost our entire year. We want him _gone.”_

Unfortunately, there were a few mutters of agreement to this extraordinary statement. Internally, Hux couldn't help but curse. Would it really have been so difficult for Ren to become more likeable to the team? It was unfair, and he knew it; they had been unpleasant to Ren from the outset. But Hux knew that few people liked Ren, and even fewer would want to fight his corner. He had to try, at least.

_“_ That's a shame.” Hux said, voice steady, “Because I, unfortunately have the entire authority on that decision and I-“

“He's part of the Knights.” Plutt announced then, cutting through Hux easily. And, that was all it took for Hux to lose his composure. Everyone saw his eyes widen in utter surprise, his words stumbling just slightly as he took in this new and unexpected information.

“I- what?”

“He's part of the Knights.” Plutt repeated, and seemed rather pleased that this was news to Hux, “He was in a fight with someone I know in Hosnian.” Plutt offered, “Ripped his bandanna off and described him as a big ugly bastard. Sounds about right.” He gave another ugly laugh.

Hux felt his head spinning, trying to think of something, anything to counter this with. But he knew, as well as they all did; Kanjiklub hated the Knights. Hell, anyone with sense hated that infamous gang that ran rampant around Coruscant, causing havoc wherever they chose to go. In that moment, Hux wasn't sure if he was more furious at Plutt for telling everyone, or the fact that Ren hadn't told him first. When he looked back at Plutt, he knew he was angrier at Ren.

“Right.” He said, and it was cold, “Right. Point taken.” The whole fucking world had gone mad, “And what am I expected to do with this information? I can't change the team no matter what you all say or want me to do. I can't.” The _I won't_ was unspoken, but hung between them all nonetheless. Leech spoke up this time.

“You told us you didn't mind us dealing with Ren when the time came.” He said, eyebrows raised, “Didn't you?”

For a moment, Hux was lost. Surely, _surely_ he hadn't agreed to that. But, in front of him, Phasma, breaking out of her concentration, looked horrified. She and Hux locked eyes, and in that second they both remembered one of their first meetings, where Hux hadn't been paying attention, where Plutt and Leech had been already discussing kicking Ren off the team. Before he knew Ren, really gotten to know him, when his own agenda lined up with what Plutt and Leech were suggesting.

He couldn't believe that he had ever thought that. That he had ever wanted that. He had been so busy with the competition and with work, their discussion had quite leaked from his mind. The hostile group looked back at him, and Hux knew he had been trapped.

“I…vaguely remember a conversation of that timbre.” He admitted, unhappy at the direction that this conversation was going. He was for the first time that day glad that Ren wasn't at the meeting; he wasn't sure how their fledging friendship would do underneath this particular revelation. The others were relentless, however.

“So you're going back on your word?” Bala-Tik suggested. Hux felt the trap snap shut.

Phasma looked at him, ready as ever to back him up. Mitaka pleaded with his eyes, wary of a fight but Hux knew he would stick with him if it did come to that. Bazine looked torn. They were good friends, and excellent allies, but even Phasma could be dwarfed by these angry, menacing figures. He thought of Ren, just as big as her, fighting off multiple people and paying dearly for it. Hux took a deep breath.

“…No.” He said, heavily, “Of course I'm not.”

The room seemed to let out a collective breath. Out of the corner of his eye, Hux saw Phasma shake her head in disgust at the whole damn lot of them, Hux included. He felt inclined to agree.

“Well.” Plutt sounded delighted, “Good to have that sorted.”

A couple of people cracked their knuckles at this, and Hux knew he had to assert himself. 

“There is nothing to be gained by being violent.” He told them, “So don't do anything stupid.” 

“Wow.” Leech said, “I didn't realise that you cared so much, Hux.”

“I don't _care.”_ Hux protested hotly, although he did. “But his mother is the headmistress of Light Side, may I remind you. Anything you do to her precious son will lead right back to you, and I believe his family have had their fair share of dealing out retribution.”

Leech seemed to consider this for a moment, and then Nines piped up, “Didn't she kick him out of her own school?” He pointed out, “She can't care for him too much, surely.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Nines,” Phasma rolled her eyes, “She's his _mother,_ she's hardly going to thank you for beating up her son, no matter what he's done. Use your brain- Hux is right, it's utter stupidity to do anything like that.”

Nines opened his mouth to retaliate, but Plutt spoke over him, “Theres no need to do anything right now. Just watch him, Hux. Tell us what he and the Knights are up to in case we need to know what they’re planning.”

Something about this immediately grated on Hux. He felt angry, and then a little ashamed at what Plutt was suggesting that he become.

“So I am to become a snitch?” He said, angrily, “That's what I'm supposed to do? That's the noble task I'm being given?”

The rest of the gathered students had the grace to look a little uncomfortable, but Plutt was as unflappable as ever.

“It's not snitching.” He shrugged, “It's informing us of anything we deserve to know about. Don't you remember that the Knights smashed up Ileenium’s gym last year? Or when they broke into Light Side and vandalised it? What if that's us?”

A couple of people nodded their agreement, and Hux knew he was once again outnumbered. He didn't answer, other than to say, “Hmm.”

“It's for the good of the team.” Plutt prompted, and Hux found that he didn't have it in himself to argue. He wanted to get out, and to think, to plan. Anything to sort this mess out.

“For the good of the team.” He repeated, vaguely.

After that, there wasn't much to say. Everyone chatted amongst themselves, but Hux remained at the front, arms crossed and leaning against the desk. He didn't look at his friends, only down, a slight crease between his eyes. When people began to file away, he only vaguely registered their footsteps moving towards the door. He looked up when a shadow fell over his body.

“You are _so_ full of shit.” Phasma growled at him. Hux looked up, and saw Mitaka standing a safe distance away from her, Bazine looking as worried as he felt.

“I'm full of shit?” He asked, although he knew he deserved it. He didn't even shy away from the inevitable poke to his chest.

“Yes.” Phasma shot at him, finger sharp on his shirt, “What the fuck have you agreed to? Oh, Hux, I want to _strangle_ you-“ 

“Phasma.” Bazine said quietly, “I don't think he had any choice.”

Hux turned to his unlikely ally. Bazine had her arms crossed, but looked resolute.

“Choice?” Phasma snorted, “Of course he-“

“Mmm.” Bazine cut across, “They've been talking about having a fight with Ren for ages. Not so obviously, but if you know how to listen it becomes obvious. I think… At least that might be delayed.”

“Phasma.” Hux appealed to her directly, “I know Ren better now. He'd jump at the chance of a fight, shit, you heard about him in the canteen last week. Do you think if he started fighting those thugs he could stop himself?” An involuntary shudder ran through him at the thought. “He's barely holding on as it is.”

“So lying to him is better?” Phasma challenged him, “Going behind his back?”

“It's not lying.” Hux was resolute on this, “It's stopping them from beating the shit out of him now.”

“Or delaying them beating the shit out of him later.”

“No.” Hux wouldn't believe that, “That won't happen. We’ll do fine in the competition, and everyone will forget about it. They're all idiots- they're spoiling for a fight and they don't know what to do with one when they get it.”

Phasma still didn't look convinced, “It feels wrong.” She complained. “It feels wrong to let them do this.” 

“I know.” Hux said, agreeing wholeheartedly, “But I need time to think.”

And he did. He needed time to decide what to tell Ren, and what to keep from him in order to keep him happy. And, underneath it all was an undercurrent of annoyance and even hurt that Ren had kept such an important thing from him. Phasma saw it.

“Don't be too hard on him for the Knights thing.” She warned him, “it's a shock, yeah, but why would Ren have told us? Would it have made anyone like him more?”

“Mmm.” Hux said, but he couldn't help thinking, _he should have trusted me with that._

In order to avoid answering Phasma properly, he got out his phone and opened his facebook. He wrote out a short, terse message to Ren, and got up to leave without another word.  
  


**[A.Hux]:** I need to talk to you. Meet me after your session. Sports field.

  

***

 

Over in his own lesson, Ren was sat in a dark corner, hardly listening to his teacher babbling on. Since the day on the beach, Ren was finding it difficult to think about Hux. He had mostly lain in bed, his head under his pillow, trying to let the dark and the soft weight and the muffled sounds put his thoughts where they were supposed to be. But it was futile; insidious thoughts about Hux’s pert lips pouting in concentration as he listened to Ren talk, the memory of his own face resting between those thin, angular shoulder blades were impossible to tune out. He thought about kissing Hux. He groaned. He thought about pressing his lips to the inviting, freckled patch of skin on his neck that showed in those rare moments when Hux's shirt shifted and exposed its paleness. He buried his face more into his pillow instead.

It was a relief then when the Knights texted him to join them for the evening. It had only been a few days since their last escapade, but Ren was desperate for something, anything to numb him from these endlessly tortuous thoughts. Smashing things certainly seemed the way to go, and when he got down to it the Knights looked at each other behind his back, wondering where this fresh gusto had come from.

And when Ren had left the others after their time in the library, he had spent a moment or two propped against a wall before he headed onwards, a moment to breathe and collect his thoughts. He had been included. Hux… hadn't been embarrassed that he had asked to join him. It meant more to him than he could even put words to. When his lesson was over, he strode to his therapist’s office, and it felt less like a chore than it usually did.

In no time at all, he was sat as he usually was on the chair, slumped, with the careful appearance of being quite uninterested. And as usual, Dr. Kalonia knew him too well to take this too seriously. Even with his long hair falling over his face, she had seen the healing cut on his lip, and wondered if she could prompt him to talk about it.

“Ben.” She said, warmly, “How are you doing, today?”

“Mmm.” He replied, evasively. He was finding it difficult to put to words how being included had made him feel without sounding pathetic. Dr. Kalonia saw how distracted he was.

“I heard about the competition.” She said, lightly, “Well done. It was supposed to be excellent.”

“Mmm.” Ren agreed, but then the subject of their victory opened him up a little, “Yeah, it was good. It was only the first one, though.”

“Even so.” She conceded, “I’m pleased that you had a good time. I think joining the team has done wonders for you, you know.”

That, of all things, made Ren look up. His dark, intense eyes looked through the parting waves of his hair, quizzical.

“How so?” He asked. Dr.Kalonia paused; sometimes, it was difficult to gauge how Ren would react to statements directed at himself. However, she saw no point in pretending otherwise.

“You just seem happier.” She told him. Ren opened his mouth to protest, looking embarrassed, but she pressed on, “It’s not a negative thing, Ben.” She said, “You’re allowed to be happy. I would rather that you showed your feelings than bottle them up.”

This, Ren had to fundamentally disagree with. He couldn’t think of a situation in which showing his true feelings had gotten him anywhere other than in trouble. _The beach,_ his mind slyly supplied, _you told Hux too much, far too much, and he didn’t leave you._

“That’s not an easy thing to do in this school.” Ren said, bluntly, squashing his thoughts down, “Show your feelings, and you’ll get the shit kicked out of you.”

For a second, Dr. Kalionia’s eyes flicked to Ren’s cut lip. 

“Has that…happened to you recently?”

He knew that she must know about his fight in the canteen. All of the teachers knew; when he returned from his self-imposed exile he had a few excruciating meetings in which he had to assert that _he was sorry, yes I was provoked, no I won’t go apeshit again._ They would hardly neglect to tell his therapist about this. He held in a sigh.

“People have been shitty to me recently.” He admitted, “Even the quiz team. Most of them. The leader, Hux, he…has been less so.”

“Hux?” Ren had spoken about him previously, and Dr. Kalonia didn’t miss how he had said the name softer than the rest, “He’s been treating you better than the others?”

“Hmm.” Ren said again, “He told me I was fucking weird.” He told her, leant casually on the chair now. As he had expected, Dr. Kalonia looked in turns dismayed and alarmed by this.

“Oh, Ben.” She started, sounding concerned, “That's not-“

“No, it's fine,” Ren said, quite sincerely, “It really is. I was upset at first but then…I kind of liked someone telling me the truth?” He shrugged, “It's refreshing. I like that he tells me things as they are. I like…” Ren gave a pause, not sure whether he wanted to finish that sentence. She seemed to sense his words, however. 

“You like him?” She suggested. Ren would not look at her. He played with the hem of his jacket, twisting the fabric so that he had an excuse not to move his attention away from it.

“I hit someone in the canteen.” He said, completely out of the blue. “Did you know?”

Dr. Kalonia gave a pause; they both knew full well that she knew the answer to that. But, she was well used to Ren yo-yoing around a subject that he was reluctant to talk about. However, like a yo-yo, she knew he would always come back to the same place, and was endlessly patient.

“Of course.” She said, quite unemotionally. “How did that make you feel?”

Ren's fingers twitched with the memory of grasping the metal tray and smashing it down into the grinning, ridiculing face. He couldn't deny how he had felt, not to her.

“It felt good.” He admitted, “Vindictive. I…enjoyed doing it.”

There was a pause as Ren looked at her through the corner of his eye, to see the inevitable flash of disappointment on her face. But his therapist was quite calm, her face arranged into careful neutrality as it usually was when he admitted to doing something stupid or violent.

“And when you finished doing it,” she asked, voice still not betraying her emotions, “How did it make you feel?”

“I-“ The very first answer rose in Ren's mind, clear as anything; yes, it did feel good. It felt marvellous to feel the physicality of someone being crushed under his own strength. But then, what had it all been for? He had ended up alone, cold and hurting under the pier all the same. “Hollow.” He admitted, realising, “Hollow, meaningless and I hated myself for it. 

“Okay.” Dr. Kalonia said, as if this was the most normal thing in the world, “In terms of your anger, would you say it was intentional or defensive?”

“…What do you mean?”

“So,” She leaned forwards, her chair squeaking on the linoleum, “Did you want to intimidate, hurt and bully them? Or was your anger manifested as a defence against their hurtful comments?”

Taking a moment to answer, Ren couldn't help but feeling a slight sense of shame. He was not a bully; he fought people fair and square, especially when they deserved it. But he was finding it difficult to separate her words into what was the actual truth.

“I wanted to intimidate them.” He admitted, “Because they were insulting me. Is that not fair? I had to deal with _everyone_ talking about me. I…I can't.” His fingers twitched, “I can't go through it anymore. I can't sit back and listen to people talking about my parents as if that's me. Calling me Ben as if it’s a knife they can stab into me again and again.”

“You don't like being called Ben?”

“No.” He said, firmly. “Why do you do it?”

“Well.” She said, wondering when they were going to get to this point, “You never told me different. I've been waiting for you to assert that, actually.”

That properly threw him.

“You've been…waiting?” He said, frowning, “I must have said something. Early on? Our first session, surely?”

“Ren.” She used his chosen name as easily as if she always had done, and it washed over him like a balm, “You didn't speak in your first session. Which is perfectly fine, may I add. Your own pace is what we aim to follow in these sessions. But, I don’t think you realise that you are allowed to ask for things, nor is it rude to ask about something that makes you uncomfortable. Your choice is valid, and it's rather admirable how you manage with all of these old expectations thrust upon you.” 

Throughout her words, Ren had bent further forwards. Legs perching on the chair, chin on his knees, her words washed over him, but it was the way one might listen to a radio; focusing on the words, enjoying the feel of them. Dr Kalonia waited, a beat, a second, a long held breath. 

“Have I upset you?” She asked. Ren shifted, a dark eye looked through a gap between his arm and leg. 

“No.” He said, “Thank you for calling me Ren. I don't like Ben, much. I would… like for that to continue. I'm not him anymore.”

“Of course.” She smiled at him, “I shall remember to do so.”

There was a pause as she felt Ren take stock of her words, and burrow them deep inside of him. She could see that he was more grateful than he had let on, and indeed when he looked up properly his face was awash with gratitude. She knew from experience that when he got like this he was more likely to talk to her about what he truly felt.

“Hux found out about my name before everyone else.” He said, and as she had expected they had come back fill circle. She nodded. “About my parents and everything too.”

“Did it upset you?”

“Yes.” Ren admitted, “I was mortified. Hux, he doesn't… he doesn't sugarcoat what he thinks. And his parents and mine don't exactly have a good history together. I thought he would hate me.”

“And did he?” She asked. A very small smile twitched at Ren's lips, and it seemed that he didn't realise that he was doing it.

“He was a dick at first.” He said. “Teased me. But when I told him to stop, he did. It meant more to me than I could bring myself to tell him.”

Dr. Kalonia nodded; it was unusual for Ren to tell her so much. But he seemed to be enjoying it, looking as if he could hardly believe it himself. When he paused as if waiting for her to interrupt him, she gestured for him to proceed. So he did.

“I can tell him things.” Ren admitted, “Things that should bore him, and make him hate me. He makes me want to be better. He…he calms me down.” He realised. And it was true. Dr. Kalonia looked interested by this snippet of information, and he couldn't blame her; they both knew how much of a struggle it was for him to find any sort of calm in the midst of his rage.

“How so, if you don't mind me asking?” She said.

“He,” For a moment, Ren floundered, unable to articulate how Hux had this particular effect on him, “He has this way of getting to the heart of things. Oh, he makes me fucking angry too, and I've…” He looked away, “Lost it with him before. Badly.”

He paused, but Dr. Kalonia merely inclined her head, “Proceed.”

“Well, he's popular and admired and all of that shit, but he speaks to me. When he doesn't have to.” He resumed the twisting of his sleeve, “He found me on the beach last week. He talked to me and sat with me for _hours._ No one’s…ever done that for me before.”

Watching him closely, Dr. Kalonia saw something in Ren that she wasn’t certain that she had seen before. It took her a moment to realise that it might, maybe, have been a little bit of hope. He became much more animated when talking about Hux, eyes widening, a certain incredulity to his tone. It was unusual to see him break away from his despondency, and she was eager for it to continue.

“Would you tell me more about Hux?” She asked, gently.

“Oh.” Ren said, feeling a little embarrassed at being caught out talking too much about him. He thought for a moment, attempting to sort out his thoughts from their current messy jumble. “He makes me very angry. But not in a…bad way, does that make sense?”

“I believe so, but would you care to elaborate?”

“He’s the most frustrating person I’ve ever met.” Ren said it in a rush, not even organising the words in his head before he spoke, “But, I feel like I could say anything to him, like anything shitty or whatever and he won’t just get angry or disappointed like everyone else. He’d just say something worse back, and I kind of like that, you know?”

“That’s good, Ren.” Dr. Kalonia was relieved to hear this, “I’m pleased that being involved with the quiz has made you some new friends.”

At this, Ren snorted.

“Friends? Yeah, I guess you could call them that, though I don’t really like the way some of the team members look at me. Like I’m a freak, or worse.” He thought for a moment, remembering his stint in the library. “Some are alright though. But friends might be stretching it a bit.”

“Even with this Hux?" 

“Hux is….” Ren struggled for a moment. “ Hux is, well, Hux. Right stick up his arse sometimes, but I guess I can understand why. Sometimes I wonder…” he trailed off again, staring at some point past Dr Kalonia.

“Yes?” She prompted, feeling the tension behind his hesitation.

“I wonder if he does actually like me, or whether he just needs me for the competition, you know?” He admitted. Once the confession was out, he couldn’t stop the rest, hardly knowing he had been storing these particular worries away, “Like, I know I was awful to him when we first met, but he was being so high and mighty, it was fun to take the piss out of him. But we’ve been hanging out now, and he’s actually not so bad, well, he _is_ bad but I kind of like that, but I think I’m worried that one day he’ll see me for who I really am or I’ll go too far like I always do and he’ll look at me like he looks at some of the others and just tell me to shut the fuck up and leave and I’ll get bad again, like _really bad,_ and I don’t want that to happen, I don’t _want_ -“

“Ren.” She said, calmly but firmly, “Use your breathing.”

Ren hadn’t noticed, but he was breathing loudly, ragged huffs tearing through his throat with each sentence. It had been a while since he was so overcome in one of these sessions, and his lack of control embarrassed him. With an effort, he counted in his head, timing each breath until he could regain some semblance of dignity. He looked up at the calm eyes, ashamed of himself.

“I’m sorry.” He said, cringing at the taste of the apology in his mouth, waiting for the inevitable disappointment.

“There is absolutely no need to be sorry, Ren.” Dr. Kalonia said, seriously, “ It’s not always easy to have a hold on our emotions, and it’s not a failing to have to take a moment to collect ourselves.” 

“I lost control though.” Ren pointed out. “It’s…a waste of progress, again. I’m not supposed to be doing that anymore.”

“No.” She conceded. “But you did stop, didn’t you? A few months ago, you wouldn’t have been able to hear me. But today, you stopped; I call that progress, wouldn’t you?”

Ren opened his mouth to speak, but any words failed to emerge. She was right. He gave a small nod, although he still felt mildly embarrassed at losing it in front of her.

“Good. Now, I want to backtrack a moment, if that’s alright?” Ren gave another tiny nod, curious as to what she would say, “So, you mentioned that Hux might see you ‘as you really are.’ Could you please elaborate on what you think that might be?”

“Oh.” Ren was fidgeting again, embarrassed that he had admitted this, “I guess I don’t really know. I just sometimes think…well, I’m not a good person. I’m not good to people, and I don’t do good things. I don’t think Hux gives a shit about that; he’s not a good person either. But one day…he’ll find out that I’m just nobody. Nobody, who breaks things and can’t put them back together because they don’t fucking know how.”

He would not cry. He would _not_ cry. He gripped the seat of the cool plastic chair, his long fingers rough against the smooth, orange surface. Ren hated crying, and the way it made people look at you as if you were weak, as if they had physical evidence of their complete power over you. Dr. Kalonia would have actually preferred it if Ren allowed himself to cry a little more, as the effort to stop doing so always manifested in him hurting himself in some little way. As it was, she could see him worrying his plump lower lip between his teeth in an effort to distract himself from his burning eyes, and it was only a matter of time before he bit down hard enough to draw blood. They had been through this many, many times before.

“Ren.” She said, softly, treading these familiar waters with the most care that she could muster, “You are not nobody. Never think that.”

He shook his head at her words, not trusting himself to speak. Dr. Kalonia sensed his continued incredulity.

“You’ve changed, certainly, but even as Ben you were somebody.”

An unwelcome image, a ghostly apparition in his mind. Ben, nine, just before he got tall, big ears and wild hair. Ben, who would cry into Chewie’s soft, brown fur when the shouting got bad, whose ears burned red when people whispered about his parents as if they were legendary creatures, and who looked at him as if he was a stranger unworthy of them both. Yes, he had been somebody. Someone he had hated, and wanted to throw far, far behind him.

“I’ve only been the person other people want me to be.” He admitted. And it was the truth; his whole life had been a performance for the benefit of other people.

“Well.” Dr. Kalonia smiled, “It seems that Hux brings out a different side of you.”

For a moment, it seemed as if Ren was caught between being embarrassed and pleased. His lips twitched, but he did not look unhappy.

“So, you approve of me hanging around with him?” He asked, “Even though I’ve told you he can be shitty?”

“Ren.” She laughed, “You don’t need my permission. And I think you can handle yourself." 

He actually did look pleased at this. Sometimes, Ren just needed a little push, a little bit of proof that someone believed in him, and he thawed. He nodded.

“Right. Thanks.”

After that, there didn’t seem to be much to say. They made their goodbyes, and when Ren left the room he fumbled for his phone. When he saw he had a message from Hux, he widened his eyes. The terseness of the tone confused him; when Hux was oddly formal like this, it often was a bad sign. With a slight sense of foreboding, he made his way to the sports field.

  

***

 

The wind was biting on the field, rustling hair and the manicured grass of the sports field, some parts becoming browner in the pervading autumn chill. Despite the cold, a few students could be seen running about in the distance, and Ren walked down the slight hill with his bandanna on to combat the wind and, maybe, as a protection from the hostile people that he walked past.

In front of him he saw a shape watching the darting figures, silhouetted against the iron-grey sky. He could already tell from the straight-backed posture and sharply cut clothes that it was Hux, and he felt his pulse quicken as he approached. It was utterly absurd how Hux could suddenly have this effect on him, but as the figure heard the sound of his approach and turned, Ren was struck with the strange, forlorn feeling that he would have come to any part of the school if Hux had asked him to. He stopped, and had the distinct feeling that Hux was watching him closely.

Hux was. In that moment, staring at each other on the grassy bank, Hux couldn't stop himself from sizing up Ren. The dark eyes looked out over the bandanna and, yes, in that moment he did look like he could be a faceless pawn of destruction that lurked in the shadows, the detriment to the whole city and those who inhabited it. And then, a big hand came up to drag the material down, and it was just Ren again. Just Ren, with his big nose and his plump lips, familiar and welcome and frustrating all in one. He seemed to be looking at Hux with some concern.

“Hux?” He asked, “What's wrong?” The tone of the message had rattled him, that much was obvious.

There was a pause, pregnant with a slight feeling of tension. 

“I need to ask you something.” Hux said, voice even, “And I need you to be truthful. Can you be truthful, Ren?” 

And then, the old guarded expression was back on Ren's face. It only took a moment, but even he could feel the walls closing in, the strong desire to protect himself from Hux’s steely gaze.

“I don't know.” He said, eventually, “What am I being truthful about?”

It was a deliberate evasion, but Hux couldn't deal with that right now. They had to get to the heart of it. 

“Are you part of the Knights?” Hux asked, bluntly, hoping that for once he could just be proven wrong. A brief flash of something unfathomable moved across Ren's face at the question. He was still for so long that Hux wondered if he had broken him.

“Well?” He demanded, knowing that nothing got through to Ren more than shouting at him, “Are you going to answer me?”

And then, Ren's head dipped into a nod. It was a small thing, tiny really, but the confirmation was all that Hux needed to affirm his worst fears. 

“Jesus _fucking Christ_.” He groaned, and it was all he could do not to stamp a foot down in petulant anger, ”Why is nothing ever simple with you?” Ren flinched, ”Why on earth are you with them? What do you gain from it?”

“I'm not…just with them.” Ren said, evasively.

“Ren.” Hux was trying very hard not to lose his temper, “Don't give me cryptic bullshit, I swear to god-“

“I'm their leader.” Ren replied, softly, and Hux gaped openly at him. It just got worse and worse.

“Their leader.” He repeated, thinking _of course._ It all made sense; the anger, the mistrust, the disappearing from home to do who knew what at ungodly hours of the night. Ren watched him take in the information, looking defiant and sorry all in one.

“So what?” Ren said, fists clenching, “What's it to you?”

“So what indeed.” Hux snorted, “I guess it is rather inconsequential, being part of the most infamous gang in Coruscant.”

“Being the leader.” Ren said again, in case he had forgotten. And when Hux just twitched, “The leader of the most infamous gang in Coruscant.” Even in his anger, Hux just about stopped himself from rolling his eyes. 

“Of course.” He said drily, “Because that makes it all the better. Fantastic. Brilliant.” He held the bridge of his nose in one hand, and exhaled slowly. Ren watched him, as carefully as a cat. Nothing was worse to him than this kind of excruciating disappointment, but he told himself he could do it. He could make Hux forgive him.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and for once it didn’t seem like a chore to say it.

Whatever Hux had expected him to say, it wasn’t that. He opened his mouth, and faltered.

“I-what?”

“I’m sorry.” Ren repeated. The cold green eyes narrowed.

“Sorry for being in the Knights, or sorry that it took fucking _Plutt_ to tell me?”

“I…don’t know.”

They stared at each other, Hux trying to work out how genuine Ren was being, Ren trying to work out how soon Hux would stomp off and leave him alone, finally tired of his shit. He waited, cringed as Hux opened his mouth, and-

“You know what?” Hux said, “It doesn't even matter.”

Ren looked up; Hux was staring back at the other students, following their juddering path as they chased each other, feet beating a soft tattoo against the tarmac.

“What?” Ren asked, quietly. Hux sighed, his thin chest expanding with the movement.

“You're the leader of the Knights.” The words felt strange in his mouth, the truth of them hard to swallow, but he shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in the world, “Fine. Whatever.”

“You're not angry at me?” Ren sounded confused, perhaps a little hopeful.

“Oh, I’m angry at you.” Hux promised. “But, unfortunately, it’s your own life you seek to ruin, so I don’t think I have much say other than to tell you what a _fucking idiot_ you are.”

This, Ren thought, was a little unfair.

“Are you jealous that I’m hanging around with other people?” He demanded, without even thinking about it, “They’re the only people who talk to me, you _dickhead._ No one, except you even bothers. Do you know how it feels to be the closest to people who I don’t even know the names of? You’re the first person to-“ He stopped then, before he revealed too much in this emotional outburst. And that was all it took for Hux to soften, just a little. It wasn’t obvious, if one didn’t know him, but Ren saw his posture sag just a little, his fists unclench.

“Okay.” Hux said, and it was with the air of defeat, “Okay. I’ll stop harassing you about it. I just wish you’d _told_ me, Ren.”

“What?” Ren said, incredulously, “Do you think you would have reacted better if I had told you earlier on?”

“I…” Hux faltered, and then knew the truth, “I suppose not.” He said, gruffly. 

They stood there together, feeling the chill, reluctant to move. The sound of feet slapping on the tarmac continued in the distance. Deep in some part of him, Hux knew that he was overreacting. Being cruel to Ren was unfair after what he had been forced to accept in the meeting, but he couldn’t help himself. Ren seemed eager that they had move past the brunt of Hux’s anger.

“If I’d have known you were this annoyed,” He joked, “I would have ignored your message, ha.”

“Hmm.” Hux thought it unlikely that Ren would have been able to turn away a direct request from him, “Well, what did you think I wanted to talk to you about?”

For some reason, Ren was looking evasive again. He shifted on one foot a little awkwardly.

“Uh.” He said, “I dunno. I mostly came because I, uh, wanted to ask you something.” Ren admitted, adding quickly, “But I feel stupid now.”

“Oh.” Despite himself, Hux was curious, “What is it?”

“Are you still angry at me?”

“Ren.” Hux waved it away, “I’m in a perpetual state of anger whenever I talk to you. This is just more practice.”

Seeming like he wasn’t really listening, Ren nodded. He had his arms folded and he looked just a little uncomfortable.

“Come over to mine tomorrow?” He blurted out, and then cringed as if he had said something obscene. “I mean, I would like you to come over. If you want.” 

Hux, his own arms folded across his chest, fought to keep his face neutral. This couldn't continue. He couldn't allow himself to become closer to Ren after what Plutt had made him agree to; it was unnecessary cruelty on both of them. Part of his plan to bringing Ren to this part of the field was to shout at him, and make it easier for both of them. He opened his mouth to tell Ren something along this vein, and then he saw his expression properly.

Ren wasn't looking at him. Eyes downcast, Ren seemed to already be waiting for his refusal. Hux couldn't have known that Ren was already regretting asking him at all, cursing himself for assuming that Hux would want to come back to his house. _Stupid._ He thought, enduring the painful silence. Hux swallowed, thinking about how broken Ren had been on the beach when he was sat alone in the cold, how terrified when he had told Hux to leave him alone and thought that he might follow his demand.

“Yes.” He said eventually, both cursing himself for his cowardice, and trying to ignore how quickly Ren's face fell into relief, “I would like that. Very much so.”

And Ren nodded, his dark hair flying around his face. “Good.” He said, trying to sound casual, “That’s good.”

It wasn't lost on Hux that, this time, there was no real reason for him to come and visit Ren's house. They weren't practicing for the quiz, he hadn't been instructed to go; he was very much invited by Ren's free will. It was an odd feeling to grasp.

“Will I be subjected to your awful music again?” Hux asked, hoping to forget about how strange it felt that Ren actually wanted to hang around with him, “Or will you buy me more food to apologise properly?”

Ren snorted at this.

“You loved my music, you little liar.” He said, “I'm going to educate you. And as for food, I haven't been paid yet this week so I won't give you any false promises.”

“Paid?” Hux asked. He was surprised that Ren had a job- somehow, he couldn't imagine him slumming it at a shop. Ren just shrugged.

“I work at a café in town sometimes.” Ren said, rubbing at his arm a little self-consciously, “I’m not on the books, so they can make me do any shit they like, but I don’t have to be in all the time. As long as they pay me, I don’t care.”  
  
“You're a waitress?” Hux asked him, absolutely delighted at this new development. Ren scowled at him.  
“No.” He said. “And if you dare to try and find out where I work, I will end you.”  
  
“Sure, sure.” Hux was distracted at the thought of a scowling, made-up Ren in a little apron, and couldn't hide his amusement. Ren seemed annoyed that he had revealed this small thing about himself. Hux asked, “Do you not get any money from your parents?”

“What?” Ren looked confused, “No, of course not. I won't beg. My mother stopped giving me pocket money when I started smashing shit up, and I don't blame her. And who the fuck knows where my dad even is.

“Ah.” Hux was sorry that he had asked, “Never mind. I was just curious.”

Ren still looked rattled.

“I guess you do get money off your parents?” He asked, “I'm surprised, actually. I thought you were… too proud for that.”

“Well.” Hux said, “Considering my father doesn't seem to give a shit about anything that I do, the least I can do is take his money. Don't look at me like that!” Ren was frowning at him, looking at him in a way he hadn't looked at him since the very first time they had met.

“Like what?” Ren asked.

“Like I'm a rich twat who lives off their parents.” Hux said, heat rising to his face. “If you can take advantage of something, why wouldn't you?”

“I guess so.”

There was a shuffling sound then, as the students on the field moved as one mass towards the school, heading perhaps for the gym. It seemed a good a cue as any to depart, and when Hux turned towards the school, Ren followed him without question. When they reached a pathway that split off towards Hux’s dorm and the front entrance, Hux cleared his throat.

“I’ll be seeing you after school tomorrow then, I take it?”

“Yes.” Ren still looked a little surprised that Hux had agreed so readily, but his answer was firm. Hux nodded, and didn’t miss the slight smile on Ren’s face as he turned away.

And they parted. Hux walked to his dorm, feeling conflicted and superbly awful. He wasn’t quite sure if he had made the wrong decision in accepting Ren’s invitation, but he was equally uncertain as to whether he had made the right one. But he thought then of Ren’s relieved smile, and thought he knew the answer, although it made him feel worse. He walked onwards, wondering if anything concerning Ren would ever be simple, damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait between chapters! Unfortunately, life caught up with me and I had to put this on the back burner. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll have to admit it was a little difficult to write because I feel like I might have made this fic a little too long, and I can't seem to stop writing mega long chapters, aha. But it WILL be finished, mark my words. So, enjoy reading, and find me at kyloripped.tumblr.com <3


	14. Chapter 14

 

It didn't take long for Hux to realise that he might, accidentally, care.  


Maybe he had already succumbed to this emotion on the beach, or else sometime before it in those days where he and Ren tiptoed around each other, careful and watching. Maybe he had always known it, deep in some hidden part of himself, and had only thought to name the emotion when it rose up inside him so fiercely that he couldn't deny its existence any longer. Either way, Hux was beginning to find some danger in Ren's big, brown, damned expressive eyes. It was a danger that one might call trust.  


The golden, fading glory of Autumn moved its inexorable way towards a bitter winter, thick scarves becoming a staunch part of their school wear, Hux arriving at Ren's house in multiple layers rather his usual sleek outfits. For that second tentative meet-up at Ren's house, it had still been with the slight carefulness of two people testing new waters, aware that this was a situation borne out of both of their free will. It took no time at all, however, for them to settle into their usual, easy companionship.  


Some way into late November, they were having one such meet-up. And Ren's house was still the place to go, neither of them quite managing to voice the alternative suggestion of Hux’s dorm, but it worked out well for both of them. Hux got to unwind somewhere that was refreshingly opposite to school, Ren's striking red walls and ridiculous heavy metal posters a welcome relief from that careful, almost clinical space. For Ren, it was still quite something to see a creature as proper and popular as Hux perched on his bed, poised, out of place and fitting there all the same.  


This time, Hux was actually doing some work as Ren stretched out beside him, either reading or doing that strange intense daydreaming he often seemed to enjoy. Neither of them minded this arrangement; the quiet suited them both, and there was something oddly comforting about having another person there just for the sake of it. They sat in their companionable silence, broken only as Hux scratched a few notes down in his neat, spidery hand or else flipped a page.  


Feeling a little cramped, after a little bit Hux unbent his legs and stretched them across the bed. He was staring down at his book, and so wasn't paying attention when his leg accidentally rested against Ren's own long ones spread it in front of him. It honestly didn't even register with him, having rested his legs on Phasma numerous times. He flipped through the book, and it was only after he realised that Ren had remained quite still for a little too long that he noticed something was off. He looked up from his well-thumbed pages and caught Ren's eyes just before they darted away. He didn't look unhappy, but it was obvious that he was trying not to move so that Hux wouldn't realise what he was doing.

“Oh.” Hux said, feeling bad, “Sorry.”  


He made to move but Ren spoke quickly, “No, no.” Hux stopped, “I don't..I don't mind, actually.”  


Hux stared at him. Ren would not look back at him, apparently distracted by some fold in his bed covers. Slowly, knowing how much it must have taken for Ren to admit that, he moved his foot up, over Ren’s hip, up, up to his stomach. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Something about Ren opening up made him want to push him, just a little, to show him that it was okay sometimes to want things. And maybe…maybe Hux did just like teasing him a little. As it was, Ren looked down to see the plain black sock on his stomach, Hux looking absolutely unapologetic next to him.  
  


“How's that?” He asked, sweetly. He wriggled his toes, and Ren groaned.  
  


“Oh my _god.”_ Ren flattened so that his back was completely on the bed, Hux's foot slipping as he sunk, but remaining on top of him, “I let you into my personal space for one second and you just take whatever you want, don't you?”  
  


Hux wanted to laugh at this; he had invaded Ren's personal space a long time ago. He could tell that he was amused, otherwise he would have moved his foot away. Encouraged by Ren’s response, he brought his other foot up so that he was completely resting on Ren as if he was a large and breathing footstool.  
  


“You're _extremely_ comfortable.” He pointed out, deliberately missing out how nice the feel of Ren's stomach was, even through his shirt, “I can take them off if…?”  
  


Before he could even prepare himself, Ren's arms whipped down and grabbed his ankles. Feeling himself caught, Hux wriggled, gasping at the ticklish feel of Ren's big hands on his bared ankles as Ren hoisted him, his back dragging across the covers as Ren pulled him towards himself.  
  


“Fuck-“ He said, forgetting how strong Ren's grip was, “I've changed my mind, get off-“  
  


But Ren kept a hold of him, looking for some reason quite delighted.  
  


“You have little feet?” He said, sounding ecstatic, scanning the foot caught in his grasp. He pulled at the ankles again, and Hux shifted as he slid a little over the dark covers, “Like, tiny feet?”  
  


“They're not _tiny.”_ Hux said, crossly now, trying quite unsuccessfully to pull out of Ren's grip, “They're normal, you arsehole. They're-"  
  


“How do you even fit them into shoes?” Ren's grip was relentless, as was the spark of amusement in his eye, “You’re so tall! I'm so intrigued.”  
  


“Just because _some of us_ don't have big, monstrous flapping feet-“  
  


“What, as opposed to tiny children's feet?”  
  


Hux tried to kick him, and Ren laughed as he held on tight, and all Hux did was flop on the bed. Ren really was a menace; Hux twisted, and he couldn't get free. There was a squeak of bed springs as he tried to grip the mattress to escape, but Ren just snorted. There was nothing for it. Hux was going to have to play dirty.  
  


He relaxed on the bed as if admitting defeat, letting his body sink down, putting out breaths as if it was so much hard work. Ren didn't seem wholly fooled, but his grip did weaken just slightly, and in that microsecond of doubt Hux took his advantage. He twisted and launched his body forwards, a mean feat in his uncomfortable position, and head butted Ren.  
  


There was an almighty crash as Ren, caught completely unawares, hit the wall next to his bed. He swore as he slid down the livid red walls, and Hux couldn't say much in retaliation considering his face was squashed into Ren's chest from his unceremonious landing.  
  


“ _Ow.”_ Ren said, rubbing his back, almost pouting as he did so.  
  


“You asked for it.” Came Hux's muffled voice, completely devoid of sympathy. His forehead hurt where it had collided with Ren's barrel chest. He lay on Ren in a bit of a daze, hardly registering what he was doing, breathing in the soft, clean scent of his shirt. Ren opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, a voice carried up the stairs.  
  


“Ben?” They called, and both Ren and Hux jolted, “Is everything alright? I heard a bang.”  
  


“ _Shit-“_ Ren sat up on the bed so suddenly, Hux slid off of him, “Shit, fuck, I didn't know she was here-“ He leapt to the door and opened it a crack, “It’s fine, mom.” He called down the stairs. There was a brief pause from the bottom step, Leia obviously surprised that he had deigned to answer her.  
  


“Are you sure?” She asked, peering up at his messed up hair. It had been rather a loud bang.  
  


“Yeah.” Ren called, “Hux is here.” He cringed on the door then, knowing exactly how that had sounded, combined with his dishevelled appearance. Leia’s pause told him that she had been thinking much along the same lines.  
  


“Oh.” She said, sounding like she was regretting speaking at all, “That’s, um,”  
  


“We're not doing anything.” _Why couldn’t he stop? “_ I just, uh, slipped-"  
  


“Ben.” Leia held up a hand, saving them both, “I don't need an explanation. Just try not to smash the walls, okay?”  
  


“Okay.” Ren slithered back through the door, and when he turned back to the bed he saw that Hux was face down, trying his hardest not to laugh. He was failing, his back shaking as the sound of muffled snorting filled the room.  
  


“Shut up.” Demanded Ren, arms folded, feeling his face redden. Hux didn't listen to him. If anything, the snorting became louder. “What's so funny?”  
  


The head lifted up, and Ren saw that Hux's hair was messed up as well from where he had his face pressed against the covers.  
  


“You.” Said Hux, simply. “ You didn't _have_ to make it sound like we were fucking, you know.”  
  


And then, Ren felt hot all over.  
  


“She didn't…she didn't think-“ Ren started, hating how faltering he sounded, but Hux cut in,  
  


“Oh, she definitely did.” He said, unable to keep in his mirth. “And who can blame her? I'm hot stuff. Oh, Ren, you don't have to get so worked up- you're so _innocent.”  
  
_

Ren had flopped onto the bed, groaning, his head in his hands. His hair had fallen over his face again.  
  


“I'm not innocent.” He groaned. “I’m, I’m-“ but was exactly Ren was was lost as he squeezed his temple, looking absolutely mortified.  
  


Hux propped himself up on his elbows; Ren's refusal to look at him was a confirmation, if anything.  
  


“Hmm.” Hux said, “Whatever you say, Ren. Oh come on,” Ren had bent further forwards, “Don’t be silly, now.”  
  


There was a pause, and Ren's hands tightened at his temples.  
  


“I'm so embarrassed.” Ren said eventually, sounding woeful. This, of all things, surprised Hux. Usually Ren was quite good at taking his teasing, but perhaps throwing his mother into the mix was just too much. Even so, it was hard not to find his upset a little amusing.  
  


“Don't be embarrassed!” Hux laughed. Ren twitched, but stayed folded stiffly forwards. “I’m surprised you care so much. Do you really mind if people think that?”  
  


“No.” Said Ren, before he could stop himself. “Well I mind if my mother does. But I wouldn't mind if other people thought… That.”  
  


Hux stared at him, but Ren just stayed still, unable to believe that he had admitted that particular desire. Next to him, Hux could tell Ren was working himself up nice and properly. He leaned over, and placed a careful hand on his arm, watching him closely.  
  


“Is that okay?” He asked, ready to take it off, knowing that Ren had leaned into his touch before. Ren stiffened, and then visibly relaxed, his posture sagging. He nodded. Hux patted him; he wasn't sure if this was entirely the right thing to do, but he had observed his mother doing it to one or two hysterical models in his time.  
  


“Calm down, Ren.” Hux said softly, “I was just kidding, alright? She probably doesn't think anything of it. Stop overthinking.” But Ren just gave a small, dismissive noise. “Ren.” Hux said, plaintively. “What's the matter?”  
  


Ren stayed quiet. He didn't quite know what was wrong with him. He was scared of admitting something to Hux that even he couldn't quite explain, and somewhere deep down he knew he was more frightened of the very high possibility that Hux wouldn't feel the same.  
  


“Nothing.” He said, beating back the doubts, the wanting. Hux didn't look the least convinced. Even so, he leaned behind them both and rummaged on the bed for something. When he had found it, he tapped Ren to get him to look up. When he did, Hux was holding up his headphones.  
  


“Listen to some music.” He said, proffering them, “And calm yourself down. I'm going to get some work done.”  
  


And so, and neither of them quite knew how it had happened, Ren lay on his back soothed in his peculiar way with his loud screaming music, and Hux was propped up on some pillows with a textbook. Ren had without even mentioning it hoisted Hux's feet back on his stomach, and Hux made no comment as he lay back and read through his work, Ren's arm curled lazily next to his foot. It should have been awkward. But, It was the opposite of awkward; even though Hux was absorbed in his work it felt nice to be with someone else. Someone who didn't ask anything of him. Ren's stomach was soft beneath him.  
  


About half an hour later, and Ren slipped his headphones off. Catching the movement in the corner of his eye, Hux lowered his textbook and quirked an eyebrow in a question.  
  


“I'm calm now.” Ren announced. It was so blunt, and so very Ren, Hux had to try very hard not laugh.  
  


“Good.” Hux told him, the way one would perhaps speak to a small toddler, “That took longer than usual.”  
  


Ren gave a small pause, “I was calm for a while. You…you make me feel a lot calmer. I told my therapist so, actually.”  
  


It was a small thing, tiny really, but Hux found that he couldn't look at Ren anymore. He stared instead at the wall with his drawings, letting his eyes follow the scratchy, detailed lines. He really hated how easily his pale, freckled skin tended to blush in that horrendous way it always did. It made it quite difficult to seem as aloof as he always tried to be. He followed the patterns, and wished he could just get lost in them forever.  
  


“Oh.” He said. There was a suggestion in it that neither of them could quite work out.  
  


“Oh?” Ren replied, in a slightly different tone. It was Hux's turn to groan.  
  


_“Ren._ ” He said, rubbing the side of his face, “You're too truthful sometimes, you know? It's…difficult. It's just difficult.”  
  


“Difficult?” Ren said, twisting the word about. “Why?”  
  


“I grew up with people lying about everything.” Hux leant his head back on the pillow, speaking dolefully to the ceiling, “Tiny things. Inconsequential things. _Big_ things. Important things. The truth? It was hidden behind layers of shit. And you just offer it up, as if…” _As if you trust me.  
  
_

Ren looked very confused, maybe even a little hurt.  
  


“But why shouldn't I tell you the truth?” He asked, very sincere.  
  


_Because I'm a liar._ Hux wanted to scream it at him. It would do neither of them any good for Hux to pretend otherwise. His conversation with Plutt and his cronies had proved that point clearly enough. And yet…here he was. His legs on Ren's stomach. Accepting his truths like it was the easiest, most natural thing in the world. That was first moment since even the beach, the first proper moment that Hux started to realise that he might, accidentally, care.  
  


“Because I don't deserve it.” He settled on eventually. He tucked this revelation away, far away, deep beneath a hidden part of him.  
  


“That's fucking _bullshit.”_ Ren said, the anger in his voice rising with every word. “Bull-shit. You deserve whatever the hell I decide to give you.”  
  


“Ren-“ Hux began, half-rising,but Ren shook his head fiercely.  
  


“No.” He said, dark hair flying around his face, “No, Hux. I won't be calm about that. No fucking way. You don't want the truth? Well, tough. I've never told anyone as much as I've told you, not even my therapist. So you're just going to have to accept that part of me.”  
  


“Oh, will I?” Hux challenged him. He felt annoyed, but he couldn't deny that there was something a little pleasing about seeing Ren fight his own corner. Ren seemed to accept the challenge.  
  


“Yes, you will.” Ren said. They stared at each other, neither wanting to back down.  
  


“I have never known someone who is so big,” Hux started, “And yet so utterly _ridiculous_.”  
  


“Well, you'd better get used to it.” Ren told him, “Because I'm not going anywhere.”  
  


This was absurd.  
  


“Well, it's your own house.” Hux pointed out, “I couldn't exactly ask you to-“  
  


“You _know_ what I mean.” Ren wriggled his body so that Hux shook, “Don't be so wilfully oblivious.”  
  


It was times like these that made Hux feel spectacularly awful. The damn determination and truth that Ren exuded was something Hux rarely received, and couldn't stop himself from wanting more of. Once one of their meet-ups was scheduled after Hux had been forced to go to one of his parents’ dinner parties, and he was in such a lingering bad mood afterwards that he had almost cancelled on Ren. He couldn't quite bring himself to do it, however, and he had to gather himself on Ren's doorstep, forcing himself to calm down as he eyed the bright blue of the door. When he rang the bell, as usual it took no time at all for the dark shape to appear behind the frosted window, and for Ren's familiar mop of hair to appear in the doorway. He took one look at Hux’s fragile expression, and pulled him through to the kitchen.  
  


This in itself was rare, as Ren often tried to avoid his mother as much as possible if he could help it. But Ren sat him down and clattered about making tea, Hux watching quietly as he flipped open cupboards, grasping the mugs in his big hands. He always found it fun to watch Ren doing normal, menial tasks. There was just something inherently hilarious about watching someone as tall and stubborn as him fuss about, and Hux couldn't deny that he enjoyed that it was all for the sake of him.  
  


When Ren plopped a cup in front of him, Hux’s dark mood softened a little.  
  


“Are you trying to cheer me up with tea?” He asked, almost twitching a smile, “Where did you learn your cheering up techniques from, my grandmother?”  
  


Ren stirred his own for a moment before looking up, “It was my Uncle Cee,” He admitted, “When I used to get upset I’d open my door to about five cups on the landing. If you don't want yours I'll have-“  
  


Hux reached out to grasp at his cup, drawing it closer to himself, “Paws off,” He said, clutching possessively around the handle, “I need this.”  
  


He took a sip, and it took him a moment to realise that Ren had put sugar in it, the exact amount he liked. This was only worth noting because he wasn't sure if he had ever explicitly told Ren this, and it seemed such an inconsequential thing for him to notice. But he had. As Hux tried to work out why this meant something to him, Ren gave him a little time before he said,  
  


“Tell me what's wrong.” He settled his big body on a chair, “I know you're upset.”  
  


Hux took another sip, “That’s an astute observation.”  
  


That earned him a light nudge to his leg, Ren kicking him under the table, “Stop stalling. I’ll listen.”  
  


For a moment, Hux stared into the depths of his cup, watching the steam rising off the liquid. And then, he couldn't stop it from spilling out, “I hate it. I _hate_ it so much, Ren: fucking pandering to everyone, paraded around like the prodigal son when my father doesn't even give a single shit what I'm doing, unless he can brag about it. It's a show, it's a _farce._ It’s a…” But what exactly it was, Hux couldn't find the words for it. Ren observed him, head cocked, watching as Hux tried to hold in his anger.  
  


“It's okay.” Ren said, quite softly, “Tell me what happened.”  
  


And then, Hux wasn't quite sure how it happened, he was spilling out to Ren about the torture that had been the party, having to stand there like a statue as people he didn't know and cared even less about paraded around him like expensive chattering birds. How his mother was away on business, as bloody usual, and so he had no one to fight his corner when he wanted to leave and come here. He spoke and spoke, saying things that he hadn't even known how to express until Ren had asked him to. Ren watched him, and only asked a few questions here and there, but mostly listened.  
  


When Hux felt his vitriol fading, he realised that the cup he was holding was quite cold. He looked up, embarrassed that Ren had let him drone on for so long, but Ren didn't even look bored and just stared evenly back at him. Still, he felt that he had to say something.  
  


“You shouldn't let me do that.” Hux chastised him. Ren raised his eyebrows at his tone.  
  


“Do what?”  
  


“Let me go on a tirade.” Hux said, “It’s stupid, and worse, it's unproductive.”  
  


Not seeming fazed by this at all, Ren rested a chin in one hand.  
  


“Is it?” He mused, “Didn't it make you feel better?”  
  


Hux didn't want to answer this, so he didn’t. Ren interpreted his stony response well enough, however. It seemed to amuse him somehow.  
  


“Oh, you.” He said, “You can't sustain this idea that you're an uptight, emotionless robot. Believe me, Hux, you just can't.”  
  


“Oh, can't I?” Hux was sat up now, arms crossed against his chest, every inch the image of petulance and he knew it. Ren had rattled him, “Why, pray tell, can't I?”  
  


“Because it's not good for you.” There was a screech as Ren pushed his chair across the tiles with one great leg, and swung himself off it. Hux looked up as his long dark shape stretched out, and back towards a cupboard. “Tell me that you enjoy people telling you what to do and pretending that you don't care, and I'll believe you.”  
  


There was a clattering as Ren leaned up to reach a tin on the top shelf, and Hux was treated to a rare slither of skin as his studded shirt came loose from his spiked belt. He was too annoyed by what Ren had said to fully appreciate it. When Ren retrieved the tin and turned back to see Hux watching him, he quirked an eyebrow, the bright patterns on the metal clashing quite marvellously with his shirt, “Well?” He said.  
  


“Fine, Ren.” Hux sighed, “You win. My life is shit. I get up, go to school, and work. I come back to my dorm, which incidentally is still at school, and work. And if I'm very lucky, I'll catch the evening meal shift in the canteen, and after I come back to my room I work. It's all so dedicated and noble and studious and so fucking boring I could scream.”  
  


“Why do you do it then?” Ren asked, leaning against the work surface as he twisted the lid around, “Why bother if it bores you so much?”  
  


A harsh laugh was all that he got for an answer at first.  
  


“Oh, why do you think?” Hux said, a little coldly, “I can't afford to stop. I need to be on top, and the best I can be.”  
  


“But why?” Ren said, pausing his task.  
  


And, Hux struggled to think of any answer that didn't include his father’s disapproval, or how he would be disappointing every single adult in his life. It was a dismal process, reflecting on his boring life.  
  


“Because,” His usual eloquence was forgotten,”Because, shit, what else is there?” He fought to keep the panic out of his voice.  
  


“There’s…everything, Hux.” Ren said, quietly. “Everything, and nothing and it's tough shit knowing that it's so close and so far away.”  
  


And then, the physical distance between them seemed both too much, and not enough. Hux wanted to scream at him _what do you know? You're worse off than me,_ and at the same time he just wanted Ren to tell him it would all be alright, in the end. Sometimes, Ren could be so obtuse and infuriating, and then at times like these he would pick apart things and find the truth in them, as easily as if it had been obvious from the start. Hux would have loved him for it, if he could put a finger on what he was beginning to feel for Ren.  
  


“Everything.” Hux repeated quietly, and for the first time he felt as if he really could choose his own path. Fuck what he had always been expected to do. It was strangely thrilling, realising that he could have the power to do this. He stared at some whorl in the old wood of the table, and was quite unprepared when a dark shape blocked out the electric lights of the kitchen. His vision was blocked by a big hand thrusting a biscuit in his face, nudging it against his lip.  
  


“Eat this.” Ren said, and he was just Ren again.  
  


Hux opened his mouth to protest, and Ren took the opportunity to thrust the biscuit in. When Hux made a squeak of annoyance, his mouth full of chocolate and crumbs, and tried unsuccessfully to bite Ren's fingers, he laughed and withdrew them a safe distance away.  
  


“You little shit-“ Hux tried to say, but it came out garbled. Ren just grinned.  
  


“It's impolite to speak with your mouth full.” He said, sweetly, thrusting a biscuit into his own mouth, “Really impolite.” He repeated, chewing.  
  


Hux would have tried to punch the tin out of his hands, but the biscuit really was quite nice and it seemed a shame to waste them. When he finished, he crossed his arms and threw his best glare at the still munching Ren.  
  


“Well?” He demanded. Ren paused, his hand already halfway into the tin.  
  


“What?”  
  


“Give me another biscuit, you idiot.”  
  


And Ren gave a hearty laugh, and leaned to press another one into his mouth. Hux tried to twist away, groaning.  
  


“I can feed myself-“  
  


“Hmm.” Said Ren, “I don't think that's true. You need feeding up-“  
  


“Ren, are you genuinely trying to be my grandmother, because let me tell you that's the weirdest thing I've-  
  


His words were cut off in another choke as Ren stuffed another biscuit in, but this time Hux was fortuitous enough to bite down on his finger. Ren's eyes crinkled at the sensation.  
  


“Ow.” He protested, wriggling his hand, “Honestly, I try to do something _nice.._."  
  


Hux didn't let go. Ren was forced to bring his other hand up to squeeze Hux’s face, but he looked more amused than anything else as his fingers pinched Hux’s cheeks,“If I let you eat more biscuits will you play nice?"  
  


Hux shrugged, and Ren just said in a singsong voice, “Hu-x.”  
  


Opening his mouth, Hux let Ren retrieve his fingers. Ren was still squeezing his face with his other hand, however, shaking his head as he flicked crumbs off his freed fingers. Hux had no sympathy.  
  


“I must look _so_ attractive right now.” Hux said, drily. And Ren just caught himself before he told Hux that he did. He never thought Hux was more attractive than when he was being himself. Even now, angry and with his cheeks smushed up and crumbs on his face, Ren wanted to kiss him. Especially now. He pushed the tin towards him instead and let go, reluctantly.  
  


And Hux worked his way through the tin with alarming speed, and Ren remembered that he had previously admitted to having a sweet tooth. When Hux had eaten quite an impressive amount considering his skinny frame, he lay on the table with a strange expression that was half queasiness and half ecstasy like an overindulgent badger that had wandered into a bakery.  
  


“You alright?” Ren asked, too mesmerised by the quick demolition of the tin to have thought to have stopped him. Hux gave a dismissive noise.  
  


“I've not eaten anything today.” He admitted, “Too angry. You can't put sweet food in front of me and not expect me to try and eat it all.”  
  


“Okay. Noted.” Ren filed away this information for later use. Hux stared over his arm at Ren, a flop of his usually neat ginger hair falling across his face.  
  


“Thank you.” He said, quite unexpectedly. Ren, caught off-guard said a little quickly,  
  


“For what? The food?”  
  


But Hux gave a tsk. He pressed his face down on his arms so his words were a little muffled,  
  


“For listening.”  
  


Ren watched him for a little bit, letting Hux rest his head. He understood; it wasn't often that Hux opened up for him. He rather suspected that he didn't have anyone else to talk to. For one of the first times, he felt glad for his therapist.  
  


“Hey, Hux?” Ren called over to him, making a decision, “Can I have your phone a sec?”  
  


The unexpectedness of this question made Hux look up from his arm, but Ren's expression was not betraying his intentions. Hux handed it over, but it was with a little reluctance.  
  


“Why?” Hux asked, but Ren had already taken it. He typed something in and handed it back, and it was clear he was trying to be casual about it.  
  


“There's my number.” He shrugged. “In case this happens again and you can't get away and want someone to talk to. If you, uh, want to.”  
  


Hux stared down at the number typed into the screen, already feeling a cursed hot flush.  
  


“Did you just…give me your number?” He asked, trying and failing to keep the incredulity out of his voice. Ren looked a little embarrassed, but determined all the same.  
  


“Yeah.” He said, “I did. Facebook isn't all that reliable. And, you know, we've known each other for a little bit so it just seems _silly_ to not do it, and texting isn't the same as talking, not really, and-“  
  


“Ren.” Hux held up a hand, cutting through his babble, “You're overthinking again. I didn't mean to sound rude. I …appreciate it.”  
  


Ren nodded, “Good.” He said, and looked endlessly relieved. Hux stared down at the unfamiliar number, and typed Ren's name beneath it.  
  


“No drunk calls at 3am though.” Hux joked. Ren made a dismissive sort of noise.  
  


“I don't drunk dial people.” He insisted, hotly. Something about this piqued Hux’s interest.  
  


“Oh?” He said, “What do you do, then?”  
  


“I don't do anything.” Ren said stubbornly, “I just drink.”  
  


Something about this amused Hux, but he let Ren off. From what he had currently learnt about Ren, he just couldn't imagine him handling alcohol well. But he didn't say anything, and amused himself with various images of Ren bumbling around and making a fool of himself.  
  


They spent the rest of their time in Ren's room, flicking idly through a few channels on his small television, paying more attention to each other than the various shows they put on. There came a point late in the night where Hux knew that he had to go otherwise he would succumb to sleep on Ren's bed again, and he valued his already fragile dignity not to let that happen.  
  


Strangely, when Hux took his cue to put his layers back on, Ren followed suit. As he tied a scarf around his neck, he quirked an eyebrow at Ren.  
  


“Going somewhere?” He asked. For one second, Ren looked unsure whether to tell him.  
  


“Mmm.” He said, and wouldn't catch Hux’s eyes, “Yeah, I am.”  
  


It didn't take long at all for Hux to work out where this reluctance had come from. He secured his scarf, a distraction that gave him enough time to wonder why he suddenly felt annoyed.  
  


“The Knights?” He asked, mildly. Ren bit his lip.  
  


“…Yeah.” He admitted, knowing it was futile to pretend he wasn't. Hux nodded.  
  


“Right.” He somewhat absurdly wished he was staying over, so he had an excuse to turn Ren away from that unholy bunch, “Up to anything in particular?”  
  


There was a pause. Hux often let Ren keep his private life to himself; he would ask about things, certainly, but often it was Ren who would offer to tell him things of his own free will. The question had a bite of the unusual, and Hux felt a little sick when he realised that this was exactly what Plutt would have wanted him to ask.  
  


“Dunno.” Ren said, carefully, “I don't know where we’re going except for the usual meet-up place.” He saw Hux’s questioning expression and shrugged, “Near the pier.”  
  


And Hux nodded, letting him off this time. Ren watched him go from the doorway, the loud roar of the motorbike fading into deep darkness.  
  


Hux really did have a bad feeling about the whole thing. He thought of Ren's trust, misplaced, so damn misplaced. The next day, he was in the library by himself, his friends all busy with their own various lessons, alone among the dusty books. He was bent over his workbooks when he felt a shadow fall over him. Knowing that his friends would always announce themselves outright, Hux allowed himself to scratch a few notes down before he said, not deigning to look up, “Can I help you?”  
  


“Yes.” It was the rough voice of Quin-Fee that answered him; it was Kanjiklub, then. Hux’s grip tightened on his pen, but he was more annoyed than frightened.  
  


“To what do I owe this pleasure?” He asked, knowing that if he was too polite they would see the insult in it.  
  


“Well?” Leech demanded. When Hux didn't immediately reply, his made a disparaging noise, “The Knights have been messing us around. What are they doing?”  
  


Cursing them, the Knights and even Ren, Hux laid his pen down and twisted in his chair. Four of the tall and intimidating members of that infamous club stared back at him without sympathy. Hux knew, however, that what he lacked in physical appearance, he made up for in reputation, and he hoped it was enough to make this encounter go smoothly.  
  


“Do you _really think,”_ He began, “that Ren would tell me all of his plans? It would be rather counterproductive, don't you think?”  
  


This of course was the wrong thing to say. Leech stepped forwards from the other three, and dragged his chair back. It made an unforgiving screech on the floor, and Hux felt the surrounding area of dusty shelves and hidden work tables go quiet as he held on for dear life.  
  


“Do you think we’re fucking around, Hux?” Leech demanded, staring down into the cool face. Hux, for perhaps the first time, felt glad for all of the times he had practised keeping his true expression away from his father.  
  


“Not at all.” Hux said, feeling that things were quite quickly going to shit. He thought fast; he didn't want to indulge these idiots, but he absolutely didn't want them to go after Ren. He knew exactly how Ren would deal with threats like these. “Ren doesn't deign to tell me about the Knights, as you can probably guess.”  
  


There was a sharp laugh, “We’ve seen him chatting with you and the rest of the team.” Quinn-Fee said, “You aren't trying hard, are you?”  
  


“Have you met Ren?” Hux couldn't stop it from slipping out, “It’s impossible to get him to do anything he doesn't want to. Trying doesn't even come into it.”  
  


Quin-Fee opened his mouth, looking annoyed, but Leech held up a hand to stop him. A look passed between them, and he took a step back. Hux watched them, warily.  
  


“Hux.” Leech said, in a different tone, “We know it's shit to snitch on people. But the Knights are a threat to us. Ren, he's a threat to us.”  
  


This was so utterly wrong, Hux wanted to tell them straight to their faces. But it wouldn't do. He wanted them to get lost, and there was only one way to do it. _Play the game,_ he thought, _but keep your hand close to your chest.  
  
_

“They meet in Coruscant.” Hux said, eventually, and though it wasn't much each word felt like poison dripping out of his mouth, “Around the beach, I don't know. Ren is vague at best.”  
  


This, apparently, was enough. A ripple of relief seemed to flow through the others at Hux’s cooperation.  
  


“Good.” Leech nodded, “It's a good thing you're doing, Hux.”  
  


When they left him, Hux could only stare down at his work, seeing crinkled paper and the scratches of ink, but aware only of this consuming feeling of guilt. The general hubbub of the library resumed its creaking and rustling around him, and Hux stared at his work, lost.  
  


He passed the rest of the day in much the same way. And then, he saw a message on his phone. With a heavy heart, when he saw that Ren had asked about the next meet-up he stared at his facebook messenger, conflicted. Neither he nor Ren had taken the plunge to text or call each other yet, and Hux’s fingers twitched over his contact list. Instead, he did what he had never even considered before and cancelled on Ren.

 **  
[Kylo Ren]:** you doing anything tomorrow?

 

 **[A. Hux]** Yes. Sorry.

 

Hux didn't mean to be so terse. He regretted the unsubtle way in which he replied, but it was too late; quite quickly Ren was typing back.

 

 **[Kylo Ren]:** Oh. Fair enough. Maybe some other time. Next week?

 

 **[A. Hux]:** I don't know, Ren.

 

 **[Kylo Ren]:** Ok.

 

Hux couldn't think of a reply to that, so he didn't. Throughout the day, he tried to formulate one, but nothing he could think of was anything less than cruel. He didn't see Ren around school the next few days, though he suspected he was probably lurking somewhere as usual. The days dragged on, and Hux was beginning to feel distressed at the undeniable fact that he _wanted_ to go over to Ren's. Hux groaned as he sat on his bed, the walls and the small space feeling for the first time oppressive, closing in on him as he was assaulted with the feeling that he had upset Ren.  
  


When the next week rolled over, it was quite uneventful. The most interesting thing that happened was a couple of students approached Hux about the Christmas party that was organised in the dorms each year, and which the quiz team always went to. His heart wasn't in the organising, however, and Hux couldn’t find it in himself to summon much enthusiasm. He didn't see Ren anywhere.  
  


The week after, nicely into December now, Hux was returning back to his bike after spending the evening with Phasma at a café in the new city, a pastime that they had been neglecting as of late and which felt wonderfully familiar. He enjoyed her bluntness, and the way she just outright said what she wanted. Phasma saw that he was acting out of sorts, and didn't even bother to ask him what the problem was, but was loud enough for the both of them. He appreciated it, and listened with interest at the story of her latest conquest- a bright cheeked girl from Ileenium that she had been chatting with in the aftermath of the competition. She was so bright and animated that Hux didn't have to be.  
  


When they separated, Hux walked through the high rising skyscrapers of the New City, a bustle of evening shoppers collecting around bright window displays like moths. He would usually be inclined to be annoyed by this, but today he was just glad to be out and a part of it all, part of the hustle and bustle and early Christmas decorations. When Hux reached his bike, he paused by the handlebars and stared out over the railings at the dark, choppy sea. The tide was in, sucking at the iron girders beneath the sodden walkway that led out over the swathes of rolling water. Hearing the soft slapping sounds, he flicked his phone on to check it before he rode home. His eyes widened at the unexpected message alert that told him he had two missed calls.  
  


They were, of course, from Ren. They were in the last two hours, and for the first time accompanied by a text:

 

 **Ren:** I'd really like to talk to someone.

And then, half an hour later.

 **Ren:** Ignore it. Please.

 

Without even a second thought, Hux dialled Ren's number. It rang out once, twice, then three times and then it was answered by a hesitant voice,  
  


“Hello?”  
  


“Ren.” Hux tried to ignore the flooding of relief at the sound of that familiar, low voice. He thought Ren might have done something stupid, “You rang?”  
  


There was a moment of silence.  
  


“I told you to ignore it.” Ren said, although he sounded relieved that Hux had chosen to speak to him, “Didn’t you see?”  
  


“I saw.” Hux agreed, “Did you think I'd listen?”  
  


There was an intake of breath that could have been a slight laugh.  
  


“Not really.” Ren said. Hux gave him a moment to speak, but Ren didn't elaborate.  
  


“So…” Hux said, and leant on his bike, “You said you wanted to talk to someone?”  
  


“Oh,” Ren sounded embarrassed, “I was having a moment. I'm better now.”  
  


It was such a blatant lie, Hux had to remind himself that if he rolled his eyes Ren wouldn't be able to see it,  
  


“Ren.” He said, “You’ve never called me in your life. Forgive me, but you don't sound good."  
  


“Mmm.” Ren replied, and then he sounded relieved to get it all out, “I had an argument with my mom. I said some things I shouldn't have. I, uh,” He paused, and had the grace to sound a little ashamed, “I think I might have made her cry.”  
  


“Oh, Ren.” Hux couldn't imagine Professor Organa crying, but then again, he never imagined he would be consoling Ren on the phone. Life had a strange way of surprising him. “Where are you?”  
  


“Out.” Ren said, softly, “I haven't been home in three days.”  
  


Shit. If Hux had been talking to him, he would have known that. He thought about how determined he had been not to meet up with Ren, to spare him. He thought of Kanjiklub and realised that whatever they might do would be nothing to how broken Ren would be if he continued to ignore him. He shifted his phone so he could grab his bike helmet in one hand.  
  


“Where specifically are you?”  
  


Ren took a moment, “I'm at the place we agreed.”  
  


His mind was filled with an image of the hill, the rocky plateau that he and Ren had sat at and told each other things that sunk in and settled deep between them. The quiet place where they had talked and talked, and Hux had told Ren to wait at whenever things got bad. He had assumed that he would be there to stop things from getting bad, but it appeared he had been wrong. Hux made a snap decision, making his mind up even if Ren refused.  
  


“Okay.” He said, “Stay there.”  
  


“You don't have to-“ Ren spoke quickly, but Hux cut in.  
  


“Don't be absurd.” Hux imagined him sat there, alone and waiting and trying not to ask Hux to come and get him, “Of course I have to.”  
  


“Hux-“  
  


“I'll be there soon. Goodbye.”  
  


And he put the phone down before Ren could convince him otherwise. It was strange even to himself how quickly he made his decision to see Ren, but Hux felt glad for the excuse to do something else before going back to his dorm. He kicked his bike into life and roared down the promenade, the railings a blur beside him.  
  


Down the through the darkening streets of the city, spots of light from the streetlights brightening the way, down the drab grey concrete towards the looming hills. On his way, Hux made a very quick stop to a small deli on the outskirts of town, catching it just before it closed. He picked up something for himself for later, and without even a second thought got something for Ren. He knew that if Ren was alone, he probably had been sat in the cold for a while. He placed the sandwiches in his leather bag and rode back down the street.  
  


It was quite exhilarating, twisting the long roads up to the rocky plateau that he knew Ren was waiting at. It was becoming too dark to see the sea properly, the wintry sun making its goodbyes in the late afternoon rather than true evening, and the sea and the sky almost blended into one like a great star-speckled void stretching out, chased still with orange and reds. A dark shape was silhouetted against this tableaux as Hux drew up.  
  


Ren didn't look back as Hux hopped off his bike and made his way towards the edge. He was relieved to see that Ren seemed to be wrapped up in layers today, a big black scarf around his neck as he huddled on the barren ground, stripped bare for winter. Hux settled on the ground next to him, nose crinkled momentarily as the felt the cold soil through his trousers.  
  


“I'm here.” He said, as Ren stared forwards.  
  


“I know.” Ren replied.  
  


Part of Hux regretted telling Ren to wait for him somewhere so out in the open, but another more selfish part liked the serenity of looking out onto the sea with no unwelcome eyes to judge them. He gave Ren a few moments and then he held out the sandwich like a peace offering. Seeing the shape out of the corner of his eye, Ren turned and stared at it. His face was a mix of emotions.  
  


“Don't spend money on me.” He said, voice a little rough from lack of use, and made no move to take it. Hux wiggled it, the paper wrapping crinkling in his hand.  
  


“I'll spend money on what I want.” Hux told him, “It’s too late now anyway. I want you to have it.”  
  


Ren looked down, lips pursed, “I'm okay.” He said, though his face betrayed otherwise. With a sigh, Hux took a bite out of it, making a show of doing so.  
  


“Mmm.” He said, munching, and then paused, holding it a little away from himself. “Well, I seem to have become inexplicably full. If only _someone_ would finish-“  
  


Ren grabbed it, scowling at him, “Alright.” He said, grasping at the paper that surrounded it, “I'll have it. Even if you've slobbered all over it.” He took a bite, and Hux tried not to find the image of someone eating a sandwich so angrily quite so funny.  
  


“You are utterly ridiculous, Ren.” Hux said, as Ren munched with his thick eyebrows knotted. “If people want to take care of you, let them."  
  


He paused in his chewing then, “You’re taking care of me?”  
  


Hux cursed inwardly at his phrasing, “Well.” He said, eyeing his long, tired face, “Someone has to. Especially if you're so determined not to.”  
  


Ren chewed instead of answering. When he finished he just said, “Thanks. You didn't have to.”  
  


“No.” Hux agreed. “I didn't.”  
  


Ren turned around to face him fully then. His make up was hastily done, as if he had been forced to do it in a rush, or else smudged from sleeping roughly. He bit his lip, some of his dark lipstick on his teeth.  
  


“Are you mad at me?” He asked. It seemed like it had been something he had been waiting to say from the start, but hadn't been able to get it out. Hux could tell, somehow.  
  


“No. I'm not.” Hux told him, and he wasn't, not really. Ren looked relieved then, but also as if he didn't quite believe him.  
  


“Oh. I thought…” Ren faltered, clearly thinking about Hux declining talk to him over the last week or so, “I just thought-“  
  


But Hux was shaking his head.  
  


“It's difficult to explain.” He said, not wanting to add more upset to those wide, earnest eyes. It struck him as a little funny that Ren still bothered with his make up even when there was no one to appreciate it. “But I'm not angry at you.”  
  


“Oh.” Ren said again, and then he sat a little straighter, “Because if you don't want to meet up and stuff it's cool. Uh, I mean, I know you said it was okay but you don't need to feel pressure to hang out or anything, it’s totally fine for you to do your own thing, I-“  
  


“Ren.” Hux nudged him with his shoulder, and he stopped speaking, “You're overthinking again. It's all fine. I'm sorry I didn't speak to you.”  
  


Ren nodded his head, “It’s okay.” He said, though it wasn't. He really thought Hux had been angry at him for something, and had spent days trying to work out what it was. Even Professor Snoke had seen that something was wrong with him, although Ren couldn't bring himself to tell him that it was Hux. He knew exactly what Snoke would say about that. He already felt a strange, sickly sense of betrayal hanging out with Hux, but he craved the attention. It had hurt to be ignored.  
  


“I missed talking to you.” Ren said, the admittance making his voice shaky. When it was out, it was something that he couldn't take back and they both knew it. They could feel it hanging between them as they watched the deep dark waves tumble over each other, the inky darkness of the sky reflected in the waters. Hux swallowed; Ren was being damn truthful again.  
  


“It certainly has its perks.” Hux tried to say lightheartedly, but they both knew it was his way of agreeing. It was Ren's turn to nudge him now, his broad shoulders digging into him, and Hux pushed back against it. They continued to and fro, both losing and gaining ground in turns.  
  


“I think my neighbours think we’re dating.” Ren said then, throwing this fact out casually. Hux stopped pushing against him, intrigued.  
  


“Really?” It was strange how much he didn't really care about their assumptions. “How so?”  
  


“Oh,” Ren waved a big hand, “They just asked me where that “tall, handsome stranger” was this week when I saw them over the fence.” And when Hux looked incredulous, he hastened to add, “Their words, not mine.”  
  


“Well.” Hux began, “People will assume what they want. I think my father is secretly hoping that I’ve actually been going out with Phasma all of these years.” Hux shook his head at the thought. “Madness.”  
  


“Is it really?” Ren said, mildly, “You’re both really good friends.”  
  


At this, Hux just snorted, “Oh, _please._ Somehow, I don’t think that I am quite Phasma’s type, nor have I ever been. And besides, she’s been out with more girls than either of us have been out with anyone put together, I reckon.”  
  


“Well, that’s not hard.” Ren muttered, but Hux wasn’t quite sure if he caught it properly. Speaking more clearly, Ren said, “Why would your dad want you two to go out anyway?”  
  


“Oh, you know,” Hux waved his hand dismissively, “I think my father has this weird fantasy of me marrying a nice, upper class lady and taking over his job, you know, that respectable and mind-numbingly boring fantasy that most parents have.”  
  


“And what’s stopping you?” Ren asked, mouth twitching. Hux raised an eyebrow; as if Ren didn't know.  
  


“What? Apart from the minor inconvenience that I like to fuck men?”  
  


At this, Ren couldn't help but double over with laughter. Hux found it difficult to stop his own smile from spreading as Ren’s shoulders shook.  
  


“Oh,” He heaved, “ _Please_ say that to your dad. I would pay to see that.”

Hux let him laugh himself to quietness, feeling that Ren probably needed it. He looked quite like he hadn't laughed properly for a while. Loathe as Hux was to bring an end to his mirth, he wasn't here for no reason.

“So.” He said, when Ren had been quiet for a little bit, “Tell me why you're here."  
  


Ren's face fell ever so slightly as he absorbed the question. He looked a strange mix between determined and ashamed, although Hux recognised that emotion well enough.  
  


“Well.” Ren started, side-eyeing Hux as if he knew that judgement would soon be coming, “It’s about Christmas.”  
  


Ah. Hux almost told Ren that he didn't need to explain any more. Christmas for him had always been a thorny subject, and oh how he had hated it as a child, forced to spend a whole day with his father and wife and pretend that he wanted to be there. He could already see why this would be a problem for Ren as well.  
  


“Go on.” Hux said.  
  


“I didn't mean to upset her.” Ren said, quickly, “Okay, maybe that's a lie. Maybe I wanted to upset her a little bit. But I'm _so fucking mad,”_ Ren brought his hands to his face then, pressing them down on his temples as he tried to hold in his renewed anger. “Why would I want to see him? Why should I let him visit when he can't be bothered any other time of the year? Why…” But Ren trailed off, too annoyed to continue.  
  


Hux knew immediately that Ren was referring to his father. He could just see it now, Ren facing off with his mother, looming over Professor Organa but she holding her ground with that indomitable strength she seemed to display. He remembered that Ren had told him that he had made her cry.  
  


“So…she got upset?” Hux ventured. Ren lowered his hands, staring at Hux with wide doe eyes. For some reason, he looked nervous.  
  


“Yeah. I, uh, I told her…” Ren gave a groan, “Oh, you're not going to be happy with me.”  
  


This threw Hux, “Me? Why wouldn't I be happy?”  
  


“I, uh,” Ren looked away from him, deliberately playing with his sleeve so he wouldn't have to look at Hux, “I told her that if my dad tried to come back for Christmas, I would go and spend it with Snoke."  
  


Ah. Hux could see the problem here. For one of the first times, he found that he completely agreed with Professor Organa’s opinion. He tried to keep his face neutral, but it was a tough job.  
  


“Snoke.” He repeated, and then he couldn't help himself, “Oh, Ren, _really?_ Would you do that to her?”  
  


Ren was scowling again, “I can do what I want. You don't understand Snoke at all- he understands me more than anyone else. He _gets_ me.”  
  


Hux was already shaking his head. He really disliked how much Ren fawned over Snoke. And he knew Ren could see it in his face, and it made him more upset.  
  


“You too?” He said, sounding disappointed, “I'm not spending Christmas playing happy families when it's not true, how can you-“  
  


“Ren.” Hux cut in then, “You’re talking to someone who has played happy families at Christmas their whole damn life. Don't think I don't understand the issue. I understand more than you can possibly know.”  
  


Ren opened his mouth to retaliate, and then closed it again. He looked a little mollified at the fact that he hadn't considered that Christmas might be a sore point for Hux. Instead, he gave a long, deep sigh.  
  


“Okay.” He admitted, “I went too far with the Snoke thing.”  
  


“Yes, I rather think you did.”  
  


“But I don't want to pretend it's okay when it's not.” Ren warned him, “I'm not hiding it from them.”  
  


“Then don't.” Hux told him, “Stay in your room. Go to your Uncles’. Or, actually, ring me- believe me, any excuse to escape my Christmas dinner is welcome.”  
  


Ren looked quite surprised, “But what if I ring you when you're at the table?”  
  


“Even better.” Hux insisted, and then, he felt like Ren needed to see sense, “Look, Ren, don't get mad at me okay?”  
  


“...Okay?” Ren said, carefully.  
  


“Your family seems to love you very much.” Hux tried to keep the jealousy out of his voice, but it was hard, “It’s hard for you to see it, I know. But…don't make it harder for yourself when it doesn't have to be.”  
  


Ren stared at him. A couple of emotions ran across his face, verging from annoyed down to a mild sort of acceptance. And then, strangely, he looked a little sorry for Hux.  
  


“Okay.” He said, “ I'll try. I'm sure…I'm sure your parents are the same."  
  


“Mmm.” It was Hux’s turn to avoid Ren's gaze, “I sometimes think love is a bit of an abstract concept for them.”  
  


As Ren continued with his sorry look, to avoid it Hux reached into his bag and brought out his own sandwich. He pulled out some gherkins that had accidentally found their way in, nose wrinkled, and thrust them at Ren. He hoovered them up dutifully, still looking thoughtful. He opened his mouth to speak, and then frowned down at Hux’s leg.  
  


“I think your phone is ringing?” He said, feeling the vibration in Hux’s pocket. With a barely concealed sigh, Hux brought it out, eyeing the caller i.d.  
  


“Hello, Datoo?” He said, shifting the sandwich in one hand. A chipper voice answered him, carrying in the night. Ren shifted, and pretending not to be listening.  
  


"Hey, Hux,” Datoo said, “Sorry to ring you so late, we’re just sorting stuff out for the party and Phasma gave me your number.”  
  


“It's alright.” Hux said graciously, eyes flickering to the stilled Ren, “What can I do for you?”  
  


“Oh, nothing really.” Datoo trilled,”Plutt said the place you mentioned downtown gave him booze for the party at a pretty good price, we owe you one."  
  


“Good. Someone had to organise it, Plutt’s an idiot when it comes to haggling, he’s a mean old fucker.” Hux told him. He heard a nervous laugh in response, Datoo obviously too afraid to say anything about Plutt in case someone overheard; Hux didn’t care one jot if anyone heard him, Plutt knew exactly what he thought of him.  
  


“So, see you there, Hux? Where are you now?” Hux gave a deep breath, and decided he didn't care anymore.  
  


“I'm just out, with Ren.” He said. He felt the head swivel towards him, surprised. Datoo sounded quite surprised too; it was, after all, getting late.  
  


“Oh, okay!” He said. Hux waited for him to invite Ren too, half certain that he would, but he stayed silent; the silence crept along, becoming increasingly awkward. Ren was staring down at the ground now, aware of the snub. Hux glanced at him, but Ren seemed determined to pretend he wasn't listening.  
  


"Right." Hux said, finally. "See you there."  
  


When he put the phone down, Ren had his arms crossed, looking resolutely away. Hux watched him warily, unsure of what to say.  
  


“Don’t _look_ at me like that.” Ren said suddenly, voice whipping through the air like a bullet. Hux was caught by surprise.  
  


“Like what?” He asked, carefully.  
  


“Like you think I’m going to lose it. I’m fine.” Ren bent so his chin was on his knees, his coat spreading behind him on the ground. "Parties are stupid anyway." He sniffed haughtily, staring down at the barren earth, "Why would I want to spend time talking to boring people I’d have to pretend to like?"  
  


“Ren…” Hux began, seeing the upset beneath his haughtiness. “The party is something the whole team always goes to. As part of the team-“  
  


"No." A hand slammed down into the soil, and Hux jumped. Somehow, Ren looked even angrier than when he was snubbed.

 

"What do you mean, ‘no’?" Hux asked, genuinely confused at his quick refusal. Ren sneered at him.  
  


"I don't need your pity invite." He spat the word pity as if it burned him, “Shove it up your ass.”  
  


And there Ren was, trying to pretending he was above being upset. Hux knew what it was like, feeling invited to something as an add on, as an afterthought. Or indeed, not being invited at all. Pity wasn't the right word for it, no; Hux felt something else entirely.  
  


“It's not a pity invitation.” Hux told Ren, “It's just a perfectly normal invitation.”  
  


“A perfectly normal invitation.” Ren mocked him, imitating Hux’s accent. “Why should I accept?”  
  


“Ren.” Hux said warningly. “Don't make me say it.”  
  


“Say what?” Ren replied, stubborn as ever. Cursing the day he ever decided to start this whole messy business of caring, Hux folded his arms.  
  


“I want you to be there.” He said, “Not because I pity you, but because I just want you there. Okay?”  
  


And Ren's reply, of course, was silence. He looked at first a little confused, as if he couldn't quite believe what Hux was saying, and then his face settled into something else.  
  


"Fine." He said, sounding rattled, "You win. I'll go to the stupid fucking party. When is it?"  
  


Hux tried not to feel relief at his change of heart, but it was difficult.  
  


“Friday.” He said, “Bring any alcohol if you can be bothered, and try not to scowl at everyone you see.”  
  


Ren ignored the jibe.  
  


"Do I have to talk to people or should I save time and just kill myself now?" He asked, dramatically. Hux rolled his eyes.  
  


"Do whatever you like, just be there." Hux was happy that Ren had agreed so readily. Ren still looked a little shifty, as if he feared some trick, some hidden trap that he might accidentally fall into.  
  


“Are you sure I don't have to do anything?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed.  
  


“Well,” Hux joked, “You could dress normally.”  
  


He had intended it as a joke, hadn't really considered the insult that Ren might see in it. For a second, Ren's smudged eyes narrowed at him, and then he realised what that had sounded like. And then, Ren's face twisted into a strange sort of smile as if a sudden idea had occured to him. It was rather disconcerting how quickly it happened.  
  


“Oh, don't worry," He said, his voice oddly sweet, "I'll dress normally, alright."  
  


Hux decided that it was probably best not to work out what this ominous statement meant. He nodded his head, looking out over the edge of the precipice.  
  


“Good.” He said, “That’s good.”  
  


He sat with Ren, and they both quietly stared out over the soft, sloshing waves. Hux shifted his legs up so they were more comfortable, nudging Ren a little. They were sat closely, and it was for warmth, he told himself, just for warmth. He sneaked a look at Ren, a side glance really, and saw that he wore a small tired smile, more genuine than the sneaky one he had just been employing. And, suddenly, Hux wasn't sure if it was just for warmth anymore.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the lovely comments on the last chapter! I'm actually really looking forward to the next one, because it's a chapter I have been planning for ages, and it's soon happening, aha. Unfortunately I have a swathe of incredibly important work to do so I don't know when it will be up, but hopefully not too long. Enjoy reading <3
> 
> (Also, I changed the formatting a bit because it was hurting my eyes, I hope it's still easy to read!)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning for a mention of Alcoholism, just in case. Enjoy <3

The rest of the week dawned bright and cold, fingers of frost brushing against trees and leaves and leaving silvery marks. It threatened snow, but the iron grey skies didn't deliver on their promise and everyone wore gloves and scarves regardless.

It grew ever closer to the party, and Hux spent half his time wondering what the hell he had been doing expecting Ren to come and enjoy himself, and the other half interested to see him there. When he told Phasma that he had invited Ren, she just smiled a knowing smile that he chose to ignore.  
  


When the day arrived it was with a bright sunny spell, although the wind was very cold. Hux moved from his last lesson to his dorm, his breath puffing out over his large scarf as he trod the stone walkway carefully. He would be glad for the heat and bustle of the party, although Hux did rather like the cold weather. It suited his pale skin and fiery red hair quite nicely, and it was infinitely better than trying to dodge the cursed rays of sun that insisted on burning him in the summer.  
  


When he got into his room, it was a matter of wasting time until the party and Hux flopped onto his bed, rewarding himself with a rare quiet evening of rest before the fun began. He usually found parties such as these quite a boring affair, but he grinned up towards his ceiling at the thought of Ren being there, bumbling around and making a fool of himself. He wondered vaguely if he would drunkenly start a fight with someone and half hoped he would, just for the fun of it.  
  


When the sky outside turned a burning orange, Hux felt his phone ring. He was surprised to hear his mother on the line. It took him no time to realise that she was slurring her words, and he looked again at the darkening outside, his heart sinking. It was too early to be drunk, but he spoke to her, knowing that she would carry on ringing if he didn't. He supposed he should feel flattered. But, when he finally put the phone down he just felt a little numb. He lay there, staring up, his mood dipping.  
  


The day darkened, the clear blue skies leaking fluently into black, the wintry sun disappearing behind those hedges that still bravely held onto their leaves. Hux waited until the start time of the party arrived, knowing Phasma would go about half an hour in. When the time came, he lifted from his bed, springs creaking.  
  


Feeling chilly, Hux walked down the corridors to C block, passing a few people on the way and returning their respectful greetings. He wondered briefly what Phasma would be wearing; she always looked killer at these sorts of events, looming over the other guests in one of her own expensively crafted creations. He drew his jacket tighter about himself.  
  


He wished he didn’t have to come to the party alone, even if it was a short walk away; many of the people he passed were in pairs at least, and it rankled on him sometimes when he had to suffer the indignity of trying to locate Phasma in the crowd like a little lost boy. He remembered Ren, and was glad that at least he had another looming head to look for.

 

Loud music throbbing in the night announced the party’s presence, attracting people towards it like bees towards a beehive. There was certainly a loud buzz of various simultaneous conversations going on beneath the music, and Hux headed towards the large trestle table covered in bottles and cups. He swiped a beer, knowing that if he waited too long the supply would be quickly depleted, despite Plutt’s efforts. He thought very briefly about drinking it, but now the thought made him feel a little sick. Shaking himself, he turned, observing the crowds and not spotting a single familiar face. He sighed.  
  


As he prepared to move into the mass of people, holding the bottle to his chest, Hux accidentally bumped into a figure stood alone in the shadows at the side of the table, almost losing his balance.  
  


“Sorry-“ He blurted, grasping the table to steady himself. When he looked into the face of the person he had hit into, he stared.  
  


Ren had really outdone himself this time. No wonder he was alone- his red eye shadow was severe in an ombre moving smoothly from a sunset pink to blood red, his full lips carefully done in a deep black, his eyeliner thicker than he had ever seen it and sharply, perfectly winged. He was perfectly made up, not a single smudge or mistake in sight, and it all served to make him look a little otherworldly, a strange being that had stumbled into the party on a whim. He was wearing a pair of extremely tight leather trousers with chains on them, _chains,_ Hux groaned inwardly, that absurdly linked the two legs together. Ren smiled as Hux absorbed his appearance, his lipstick shining in the light, folding his arms over a sort of lacy black jacket.  
  


“Hey.” He said, and it sounded more than a little smug.  
  


“Oh my _god,”_ Hux couldn't help but groan again at this extravagant display, torn between exasperation and interest,“What on earth are you wearing?”  
  


“Ah.” Ren looked pleased with himself. “You said I should dress normally, didn't you? This _is_ normal for me.” He shrugged at Hux’s slightly incredulous face, large pentagram earrings jingling, “Not my problem you didn’t specify which normal I had to adhere to.”  
  


Hux just shook his head in exasperation, unable to look away from Ren's ridiculous attire. He didn't even look bad; every chain and stroke of make-up suited him perfectly. He didn't think he had ever seen Ren so comfortable in his own skin, actually.  
  


As if he could sense this, Ren was radiating pleasure at Hux’s expression, hardly able to stop himself from laughing. Hux tried his hardest to ignore this.  
  


“Will you at least take off that jacket?” He asked. “You look like a Victorian undertaker.”  
  


“What? _This_ jacket?” Ren pointed innocently to himself. “You want me to take off _this_ jacket?”  
  


“Did I stutter-“ Hux began, and then when he really looked into Ren’s strange expression,”Wait, why are you being weird? What’s undern-“  
  


With a flourish, Ren undid a few buttons and shrugged the jacket off. When Hux saw what lay underneath, he nearly choked.  
  


“ _Put it back on_.” He groaned, unable to stop himself from bringing a hand to cover his face, but Ren just laughed at him harder and leant against the wall, thrusting his chest out.  
  


He had decided, of all things, to wear a see-through mesh top, and it did not leave much to the imagination. The contours of his muscles were visible, impressive even, and it was quite surprising to see the toned body that Ren hid underneath all of his dark layers although Hux had always suspected that it was there. Confronted with this sudden shock, he was finding it hard to look away from the unprepared sight of his practically bared nipples on his very generous chest.  
  


_Now there’s a sight I did not expect to see this evening,_ he thought numbly. He could feel his face reddening, and it made him annoyed; he wasn’t a child, there was no need to get embarrassed. Damn Ren, and his ridiculous clothes. Damn his ridiculous nipples.  
  


“Bit cold, isn’t it?” He managed to force out. Ren laughed again.  
  


“Don’t worry,” He grinned, “If I get cold, I’m sure a big, strong, _normal_ man will lend me his _normal_ coat.”  
  


Hux was very nearly goaded on by this statement, but Ren’s unfading smile stalled him. He realised that he had never seen Ren sustain a smile for so long, and peered at him closely. His eyes had a strange gleam to them, and Hux said in wonder,  
  


“Are you drunk already?”  
  


“No-o.” Ren replied, drawing out the syllables, “Not yet. But I plan to be.”  
  


When Hux raised his eyebrows, not believing him for a second, he laughed that strange laugh again and leaned over to swipe the beer from Hux’s hands. He dodged as Hux tried to thump him, ignoring the gritted mutter of, “Dickhead. ” as he moved out of the way of the flailing fist.  
  


Cursing him, Hux moved forwards, hardly caring if he was followed at all. But Ren of course followed dutifully behind him as he walked with deliberate speed through the crowds, half hoping that Ren would trip up over his chains and he could have a good laugh. He remained disappointed, however, as Ren seemed to walk with well-practiced steps through the mass of people.  
  


Soon enough, Hux spied a cropped blonde head hovering above many of the other partygoers. Sighing with relief, he opened his mouth to call for her and-  
  


“Phasma!” Ren bellowed. “Phaasma!”  
  


The sharp face turned towards the noise, and Ren waved enthusiastically as Phasma blinked once, recognised him under the extravagant make-up, and cracked out a smile. Looking a little bemused, she loped over to them gracefully, her silver, metallic dress sparkling in the half- light, even taller and more dangerous than ever in heels. She stopped next to them, and when she cast her eyes over Ren and his unusual attire, her amusement grew,  
  


“Ren! Well, you are looking simply _ravishing_ this evening.” She turned, eyes sparking with mischief, “Don’t you agree, Hux?”  
  


She laughed at his expression of disgust and betrayal; he had wanted Phasma to tell Ren how ridiculous he was, but she seemed to be enjoying herself too much. She peered at Ren’s vest; he had been carrying around his jacket, just to annoy Hux, and the bareness of it seemed to shine in the dark.  
  


“Is that a whole nipple I see?” She asked with increasing amusement, “Two, even! Charming, charming.”  
  


Ren grinned. “Thank you, I grew them myself.”  
  


Phasma seemed to choke with laughter at his words, and turned a little disbelievingly to Hux,  
  


“What have you done with Ren, you bad thing? I like this version. He’s funny.”  
  


“I have no idea what you mean.” Hux said, staunchly, “He’s as irritating as ever.”  
  


Shaking her head and ignoring him, Phasma leaned down and said something else to Ren, but it was drowned out by a sudden outpouring of music from the decks. When Ren shook his head to indicate he hadn’t heard, she spoke next to his ear, and Hux could just make out,  
  


“....If looks could kill, you would be dead thrice over.”  
  


“I know.” Ren grinned, “Worth it though.”  
  


Annoyed at being treated as if he wasn’t there, Hux snapped his fingers at them.  
  


“Hello?” He demanded, “I am still here you know, _if_ you two have stopped flirting with each other.”  
  


“Oh, Hux, “ Phasma said sweetly, “Is someone a little jealous? You can join in if you want.”  
  


“I don’t _flirt_.” He said with a huff, as if the very thought disgusted him. At this, Phasma nodded in agreement and turned to Ren in a conspiratorial way.  
  


“He really doesn’t. I can’t tell you how many situations we have gotten into because of that.”  
  


“Oh?” Ren said, interested, “Like when?”  
  


Feeling that they were straying into dangerous waters, Hux stepped in front of Ren, deliberately blocking him from Phasma’s view.  
  


“Where is everyone else?” He asked, ignoring that Ren was standing on tiptoe to try and see over him. Phasma looked like she was having the time of her life.  
  


“Bazine is coming in a little bit,” She smiled, “And Mitaka, if previous events are anything to go by, is probably dancing. You know what he's like when he's had a few shots of tequila.”  
  


“When _you_ give him a few shots of tequila.” He corrected her. She shrugged unapologetically.  
  


“Who am I to stop myself from injecting a little fun into our lives?” She raised her eyebrows, “You look like you need to loosen up, my friend.”  
  


“I agree.” Ren chipped in.  
  


He gave a curse as Hux elbowed him, his elbow making contact with the fine mesh on his abdomen. Phasma opened her mouth as if to say something in agreement, but caught the expression on Hux’s face, the dispassionate way he watched the others drinking. After knowing Hux for so long, she knew what it meant.  
  


“Ah.” She said, a look passing between them. “You’re thinking about it?”  
  


“Mmm.” Hux was reluctant to reply, but she knew about his mother. Ren looked completely non-plussed behind him, but Phasma reached over and patted Hux on the head.  
  


“It'll be alright.” She said, soothingly, and he only let her do it because she was a little tipsy, “I'm going to get another drink. See you two in a moment.”  
  


“See ya.” Ren called after her retreating back, and when he turned to Hux he asked, “What was that about?”  
  


“What was what about?” Hux said evasively. Ren made a show of rolling his eyes.  
  


“Whatever Phasma was talking about.” Ren said, and then his eyes flicked to Hux’s still full cup of drink, “Is it about you not drinking?” Ren asked, and when Hux paused as if he was reluctant to answer, Ren hastened to add, “Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just curious.”  
  


“I like drinking.” Hux said, and it was true. “When I'm in the mood to.” He saw Ren's continued confused expression and gave a sigh, “I used to find my mother drunk. A lot.” He confessed, thinking about their earlier conversation,“To deal with my father. I still do, sometimes. It's not…something I particularly enjoy witnessing. I thought I'd want to today but...” He trailed off, shrugging.  
  


“Oh.” Said Ren, and there was more than a little understanding in his voice, “Oh, Hux.”  
  


“I don't want pity.” Hux said quickly, “I'm just telling it how it is. Drinking loses its allure somewhat when you watch someone you admire using it as a crutch. I can't quite say I’m feeling it today, which I admit is rather unfortunate.”  
  


Ren still looked a little sheepish, “Would you be more comfortable if I…?” He indicated throwing his alcohol away. Hux blinked at him.  
  


“What? No!” He insisted, unable to stop himself from feeling a little pleased that Ren would so readily do that for him, “God, no, you can enjoy yourself. You're not drinking because you're sad, are you?”  
  


“…No.” Ren said, and he sounded truthful enough. Hux nodded.

  
“That's the difference.” Hux told him, ”Also, Just because I'm not drinking doesn't mean I get to deny myself the pleasure of watching you make a fool of yourself.”  
  


Ren grinned at him, a deep black lipstick covered smile. He leaned over and ruffled Hux’s hair the same way that Phasma had, not even stopping when Hux cursed and tried to dodge away.  
  


“For a moment I actually thought you'd stopped being horrible.” He said, but he looked very pleased at this fact, “You never disappoint me, Hux.”  
  


“Get your hand off me if you still want to use it later.” Hux complained, wondering why everyone insisted on treating him like a dog. Ren just laughed.  
  


More people began to file past them, more than one doing a double take at Ren. He bore their gazes well, doing no more than raising a perfect eyebrow at anyone who stared at him just a little too long. This gave Hux ample time to continue staring at his broad, bared chest, unable to stop himself from feeling a little jealous. Or, maybe, it wasn't exactly jealousy. _Oh fuck_ , he realised, _he's gorgeous._ He was big, annoying and absolutely bloody gorgeous.  
  


Ren looked up then, and caught him watching. As he smirked, Hux said, a little quickly, “We should probably find the others.”  
  


“Uh huh.” Ren replied, with that sly little smile.  
  


Hux wasted no time in moving forwards, embarrassed that Ren had caught him watching him. It absolutely did not help that the press of bodies made it so that he and Ren were shoulder to shoulder, his chest occasionally brushing against his arm in the lack of room. He thought about his legs resting on Ren's stomach, and wondered what it would be like with the mesh shirt, or without it. Furious at himself, he shook himself out of it.  
  


When Hux saw the familiar shape of Mitaka, he almost sighed with relief at the distraction. Mitaka was chatting to a few other students quite animatedly, and seemed to be having some sort of hybrid of a drink or dance-off with the enormous figure of Roodown. Hux couldn't help but watch this from the sidelines, amused, until Mitaka spotted him.  
  


“Hux!” He said, quite brightly, and when he saw Ren to his credit he only stumbled a little, “R-Ren. Hey, guys.”  
  


To Hux’s utter surprise, Ren moved towards them without prompting. It seemed that, with a few drinks down him he was a lot more social. Hux was learning a lot this evening.  
  


“What you doing?” He asked, interested. Roodown looked just as surprised as Hux, but indicated some playing cards lying on a sticky table next to them.  
  


“We were playing Ring of Fire.” Roodown said in his deep, rough voice, “Mitaka made a rule that if you draw a 3, you've got to dance.” He shook his head in exasperation, but Mitaka just smiled. Ren looked very interested.  
  


“I've never done a drinking game before.” He said, and turned to Hux, “Do you mind…?”  
  


“Ren.” Hux said, waving him away, “You don't need my permission. Do what you want.”  
  


Ren bit his lip then, torn between the table and Hux.  
  


“Will you stay?” He blurted out.  
  


Hux opened his mouth to protest, but Ren's earnest face gave him pause. Looking between them, Mitaka then reached to the table behind him and brought out a glass of water.  
  


“Hey, Hux, you can have this,” He offered it to Hux, “So you can still play. Phasma gave it to me to sober up later but you can have it!”  
  


Although Hux wanted to protest that the game would be rather pointless if he was drinking water, everyone seemed pleased when he accepted. Ren smiled at him, anyways. He sat on a stool, listening to the rules with his water grasped firmly in his hands. He guessed if anyone was passing by it could pass for vodka and lemonade.  
  


And so he joined in, playing the game which he had in the past found quite ridiculous, but he found he was enjoying it now Ren was playing it. Hux was particularly efficient at remembering the rules, which was useful because Ren didn't seem to be putting much effort into that regard, although he played with gusto.  
  


After a little bit, he saw Bazine wandering through the crowds alone, slipping between dancing bodies and almost out of sight. He tapped Ren, who seemed to be downing his drink.  
  


“Hey.” Hux said, and the dark eyes moved to look at him over his glass. “I'm just going over here for a second.” He felt a little regret at leaving, but he had hoped to chat with Bazine at some point in the night.  
  


“Okay.” Ren said, lowering his cup, and then, “You’ll be back, right?”  
  


The eyes blinked at him, very wide. It took a moment for Hux to realise that he was being given a very powerful puppy-dog look. There had only been a handful of times that Ren had looked at him like that. It was quite a powerful sight, although Hux had always thought he was above such tactics.  
  


“Of course.” He assured Ren, a little dazzled, and slipped away.  
  


Hux had a nice, long chat with Bazine, and they were in a quieter corner than where Ren was stood, though Hux could occasionally see his head looming above the others, laughing or knocking back a drink. He felt pleased that Ren was enjoying himself, rather than sulking like he had feared he might. Bazine watched him looking at Ren and said nothing, but couldn't help but smile at the two of them. It was obvious that Hux was keeping an eye on Ren.

After a little bit, Roodown also spotted a friend across the room and went to chat to them. Hux saw his large, powerful shape move across the floor, leaving Ren and Mitaka chatting together. It was an unusual pairing to be left alone, but they seemed to be doing alright. They leaned against one of the walls, chatting and drinking. When Bazine went to find Phasma, Hux decided he should probably collect Ren again and made his way towards the pair. The closer he got, the more he realised that Ren was speaking quite seriously, although the effect was ruined slightly by the fact that he was slurring a few words.

“…I don’t have many friends.” Ren said dolefully. “You’ve all been pretty good to me. Even you, and I’ve been shitty to you.” Mitaka made some sort of disagreeing remark, but it didn't throw Ren off, “I have, I have! And you, you’re a standard guy, Mitaka.” Ren slapped a big hand on Mitaka’s shoulder, making the smaller man jump in alarm. “Standard. Guy.” He repeated. The wide doe eyes lifted then to find Hux in the crowd, throwing him the most obvious ‘help me’ expression he had ever seen.

Hux understood; it was difficult to predict what Ren would do next in his current state, and he knew from experience the unexpected strength in those large hands. Ren could probably throw Mitaka across the room if he really wanted to. It was time for him to step in, amusing as it was to watch Ren crash unsupervised around the party.  
  


“I'm back.” Hux announced, stepping forwards to Mitaka’s obvious relief, “You manhandling poor Mitaka again, Ren?”  
  


Finally spotting him, Ren’s eyes grew brighter as he noticed Hux in front of the other drinkers.  
  


“Hux!” He said loudly and happily, as if it was the first time they’d met that night. “I was just talking to Do- Doph- ugh, I can’t get it right, _Mitaka_ , about the team and how much I appreciate-“  
  


“Yes, yes, I heard a little.” Hux was amused that Ren already seemed drunk or at least very tipsy, ”Come on though, as much as I love to hear you praising me, I have a feeling you _might_ be crushing him a little there.”  
  


“Oh, whoops.” He loosened his grip, and Mitaka gave a tiny sigh of relief as the pressure on his shoulder lessened. “Sorry.”  
  


“It's alright, Ren.” Mitaka assured him, “That was fun. Again sometime?”  
  


“Yeah.” Ren said, brightening, “Yeah! I'd like that.”  
  


When they were waking back through the room, Ren looked quite happy. This surprised Hux.  
  


“You're a happy drunk?” He asked, “I never would have guessed that.”  
  


“I'm not drunk.” Ren insisted.  
  


At this, Hux could barely suppress a laugh. He let it be for the moment, and spotted Phasma’s undercut high over the other dancers. She turned and saw both of them and waved them over enthusiastically. She looked even tipsier than before, though not nearly as much as Ren was.  
  


“Heyoo!” She called, gesturing to them, “What have you two been up to, you rascals?”  
  


They trotted over, Hux leaning on a table when they stopped.  
  


“I just saved Mitaka from Ren’s evil clutches.” Hux explained, gesturing over at the unapologetic face above him.  
  


“Oh,” She laughed, and turned to Ren, “You’ve got to be careful with Dophy, Ren. He’s like a little kitten, you’ve got to squeeze him geeently.”  
  


“You squeeze Mitaka a lot, Phasma?” Said Hux, alarmed at this mental image.  
  


“Oh, you,” She drawled, rolling her eyes at him. She leaned into Ren, affecting a mocking whisper that nevertheless carried across to Hux, “I don’t know how you handle him, he’s so _filthy_.”  
  


“I keep him on a short leash.” Ren replied, face completely straight. At this, Phasma actually hooted, covering her mouth with her hand. Hux stared at Ren in disbelief.  
  


“ _Excuse_ me?” He said, “If anyone’s keeping anyone else on a leash, it would be _me_ , Ren, and you would be on the end of it.”  
  


He realised what he had said far too late. Another snort filled the air.  
  


“Kinky.” Phasma said. Hux groaned.  
  


“Why can I never win with you two?” He complained, as they giggled to each other. “You're monstrous bullies together.”  
  


“Ohh, Hux,” Phasma had her nose crinkled, “You’re just an easy target. Lighten up.”  
  


Hux opened his mouth to argue against this, furious, but he could see that it would be futile. He knew better than to argue with drunk people. For the first time that evening, he was properly annoyed at them both, although he knew it was mostly borne out of the fact that he wasn't joining in. Even so, the annoyance was hard to shake off.  
  


Phasma saw his stony silence, but didn't indulge him. She trotted to a table, her dress sparkling in the dim lights, and picked up another drink. She took a sip, and reached for another. Holding it out to Ren, Hux felt a new flash of irritation.  
  


“Phasma.” He said, warningly, “Stop giving him alcohol! He’s a lightweight.”  
  


“I am _not_.” Said Ren, crossly. Hux glared at him. Ren had only had a couple of drinks at the game with Mitaka, but Hux could tell he was on his way to getting properly drunk. It was useless for Ren to deny it; despite his large frame he obviously couldn't hold alcohol well.  
  


“Well, you are.” He pointed out.  
  


“No I'm not.” Ren insisted, eyes narrowed. To Hux’s dismay, he downed the drink in one and slammed the empty glass on the table to prove him wrong, though he rather spoiled the effect when the cup slid on the damp surface and he almost lost his balance. Trying to regain some sense of dignity, he drew himself up to his full, majestic height, crossing his toned arms across his chest. “ ’m perfectly fine, thank you very much!”  
  


“Riight.” Hux said, eyebrow cocked, “Could you care to explain why your arm is dripping then, oh so sober Ren?”  
  


Ren scowled at him, opened his mouth to retaliate, and seemed to come up blank. Without a backward glance, he stomped past Hux and through a veritable wall of backs, towards either the thumping music or another table full of drink, it wasn’t quite certain. When Hux turned back to Phasma, she was shaking her head at him.  
  


“What?” He snapped. She rolled her eyes.  
  


“H-u-x.” She sighed, drawing it out, “Let him have a little fun! You’re being downright unpleasant.”  
  


Hux wanted to splutter at the indignity of it all.  
  


“I’m _trying_ to stop him from doing something stupid.” He protested. Phasma knocked his shoulder, and it was only half playfully.  
  


“Oh, just let him. What harm can there be? It’s not like he’s in any danger.”  
  


“We are still talking about Ren, aren’t we? He attracts trouble like a large and lipstick-covered hurricane.”  
  


“Your worry is pretty cute, Hux,” Said Phasma, shaking her head at him in pure exasperation, “But I _feel_ like Ren can handle himself.”  
  


“Cute?” He spluttered, “I just don’t want him to get decked by Kanjiklub or something else admittedly hilarious, but ultimately a headache for our team.”  
  


“Right.” She said, humouring him, “Carry on following him like a Mother Goose, but come _on_ , don’t be too stifling. I don’t think he ever gets to interact with so many humans, just let him have fun, ok? Or,” A sudden thought seemed to occur to her, “Do you want him all to yourself?”  
  


“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Hux protested, feeling heat rising to his face, “But I’m going to...to find Mitaka.”  
  


He left her then, pushing through a crowd of people, feeling more annoyed than ever. After a little while, when he had calmed down, he realised that he was perhaps being a little unfair. It wasn't Ren's fault that he was uncomfortably sober in a room full of people enjoying themselves. He should apologise, most probably, when he found Ren again. It was a good idea to keep an eye on him, at any rate.  
  


He walked, felt hot, and tried to ignore the people writhing around him. Despite his efforts, everything seemed to get on his nerves. He wandered for a while, listening to a few conversations but not really engaging.  
  


It wasn’t his fault, it really wasn’t. Hux was genuinely trying to find Mitaka or anyone else he knew in the midst of the hot, heaving crowd, straining to hear a familiar voice or see a shock of dark hair in the already dim room. He didn’t mean to stumble almost into a corner past some lanky, chatting students in the year below and see the tall, hulking figure of Ren speaking to someone.  
  


He narrowed his eyes, recognising the curled copper hair in an instant; it was unmistakably Nines. An odd couple indeed, to find hidden in a corner together. Pursing his lip, Hux turned to leave, but a slight dip in the music carried their conversation over to him, and although the words were indistinct, he could tell that Ren’s replies were short and forced, despite Nines’ obvious attempts to engage him.  
  


Knowing exactly what Phasma would say to him for lingering, Hux had to strain, but he could just about hear Nines talking to Ren over the steady thump of the bass that now filled the air. It wasn’t spying, not really; he had after all vowed to keep an eye on Ren, damn Phasma to hell. And besides, even from where he stood, it was easy to see that Ren didn’t look wholly comfortable, edging back ever so slightly as Nines tried to talk close to his ear.  
  


“...You don’t need to wear all that crap, you know.” His eyes unashamedly raked Ren’s practically bared chest, and over his toned arms that were crossed over it, “You’re fine without it.”  
  


“But _I_ like it.” Ren protested, folding his arms even tighter as if to protect himself.  
  


Nines laughed as if Ren had said the funniest thing in the world. He was drunk, it was easy to tell that even from this distance, and despite Ren’s similar condition he seemed on guard, watching carefully as Nines put a hand on his arm.  
  


“Hey, lighten up!” He laughed. Ren seemed to do the exact opposite, expression freezing as Nines touched him, pressing his fingers on his bicep. “I just told you that you looked good. So good.”  
  


Ren was trapped; he was backed up against the wall, hemmed in on both sides. Oblivious or perhaps uncaring of Ren’s lack of a response, Nines leaned in to kiss him, something that he had been hinting for a little while. It was impossible to miss the look of pure panic that flashed across Ren’s face as he came closer and closer, and this more than anything sent a stab throughout Hux. Fearing that Ren might panic more and do something stupid like punch Nines in the face, and filled with a sudden unexpected anger, Hux stepped forwards as if he had only just arrived to the scene,  
  


“Ren, _there_ you are!” He said loudly, as if he was oblivious to the scene unfolding before him, “Phasma was looki-“  
  


Hearing his voice, Nines jumped back as if burned, letting go of Ren as quickly as he could. Hux paused mid-step and tried to look contrite, although he was finding it extremely difficult to do so because of how very glad Ren looked to see him, eyelashes fluttering shut for a moment as he fought to control his breathing. Hux had the inexplicable urge to strangle Nines.  
  


“Oh.” Hux said mildly, somehow managing to conceal his rage, “I’m not, ah, interrupting anything, am I?”  
  


Looking horrified that he had been caught out by none other than the leader of the quiz team, Nines opened his mouth to speak, floundering, but Ren cut across before he could even try,  
  


“No, no.” He said hurriedly, as he shoved past Nines. “Not at all.” The copper-haired figure was shunted a little into the table at the haste of Ren’s movements, but he didn’t seem sorry about it in the slightest. His eyes were wild as he stood in front of Hux, and contained more than a little gratitude.  
  


“Phasma wants me?” He said, but his eyes spoke clearly enough to Hux. _Thank you.  
  
_

“Yes.” Hux inclined his head ever so slightly. _You’re welcome._ He was thinking fast, the lie coming easily to him, “She said it was about... something to do with training together? She was trying to find you.”  
  


“I’ll go and find her right now.” Ren pushed through the crowds without a backwards glance, and Nines watched him go with a puzzled expression. When he remembered that Hux was standing in front of him, jaw clenched, he turned to face him, and shrugged.  
  


“That guy’s a fucking weirdo.” He said, as if this would explain Ren’s sudden departure. This utter disregard for Ren, as if he was nothing, was what broke Hux’s already fragile self-control. Hux stared at him coldly.  
  


“If you make Ren feel uncomfortable again.” He said, enunciating each word carefully, eyes full of fury, “I’ll break your fucking arm. Understood?”  
  


Surprised at his sudden vehemence, Nines opened his mouth, then properly looked at the murderous expression on Hux’s face. He nodded.  
  


“Good.” Hux said.  
  


He marched past the stiff figure, not breaking eye contact until he was lost once again in the lurching crowds. He thought he had an idea of where Ren had gone. He pressed through the swaying bodies, ignoring those who called out to him, intent on his course throughout that dark, muggy room. It was beginning to feel rather too hot now, the press of sweating bodies, thumping music and loud chattering beginning to fill his head with a beat beat beat that was almost sickening in its intensity. Hux gritted his teeth, and continued slipping through the cracks he found between the bodies.  
  


When he found Ren again, he was already halfway through another drink just as Hux had expected, leaning on a wall as he took great gulps from his plastic cup. When he put the cup to his lips again, Hux spoke.  
  


“Ren.” He said. The cup lowered as Ren spotted him. “Are you alright?”  
  


The tall figure looked down at him, flashes of light that appeared in tandem with the music playing on his face, looking embarrassed and grateful all at once.  
  


“Don’t like being touched by people I don’t like.” Ren said eventually, rubbing the part of his arm that Nines had touched. He still looked rattled.  
  


“Did he upset you?” Hux wanted Ren to say it, because if he did then he would have a proper excuse to find Nines again and commit to punching him in the face. He decided that he would examine exactly why he wanted to do that later. Ren looked alarmed.  
  


“...No.” He lied, avoiding Hux’s gaze. “I’m fine...it’s fine.”  
  


Hux stared at him properly, Ren stared evenly back, and they both knew it was a lie. With a sigh, Hux let Ren have his way. He really would have enjoyed finding Nines again.  
  


“Okay.” He said, relenting. “If you say so.”  
  


Scanning the long table with its mostly empty bottles, Hux picked up an abandoned cup of some dark liquid, not caring what it was. He still didn’t intend to drink so the cup was just for show, but it wouldn’t do for other people to know that. Ren blinked at him, his smouldering red eye shadow making his eyelids look even more heavy-lidded, his black lipstick a little smudged from drinking. He seemed to be waiting for Hux to speak.  
  


Hux wiped his free hand across his brow meaningfully, “Anyway, let’s get out of here, it’s too bloody hot.”  
  


Without thinking, Hux put a hand on Ren’s arm to guide him through the crowd. Eyebrows raising, Ren looked down at his hand, and Hux immediately realised what he was doing.  
  


“Shit, sorry,” Hux said, feeling stupid considering what had just happened when Nine’s had touched him.  
  


“It’s fine, Hux. I like you.” The words tumbled out of Ren’s mouth before he could stop them, and as soon as he had finished speaking he looked absolutely mortified. Hux opened his mouth to bite a sarcastic remark at him, and found that he couldn’t think of one.  
  


“Good.” He said. Immediately, he felt foolish.  
  


Ren seemed similarly at a loss. They made their way quietly outside, each grateful at the cold air licking at their faces. They stood on the other side of the door, the sound from the bustle of people and music leaking outside a little muffled. Hux shivered, but it was lovely to feel the cooling breeze. He had no idea how Ren would be feeling, in his mesh vest; he seemed to have lost his jacket at some point in the night. He turned to see Ren leaning against the wall, back curved just slightly, his large chest rising and falling.  
  


“You okay?” He asked, as Ren's dark hair fell across his face. He looked up, and his gaze was a little unfocused.  
  


“Yeah.” He said, falsely bright. “’M sorry for…for embarrassing you. Didn't mean to freak out.”  
  


It took a moment for Hux to work out what Ren had said. He realised what it looked like, bringing Ren outside, away from the party. It was also obvious that Ren blamed himself for the situation with Nines, which was utterly absurd.  
  


“You haven't embarrassed me.” Hux told him, truthfully. “That wasn't your fault.”  
  


“Hmm.” Ren said, as if he didn't quite believe him. He put a hand on his forehead, “Fuuuck.” He breathed, eyes screwed shut.  
  


“Ren?” Hux asked him, concerned. It took Ren a few moments to reply.  
  


“Sorry.” He said again. “Not been drunk in a while.”  
  


“Is this you finally admitting that you're drunk?”  
  


This made a twitch of a smile appear on Ren's face, which is exactly what Hux had intended. Ren opened his eyes, and Hux heard a distinct mutter, which might or might not have included the word, “Dickhead.”  
  


Thinking about how Ren had responded to him touching him the last time, Hux grabbed his wrist. Ren looked down, surprised, but Hux wasted no time.  
  


“I'm taking you back inside.” Hux instructed him, “And you're going to sit down, forget about Nines and feel better. Understood?”  
  


Ren bit his lip. He liked being outside, alone with Hux in the cold night, away from everyone but still able to hear the cacophony hidden inside. But he had just enough fortitude to realise that it would be silly to stay in the cold, so he nodded and followed him in. He'd been getting drunk because he had wanted to tell Hux things, things he knew would be impossible for him otherwise, but apparently he was still too cowardly. Ren wanted to curse at himself as they re-entered the dark, muggy room. He hated being a coward.  
  


On their way back, Hux was accosted by various students, and Ren was mostly ignored although their curious glances remained. Hux shook off most of them, but it became difficult when a gaggle of students in the year below accosted him next to the drinks table, eager to chat about the competition. He could tell that Ren felt awkward and confined by them, but there wasn't much he could do. He chatted benignly, and Ren caught his eye.  
  


_Sorry._ Hux mouthed it at him. Ren looked down, but didn't say anything. When the students finally left, they managed a few steps before Hux was accosted again. And again, they ignored Ren. Hux could just see him out of the corner of his eye, arms across his chest, trying to pretend he wasn't upset about it.  
  


“Ren-“ Hux broke off what he was saying to talk to him, but Ren spoke over him.  
  


“It's okay.” He muttered, “I'm going to…just go to the toilets.”  
  


It was difficult to read his face, and Hux couldn't tell if this was a lie or not. He made a clipped remark to one of the others, and gave Ren his full attention.  
  


“I'll stay here and wait?” He suggested. But Ren shook his head, filled with a sudden melancholy that he feared might come with drinking. The other people being Hux seemed to be waiting for him to go.  
  


“Nah.” Ren said, falsely bright again, “You don't have to hang out with me.”  
  


Hux’s stare was very intense, the flicker of the flashing lights lighting up his face in short bursts.  
  


“I'll stay here.” He said, stubbornly.  
  


Ren shrugged and broke away from him, but all the same Hux’s words sunk deep into him. His mood had been beginning to dip, as it often did when he drank, filling him with the doubts and worries he sometimes managed to ignore when sober. He did actually go to the toilets, and stared into the mirror above the sink, unable to focus fully on his slightly blurred reflection.  
  


_Out of your league._ His mind hissed back at him, cruelly. Hux was popular, and well liked. Who did he think he was? Ren groaned, leaning over the sink; drinking might have been a mistake. He wanted to tell Hux how he felt, could feel the confession trying to claw its way out of his mouth, but he was still too frightened. Hux would scoff at him, drunk as he was, and see him for what he really was; useless and pathetic. He stayed there for a while, eyes closed over the sink.  
  
  


And, in the main room Hux was waiting for Ren, listening idly to people chatting to him but not really hearing them. He waited and grew bored, then annoyed and then frustrated. When it began to feel like Ren had abandoned him, Hux had graduated to feeling, well, a little upset actually.  
  


If Ren didn't want to hang out with him, that was perfectly fine. Hux eventually left his appointed waiting place, muttering darkly to himself. He wouldn't suffer the indignity of trying to find Ren, damn him.  
  


Everyone around him was at that fickle tipping point between flat out drunk or getting there, and he felt like the only normal person in a room of swaying zombies. He wanted to get away from them, and made his way outside into the blessedly cool air.  
  


Slipping through the dark room, Ren avoided everyone, and in turn they avoided him. He couldn't find Hux amongst the stragglers who were left and tried to tell himself it was a good thing. Without really thinking about it, he grabbed another drink from the dwindling supply, even though he knew it was a bad idea. Finding a lone chair near a table containing a few abandoned cups, Ren sat down on it, head in his hands.  
  


After downing his most recently acquired drink, he was so drunk, he could feel the room spinning, the beat of the music making his head hurt. His thoughts were darting from place to place, suggesting and rejecting different ideas in a messy, alcohol doused jumble that overwhelmed him. He wanted...to do something stupid. He shook his head like a dog shaking out water, face buried in his fingers, groaning.  
  


A little after this, a lithe shape spotted him sat alone and looking so despondent, and took pity. Bazine shimmered over to him, glitter make up lavish on her face.  
  


"Ren?" She asked, loudly to cover the music, "You ok?"  
  


"...No." He replied, muffled. She dragged out another chair from a corner, and sat next to him, part amused and part concerned. Despair emanated from him in waves.  
  


"Wanna talk about it?"  
  


Ren paused, considering. He liked Bazine, admired her assured quietness and unassuming nature. His mind spun. Every time he’d had a drink, the thought had grown bigger in his mind; he needed to tell someone. It would be a good idea to tell someone. He brought his head up from his hands.  
  


"I want to kiss him." He said, fingers digging into cheeks.  
  


Bazine’s eyes widened. She thought she had a pretty good idea of who "he" might be. Biting her lip, she looked a little like she regretted coming over to talk to him at all.  
  


"Oh, Ren." She began, "I don't... I don't think you want to be telling me this-"  
  


"I do!" He insisted, "I need to tell you, I n-need to tell someone. I want to kiss Hux, shit, what should I do? I, I-“  
  


"Ren," Bazine interrupted, "Slow down. You don't have to do anything, okay?"  
  


He blinked at her, eyes a little unfocused. "I don't?"  
  


"No. " She smiled a little sadly at his face; he looked so lost, so in need of someone to tell him what to do. She dearly wished he had spoken to Phasma instead; she for one excelled in this sort of drama.  
  


Ren groaned again, slapping the heels of his hands against his temples.  
  


"He's so infuriating. Asshole. Fuckin..." He mumbled incoherently for a moment, and then looked up at Bazine, his lashes long, eyes wide, "I really like him, Bazine." His fingers dug into the long curls of his hair; it felt so good to tell someone. He had to tell someone, "Need to find him. Need to tell him," He tried to rise but Bazine, alarmed, held out a hand out to stop him. He looked crazed.  
  


"Whoa there, Ren." She said, "Hold steady, ok? I'm, uh, going to find someone for you-"  
  


"Hux?" He said, hopefully, half hanging out of his chair.  
  


"...If I can." Bazine said, and just about managed to walk off when-  
  


"Wait!" Ren called after her, falling back to his chair with a heavy thump. He looked terrified all of a sudden. "Wait. Fuck. Maybe it's a bad idea. Don't get him, oh god, I shouldn't- "  
  


"Look, I'll get someone who isn’t Hux, alright?"  
  


Ren nodded vigorously, then stopped as this made his head hurt even worse. He watched her go, conflicted, and then put his head back in his hands.  
  


Time passed. The party was slowly breaking up, various pairs and groups leading off into the night, chattering amongst themselves. Hux walked back into the room, calmer now, wondering if he should just have wandered back to his dorm. He looked around the dark space and saw the mesh covered back bent over. He paused, still slightly annoyed at Ren, but he didn't look good. Ren didn't move at all in the time Hux watched him, and despite himself, Hux thawed. He was well used to the downward spiral that often came with alcohol and approached the sorry figure.  
  


The dark head rose at the sound of his approach. For some reason utterly unknown to him, Ren looked a little terrified as he came up to the chair, eyes wide, and mouth hanging open in horror. Hux held up his hands in defence.  
  


“Hey, what the hell is _that_ look for?”  
  


Ren opened his mouth, and then closed it. His hair looked a little tousled, as if he had been grabbing at it at some point in recent time. He also looked a bit like he wanted to put his head back into his hands.  
  


“Did Bazine send you?” He asked, voice hoarse. Hux stared at him.  
  


“...What? No. Are you that incapable of moving that you have to send people to do your bidding? That’s my job.”  
  


Ren blinked at him, looking relieved. It was all very strange.  
  


“S-so she didn’t...tell you anything?”  
  


“Tell me anything about what?” Hux was beginning to feel annoyed again now. Why did Ren insist on being so cryptic? “If there’s some secret going around, I’d be _dying_ to know about it.”  
  


Ren opened his mouth, and shut it. He wouldn’t look at Hux properly.  
  


“No secret.” He lied. Hux rolled his eyes.  
  


“Oh, good. I’d hate to think I was missing out on something.” Ren blinked at him again, and Hux sighed at this unusual dolefulness. _He really is drunk off his face_ , he reflected.  
  


“Look, get up.” Ren did as he was told, unfolding his body from the chair, almost bared chest pale in the dark of the room. It seemed that he had indeed completely lost his original jacket at some point earlier in the party. Hux folded his arms, watching Ren’s unsteadiness.  
  


“Can you walk?” He asked, as Ren leant on the now empty drinks table.  
  


“Yeah?” He said, frowning, “Course I can walk!”  
  


He let go of the table, managed two steps and stumbled. Hux caught him before he actually fell, although this was much easier said than done as Ren was surprisingly heavy.  
  


“Woah,” He said, straining to hold that massive body, “I think somebody needs to get home.”  
  


“No!” Ren protested, trying unsuccessfully to wriggle free. Hux was close, he was too close, “No, I want to stay-“  
  


“What a delicious conundrum.” Hux said, drily, “I think, however, you at least need some fresh air. You look boiling.”  
  


It was true; Ren’s forehead was damp, a reaction to the combination of the alcohol, sweaty room and Hux’s proximity. The hands on his arm were sending warning bells through his head, screaming at him to not do something hopelessly stupid, _please don’t do what you’re thinking of doing._ Ren heeded the warnings, and decided that he would follow Hux outside, and then make an escape as quickly as he could. Running away seemed the most sensible option at this point.  
  


Mistaking his quietness for drunken stupor, Hux led Ren away from the chair and carefully through the room with the air of someone who had done this many times before. Ren was a little steadier with Hux to help balance him, but it was still a struggle for them both to leave the room, and soon Hux was breathing heavily with the effort of holding him. When they reached the door and out into the blessedly cool night air, Hux brought them to a stop.  
  


He dug into his jacket pocket, retrieved his phone and wrote a quick message to Phasma, who would doubtless notice his absence at the party. _Found Ren drunk off his face, going to take him home. I’m like bloody Mary Poppins and you’re all the children I didn’t want_. He clicked send.  
  


They set off again, cold fingers of air sneaking its way into the gaps in their clothes, walking as one big mass past the main building and towards the road that led away from the school. The night was mostly clear, with the bright circle of the moon to lead the way, the silvery light reflecting off the surrounding grass with an almost ethereal sheen. It also reflected prettily in Ren’s dark eyes as he looked up to marvel at the great white disk, but Hux pushed that thought far away lest it lead into dangerously sentimental territory. They moved to a crossing.  
  


As they prepared to go across the marked lines, for a moment, Ren stumbled again, and Hux was forced to put a quick hand on his waist to balance him properly. He looked left and right down the road for cars, not even registering where his hand was, and so he missed Ren closing his eyes ever so briefly at the firm touch on his side. When he was satisfied that no cars were moving down that desolate road, the hand moved back to his shoulder, and Ren allowed himself to be led across. His heart was hammering like a jackhammer in his chest, but his head was spinning, and it was making him clumsy, confused. His opportunity to escape had passed, and he knew it. When they got safely across, Ren spoke to stop himself from doing something stupid,  
  


“Where’re you taking me?”  
  


“Where do you think?” Hux’s voice was a little exasperated, “Home, you idiot.”  
  


“Oh,” He tried to pull away, unsuccessfully, “Don’t want to go there-  
  


“Well, isn’t that a shame.” Hux tightened his grip, “Because that’s where you’re going. _Hold still_ damn it-“  
  


“Why wouldn’t you let me stay?” Ren asked, mournfully, giving up at last, thinking about how Bazine was going to save him from this confusing mess, “Was having fun, you dick.”  
  


“Couldn’t you see that the party was splitting up? Where were you intending on going?”  
  


“Uhhh...” The question seemed to stump Ren, “...Yours?” He offered, sounding unsure, thinking of the first place that he knew of that was closest to the school. He regretted it as soon as he’d said it. _Too desperate,_ he thought to himself, angrily, _that_ _was too fucking desperate, you idiot.  
  
_

At this unexpected answer, Hux looked up; even in the dark of the street, he could see a bloom on Ren’s cheeks, and it wasn’t all from the alcohol. He was caught quite off guard.  
  


“Well…” He said, slowly, “I suppose if, ah, it was necessary, you could…”  
  


But even in his drunken state, Ren could tell that he was probably pushing his luck.  
  


“Never mind.” He said, hastily, “It was a stupid idea.”  
  


They walked in silence down the long country roads. It was deep into the night now, and they didn't see any cars twisting the lanes, only the occasional bat flapping somewhere in the distance. Hux was glad when they reached the pavement, although it was still quite a walk to Ren's house. He did not relish the thought of trudging in the cold, but he hadn't trusted Ren to be able to hold onto him on his bike. He spoke to distract himself from this uncomfortable fact.  
  


“I’m surprised you enjoyed yourself at all, you don’t exactly strike me as a party person.” He said, footsteps clacking on the cold concrete. Ren seemed to shake himself out of a stupor.  
  


“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ren sounded cross, “Me ‘n the Knights sometimes do stuff together, you don’t have to think I’m a complete loser.”  
  


“Oh yes, I forgot about the esteemed Knights. You’re still hanging out with them?”  
  


“Jealous?” Ren shot at him. Hux snorted.  
  


“Jealous? Hardly. Why would I care what those idiots do?”  
  


Ren leaned harder on his shoulder as he tried to stand a little straighter, and Hux couldn’t help thinking, _Christ he's heavy_ , as he failed and slipped a little. His words slurred,  
  


"Funny. T-he other Knights, they all think that you're an _ass-hole_ -"  
  


"Lovely." Hux was straining again, though Ren didn't seem to notice.  
  


"And the thing is," Ren continued, his eyes widening as if a sudden brilliant thought had occurred to him, "You _are_ an asshole." He sounded impressed with his own logical reasoning, "But you're my asshole, so-"  
  


"I most _certainly_ am not your asshole, you drunken git." Hux said indignantly.  
  


Ren laughed, low and throaty, and stumbled in a crack in the pavement, almost knocking Hux off balance,  
  


"I didn't mean to say that. I didn’t. Or did I?" He sounded confused again. “Ugh, it’s all getting mixed up-“  
  


“Maybe just walk rather than talk?” Hux suggested. He was quite amused at the truth that seemed to be leaking unbidden from Ren's mouth. _My asshole._ He shook his head, exasperated. He hadn't realised he was Ren's anything.  
  


Letting himself be led home, Ren was aware that every step he was taking would take him further away from Hux, that the evening would end with a snap as he shut his blue front door, that thick piece of wood the only thing separating them, but separating them nonetheless. He knew that he would be stood behind it knowing he had missed his chance to tell Hux how he really felt, hating his cowardice. It was a bad idea. It was a _terrible_ idea. And Ren wanted to do it so badly, his head hurt with the pure neediness of it all. They reached a grassy bank, half shielded by the road with hedgerows, and Ren began to shorten his strides until they were almost at a stop. Hux side-glanced him.  
  


“ _Why_ are we stopping?”  
  


“Can we have a break?” Ren pleaded. “Head hurts. Think I might throw up.” He lied, knowing this would most likely get him what he wanted. Hux wrinkled his nose.  
  


“Okay, okay. But try your hardest _not_ to do that?”  
  


“’kay.” Ren said, and they both lowered themselves to the ground, regardless of the frosty grass. Hux drew his hands away quickly from his balancing grip on Ren’s shoulders, and the loss of contact made them both feel a little strange. Ren wanted to grab Hux’s hand, place his thin, delicate fingers on his skin, feel that soft spread on his stomach, his chest. He couldn't bring himself to do it, though.  
  


Both of them sat, thighs just about touching. When Ren turned to face him, however, his courage failed; Hux was staring away from him, at the dark swathe of black above them with its sparkling points of light. A few threadbare clouds scudded across the heavens, and Hux watched their slow progress with his cool, light eyes reflecting the white spot of the moon. Ren wanted to say something; Hux’s profile looked sharper in the half-shadow, beautiful and stark, and it felt like the most important thing in the world to tell him. But there was no way to phrase this without it sounding stupid. Cursing his inelegant mind, Ren blurted. “Moon’s bright.”  
  


Hux turned to face him. His eyebrow was quirked in amusement.  
  


“Yes, Ren.” He said slowly, as if talking to a toddler, “The moon _is_ bright.”  
  


“You look nice.” _Why couldn’t he fucking stop?_ “In the moon.”  
  


There was a pause as Hux stared at him, to check if he was being mocking or genuinely dopey. Thankfully, he seemed to see the funny side of it.  
  


“You know, I _like_ drunk Ren.” Hux said, smirking, “You’re still a complete pain in my arse, but you never cease to surprise me. Care to tell me anything else? I can’t promise that I won’t tease you about it tomorrow, I’m afraid. Another compliment would be stunning.”  
  


Tomorrow. Ren didn’t even want to think about that. He turned to face Hux properly, and misjudged the distance between them, accidentally brushing his chest against Hux’s shoulder. Breathing in sharply, he couldn’t help himself from saying, “I like your outfit. You should wear more black, you look...” _Don’t say it, don’t say- “_ Hot.”  
  


The teasing smirk fell from Hux’s face to be replaced by something else. Surprise.  
  


“Ren.” He said, voice a little strained. “Did you just call me...hot?”  
  


“Uhhh...” Ren replied, wondering how he could possibly answer this. He settled instead on putting his head in his hands. Maybe if he squeezed hard enough, he could somehow knock himself out and save himself from further embarrassment. Hux watched all of this carefully, wondering why this mattered so much to him.  
  


“Well.” He said, slowly. “I appreciate the compliment.”  
  


At this, Ren lifted his face, taken by surprise. He had expected Hux to tease him, to say something cruel, but he accepted Ren’s words, although it looked like he didn’t quite believe them. A slight smile twitched at Hux’s lips, so genuine and disbelieving and sweet that Ren wanted it to stay. So he carried on.  
  


“I really don’t have a lot of friends.” Said Ren, the admission coming easy to him, “You spend more time with me than you have to, ‘n I really appreciate it. Not a lot of people would do that, Hux.”  
  


“Oh.” Said Hux, feeling quite caught out, and not knowing why. It was the same thing Ren had said to Mitaka, but it felt different this time. More personal, “You’re fairly amusing, I’ll admit. I am constantly wondering what you’ll do next. You shouldn’t be so down on yourself, you know.”  
  


“Yeah, well,” Said Ren, avoiding his gaze, “People like you don’t usually talk to me.”  
  


“People like me?” Hux repeated.  
  


“Popular people, who everyone likes. You know,” He took a deep breath, “Beautiful people.”  
  


_Beautiful_. Hux stared at him, absorbing the words, feeling the heat rushing to his face. He wasn’t sure if anyone had ever called him that, not even his past boyfriends. He wracked his memory. No. Just from Ren, drunk and truthful and looking at him like he had never seen Ren look at anybody before. It meant even more to him, somehow, than when Ren had called him hot. He couldn’t think of anything to say, and they sat together on the grass, almost touching, neither speaking but wanting to say so much.  
  


“You’re very sweet.” Hux heard himself say eventually. He felt embarrassed then, as if that was his own drunken confession, but Ren probably wouldn't remember after all. His disbelieving little grin almost made Hux wish he might.  
  


“I never thought I'd hear you say that.” Ren smiled down at the floor. Feeling that he might be treading into dangerous waters, Hux said,  
  


“Well, I still can’t believe you actually chose to wear that vest. You’re absolutely _insane.”  
  
_

That did it. Bringing his head up, Ren tittered, thrusting his chest out so Hux could once again look at the contour of his muscles in the dim streetlight. Hux was so close, he was too close now. Sat next to him, watching his face crinkle into laughter as Ren said something inevitably stupid, knowing that if Hux helped him walk again then they would be touching but not enough, it was too much. He had to...do something stupid.  
  


“Only wore it to piss you off.” He still had the gall to look pleased. “A-and it worked, didn’t it? When you first saw me, I think I could have looked at the expression on your face forever.”  
  


Unexpectedly, he touched Hux’s lip with the tip of his finger, the touch soft and tickling, “Trying to frown so hard, but I-I don’t think you were trying hard enough. I could see where you were looking. Where you’re still looking. ”  
  


Hux stared down at the finger in surprise, feeling it press unexpectedly against his lip. He paused, too surprised at the fact that Ren was touching him there to do anything to stop it. Ren took the opportunity to bring the rest of his fingers to Hux's face, stroking them against his soft, freckled skin.  


“You're so beautiful.” He said, fingertips like ice, burning into Hux all the same. “So…fucking…” But he was overcome with the feel of Hux's plumper lower lip, lingering there and staring at him as though absorbed with the sight.  
  


“Ren...” Hux said slowly, bringing his hand up to move Ren’s fingers, or else to press his own hand down upon Ren's; in that moment, he truly did not know which he intended to do. As he did so, Ren twisted his hand so he was holding Hux instead.

 

“ _Ren_.” Hux said again, a warning, but he was ignored.

 

His dark, intense eyes locked onto Hux, Ren moved the other’s hand so it came to rest on his own chest. The fine mesh was soft on his skin, the muscles taut beneath his fingers. He was breathing hard, Hux could feel each huff as the chest rose and fell, and Ren shifted his hand a little so it came to rest over his left side, just over his nipple; Hux gulped. Ren wouldn’t stop staring at him.  
  


“Touch me.” He whispered.  
  


He was pressing Hux’s hand down, and the latter exhaled slowly, torn. It was hard to grasp the concept that Ren wanted to be touched at all, let alone by him. And did he even want to touch Ren? _Fuck_ , Hux thought, with a dawning realisation, _I do. I do._ His hand tightened involuntarily under the larger one enclosing his own, and Ren gasped a little, his large, plump lips parting ever so slightly. Their faces were very close now, Ren edging closer and closer. Hux watched his lips hungrily, filled with a sudden unexpected wanting to kiss, to bite them to see what they really felt like. Ren brushed past, long hair tickling his cheek, lips against his ear.  
  


“Kiss me.” He whispered, breath hot on Hux’s skin.  
  


A moment grew between them, a moment that hux hadn't even known he was waiting for, and knew even less what to do with. The breath ghosted on Hux’s ear as Ren lingered, waiting for an answer and then he felt the light touch of Ren’s lips on his skin. Ren’s lips, so plump and kissable, on his neck. He breathed hard, conflicted, wanting so hard to give in but it frightened him a little that Ren would just let him take what he wanted. It frightened him that he wanted Ren at all.  
  


But he could feel Ren shaking a little under his touch, and whether with drunkenness or just apprehension, he could not say. And when he drew away and looked into the eyes, nervous, wanting, but slightly unfocused, it sent a stab through him.  
  


Ren was drunk. And he was not; it all felt wrong, out of sync. Hux…he cared about Ren. He knew it now, knew it more strongly than the urge to pull Ren forwards and kiss him just because he had been asked to. He couldn't take advantage of him in that way. Not when he looked so frightened.  
  


And then, Hux knew what he had to do. The moment teetered on a precipice, and shattered.  
  


“Not like this.” He couldn't, he just couldn’t, not with Ren drunk. It wouldn’t have counted, “Not like this, Ren.”  
  


Heart beating a steady tattoo against his chest, Hux pulled his hand away, and let the other’s fall with a soft thump into his lap. Ren blinked once, twice, but did not say anything.  
  


Hux could feel the hurt radiating off of him like heat in the night, and a feeling of shame ran over him, a miasma of guilt that filled him from head to heel. He knew he had done the right thing, and it had hurt to do it, but Ren would thank him in the morning. He hoped that Ren would thank him in the morning.  
  


They sat in silence, each watching the desolate, empty street rather than looking at the other. The streetlights flickered a little, the feeble light fighting a losing battle against the darkness of the night, the tiny shadow of small leaves displaced by the wind blinking in and out of existence in the light’s path. Hux side glanced Ren; he was following the paths of the leaves, lips tight shut, body unnaturally stiff.  
  


“You aren’t yourself.” No reply.  
  


“I just don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret tomorrow.” Again, no reply.

But Hux had needed to say it, to get it out, to organise what had just happened into something more logical than the buzzing regret that swamped his head. He couldn’t bring himself to voice another question that whispered inside his mind, clawing at him with its insidious fingers; _if you were yourself, would you have still asked that? Would you have still asked me to touch you, Ren?  
  
_

Finally, Ren nodded, still looking at anywhere but Hux, but his eyes were blank.  
  


“Right.” He said, sounding unconvinced.  
  


“I mean it.” And Hux did, “Trust me, Ren, I have experience in this matter.”  
  


This made Ren give a hollow laugh. “ _I_ don’t. I never fucking have.”  
  


The pure self-loathing in that statement gave Hux pause, and he wasn’t precisely sure what Ren had revealed to him. He had never...what, exactly? Been rejected on the roadside? When Ren still wouldn’t look at him, Hux remembered his trembling hands, the obvious nervousness, not all of it a result of the alcohol which must have bolstered his confidence. He thought about how badly Ren had reacted to Nines trying to kiss him. When he put it all together, he realised. _Oh.  
  
_

Delicately, not quite sure why he wanted to know, he asked, “Never? Not with...anyone?”  
  


Ren just shook his head, staring out into the road. He seemed content to just sit, legs drawn up to his chest, staring into the darkness with that sad, doleful look on his face that was partly because of drink, and mostly because of Hux. And Hux let him, hating that he did not know what to do. He _always_ knew what to do. But Ren had always flummoxed him, and he could not think of one word to say to him that did not seem vapid and uncaring. And then, in the middle of his silence Ren surprised him by speaking so softly that he was in danger of being overtaken by the wind.  
  


“...I really like you, Hux.” He said, the confession making his voice thick, fighting through the words like honey, “I really, really do.”  
  


It was the sweetest, most tentative thing that Ren had ever said to him. It hit Hux like an arrow in the night, straight through his chest and merciless.  
  


“Ren.” Hux said, quietly. He didn't even know what he wanted to say other than Ren's name. The dark eyes closed.  
  


“It hurts pretending that I don't.” Ren said, his voice cracking, “It fucking hurts, Hux.”  
  


They were sat next to each other, the quietness of the night only broken by the occasional distant rumble of a late night car moving its inexorable way across the road, or else the wind rustling the dead branches of the trees. A shuddering sigh filled the air then, and Hux turned to see Ren with his face scrunched up, trying to hold himself together and the alcohol and his current state of mind preventing him from doing so. He looked like he was about to cry. Hux, with his milieu of experience of consoling emotional drunken people despite his inexperience with this whole business of caring, saw the warning signs.  
  


“Ren?” He said, softly. He heard another shuddering intake of breath.  
  


“I-I,” Ren started, in his shaky, sotted voice, “I need-” But he stopped, unable to articulate what he wanted. _I need you to hold me.  
  
_

And Hux knew. Without a word, despite how he knew it was foolish to taunt Ren with something that he had just denied him, Hux put an arm around his broad shoulders, his sleeves slipping on the fine mesh. Ren folded into the touch as easily if this was something that they had always done, his head fitting into Hux’s shoulder as he burrowed his face there.  
  


It was the oddest situation Hux had ever been in; sat by the roadside, shivering with the cold, holding onto Ren as if nothing else mattered. But, nothing else did matter. When he could feel Ren's breaths becoming calmer, he dared to put a hand on the top of his hair, his skin touching the silky, dark strands. He wondered if this was how one was supposed to console others _._ _If you weren’t drunk I would kiss you,_ he realised, _I would kiss you and ask if you meant it.  
  
_

“It's alright.” He said, although it wasn't, not really, “It’s okay.”  


There was a soft noise as Ren burrowed further into fabric, his hands grasping the front of Hux’s jacket. Hux’s hands continued to stroke the hair, feeling sorry, guilty and oddly protective all in one go.  
  


“I'm sorry.” Ren said, voice muffled against him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  
  


“Don't be.” Hux told him. There was a pause.  
  


“Please don't leave me.” Ren said in the most hopeless voice, hands tightening on Hux’s jacket as if he was worried that he would stand up and leave him on the ground. “Please, please don't.”  
  


“I won't.” Hux said, firmly, wondering how many people had left Ren behind, “I promise.”  
  


He let Ren rest his head against his shoulder for a little while longer, liking the weight against him more that he was prepared to admit. But the night was slowly getting more and more bitter, a fresh breath of wind washing over them and Hux could feel Ren shaking with it, little vibrations that he could feel through his chest.  
  


“Ren?” He said, tapping him, and with reluctance the head turned, still resting on him. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were so sad that Hux stroked his hair again. “It's too cold to stay here. Let me take you home.”  
  


Ren shook his head, “ _No.”_ He said, sounding desperate, “Please-“  


“You've got to.” Hux insisted, in a voice that brooked no argument, “Why are you so frightened? I'm not going to leave you and never see you again, you ridiculous person.”  
  


That gave Ren pause, still looking as if he didn't believe him, “You won't?” He asked, in a small voice. Hux gave a sigh.  
  


“Again,” He said, feeling desperately sorry for Ren, “I promise.”  
  


That made Ren bite his lip. He still looked so unsure, and so upset, Hux felt the words tumble out of him before he could stop them.  
  


“Ask me again.” He said. When Ren looked confused he elaborated, “Another time, when you're not drunk just…Ren, you can ask me again.”  


It took a little time for Ren to reply. Hux gave a swallow as the dark, intense eyes washed over him, wondering if he had said the wrong thing as he always seemed to. Ren was very still.  
  


“I'll be too afraid.” He said. Softly. Slowly. As if it was the simplest thing to admit in the world.  
  


And he rose away from Hux’s chest before he could even think of a reply to that. When he was straightened up, he crossed his arms against his own chest, shivering, and Hux didn't even think twice.  
  


“Here,” He said, pulling off his jacket, “You said before that you wanted a big, strong normal man to give you his coat, didn’t you?” Ren blinked at him, unsure, “I’m not sure about normal, but here, borrow this.”  
  


“I-“ Ren said, looking conflicted, “I don’t-”  
  


“Yes, you will.” Hux threw it over his shoulders, noticing how Ren’s broad back was far too big for it and hardly caring. Ren drew the coat around himself all the same, noting even in his state the smell of Hux upon it. He inhaled quietly so that Hux wouldn’t notice.  
  


“Thank you.” He whispered, covered up in the soft layer of fabric.  
  


Hux allowed him a moment more of silence, trying his hardest not to shiver too in case Ren tried to return the coat.  
  


“I think we should probably get you home now. Can you walk?” Ren nodded.  
  


Hux hauled himself to his feet, brushing grass off of his trousers, and lent Ren a hand so that he could do the same. The contact, though brief, seemed to burn his hand long after Ren had let go. They left the little patch of grass and made their way down the lamplit street, empty of anyone but those two tall figures moving down it.  
  


Ren was much steadier on his feet than before, but spoke far less, preferring to answer any question with a short remark until Hux stopped asking questions and they walked in silence. Hux dearly wanted to hope that he wasn’t hurt too much, and that he wouldn’t remember much of the night, but Ren’s odd quietness told him that this hope was most probably futile. It seemed strange that earlier he had thought he would want to goad Ren the next day about the things that he would have said whilst drunk, as the thought tasted oddly cheap now.  
  


After more walking down the lonely lamplit streets, they ended up outside Ren’s blue front door, the dark windows on either side like gaping eyes that watched their approach with mounting disapproval. Ren, fumbled for his keys and managed to get the door open; after, he seemed to hover at the doorway, chewing a sentence in his mouth.  
  


“Look, Hux,” He sounded very tired, “I really ‘preciate you bringing me here. I’m not...good at parties. I sometimes end up wandering round for a bit before I get back and sometimes...I don’t make it back.”  
  


“I had to do the decent thing, Ren.”  
  


“And I’m sorry for being all...” He trailed off, unsure how to voice what he had done. Hux waved it away.  
  


“Don’t worry about it.” He said, knowing full well that they would both be worrying about it even deeper into the night, “I’ll see you Monday, yeah?” This seemed to startle Ren a little.  
  


“I will?”   
  


“School, remember?”  
  


“Oh!” Ren sounded a little guilty, “Oh yeah, I’ll see you.”  
  


“Sleep well.” Hux regretted it as soon as he had said it. Sleep well, he sounded like his father.  
  


“You too.” Ren hovered a bit longer, unsure what parting gesture to make. Hux was close, and seemed similarly at a loss.  
  


The night’s events lingered between them, unspoken, and yet so present Ren could almost feel it between them like a physical obstacle. Only half aware of what he was doing, feeling the conflicting parts of his brain screaming _what the fuck what the fuck are you doing_ and _don’t even think just do it,_ Ren reached forwards, and hugged him. Hux was so absolutely startled by this, he didn’t have time to react; the great arms squeezed him, firm and powerful, but also tender as if Hux was a tiny, breakable thing. It was different than when had been grasping him on the floor; it was desperate, as if Ren was worried that he would only have this one chance.  
  


Hux seemed frozen in place, and Ren held his face to Hux’s shoulder for a few precious seconds before he drew back, feeling half ashamed of his lack of control and half absurdly pleased that he had gotten to feel how small and compact Hux’s body was. Knowing there was nothing more to say, nothing he could say, he entered the doorway, and the door snapped shut.  
  


After he had disappeared into the unlit hallway and the door clanged shut behind him, Hux let out a long breath, not even realising he had been holding one in. He could feel the imprint of Ren’s arms around him long after they had let go, and without thinking, brought his right arm over to touch his left hip, just over the point that Ren’s large hand had squeezed moments ago. He hadn’t been hugged in a very, very long time. When he realised what he was doing, he drew the hand away, furious at his sentimentality. _Ren is drunk,_ he thought to himself crossly, _he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He doesn’t want...that._ But, somehow, the thought of Ren whispering ‘touch me’ in that soft, needy voice played over and over, until Hux thought he would go mad with the very thought of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the length of this chapter- I got super carried away because drunk!Ren is too much fun to write and I couldn't bear to cut anything. Though this party is a bit more like a university one, I bet all the rich kids of First Order would throw a mean and extravagant one. I also thought it would be fun to include this picture which was an influence for Ren's majestic outfit:
> 
> https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB15qaROFXXXXaNaFXXq6xXFXXXC/Devil-Fashion-Goth-Subculture-Sexy-font-b-Men-b-font-Transparent-font-b-Fishnet-b-font.jpg 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope this wasn't too cruel (poor Ren).


	16. Chapter 16

The phone lay on the pillow with the screen dark, unlit until the first rays of sun came through the window and reflected against the screen. There was a soft exhalation as the head turned, eyes moving under the lids as the last lick of a dream left them. Hux woke up slowly, the slide of the bedcovers against his neck brushing where Ren had nuzzled against him. The eyes opened properly then as if struck with the memory and Hux lay warmer than the night before but no less on edge. His gaze flicked to the phone but he felt too much to even know how to put it into words.

Across the Old City, Ren was trying his hardest not to open his eyes. He was squashing his face into his pillow to block out the feeble light and the sheer horror of what he had done, what he had _said,_ the night before. He groaned. _Hux._ Hux would never speak to him again after seeing how pathetic he was, _oh_ , Ren groaned again. His nose nudged against an unfamiliar piece of fabric and he opened his eyes a crack to see Hux’s coat half under the pillow, the other half entangled in his arm. He closed his eyes again and did not move his face away. The weekend was a torture for him.

On the Monday, the second to last day of the winter term before Christmas, Hux wandered around school sensing the excitement that often precluded a school holiday and feeling quite dispassionate about it. Holidays of course meant he had to go home which had never boded particularly well for him. Hux told himself that the wandering was entirely random, but he found that despite himself he burned for just a glance of Ren, just one glance to know that he was doing alright. He remained disappointed but perhaps it was for the best. Ren’s sad face kept on flashing in his memory, so frequently it became a dull ache.

The next day he arranged a meeting for the competition. They would be partaking in the next stage not long after they returned to school in January which already seemed all too soon. However, the fire that usually took over Hux seemed to have dulled slightly, his previous fervour replaced with more than a little bit of guilt. This change in attitude was not missed by the other team members. A few greeted him and chatted benignly about the party, but Nines walked past without even looking at him. Hux remembered too late that in the heat of his anger he had actually threatened to break his arm, a detail that had gotten quite lost in the other events that had happened. He would have felt at least a little contrite but then he remembered how relieved Ren had been to be saved from that situation, eyelashes fluttering shut, and he no longer felt bad about it.

Hux turned to the desk at the front, pretending to sort through a few papers. He heard the door open and the distinctive clack of heavy boots on the floor, but even though he felt instant relief sink through him he didn’t turn around. He owed Ren that much. When he did twist to face the front the dark hair had already fallen to protect Ren’s face so that his expression was unreadable. He sat as always a little way from the others in his dark corner. Phasma, noticing the deliberate way they weren’t looking at each other gave Hux a quizzical look. He just shrugged. It was just too much to talk about in front of the others.

The meeting was quite brief. Perhaps sensing Hux’s dulled mood no one played up and even the usual culprits remained relatively quiet, although Hux did catch Nines sneaking a glance or two at Ren. He didn’t seem to notice. In fact, Hux had the distinct impression that Ren was trying very hard to endure the meeting so that he could make a quick escape as soon as he was allowed to. He couldn’t help it; the thought that Ren wanted to leave so badly without even talking upset him. But he put on a brave face and carried on his with his duty. That was, after all, what he was best at.

When it seemed like there was nothing particular to discuss and Hux dismissed the team, Ren was one of the first people to escape through the door. Dully, Hux watched him go, Ren’s name dying in his mouth. A shadow fell over him then which he soon recognised to be Phasma.

“Is he…okay?” She asked, watching the dark coat flapping through the door. She sounded very concerned.

“I don’t know.” Hux sighed. It was the most truthful thing he had said all day. Phasma regarded him very closely, seeming to be chewing over something. Her curiosity won over her discomfort.

“Hux, did... something happen between you two?” She asked, with deliberate care. Hux took a moment to answer, feeling that it would be unfair on Ren to tell her too much.

“Not particularly.” He said eventually. Phasma looked like she didn’t believe a single word of it.

“Go to him.” She commanded, and when he looked surprised. “Hux I _know_ what you can be like. You can’t treat him how you usually do. You can’t just stop, drop and roll with Ren. If something happened, _and I’m not saying it did-_ ” She added quickly, seeing his mouth open in protest, “Don’t just pretend it didn’t happen. Please. He deserves better.”

This was a particularly low blow.

“Stop, drop and roll?” He repeated, disliking this, “What on earth are you talking about? I don’t-“

“Hux, _please_.” She cut in, rolling her eyes. “Name one relationship you’ve had where you didn’t drop it when it became even slightly inconvenient for you.”

These words again had a particular sting to them, perhaps because of the undeniable truth in them. Hux didn’t have the best track record for this whole wretched business of caring. Furious, Hux scanned his brain, sure a sarcastic retort would be ready on his lips. He couldn’t find any. Immediately, to cover this lapse he changed tactics.

“I’m still friends with you, and you’re a royal pain in my arse.”

“Oh, ha ha.” She said, drily. “The feeling is mutual, my friend. But stop changing the subject. Go. To. Him.”

She stepped away then with her head held high and he knew he had been dismissed. Without further ado he stepped into the corridor in the direction he thought he had seen Ren go in. If he was quick, he might catch him wandering about before the day ended. He took a moment to consider what he thus far knew about Ren, where he might go if he was feeling upset and wanted to isolate himself. He remembered catching Ren fencing in the sports field, hiding behind one thing that calmed him down. It was cold and forbidding outside, but Hux knew that Ren wasn’t one to shirk away from a challenge.

The frost that had crept over the grass at night still hung on bravely to the frozen strands, and Hux's feet crunched as he made his determined way across the courtyard. He was looking between the distant field and the changing rooms when he saw the dark coat flapping to the left, most probably on its way to the gym. The sight filled him with more gratitude than he knew what to do with.

“Ren?” He called. His voice rang out between the proud buildings of the school, reverberating in the cool air. Ren froze, a black blot in the middle of the white. He seemed to be torn between escape and waiting for Hux to speak. As the leg lifted, Hux thought quickly.

“Ren!” Hux called louder, “Get back here, you idiot.” When Ren paused again but did not reverse, he snapped, _“Now.”_

That did it. He knew that despite all of his bravado Ren didn’t like being shouted at and sure enough he shuffled back into Hux’s view, still avoiding his face. He might have found it amusing if he was not so annoyed at Ren trying to run away from him. They needed to talk. The very thought of bringing up the particularly raw subject of the party made Hux want to wince, but it had to be done. Ren looked incredibly sorry at being caught at last.

“Uh. Hi.” He mumbled.

Something about his manner indicated to Hux that Ren remembered enough about how he had acted when drunk. Damn Phasma, he really didn’t want to do this.

“Glad you’ve finally decided to rejoin the real world.” Hux said, crossly. “Where were you yesterday? I told you I would see you on Monday.”

Instead of answering, Ren just looked at the floor. He didn't look well; he had dark bags under his hastily applied eyeliner and every movement reeked of tiredness. When he did look up, his eyes seemed duller than usual.

“I'm sorry.” He said quietly. And, if Hux didn't know any better he would have said that Ren seemed just a little frightened of him.

Immediately, he thawed. It was peculiar how easily it happened. One moment, Hux was still annoyed at Ren for his ridiculous attempts to avoid him, and then he just wanted that soft, sorry look to go. Anything for Ren to stop looking at him as if he was going to strike him.

“No, no,” Hux sighed, “Don’t be sorry, Ren. Forgive me for losing my temper.”

Ren's arms were crossed against his body, as if to hold himself together. “Forgiven.” He said, quietly.

When they were both just stood in the frosty air waiting for the other to speak, Hux indicated towards his left.

“Shall we go indoors?” He suggested, “I don’t relish the thought of chatting outside.”

“Alright.” Ren said. This unenthusiastic answer sent another stab of warning through Hux but he chose to ignore it.

They walked together across the deserted field and towards the blessed heat of the changing rooms. They were relieved to find that no one was inside, most students either enjoying the well-stocked gym or hidden in the dusty heat of the library. Ren sat gingerly on a bench, dark against the grainy wood. The cold made him appear unusually pale, but the tip of his generous nose was getting red. Hux suspected he probably looked similar.

He sat opposite Ren and regretted it a little. It already seemed too much like an interrogation.

“Good weekend?” Hux asked, just to say something light-hearted. Ren’s lip twisted.

“Mmm.” He replied, “It was tolerable.”

When he didn’t elaborate Hux suspected that he knew exactly what was going on here. He steeled himself, knowing that he stood a chance of making Ren truly upset.

“I’m not angry at you.” Hux said, hands tightening on the slat of the bench beneath him, “Okay? Just so we can get that cleared up. I’m not angry at anything that you did at the party.”

Red spots appeared now on Ren’s cheeks as Hux spoke, finally giving him a more lifelike appearance than the sullen thing that had followed him in. Hux wasn’t sure how somebody so big and intimidating could appear so nervous, but Ren managed it.

“I, uh,” Ren said eventually, looking incredibly uncomfortable, “I’ve been wondering about the party, actually. I didn’t tell you anything weird about myself, did I? When we were…outside?”

They exchanged a particular glance then, loaded with something other than embarrassment. This wasn't what Hux had been expecting at all but he knew exactly what Ren was referring to. Hux wanted to lie, but it was obvious that Ren knew that he knew, and just wanted verbal confirmation of his apparent burst of truthfulness. Hux lowered his eyes, not quite able to meet the dark ones that looked at him so desperately.

“Ah, not really.” He lied. A pause. “You might have told me you’d never been kissed, or maybe that you were a virgin, unless I misread what you said. It wasn't…entirely clear.”

A groan, long and pained. Ren, long body unfolding in a swathe of black lay down on the bench, face pressed against the worn wood. Hux leaned over the dark pile of fabric that had only recently been Ren, quite alarmed.

“Are you...alright?”

“Do I _look_ alright?” The muffled voice said, sounding mortified again, “Please just leave me here to die.”

“Ren.” Hux said, plaintively. There was no response. _“Ren.”_ He repeated, exasperated now. “Don’t be such a drama queen. It doesn’t matter. Why would it matter?”

“Oh, don’t be so _patronising_.” Ren hissed, still somehow managing to sound peeved with his face on the bench, “Everyone makes it feel like it matters. And it makes me feel like absolute shit.”

“Well ‘everyone’ is an idiot.” Hux snorted, “You shouldn’t listen to what other people say, it’s a ridiculous thing to care about-“

“Alright then, are _you_ a virgin?” 

The question was so unexpected that Hux couldn’t think of anything to reply with but the truth.

“...No, but-“ 

“Then stop lecturing me about how I should be feeling!”

This whole conversation was absolutely ridiculous.

“Ren, fucking someone doesn’t make you automatically superior.” Hux pointed out, ”I can think of at least four other ways that I’m superior to you and it’s hardly past lunchtime.”

He heard Ren mutter something on the bench, indistinct except for a few choice phrases such as ‘...not superior’ and ‘dick.’ He thought it best to ignore this petulance.

“Also, you’ve not even left school _.”_ Hux told him, unable to stop a note of exasperation from entering his voice, “It’s not as if you’re doomed to be in the bachelor lifestyle forever. Please don’t be one of those people who just throws themselves at anyone because they’re desper-“ Far too late Hux realised what he was saying and stopped abruptly. But the damage had been done.

In light of the events of the party it was a poor choice of words indeed, and he regretted them as soon as they had left his mouth. And considering all that Ren was emitting was a stony silence he had not been pleased to hear it. _Why,_ Hux thought miserably to himself _, can I never say the right thing to him?_

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Uh huh.”

“Don’t _uh huh_ me, you idiot.” Hux had given up, “Fine. You’re perfectly free to feel however you want, but I was just trying to tell you through that thick blow-dried skull of yours that _it really doesn’t matter._ Not to me, not to anyone. And if someone makes you feel like it should, tell them to fuck off because they aren’t worth it.”

No response. The only sounds in their little space was the buzz of the electric lights, the gurgle of heat moving through the pipes. Ren gave a heavy sigh then and put a large hand over his face.

“I’m sorry.” He sounded very tired, “I shouldn’t get upset. It’s not…easy for me to talk about this stuff, Hux.”

“I know.” Hux replied, softly. It was clear to him now how it had taken Ren getting drunk to admit his feelings. The thought made him oddly sad, “I know, Ren. But we need to talk about it.”

“And we’ve talked.” Ren moved his hand from his face, a desperate look to his eyes, “Can I go now?”

“Ren.” Hux couldn’t prevent a warning note from entering his voice, no matter how hard he tried, “We need to talk about the _other_ thing that happened.”

A pause. Ren looked away. He was fiddling with the zip on his jacket, long fingers twisting the metal in a practised effort at nonchalance.

“What other thing?” He said lightly, not looking away from his hands.

Another pause as Hux stared at him, really stared, trying his hardest to work out if Ren was being deliberately evasive or whether he truly couldn’t remember. The reddening cheeks hinted sorely at the former.

“ _Seriously_?” Hux was unable to keep the incredulity out of his tone, “So that’s what we’re doing? Pretending it didn’t happen?”

“Aww, Hux,” In a swift movement, Ren’s head was in his hands again. “Do you _want_ me to feel worse than I already do? I was fucking pissed, misread the situation, and I’ve suffered for it ever since. There. Do you enjoy knowing that?”

“Not really.” Hux admitted, watching the big hands and remembering them pressing his down on the almost bared chest. “How much do you remember?”

“Enough.” Ren groaned. “And I want to remember it less.”

“Oh.” Hux said, “You didn’t do anything _that_ bad. Not really.”

There was a pause which told Hux that Ren might have actually remembered less than he thought, or at least hoped that he had.

“What?” Ren looked up, startled, “ _That_ bad? What did I do?” He said quickly, the pleading clear in his voice. When Hux took a little too long to reply he almost whined, “ _Hux?”_

“You-“ Hux could already feel the heat rising to his own face, he was so embarrassed at having to admit this, “You might have...” Ren’s eyes widened in horror, “Kissed me on the neck. A bit. Maybe.” He finally admitted, remembering Ren's lips lingering on his skin. He was apt to agree with Ren’s groan.

“Oh, _fucking hell_.” Ren sounded absolutely mortified, head in his hands. He dug his nails into his temples, “Shit. I’m sorry.” He dug harder, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, there's no need to apologise.” Hux said quickly, wary of Ren hurting himself more on his behalf. Ren still looked so wretched he continued, “You were being unusually sweet, actually.”

“…sweet…” Ren repeated, still sounding horrified, “Oh god, I must have been _awful._ Why didn't you just tell me to fuck off?”

“Because, I-” _Because you looked like you were going to cry,_ Hux wanted to tell him. He changed tact. “Do you honestly think you would have coped well if I had said that?”

“You should have.” Ren muttered darkly to himself. He brought his head up; his hastily applied eyeliner looked a little more smudged than it had before. “Just…forget about it, Hux. Alright?”

 _Forget about it._ Perhaps it was this defeatist attitude that rankled on Hux, but he felt frustrated that Ren seemed to think that he didn’t care about what had happened. He _did_ care. He cared so much it was triggering the only response he knew how to cope with in unfamiliar situations. Coldness.

“Oh?” He said, a little sarcastically, “Forget about it. How _marvellous_. What, precisely, shall I forget? You trying to kiss me, or perhaps you being so pathetically frightened at Nines trying to kiss you that you almost couldn’t let me go? That far back, Ren?”

“Hux-“ Ren said, voice cracking, but Hux was already full flow.

“Or maybe before the party.” He suggested, as if mulling it over, “Me lying on your bed? When you were so desperate to see me? In that case, it would be better to just forget everything. That seems to be what you do best, after all-“

There was a sharp inhale of breath as Ren turned away from him. It was so unexpected that Hux stopped mid-tirade, the shoulder turned towards him as Ren made another inhalation. With a horrible sinking feeling, Hux realised that there was a very real possibility that he may have actually pushed Ren to crying point. The thought horrified him.

“Ren, I-“ Hux began, but he hardly knew what to say. Ren shook his head.

“Do you think this is funny, Hux?” His voice was shaky, but not thick with tears as Hux had feared. It was still unpleasant to hear him so upset.

“No.” Hux found it the least funny thing in his whole life, but Ren seemed disinclined to believe him. He closed his eyes for a second, as if willing himself to hold it together.

“This means more to me than you think it does.” Ren said, quietly. “Stop being so fucking _horrible_.”

The word rung out between them, unexpected, stinging.

“Well.” Hux was caught off guard, wondering why this stung so much. It wasn't as if he had never been called that before. “Maybe I'm just a horrible person, Ren.”

There was a pause then as Ren tried to collect himself. He opened his mouth to speak, faltered, and tried again.

“Don't, Hux.” Ren's voice was strained, and his face was twisted, as if it pained him to speak, “Please, don't.”

“Don't what?” Hux challenged him. Ren's gaze was very piercing as he turned back to face him. He wasn't crying, but he looked very pale and drawn.

“Don't be that person.”

“What _person_?”

“When you pretend everything is beneath you and that you don’t care. Can you just…not, just now. Just now, please?” Try as he might, Ren couldn't stop the shake in his voice at the last word. “I need you to talk to me like I'm a real person, please, Hux. Like you actually do care about how I'm feeling.”

And there it was, like an actual slap in the face. The insinuation that Hux thought that Ren was beneath him, that Hux was an uncaring, unfeeling robot. Perhaps in the past Hux would have been inclined to agree with this sentiment, but there was no way he could look at Ren’s despair in front of him and feel anything other than his own. He was hurt by Ren’s insinuation.

“I don’t know how.” He admitted, and it was the truth. He wondered if he would ever be what Ren deserved; someone who would listen and help without it feeling so difficult. Ren gave a sigh then, long and drawn out. He stood up from the bench much to Hux’s surprise, unfurling in that swathe of black.

“Where are you going?” Hux hated how pathetic his voice was and Ren twitched as if for one second he considered sitting back down. However, he stood his ground.

“I need to go. Hux, shit, please just let me go and get my head together.” He sounded desperate, “You’re...you’re just too much sometimes.”

“But-“ Hux hadn’t even thought of anything to say except to protest, “But-“

Ren closed his eyes. He looked pained again.

“Please?” He asked, and it was pleading.

It was so unlike Ren to plead that Hux couldn’t think of anything other to do than give a brisk nod. Relief flooded Ren’s face and without further ado he walked past the benches and out through the door. When he was gone, Hux realised too late the word that had been on his tongue, so difficult to get out. _Sorry_. He put his head in his hands and didn’t move for a while.

 

***  


The holidays, as expected, were tortuous. Hux wandered about his sumptuous, large house numb to the decorations and fine furniture. He suspected that this coldness probably just made him an awful and ungrateful human being, but at least he had grown up knowing that so it was no real surprise. His friends were all busy with their own Christmas celebrations so he had no proper excuse to leave and he spent a vast majority of his time in his room split between being hunched over a book and feeling awful about Ren. They hadn’t spoke since the changing room and the silence stretched between them laden with hurt.

When Hux’s mother couldn’t ignore the startling closeness to Christmas any longer, she finally returned to the house in a swish of her expensive coat. Hux tried to ignore the sound of her heels on the wooden floorboards but old habits died hard and he leaned at the top of the banister, coolly watching her approach. She of all people at least seemed genuinely happy to see him, or the closest approximation to genuineness that someone in his wreck of a family could manage.

When Christmas day approached it was with a breath of frost which made the roads slippery and froze the plants in the garden. The day seemed fairly benign but Hux approached it much the same as any family celebration; _be quiet, pretend everything is normal and don’t antagonise father._ He had been failing that last one quite spectacularly as of late and had vowed not to today. Luckily, everyone seemed to be in a good enough humour and Christmas dinner wasn’t as painful as usual. They made it the whole way through without a single argument, which seemed in itself some kind of Christmas miracle. Hux was grateful enough to appreciate it, and when he was finally allowed to escape his mother and father were too busy drinking wine and scheming together to be annoyed about it. He walked to his bedroom.

As he lay on the bed, he felt the old melancholy return. Slowly, insidiously, the loneliness that came from being at home filled him as it always did. Heaving a sigh, Hux laid his head onto his pillow and stared out of his window at the frosty branches of the trees outside. It took him a moment to register that his phone was buzzing. Feeling a mix of bewilderment and trepidation he answered, hardly daring to look at the caller I.D.

“Hello?” He said, perhaps a little too cautiously.

“Hux?” The voice was unmistakeable and so welcome it was like being encompassed by a warmth he hadn’t known he had been missing.

“Ren.” Hux replied, caught by surprise but filled nonetheless with gratitude, “This is rather unexpected.”

“Mmm.” Ren agreed, and then, “Merry Christmas.”

The absurdity, the pure absurdity of Ren wishing him a merry Christmas when Hux had been so foul to him was not lost on Hux. It emerged, unfortunately, as a strange laugh. “Ren.” He said, when the laugh faded, “Do I _really_ deserve a merry Christmas?”

There was a pause. The question seemed to throw Ren.

“Hux.” He said, quietly, “You told me I could ring you on Christmas, remember? Is this…a bad time?”

And then, Hux was petrified that he would scare Ren off, and he would end up sat on his bed feeling sorry for himself and twice as lonely.

“No.” Hux spoke quickly “Fuck, don’t put the phone down. Don’t put the phone down. Merry Christmas.”

“Are you alright?” Ren sounded very concerned. Hux considered the question. It was more complicated than perhaps Ren had intended it to be.

“No.” He decided on, “But I am now you’ve rung me.”

At this, Ren gave a small laugh. It was a little nervous.

“Is that an apology?” He joked.

“No. But this is.” Hux took a deep breath, “I’m sorry Ren. I’m sorry for being shitty. I’m sorry for making you feel like your problems were trivial. I’m-“

“Hux, Hux.” Ren spoke quickly, “It’s Christmas. I’ve been doing some thinking and I guess…I’ve not been easy on you. I can’t have been easy at the party.”

“Ren-“

“You took care of me.” Ren ploughed on despite his attempts to speak, “And you could have just left me there. You could have, and you didn’t.”

“I couldn’t.” Hux was firm. “And I didn’t.”

“Exactly.” Ren conceded, “So, you know. I figured you might be having a shitty Christmas and I thought I’d return the favour. I can talk for as long as you need me.”

This was so utterly Ren, it almost hurt. Trust him to care about Hux when he had been so foul to him. Hux was caught quite off guard, filled with something that hurt and felt good at the same time.

“Ren.” He said, “Don’t waste your time on me. Spend the time with your family. Please.”

Ren gave a huff, “I’ve spent ages with them and it’s only because of you that they’re here. So I already owe you one.”

“Because of me?”

“I listened to what you said and apologised to my mom. She invited my uncles over rather than my dad, which was actually pretty nice of her.” Ren paused, “Please talk to me.”

And so, Hux did. He told Ren about seeing his mother for Christmas, and how pathetic it felt when the old relief flooded back as soon as she walked through the door. Christmases before her, when he was small and confused and couldn’t work out why his stepmother hated him so much had been almost intolerable. The celebration had never felt much like a celebration to him, more as a day to endure. Ren, who had no siblings and parents who apparently argued a lot understood completely. He listened and spoke a little, but Hux could mostly hear crunching footsteps on the line. He paused in his story.

“Are you walking?” He asked. He could hear the faint rolling of a car in the background.

“…Yeah.” Ren sounded a little sheepish for some reason, “Yeah, I am.”

“On Christmas? Where are you going?”

“Nowhere.” Ren said, a little too easily, “We always go for a walk on Christmas. I think it started because Chewie would get too excited at all the people and I’d have to take him out for a walk. It sort of became a tradition even though he’s not here.”

“We? You’re not alone?”

“Oh,” Ren said, “I am at the moment. I’m on a detour.”

“Ren.” Hux said warningly, hoping that Ren wasn’t doing what he was thinking he was doing, “Where are you walking to?”

There was a brief pause.

“Right.” Ren spoke quickly, “Don’t freak out-“

“Ren!” Hux moaned, sitting upright immediately. If Ren came to his house and his father saw Leia Organa’s son turn up unannounced…Hux couldn’t imagine a more horrifying combination than Ren and his father. There was a cough.

“I’m just dropping something off.” Ren said hastily, “I won’t even ring the doorbell, I promise.”

Hux was already pulling on a mercifully Christmas-free jumper, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder. He was torn between exasperation and fondness.

“How on earth have you found my house?”

“Well, I went to the rich part of the old city and looked out for the biggest fuck-you house I could find. Also whenever we go past this road my mom always looks like she’s sucked a lemon so it wasn’t that hard.”

It was not a short walk from Ren’s house to his own. Hux pulled his arm through the jumper.

“What are you dropping off?” He asked, unable to hold in his suspicion.

“Well, I didn’t have time to get you a present.” This was so ridiculous, Hux had to hold in a laugh.

“Right.” Hux humoured him, “I wasn’t actually expecting one.”

“I guess not.” Ren conceded, “But I have something anyway. Right, I’m here- should I leave it and go?”

Hux was torn. His father might well still be in the dining room and would hear if he spoke to Ren at the door. But he just couldn’t let Ren go without seeing him. He needed to tell him how ridiculous he was in person; it just seemed particularly important to tell him that. He stood up from the bed and moved over to his window.

“Can you come to the side of the house? The right side?”

“One sec.”

The feet crunched for a few moments. Hux fiddled with the lock on his window and after a little tugging had it open. The cold breeze made him shiver but he leaned out of the frame, eyes searching until he saw the dark shape below him. Ren tipped his face up, his skin very pale against his black hair.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous.” Hux called down. His father was potentially at the other side of the house, so hopefully he wouldn’t hear. Ren grinned up at him, cocky as ever.

“You love it.” He called back, completely unapologetic.

“I don’t have a present for you either.” Hux told him. Ren just shrugged. His smile was very infectious.

“Seeing you is enough.” He admitted, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. He drew his coat tighter around himself, “Anyway, I’d better catch up now. I left the stuff on your doorstep.”

Leaning on his windowsill, Hux wondered what he had ever done to deserve Ren. He was torn between saying a few things, most of which he felt weren’t appropriate to shout out of a window. Luckily, he was distracted from this tricky thought by a flash of blue that he spotted underneath the dark coat coat. He leaned further out, delighted by this discovery.

“Are you wearing something colourful?” He asked, eyes widening as the idea came to him, “Surely that’s not a Christmas jumper?”

“Bye, Hux!” Ren called out, speeding up. Hux laughed.

“Come back!” He demanded, “I made a mistake- I need to let you in so I can have a good laugh. That can be my Christmas present!”  
  
Ren twisted his arm and stuck a middle finger up at him. Hux laughed even more as he disappeared around the corner of the house, still snorting as he clicked the window shut. He took a moment to collect himself and then made his way towards the landing. He was extremely curious to discover what Ren had left on his doorstep. When he got outside of his room, however, his mother appeared to be on the landing. He stumbled to a stop when he saw her.

“Mother.” He said, cursing that she had caught him. He had hoped to get to the front door undetected, “Are you alright?”

“Of course.” She said, lightly, and then, ”Were you talking to someone outside, Armitage? I heard a voice. A man’s voice.” She finished, suggestively.

Ah. Hux had quite forgotten that she might be in this part of the house. He crossed his arms and tried to arrange his face to look less guilty, although he wasn’t quite certain as to why he should be feeling guilty anyway.

“Yes.” He replied, as there was no point lying, “It was a friend.”

Her sculpted eyebrows shot up.

“A friend?” She seemed unable to keep the incredulity out of her voice.

“No need to get too surprised, mother.” Hux didn’t have the patience for this. He wanted to open whatever Ren had left for him. He felt a thrill of excitement that would only get worse the longer he left it. “He’s left me something at the door. Could you please not tell father?”

Even tipsy, Hux’s mother could put two and two together, eyeing his eager and hurried expression. Luckily, she was always thrilled to keep a secret for Hux, especially if it was from his father.

“Of course I won’t.” She waved him forwards. Hux gratefully moved past her towards the top of the stairs, ignoring a particularly sly glance. When he was about to go down she couldn’t seem to help herself from calling out, “Is he handsome?”

Hux closed his eyes, one hand on the banister.

“Yes.” He replied, loud and clear, “Inconveniently so.”  
  
He scrambled down before she could ask him anything else. When he opened the front door and the cold wind snuck between the gaps in his jumper to make him shiver, he did not envy Ren going on his ridiculous walk. There was a neat package on his doorstep in shiny silver wrapping paper and Hux picked it up, glad it didn’t have garish trees or smiling Christmas puddings on the paper. It didn’t feel particularly heavy and he waited until he was back indoors and up to his room to open it.   
  
Ripping through the paper, Hux found that most of the bulk was the jacket that he had given to Ren at the party. It was folded very neatly which surprised Hux, but then Ren had always been good at surprising him. When he unfolded it, three items fell away from the rest of the packaging; two envelopes which fluttered somewhere to the right and a small tin that rolled to tap against his knee. He reached for the smaller envelope reading “open first”, trying not to feel very pleased that Ren had gone to this much effort for him. When he opened it, there was a Christmas card with a small robin on it, perching cheekily on a branch. When he opened it he saw long, spidery handwriting covering the inside.  


_To Hux_

_Sorry for being a dick._  
Though I guess you’re a bit of a dick too so we cancel each other out. I also guess I could have told you this by text but I liked the thought of you having to carry a cute robin around (they’re little and red and get pissed off easily like you, ha!).  
I know what you’re like about sentimental stuff so you’ll probably hate me but I’ve never had anyone to give a present to before. And I really wanted to. I really hope you’ll like it.

_Ren_

_P.s my uncle Cee saw me wrapping this and though he ASSURED me he wouldn’t tell my mom he made me put the tin in when I said it was for a friend. He always insists on giving everyone a tin of biscuits, I swear I get about seven every year._

  
Unable to stop a small smile spreading on his lips, Hux reached for the second envelope. He had never had many cards in his life, and never one with such a personal message like that. When he carefully opened the second envelope he pulled out a piece of card. When he searched the front of it, he had to exert a bit of self-control to stop himself from gripping the paper hard.

It was a drawing. Sinuous lines of black ink were carefully drawn to suggest the sea, the sharper cross-hatching to show rocks and small shrubs dotting the hillside. For it was a hillside, the one had and Ren had sat huddled together and talking until it had gotten dark and they were numb and pleased and so happy to be with each other. It was a beautiful piece of work, delicate and with the hint of hasty wildness that was so Ren it hurt. It must have required a fair bit of his time. Hux knew how intensely private Ren was about his work, and now he had a piece of it. He understood what that meant more than anything Ren could have told him. When he turned it over, there was another short message.

 _To Hux,_  
I know it’s cheesy but I wanted to draw you something, and this seemed the only thing that made sense. This place means something better to me now. Thank you for making me feel that way.  
Always,  
Ren.

 

Even though there was no one to see him, Hux hid his face. He remained curled up on his bed for a while, holding the letter and with the drawing safely nestled beside him. He felt something inside him that had been growing for a while expand until he could think of nothing else but Ren. He read the letter again. He looked at the drawing, fingers running gently over the lines. The text he sent after was meagre in comparison to what he felt, but it was all he could manage.

_Hux: You are very, very talented._

Across the old city, Ren paused his music as he felt his phone buzz. He smiled at the text, feeling very embarrassed but so glad it took him a moment to start walking again. He had been worried that he might freak Hux out with the gesture.

_Ren: Well, I aim to please_

_Hux: Consider me pleased._

When Ren rejoined his family, they were surprised to find him in very good spirits. His uncle Cee gave him a very conspiratorial smile as they walked together down the frosted streets. He didn’t mind.  
  
  
  
***

Seeing Ren briefly at Christmas was probably the only really good thing that happened to Hux all holiday. Those strange, blank days between Christmas and New Years offered little respite from his gloomy household, although Hux's mother did at least have the decency to spend a few days with him before escaping to a friend’s apartment deep into the city. She did ask Hux if he wanted to join her but he didn't have the energy to put on a face for multiple people he didn't know well. She did at least give him a small kiss on his cheek, which seemed in itself a latent Christmas gift.

“My lovely Armitage.” She said warmly, as Hux pretended to look insulted at the gesture and failed rather spectacularly, “I'll be back soon. You know how it is.”

He did, although it never made it very easy. He felt like a small child again when he watched her leave, curled up on his windowsill with his breath frosting up the glass. He felt stupid, and more than a little lonely.

After, the fragile peace of the holidays broke so easily Hux wondered how it had ever lasted in the first place. One moment he was quietly flicking through his tablet, the next he was hunched over his backpack, packing it as quickly as he could manage. Anger made him unusually sloppy and he threw clothes in without care, hissing when the zip caught. He stopped for a moment, squeezing his head in one hand, willing himself to calm.

Hux’s father had invited an old work colleague over for dinner, and Hux had to suffer through hours of boring conversation about the ‘good old days’, whatever that meant. He assumed they probably ended the day he was born or at least around then. Anyway, when he had managed to finally escape some wretched part of him made him hover behind the door sure that they would talk about him. They did not disappoint.

“You have a very polite child, Brendol.” The old Sergeant smiled. It wasn’t a compliment, and Brendol didn’t take it as such. “A little _too_ polite, perhaps. I wonder if there’s anything to him.”

“Quite.” Brendol grimaced, “There’s too much of his mother in him. I sometimes fear that she has coddled him.”

“I agree.” There was the sound of someone taking a sip of wine. Hux felt his face burn at the insult, but still he listened. “You aren’t seriously entertaining the idea of sending him to Corellia or Naboo for university? Their inferiority to Arkanis is staggering.”

There was a pause, in which it appeared Brendol was picking up his own glass of wine. Hux knew where this reluctance to answer came from; he had applied to the universities himself without his father’s blessing. It was their main source of argument these days.

“Armitage will do what is best for him.” Brendol said, lightly enough but there was some threat lurking beneath the surface, “He understands the consequence of what will happen if not.”

There was a muffled laugh which made Hux’s stomach churn.

“Cutting off the money?” Brendol must have nodded, “Oh, that’s quite genius. Do that and he’ll be eating out of your hand, I promise you. A wilful boy is one thing, but one forced to listen is better.”

Heart beating fast, Hux made himself walk away. He passed the dark corridor without really seeing anything, not even knowing he was on the stairs until his hand was on the banister. His father had never mentioned that he might do that. Never, ever had he even hinted at it. Numbly, he sat on the top step. The thought of going to Arkanis was as suffocating as the rainy buildings that had pressed in on him when he lived there, but the thought of being unsupported throughout university was worse. He wanted to go back downstairs and fight for himself. He wanted to talk to Ren. For one of the first times, he realised that next year he would be leaving Ren behind at school as he moved to university. The feeling of suffocation increased until he felt it as his father’s hand around his throat.

He remained staring into the dark pit of the stairwell until he heard the front door click shut, the inevitable heavy footsteps on the stairs. He did not move from his step and Brendol looked stern as ever as his face rose into view. He stared down at the unmoving Hux, expression hard.

“It is _very_ impolite to listen at doors, Armitage.” Brendol said, and to a casual observer this might have seemed almost a light-hearted rebuke. Hux however was not a casual observer. Green eyes met cold grey and Hux knew that without a doubt his father had caught him eavesdropping. Slowly, he stood up. Despite the situation, Hux was glad that he was finally tall enough to stand eye to eye with him.

“Is it?” Hux fought to keep his voice level, “I would have thought that lying was worse.”

He let the insinuation sink in, and Brendol became all the grimmer for it. He was a frightening man, Brendol; large, with eyes that could skewer and hold one in place as if they were a small animal he was hunting down to dissect. Anger made him positively terrifying.

“Lying?” Brendol said, in a very dangerous voice, “I told no lies, Armitage. If you insist on defying me then you will quite simply have to understand the consequences of your actions. It isn’t difficult.”

Hux tried, he tried to act as stoic as his father, as proud and uncaring. But he always felt ten years old when confronted with those cold eyes, upset after a scolding. It made him inelegant, all of his hard won scheming and calculating turning to petulance.

“I hated it.” He forced out. “You _know_ I hated it. I don’t need you to carve out my path, father.”

This made Brendol snort with derision.

“You would be _nothing_ without me.” Brendol was so cold, “Nothing, Armitage. And if you insist on continuing this pettiness, you will be nothing again.”

Staring down into the darkness, Hux didn’t trust himself to speak. He wanted to fight. He wanted to run. Most of all, he wanted someone to hold him and tell him it would be okay. Brendol watched his closed expression.

“Am I made clear, Armitage?”

Hating himself, Hux gave a tight nod. Brendol did not look satisfied.

“Am I made clear?” He repeated. Hux looked down.

“Yes, sir.”  
  
With that great dignity, Brendol walked past him and down the corridor. He was past only the first set of doors when he turned to call back over his shoulder.

“I do everything for your own good.” He said, “You’ll appreciate it one day. Oh, and Armitage?”

Teeth clenched, Hux made himself count to three before he answered, “Yes?”

“Try not to disappoint me with the competition. We can’t have a repeat of last year.”

With that, he was gone. This stung most of all, and Hux was quite rooted to the spot with a mixture of anger and hurt that so often afflicted him after a conversation with his father. And, as usual the anger won.

And so, Hux didn’t care who heard him, the bike roared as he kicked it into life. He bent low and rode away from the oppressive red brick, feeling the cold wind whipping past as a victory. When he got back to school the windows were black eyes staring out into the dark and watching him approach with disapproval. Most people were still at home enjoying the holidays, but Hux hardly cared as he parked the bike and moved with hurried steps to his dorm. When he got in, he took a moment to sink onto the bed while breathing in the clean, familiar air of the space that was entirely his. He twisted his hand into the covers. His.

It took him no time at all to text Ren. He didn’t even care anymore; he needed someone, he just needed to talk to someone who understood.

 _I’m feeling shitty,_ he texted. He lay down on the bed as he waited, spreading himself out on the soft covers. The reply was not long in coming.

 _Ren:_ _who do I have to beat up?_

It was stupid, but Hux smiled up at his ceiling. No hesitation; Ren was ready to listen. Trust him to make him smile in the shitstorm that was his life.

_Hux: No one, although the offer is tempting. Nice to know I have a bodyguard just in case._

_Ren: Of course. Wanna talk?_

Fingers hovering over the keys, Hux searched himself for what he really wanted to do. Talking felt like too much, somehow. But it felt unfair on Ren to bother him and then refuse to talk. The truth felt easier to express, however.

_Hux: I’m not sure. Sorry._

Ren _: No, I totally get it. Give me a sec_

Wondering what this ominous message meant, Hux waited. He wondered what he had ever done to deserve knowing Ren, who understood that sometimes words were too much. When his phone buzzed he was surprised to look down and see a youtube link.

_Hux: …thanks?_

_Ren: Don’t be an asshole. It’s a playlist for specifically shitty times. Listen._  
  
  
A playlist. Hux was tempted to point out the pretentiousness of this gesture until he remembered how he had seen the music calming Ren down in the past. It was obviously important to him, private even, and Hux knew how private Ren was. He felt touched, and then embarrassed and then like he needed to respond with something less soppy than what his cursed brain was currently providing.

_Hux: Just for the sake of my poor ears- what percentage of this music is screaming?_

_Ren: Ass_

_Ren: HOLE_

Shaking his head at the phone, Hux admitted defeat and turned on the playlist. The first song announced itself with a melancholy tune that he recognised from the time he had fallen asleep on Ren’s bed all of those weeks ago. It was soothing, in a slow sort of way. There were a few that he would indeed classify as ‘screaming’, but he was already so angry and frustrated, he could begin to see how Ren would enjoy the screaming to fill his head to put the angry thoughts to rest. They made him want to go back on his bike and punch something. Luckily, a few more slow songs gave him pause as he lay back.

He couldn’t admit to liking it all, but there was certainly something about listening to music that reminded him so much of Ren that began to soothe him. His arm brushed against the bag containing the letter and drawings that Ren had given to him, painstakingly made. He thought of all of the gifts that Ren had given to him, and how when Hux had dropped his hand at the party and told him no, Ren had still wanted to know him. He lay there for a little while and as he listened, he knew that he wanted Ren there with him. Eyes closed, it was like a match being turned on; a slow stroke and then a sudden brilliance. He needed Ren. A few more songs in, and he switched to messenger.

_Hux: I want to kiss you so badly, Ren._

The words were written quickly, sent before Hux had a chance to take them back. They shone on the screen, truthful and permanent. There was a long pause before the next text came. A long pause in which Hux suspected that Ren was staring down at the screen, fingers fumbling.

_Ren: …kiss me?_

It was so innocent, so hopeful. Hux closed his eyes; he really felt like he was falling into something. For the first time, it felt like something good.

_Hux: I want to kiss you now. Right now._

_Ren: …but why?_

_Hux: Because I want you here. I need you._

_Ren: I need you too, Hux._

_Hux: Fuck._

_Ren: yeah, fuck._

Admitting it was like shifting a weight that Hux didn’t even know he had been carrying. But it felt right. It felt so right and so wonderful, he felt so stupid for only just realising it for what it was. He needed Ren, and Ren needed him. Feeling quite heady, Hux knew that he had to at least be a little sensible.

_Hux: I know what you’re thinking, but you can’t come over. It’s too late._

_Ren: no it isn’t_

_Hux: Ren, don’t be ridiculous. It’s almost 2am and it’s too cold for you to walk._

_Ren: But you need me and I want to be there for you_

_Hux: I want you to rest._

_Ren: I don’t give a SHIT about resting_

_Hux: Please? For me?_

_Ren:…fine. But I won’t rest, dickhead. I’m going to be a bit distracted at the thought of kissing you for some reason._

_Hux: I’m sorry._

_Ren: Why are you sorry? I’m crazy about you._

Hux rested the phone against his chest as if it were a precious thing. His rage about his father, his loneliness; it all faded to nothing when he read those words.

_Hux: I’m crazy about you too._

_Ren: Oh. You’re making this so hard. But I’ll try and sleep, damn it. Goodnight._

_Hux: Goodnight, Ren._

_Ren: I’m always here for you, you know?_

_Hux: I know._

They left it at that, sweet and lingering. Feeling overwhelmed in the loveliest way he had in a while, Hux switched back to the music, sinking into soft covers and staring at the ceiling. He felt Ren in every note. The mantra beat in his head in time with the music; Hux needed him and Ren needed him just as badly. He grinned and hid his face and listened until the light outside his window had faded to a darkness bitter with the cold.

 

***

The school term began as it usually did, suddenly and with the startling desire to strangle them with post-Christmas work. They battled through, and the days passed in a flurry of paper and hurrying from class to class. It grew ever closer to the next competition and for the very first time Hux seemed distracted. The other team members picked up on this, but were of course too frightened to pursue it further. The rest of the school had no such qualms and chattered benignly about the competition, seeming very eager for another First Order victory. After all, January was a very dull month. There was hardly any other gossip going around so they took what they had.

Somehow, Ren and Hux didn’t see each other for a few days. Their late night confession was present on each of their minds as they went through the motions of school and its various distractions, and there hardly seemed a moment to meet up. Before they knew it the day of the competition had come and they were loading into the minibus just like last time.

They were against Hosnian Grammar, an unfortunately formidable opponent, and there seemed to be a restless energy on the bus there. Ren seemed to be returned to a reticent mood, hood up and earphones in. Someone who didn’t know him well might have mistaken this for rudeness, but Hux saw that old nervousness in the gesture that had been present in the previous competition. He made a very quick decision and sat next to him, not giving a shit about what the other team members might say. When Ren turned to see who dared to sit next to him, his face softened immediately. He didn’t speak, but Hux felt his arm shift and suddenly Ren’s hand was resting lightly on his own. The folds of Ren’s long black coat hid this from any unfriendly eyes, but Hux’s breath still caught. The thumb stroked his hand lightly, and Ren smiled out of the window.

When Leech saw Ren sat in the bus his eyes narrowed and he deliberately waited for Mitaka to climb in before he did so himself. He appeared to be in a foul mood and had a bruise high on his cheekbone which complained about loudly to Bala-Tik as the bus moved on, droning on and on so much that it became quite boring. Hux thought it wise not to enquire and mostly looked out of the window at the blurring hedgerows. Ren’s hand was very warm on his.

When they got there they were surprised to find a few official looking members of staff with clipboards and anxious faces. Hux recognised one or two of them as film crew from the final of the previous year and felt a trickle of dread at their unexpected presence. This stage of the competition wasn’t usually filmed and they hadn’t prepared for it as they should have done. His fears were for naught, however, as a frazzled looking woman explained to him that they were just there to ‘get a feel for the teams’ this year. As her tired gaze swept over Ren’s heavily made-up face and hoodie, Leech scowling with his bruise and Nines’ scruffy hair, he rather thought they were here to ascertain how camera-ready the students were. When she moved away without further comment, Hux wasn’t entirely sure if they had been met with approval.

“What was _her_ problem?” Nines looked annoyed at the way her eyes had passed over him with a faint edge of disapproval. Plutt shrugged.

“You are a bit of a shambles, mate.” He said, and then with a very unsubtle glance at Ren with his hood up, “And some of us look like they’re about to rob the place.”

This of course prompted Ren, already on edge, to scowl. He didn’t rise to it though and the others soon lost interest. Watching him carefully, Hux turned to his scowling face.

“I’m about to get some water.” He lied, “Care to join me?”

When Ren saw it was him who was speaking, his face softened just like it had in the minibus. He gave a brief nod and trailed behind Hux as he picked through the room. The other team members were too occupied with pre-competition nerves, and they moved past without being accosted. A few doors away they found an empty room and Hux gestured for Ren to follow him in. When they were inside and the door was shut, Ren gave a sigh as he leant against the wall, hunched a little.

“Sorry.” He said, in a low voice. “I hate being nervous.”

Peering at him closely, Hux was only half sure that Ren was talking about the competition. It was the first time they had been together since they had texted each other and even he was feeling a little apprehension. He remembered the feel of Ren’s hand on his own, so warm and reassuring. He reached for Ren’s hand again, and when he took it he felt that it was trembling a little. Ren looked down at it, lashes long on his pale cheeks, seeming frustrated with himself.

“It’s okay to be nervous, Ren.” Hux said softly. Ren gave a twitch.

“It’s stupid.”

“No it isn’t.” Hux brought out his other hand to soothe him. It fell on Ren’s lower left arm, “It’s okay.”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” Ren said then. He gave a slight pause, and then in a rush, “Did you mean it? What you said?”

“I did. All of it.”

A soft exhalation. Ren looked like he was struggling to get something out. After a moment, he said quietly, “I’m scared, Hux. I’m scared of fucking up.”

Hux squeezed his hand, “You won’t. I know you won’t.”

But Ren still looked a little worried.

“I’m…not good at things I’ve never done before.” He confessed.

“Well, no one is.” Hux pointed out, “And then they get fucking brilliant.”

That finally prompted a smile from Ren. This nervousness of his was a little strange, especially considering his usual cockiness. But then again, Hux knew how hard Ren was on himself. It probably petrified him that he might disappoint Hux. Taking a step closer, Hux looked up at him. They were very close now.

“I’ve got a way of making you feel less nervous.” Hux announced, not missing the way Ren’s eyes were lingering on his face, on his lips. Ren did not blink.

“Oh?” He said, not moving his eyes away, “Show me?”

“Close your eyes.” Hux told him.

There was a beat of silence as Ren considered his request. And then Ren, who sometimes found it hard to touch people, who was always defensive and on guard closed his eyes for Hux. His eyelashes fluttered shut, dark against his freckled skin. He gave a soft exhalation as Hux leaned up and closed the little distance between them. He kissed him.

It was slow, easy and very sweet. It was much sweeter than Hux would have ever expected it to be from Ren whose very movements often spoke of danger. But Ren just held onto him and allowed himself to be kissed, eyes shut as Hux’s mouth moved on his own, his hand so big on the small waist. And Hux loved it, he loved this feeling of being able to give Ren what he wanted and knowing that he was the very first person to give it to him. Ren’s lips were soft and covered in lipstick and Hux decided then and there that he loved them too. When Hux drew back for air Ren pressed their foreheads together, their hands still intertwined.

“We are so fucked.” Ren said eventually. Hux smiled against him, feeling the large nose press against his.

“Don’t apologise.” He breathed.

“But, the team-“

“Don’t.” Hux pressed a quick kiss to his mouth, “Apologise.”

And Ren sunk against him, so big and solid and _his._ Hux stroked a thumb across his hand, marvelling at how easy this was, how receptive Ren was to his touch.

“So that’s the first time you’ve kissed someone?” He asked. The dark hair tickled his cheek as Ren just nodded against him. Hux carried on stroking, unable to believe that no one had ever wanted to do this with Ren before. “Are you less nervous now?”

A pause, and then the head shook. And Hux couldn’t help it; he laughed, his chest heaving with it until even Ren was joining in. They laughed together at the pure absurdity of it all, at the ridiculous fact that it had taken so long. When Ren let go of his hand so he could wend his arms around Hux’s small waist, they both knew that it had been a good decision. Ren stared down at him, eyes lingering on Hux’s lips.

“Don’t make me go back in there.” He pleaded. It had a hint of desperation about it that Hux wished he could take away. But he couldn’t.

“ _Ren_.” Hux complained, and it was beseeching, “You know I can’t do that.”

Ren gave a grunt, and surprised Hux by leaning forwards and kissing his neck. It was soft at first, little light kisses on his jaw gaining in intensity the further he moved down. Hux arched, gripping Ren’s hair as he kissed. It felt so good, especially with Ren’s big hands squeezing his waist.

“Ren.” He breathed, eyes closing. He could feel it as Ren smiled against him.

“Am I getting better?” He said, a little muffled. Hux held his head there, feeling lips and then teeth nipping at him, breathless.

“Yes, you- Ren-“ He pulled on the hair when the teeth nipped harder, “Ren, don’t give me a love bite-“

There was a growl in response. “I’ll give you ten.” Ren said crossly, “And then people can see them and back the fuck off.”

“Ren!” Hux half-laughed, and squeezed his arm to make him stop.

To his surprise, Ren gasped against him and it took him a moment to realise that it was with pain. Without thinking Ren flinched out of his grasp, holding his arm protectively against his body. Hux saw his face still awash with a flash of pain before he could work to mask it and blinked at him as his hand fell away.

“You’re hurt?” He asked, and the furtive way in which Ren held his arm stiffly by his side told him all that he needed to know. Ren gave a non-committal shrug with one shoulder, and leaned in for another kiss. Hux put a hand on his jaw to stop him. “Ren, stop.”

The dark eyes stared intently at him, and then dropped to the floor.

“It’s nothing.” He said, in a flat voice. This more than anything sent warning bells through Hux.

“I want to see.” It wasn’t a question. Ren was scaring him with the way that he was acting. “I can’t stand it if you’re hurt. Please.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He insisted, a small whine. But Hux shook his head very firmly and with a sigh Ren began to pull up his hoodie sleeve. Hux held out his hand, clasping Ren’s wrist to easier see his arm.

Ren’s arms really were beautiful. Long and muscular, with those dark freckles dotting the skin. He had a spiked bracelet on his wrist, but Hux was quite distracted by a long cut on his upper arm, marring the skin with its angry red edges mingling with the dark purple of a bruise. It didn’t look deep, but it also looked like it hurt and hadn’t quite had the chance to heal. It seemed he hadn’t had time to do much about it other than hide it with the sleeve and Hux wondered how he could have been so distracted not to notice Ren in pain. He thought Ren had been slouching slightly.

Ren was looking away as if this whole thing was quite the inconvenience, but Hux tried hard to hold in his emotions. He lost that battle.

“Unacceptable.” Hux tried to take his gaze away, and could not, “Absolutely unacceptable. Who did this?”

Ren heard the threat on his voice. He shifted uncomfortably.

“Did you know,” Ren began, “That Kanjiklub are fond of attacking from the fucking back?”

“Kanjiklub…?” Hux was confused, and then he remembered Leech’s bruise. The way he had been staring over at Ren, sliced face awash with a new brand of hatred. He felt horror sink into him, slowly at first and then increasing in intensity. “You didn’t…”

“ _I_ didn’t.” Ren insisted stubbornly, “But they did. Was out with the Knights last night and they came out of nowhere and hit me with something, I don’t know what but it _hurt_. Cowards. We lost them eventually but I guess Leech must’ve gotten hit.”

This was bad. This was very, very bad. Hux was struck for a moment by the pure horrifying fact of how unfortunate this situation was, especially before the quiz. But Ren was hurt. He stared again at the cut, and he felt so angry it was hard to speak.

“You might have to restrain me when we get back in the other room.” He hissed. “Mark my words, I’m going to _kill_ Leech.”

Ren’s eyes widened at his ferocity.

“It doesn’t-“

“Don’t you dare, don’t you _dare_ tell me this doesn’t matter, Ren.” Hux got out. He grabbed the front of Ren’s shirt, careful not to jolt his arm but so that he couldn’t look away, “You _matter_ to me.”

When Ren looked down and saw how truly upset he was, his eyes went soft.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and it was sincere.

“Don’t be sorry.” Hux sighed, loosening his grip, “Just don’t presume to know what matters to me. You’re rather high up on that list as of late.”

It was worth admitting this just to see how pleased this made Ren. He tried to hide it, but it was obvious that these words touched him deeply. He looked a little shy again.

“We really should go back.” He said with reluctance, “Could I…kiss you again?”

It was so polite, it took a moment for Hux to realise what he was being asked. Ren with his spiked jewellery and sliced arm and forbidding appearance looked anxious, as if he expected Hux to say no. It was very sweet.

“You don’t have to ask.” Hux told him, although it felt oddly nice to be asked.

This time Ren initiated the kiss and Hux found himself pinned against the wall, loving the strength in Ren’s good arm. He felt Ren’s tongue tentative on his own, and when he met it with enthusiasm Ren gave a little noise of surprise but responded gladly. Hux badly wanted to slip his hand under the hoodie and feel his stomach, his chest, but they really did need to be getting back. It gave him a strange thrill when he realised that after the competition they would have plenty of time to carry on. That gave him the strength to pull away, but he already missed the feel of Ren’s lips.

“I suppose we _should_ go.” He said, “But we can carry this on later.”

“Later.” Ren repeated with wonder. He allowed Hux to take his hand and lead him to the door, still looking a little wondrous. When they were once again outside of the room with the other team members, Hux shot him a quick glance.

“It’s going to be alright.” Hux said, wondering if he felt nervous about the competition again. Ren gave a little tsk.

“I know it will.” Ren replied, as if it were obvious, “You’ll be there, won’t you?”

They let go of each other’s hands, but Hux was glad for the distraction. He wanted to kiss Ren again and tell him how silly he was, and how sentimental he was and how much he loved it. Instead, he had to walk through the door, Ren close behind him as always.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am sorry for how long this chapter took. For some reason it was a fair bit of a battle to write, and I just couldn't get it right no matter how hard I tried (In the end I had to sift through it all and basically rewrite it). But I wanted to say, as ever, thank you so much for the lovely reviews on the last chapter, I was very touched. You're all awesome. I'm at a slightly stressful time of the year so I can't confirm when the next chapter will be, but thank you for reading and sticking through this monstrously long fic so far<3 Hopefully it won't be too long. As always I'm at kyloripped on tumblr.
> 
> P.S the cheesy but fun Kylo Ren playlist is actually a thing, I have a friend who is (conveniently) a goth who very enthusiastically made it for me! Maybe one day I'll do some art for it and make it an official Goth! Kylo Ren playlist aha

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a LONG story, just a warning. I'm very fond of slow burners, so hopefully I will be able to do it with this! If you have any qs or want to just chat, I'll be here or on my tumblr. Also, I feel that I should mention that when I say College Quiz, I mean it's sort of like University Challenge, if anyone has seen that? So it's a ridiculous competition between institutions that will be filmed at the end in a grand finale. Pride, and betrayal and all that.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


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